There were no family photographs I saw, as Jason took me through the house and straight upstairs. Lots of pictures of Jesus though.
Jason stopped at a door and turned the handle. I didn’t think it was his room as there was a wooden cross with a little crucified Jesus figure nailed to the door. He saw me looking at it and said, ‘She puts them on my door. Sometimes I take ‘em down, but she just gets another one.’
He made out like he didn’t care but I knew him well enough now to know that it must have annoyed him. It would have annoyed me too, I guess.
Inside his room was that familiar pot smell, badly disguised by incense. It was a small room, very messy, with posters on the walls. Much like any of my friend’s bedrooms, but I relished being in here. It was all him, his space, his scent.
His bed was a small single, with a dull brown bedspread. As long as it was soft I didn’t care. On the bed we had more room, and finally I stopped getting cramp. I'd go round there every Wednesday. We settled into the routine that I preferred, with me going first. When I knelt in front of him as he sat on the edge of the bed, I liked to push him back and kiss his stomach. I wanted as much contact as possible. At first we still kept most of our clothes on but when I worked up the courage I asked him if he’d take his t-shirt off. He did as I asked as if he wasn’t bothered, and it was hard to tell if he enjoyed it when I’d lean over him and kiss down his chest.
I loved being on the bed with him. When we first started using his room we were still only sucking each other off, and everything would be over within half an hour. The more confident I got the more clothes disappeared and the more time I spent just exploring. I liked us both to be completely naked so I could feel his skin against mine. It was frustrating in a way because I knew I wanted more, but wasn’t sure how to go about it.
‘Have you ever...’ I started vaguely, knowing what I wanted to say but losing the courage to say it.
Jason glanced at me side long as he was driving my car. ‘What?’
‘Er, with a guy.’
‘What?’ he said again, probably knowing full well what I meant.
‘You know...’ I said helpfully, trying not to blush. I had thought I could ask him, but with it on my mind so much I was having trouble finding my words without turning red.
Jason snickered at my ineptness then just, ‘Hmm.’
‘So?’ I pressed.
‘So, what?’ he replied.
This was how most of our conversations went. I was sure he enjoyed taunting me. I always seemed to have trouble with what I was trying to say around him.
‘So have you done it with a guy?’ I finally said, to the window.
‘It?’ he smirked at me. ‘Yeah, sure.’
I turned back to him. I wanted to ask a million things; what was it like, did he like it, can we do it? But again, I faltered.
He let me suffer in silence a while longer, then when I thought I should just forget I’d mentioned anything he said, ‘Why, you wanna?’
‘Can we?’ I asked, eyes like saucers.
‘If you want,’ he offered. ‘It’ll be at least three times the price.’
‘What?!’ I said, incredulous. ‘That’s too much!’
‘Hey, it’s my ass, I’ll charge whatever the hell I want,’ he countered. ‘Unless you want me to do you?’
‘No, it’s fine,’ I mumbled, completely embarrassed.
We didn’t bring it up again for two weeks, though it was on my mind all the time.
‘Can I borrow your car?’ Jason asked one day. We were in his room making out, and he'd started unbuttoning my shirt. I was immediately suspicious.
‘No,’ I said.
‘Why not?’
‘Not without me in it.’
Jason pouted at me. ‘But you won’t like where we’re going.’
I’d been right to be suspicious. ‘So don’t take the car.’
‘But I need the car,’ he said softly, gazing into my eyes. I could feel his hands run up my bare chest.
He probably knew he could talk me into anything, but there was no way I was giving my car over unsupervised. I pulled him to me and kissed down his neck, feeling him melt against me but knowing he was putting it on.
I smiled as I whispered in his ear, ‘Not a chance.’
Jason pushed me off. ‘You’re being an asshole!’
‘Because I won’t give you my car?’ I argued. ‘Where do you want to go?’
‘Austin.’
‘Austin?’ I echoed. ‘That’s miles away! What the hell for?’
‘To see a band.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Which one?’
Jason rolled his eyes. ‘You won’t like it.’
‘I might...’
Although I doubted I would.
‘You so don’t like it. When I played them before you were screwing your nose up.’
That was more than likely. Jason played music whenever I came over, and some of it was...
Well it was weird.
But I argued for the sake of it. ‘I probably need to remind myself. It can’t be that bad.’
‘It’s not bad,’ Jason complained. ‘You’re just boring.’
He stomped over to his tape player and put a new tape in. When he pressed play and turned back to look at me, with his arms folded, I stood there and listened to the strange ambient notes fill the room. When the drums and electronica suddenly crashed in I tried not to jump. As the ‘singer’ started up, I thought it sounded like someone having a gagging fit.
‘See, you don’t like it.’
‘Whether or not I like it doesn’t change that I’m not just gonna give you my car so you can drive over to Austin, have a drink, and then crash it on the way back.’
After more debate on the subject, Jason was of course going to get use of the car to go to Austin. And I was the driver. Quite why I had agreed to that I don’t know. Probably because I was weak, desperately horny and Jason refused to let me touch him until I’d agreed.
So I ended up driving them to Austin.
I’d also been dumped with the gas bill. Steven was taking his car, crammed full of people. I followed him in my car, Jason sitting up front with me, AJ, Cat and Bex squeezed into the back. I was pleased Jessica had gone in Steven’s car.
‘Who is it we’re seeing?’ I asked.
‘Revolting Cocks!’ AJ cheered from the back as I blanched at the name. ‘I brought my tapes, put ‘em on!’ AJ leaned forward and threw a pile of cassettes into Jason’s lap.
Jason sifted through them, dully interested. ‘I think we’d better ease Mike in, he’s not a huge Rev Co fan.’
‘What?!’ AJ laughed. ‘You will be! We got a three hour drive ahead.’
I smiled at him in the mirror, but I had my doubts.
‘Here,’ Jason said as he put in a tape from AJ’s collection. ‘You like this.’
As the familiar keyboards and drums swirled through the car I realized he’d put on the band that I was getting quite accustomed to. Whenever I was at Jason’s house he played Depeche Mode endlessly. I could certainly cope with them a lot better than the other music he liked. The singer’s brooding voice was like a warm caress, and listening to the song made me think of being in Jason’s room, touching his soft skin.
I took my eyes off the road to glance at him. He was leaning his arm on the ledge and smoking, the wind whipping in from the open window lifted and blew his hair. He smiled at me. It wasn’t a care free expression, no smile from Jason ever was, it had that sly, teasing edge to it. I pressed my lips together and concentrated on driving.
When we got near Austin we stopped in a diner. I was starving. The others were all bursting with anticipation, chatting excitedly about what songs the band might play. I was dreading it. I had no idea what to expect. I was busy worrying when I felt a soft touch brush up my thigh under the table. I jumped, banging my knee on the Formica top, then felt stupid. Of course it was Jason, he was sitting next to me.
He smirked at my reaction. ‘What
’s up?’ he asked.
‘Um...nothing.’
When we got back in the car I suddenly realized I hadn’t actually got a ticket for myself, wouldn’t know the first thing about getting one.
‘Er, have you guys got your tickets?’ I asked.
‘Yes!’ AJ and the girls cheered from the back.
‘Er, how do I get one?’
‘I’ve got yours,’ Jason said. I looked at him; he wasn’t paying attention to me.
But he had gotten me a ticket.
‘Oh,’ I said, surprised. ‘Thanks.’
Jason smirked in response. I wasn’t sure if I was pleased I actually had to go watch the band now but I was happy he’d included me without question.
I was really apprehensive about the show. Not only was the crowd a claustrophobic sea of sweaty bodies but some of them looked a bit what my Mom would call 'undesirable'. There were other kids there like us, but a lot of older guys, bikers, skin-heads, hippies.
My Dad would have a fit if he saw me here, I thought.
As the others ogled the merchandise stand I looked at the posters there. Apparently this was the ‘Goddamn Son Of A Bitch’ tour.
OK then.
I was cramped from driving the car for so long, now I had to stand here for at least two more hours watching this band and whoever was playing with them. I kept checking my watch. Why had I agreed to this?
When the head-line band at last came on, amid a wall of cheers from the crowd, they started off slowly and quietly. I knew it was building up and wished I’d brought some ear plugs. At least they’d provided visuals though; there was a screen behind the stage projecting a collection of bizarre images. So I had something to keep me entertained.
Steven and AJ rolled joints and passed them around. I declined, as I was driving. I only had a soda. Later on Cat, who was quite short, complained she couldn’t see the stage. I bent down and the others helped her up on my shoulders. I’d rested cheerleaders on my shoulders before, so it was no big deal. AJ asked if I would do the same for him but the thought of having a guy's legs wrapped around my neck made me start to turn red.
When the show was over I congratulated myself for sticking it out. It wasn’t as bad I was expecting either, in fact I found some of their songs and the visuals that went with them were...interesting. I knew my parents would definitely not approve though.
We headed back to the parking lot, trying to remember where we’d parked the cars. Upon finding them Bex pointed out someone had backed into my rear license plate. I was horrified. Inspecting the damage I wondered how much it would cost to fix. The car that was parked right behind us had a tow bar on it, which was still poking into my crushed license plate.
‘Let’s key their car!’ AJ exclaimed, fishing in his pocket presumably for his keys.
‘No, don’t,’ I said hurriedly. ‘Let’s just go. My insurance should cover it.’
‘Let’s swap cars,’ I heard Jessica’s voice then, silky smooth.
Oh great.
I could see Jason and AJ glance at each other, exchanging silent words. Then AJ grinned and charged off towards Steven’s car. Cat and Bex, as usual, followed him.
‘I call shotgun!’ Allie, who was Jessica’s friend, leapt to my passenger door and guarded it.
Jason did not look happy, especially when Jessica took him by the hand and asked him to sit in the back with her. So on the way home Allie sat next to me, while Jason and Jessica sat in the back with Robin. I had to admire Jessica’s persistence. At least Allie was good company. She put the radio on and swayed in her seat to the songs.
After about an hour I heard the beginnings of an argument starting between Jason and Jessica.
Poor Robin, I thought.
Allie turned the music up but a few minutes later we couldn’t drown them out much more. I was getting a headache. They were arguing about Jason not seeing her, as far as I could tell. When they showed no signs of abating I flashed Steven’s car ahead of us and pulled off the freeway. Steven’s car slowed down too. I cut the engine, cutting the music at the same time. I said calmly, ‘One of you needs to go to the other car. I’m not moving until then.’
They both looked pretty annoyed. I was tired and didn't care. I took my keys and got out, flicked my seat forward and leaned to rest against my car.
After a moment I watched Jason scramble out, closely followed by Jessica. They then proceeded to argue by the side of the freeway. I pushed the driver seat back and sat sideways, waiting.
‘Let’s just leave them here,’ Robin mumbled.
‘What’s up with them?’ I asked Allie. I turned to glance behind me as she shrugged.
‘Well, Jess thought they were going together, but I guess Jason didn’t.’
I nodded. I'd figured as much.
We let them argue. I didn’t think I had any authority to jump in, that’s why I’d flashed down Steven’s car, because I’d hoped he would. Steven obviously knew better than to get involved. Eventually AJ got out of Steven’s car and calmly walked over. He stood in between the warring couple and gently but forcibly pulled Jessica away. We watched AJ push her into Steven’s car in his place, and thankfully they drove off.
I waited for AJ to come back. He came around the passenger door and opened it. He looked at Allie, then glanced in the back. ‘I think I deserve shotgun after that.’
Allie unbuckled without a word and climbed in the back with Robin. AJ sat up front as I stood up again. Jason, after shooting AJ a glare, climbed into the back seat and fell into a mood the rest of the way home.
Just another typical evening of drama for them.
I was falling behind in my studies. I didn’t seem to have as much time to do my homework. I still went to football practice pretty much every day after school, but in between finding Jason, doing what Jason wanted or waiting for him most days, my time just disappeared. I was loathe to spend my weekend doing assignments, especially when I knew Jason would be around somewhere.
Coach told me I wasn’t concentrating enough. As we were getting changed in the locker room Allen and Johnny asked if I was OK.
‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ I told them.
‘We ain’t seen you much, dude.’
‘Sorry. I’m real behind in um, Math.’
‘Never bothered you before,’ Johnny shrugged.
I tried to hang out with them when I could but found I'd get restless, wondering what Jason was doing, or if he was with anybody else.
As we jogged out onto the field for practice I did a double take. I could see Jason and the others sitting on the bleachers. School had finished, so they could sit and watch the practice if they wanted. I wished they wouldn’t though. I was distracted enough as it was.
I could hear AJ and the girls cheering when we started practice.
‘Yeah! Go, Cougars!’ they shouted.
‘Miaow!’ someone teased, laughing.
‘What are those pot-heads doing?’ Allen glared. ‘Let’s go kick their asses.’
‘Just ignore them,’ I told him, hoping no-one could see me flush under my helmet.
Chapter 6
I decided not to claim on my insurance for the crushed license plate. It would work out cheaper if I just bought a new one. Sixty-eight dollars. What a rip off.
I tried not to look at how much money I’d already let slip through my fingers. I got another shock when Jason was driving my car down the dirt track. As usual he was going too fast and hit a tree stump which was sticking out into the road. The car jolted with the force. He pulled over so we could get out and inspect it.
‘Whoa,’ he said, looking down at the smashed light and big dent in the front panel. The paint work was scratched to hell.
My fingers wound through my hair in alarm. ‘I told you to slow down!’
‘Hey, chill out, I’m sure it’ll be fine.’
‘Easy for you to say,’ I snapped. ‘I’m the one paying for it.’
I took my car to the shop the next day. They gave me a loan car wh
ile I waited for the bad news. It wasn’t great. They fixed everything, it looked good as new but the bill came to nearly three hundred and seventy dollars.
I was pretty mad.
‘You’re not gonna let me drive it again are you?’ Jason asked when I told him.
‘Not unless you want to pay for your mistakes,’ I sighed.
‘How about I give you something in return?’
I must have looked confused. ‘Huh?’
‘Just come over Wednesday and I’ll show you.’
I hoped what he was offering was what I thought it was. I couldn’t get out of the locker rooms fast enough after practice, and sped round to his house. I let myself in the back door as usual and found him upstairs in his room. He’d been sitting on the bed reading a Math text book, of all things, but sat up when I’d come in.
‘Hey,’ I greeted, bristling with anticipation.
He smiled in return then pulled his top off. It was usual for us to get right down to it, as we were always pushed for time. I started throwing my clothes off as well, I was already hard. When we were both naked and I had him laid down on the bed I kissed him hungrily.
This was the only time he was all mine, I didn’t have to share him with anyone else. I was always over-eager I suppose, a typical horny teenager.
As I kissed down his neck I heard him say, ‘So, you want to do it then?’
My face burned as I looked at him. ‘Do what?’
‘Do you want to fuck me?’
My cock twitched in response. I swallowed, nodded. ‘But I thought you said...’ I trailed off, unsure.
‘Yeah well,’ Jason pushed me away as he got up. ‘Don’t be expecting any more freebies, OK?’
He opened a drawer on his dresser and handed me two items, a condom and a tube of something. My hands were shaking. I read the tube was a lubricant. I had no idea what to do.
The Price of Falling Page 8