On the Come Up

by Hannah Weyer

  The lady said, Make sure she drink lots of water. This one here, take with food or a glass of milk. No alcohol. No driving, okay?

  AnnMarie nodded. Yeah, yeah …

  When she turned from the counter, Niki was watching her. AnnMarie made a motion to go but Niki just sat there. She crossed to Niki, reached down and pulled a bud from her ear.

  Let’s go.

  Niki looked at her. She said, Oh, so you the boss now.

  AnnMarie felt her skin grow hot. Something had shifted and AnnMarie didn’t know why.

  Whatever, Niki—we done, that’s all. AnnMarie held up the prescription bag. Still Niki don’t move, nudging the bud back in her ear, turning up the music.

  AnnMarie tsked. She said, Later then … Walking up the aisle toward the front of the store. What the hell wrong with her …

  AnnMarie paused near the cosmetics and pretended to look at the Revlon shades, lifting out a eyeliner, then another. She glanced toward the pharmacy but Niki was gone.

  AnnMarie felt her heart bang hard for a second. Then she headed for the exit.

  The automatic door swung open and AnnMarie stepped outside, blinking in the bright light, looking now to the corner where Horse Mouth had been. The corner was clear but Niki was there, leaning up against the wall of the store.

  AnnMarie approached, trying to read her face. What the hell you doing?

  Niki didn’t answer, looking off to some point in the distance.

  AnnMarie groaned inside, then said, We going or what?

  Niki lifted her hand and fake coughed into the palm, saying, You a tease, the words coming out half-muffled.

  Say what? AnnMarie said, frowning.

  Niki laughed, then pushed herself off the wall, adjusting her ball cap. I didn’t say nothing …

  AnnMarie tsked. You a muthafucker, you know that …

  Niki shrugged, falling in step beside her. AnnMarie shoved her and Niki pretended to stumble, laughing.

  You stupid, AnnMarie said, glancing away, grateful the moment had passed.

  48

  That evening, after she sang Star to sleep, they took the dollar van to Latania’s mother house in Jamaica. It was still warm where the sun hit your skin. That warm feeling like something good could happen.

  Mary J. floated out the stereo as they drank Fresca and looked at Ebony and Jet on the front steps of Latania’s porch. The girl Niki’d been talking about, Paloma, came over and sat with her feet tucked off to the side. She was like a black China doll her skin so smooth, AnnMarie’d never seen skin so smooth, her eyes kinda chinky with long lashes and she smelled good too.

  AnnMarie asked her what kind of perfume she was wearing. Paloma told her it was Poison but she didn’t look up when she said it and AnnMarie got the feeling she knew she was fine.

  Latania was saying, You hear Megan left Shalisha for a boy.

  Say what?

  Um-hm. Shalisha call me last night, she was crying …

  Damn, Niki said. Who the boy? What Shalisha do.

  What can she do. Her heart get broke like that.

  Megan a slut.

  She ain’t a slut.

  She was cheating. Shalisha found pictures of them together. Way back since her birthday.

  AnnMarie felt tongue-tied, making out with Niki still on her mind, not knowing who Megan or Shalisha was and wondering if Niki’d said something to Latania when they first arrived. She kept quiet, flipping through Ebony, looking down at all the glossy pictures, until Paloma’s finger came down and stopped her.

  That there is Dre. He a designer. Here, look, turn the page …

  AnnMarie turned the page and saw mad sexy models sitting and standing on fake rocks like boulders with stiletto heels, wearing nothing but Dre’s bikinis, their dark skin rubbed with glitter gold.

  Niki leaned down and looked over AnnMarie’s shoulder. She nudged her with the side of her leg and said, Mm-mm-mm …

  AnnMarie ignored her.

  She said, Look at that silver one. That one’s nice, I like how the straps crisscross like that.

  Paloma said, That girl? She stuck up. But that one’s nice—her name’s Candy.

  AnnMarie looked at her sideways: You know these girls?

  Mm-hm. Some a them.

  She felt Niki’s leg pressing, felt the heat there where their bodies touched and without meaning to, she sat up and shifted.

  Paloma said, You ever model?

  AnnMarie hesitated, then said, Nah, but I act. I’m a actress.

  Word? You was in the movies?

  Niki snickered. Yeah, she a movie star.

  Shut up, Niki, I’m just saying … Damn. Jealous.

  Niki laughed.

  Shut up, Niki, Paloma said. She looked at AnnMarie. What movie? Can I see it? How can I see it?

  It already played in the movie theater but the director said it’s gonna come out on TV soon—BET channel.

  Word?

  Um-hm.

  I give you my number, you can tell me when it’s on.

  AnnMarie could feel Paloma looking at her and she smiled inside, wondering if she was a feminine gay girl for real or if Niki just want it that way.

  AnnMarie turned and looked up at Niki. You wanna move over, you’re pinching me in.

  But Niki act like she don’t hear, looking up at Latania who’d gone inside and was coming out now with a bottle of Hennessy and some cups.

  Where your mother at.

  You know what, we fill it back with water, she never know.

  Niki nudged AnnMarie again and said, I let you have one drink.

  AnnMarie just tsked. Niki getting on her last nerve.

  Latania suddenly shrieked and grabbed the magazine out of AnnMarie’s hand. Look, look … There she is. Look what she wearing.

  It was Carmen Electra, shining off the page.

  That be me! See that, by this summer, that be me!

  The girls looked at Latania for a minute ’cause she was plump. More than plump, she was big and always on a diet.

  No, for real, Latania said. I already lost two pounds. Lose twenty by June.

  Problem is you love to eat.

  Latania glared at Niki. Shut your mouth you don’t got something positive to say.

  What? All I said was you love to eat, Niki said laughing.

  So what, I can control myself.

  No you can’t.

  Look who’s talking. Muff-diver. You like a fucking dog with your tongue hanging out. Can’t stop licking.

  The girls bust out laughing, even Niki, and AnnMarie thought, Nasty, tha’s just nasty. But Paloma was reaching her hand up for daps from Latania as Missy Elliott broke from the speakers, her voice whipping rhythmic. The girls screamed all at once, clapping they hands and Niki went after it, saying Come on, AnnMarie as she started up a syncopated beat and AnnMarie couldn’t help it—she found the key and let loose a harmony, weaving through Missy’s voice, stretching out the notes to counter Niki’s beat. Her body swaying, brushing up against Paloma, shoulder to shoulder, all the girls swaying, but her eyes on Niki, and only Niki.

  The next two days it rained. Day after that, more rain. Rained hard all day. Three days she stuck inside with Miss Doris who was never happy about nothing. Three months she been the lady’s home health aide, not once had she seen her smile, say please or thank you.

  AnnMarie slipped out with the garbage. Walked it down the hall to the chute, then stepped inside the stairwell to call her mother.

  Last night Star’d been sick with a cough. AnnMarie lay next to her, keeping her head propped up with the pillow but still she barked like a seal. AnnMarie hadn’t slept at all.

  How she doing, Ma.

  She fine. She playing.

  Where she playing?

  She playing.

  I know she playing. But she on the floor or in the Pack ’n Play You got to keep her off the floor. Did Ondine get the dust up?

  Huh?

  Ma!

  What you yelling for, AnnMarie.

&
nbsp; I can hear her coughing, Ma. I can hear it.

  You know what? You don’t like how me doing, get yourself another damn babysitter.

  AnnMarie!

  She heard Miss Doris shouting so she hung up the phone and stepped from the stairwell. Miss Doris got her head out the door, wagging a finger: I’m calling the agency you don’t put that phone away!

  AnnMarie walked past her into the apartment.

  Sorry, Miss Doris. What can I do for you now?

  AnnMarie came home from work. Changed the water in the humidifier. Added salt. Got the steam going.

  You want to eat, Boo?

  Nah …

  Eat something. Look, I brought you some noodles.

  Star climbed into her lap and played with the paper takeout bag, squishing it together and pulling it apart until AnnMarie took it away and told her she got to eat. Star said, No Mama, no … Coughing once, twice but she sounded better. AnnMarie lined ten noodles up in a row, told Star to count, one, two, three … Got her to eat that way, playing a counting game, ’til the noodles was gone.

  She looked out the window. The rain had stopped. She watched the dying sun cut through gray clouds, last light on the building there, bricks glowing red. She pulled the curtain closed, leaned over Star in the crib, rubbed her back, sang a sweet song. It took a while but Star fell asleep, thumb in her mouth. She thought about Darius. Wondered where he was. But she didn’t call him.

  She called up Niki. Bodie answered. Why you have Niki’s phone, she asked. He told her he waiting to hear about a job. He told her Niki gone to Latania house.

  She called Latania. Latania’s mother said, Hello AnnMarie, how are you, how is Star, Latania is at Paloma’s.

  She passed into the kitchen and out again, she stood in the living room, then in the doorway of Blessed’s room—her mother on the bed, flopped over like a damn walrus.

  Snoring. AnnMarie wondered if she snore like that when she sleeping. Hope not.

  She flipped channels for a while then turned the TV off. The sun was down, sky dark, nearly gone to black but there—in a far-off part of the horizon, look at that, a thin strip of clouds gleaming white, the sky a pale, pale blue. She stood for a long time, watching the line cool off to pink, then purple then nothing at all. The stillness so deep it made AnnMarie sigh.

  Then Star coughed. AnnMarie turned, listening. She knew she was sitting up in the crib now, coughing.

  AnnMarie went to the bathroom, got the baby Robitussin. Ain’t but a dribble come out. She checked her pocket. Five dollars. No-name brand cost $3.99. She just make it.

  She lifted Star out the crib and carried her into her mother’s room, set her on the bed.

  Ma!

  She shook Blessed ’til she rolled over and cradled Star in the fold of her body.

  Out on the street, Thriftway was still open. She went inside, stood on line, flipped through Essence magazine, bought Star medicine. She went home, climbed the stairs, and when she turned the corner onto her hallway, who standing there waiting but Darius.

  She looked at him.

  What up, he said.

  What you doing here.

  I miss you, why you think.

  She went past him, carrying the medicine in the Thriftway bag.

  You knock?

  No one answer.

  She put the key in, pushed open the door. It was quiet. Star was quiet.

  Shhh … Go in.

  She looked in her mother’s room. Star was sleeping. She stood for a moment wondering whether to give her the medicine or let her be.

  She went into her room, Darius had already emptied his pockets, set his phone, blade, pocket change up on the dresser like he thought he staying the night.

  Stretched out there on the bed.

  He said, Come here baby …

  He said, Why you act like that.

  She sat down and looked at him.

  Why you carrying your blade.

  Ain’t nothing. Got a beef to solve.

  Who with.

  Nobody. Come ’ere and lay with me for a small little minute.

  So she laid down and his arm went around her, his fingers brushing skin.

  Star sick. I gotta listen for her cough.

  Okay.

  He rose up on his elbow and leaned in, found her lips, his smell familiar, his taste like the beedie he smoke. And she felt the loneliness expanding, like a balloon stretched tight, making her reach for him.

  Then his body was on hers and she could feel him getting hard as he licked and sucked, his hands stroking her body, rubbing between her legs, and it felt good, so she put her tongue in his mouth and felt him grow harder still, then he was pulling her pants down ’til she was free and clear, waiting to be entered but it was Niki she was thinking of, Niki’s hands brushing her skin, Niki’s lips on hers and her taste, the taste of her and it didn’t take long, soon she was there and it was pouring through her and she tried to make it last with every thrust—she met his with her own, not Darius but Niki on her mind.

  49

  All week, Niki’d been on her—she kept asking, So you and Darius getting back together, what’s going on, he been by to see Star. Or she’d drop things here and there like, I saw Darius go by on Bayport. Ain’t that over by his other baby mama house.

  A whole month since that first kiss and not once had Niki brought up Darius until now. Not a word. The month passing with little play-fights on the bed, tussles turning into kisses, the kisses into full-on make-outs, hands up the shirt, legs entwined, Niki rubbing and pressing and AnnMarie didn’t know what was happening exactly, all she knew was that she liked how it felt, all the attention Niki was giving her, the way Niki was putting her first over everybody. Nadette. Latania. Even the black China doll.

  AnnMarie’d never been more confused in her life. Niki was her best friend. She was mad cool, funny as hell, and she loved Star like her own but did AnnMarie like her like her? Niki, who’d walk in without knocking. Was she in love with this girl?

  Something had shifted this past week—her best friend replaced by someone else, Niki hangdogging AnnMarie with questions about Darius, dropping seeds a doubt, putting her on the spot with where she going and who she seeing, and do she still like cock, busting on her and laughing, but underneath AnnMarie felt Niki’s neediness like a weight around her neck. Pushing AnnMarie to choose. Hurry the fuck up and choose.

  So she finally said, flat out—Yeah, me and Darius back together, even though it wasn’t true. She’d said it not knowing what would go down, how they friendship might change, knowing only that this secret with Niki just wasn’t working.

  They’d been heading over to Nadette’s.

  Niki said, Oh so you gonna stay with a muthafucker who beats you and fucks with your head and can’t be faithful to you.

  AnnMarie tsked. She said, Faithful. What about you, you can’t even tell nobody we hanging out.

  I don’t care what you do.

  AnnMarie looked at her. You told me don’t say nothing to Nadette. She too fragile. It’ll break her heart. Like you cheating on her with me.

  Niki laughed. You so stupid, AnnMarie, how can I be cheating when we ain’t even a thing.

  AnnMarie went quiet. Niki’s words making her cheeks go hot. Trying to mess with her head. Just like Darius. Well, fuck her, AnnMarie thought. And by the time they walked into Nadette’s building, AnnMarie was mad tight, Niki taking the stairs two at a time—each walking in alone, one after the other. Nadette and Teisha was on the sofa, music playing from the stereo, Nadette with a glow on her face, like she’d kissed the sun.

  Right away Niki slumped down in a chair and was texting on her phone. AnnMarie said, What up? What y’all doing. Fronting like everything peachy.

  Teisha glanced at Niki. What’s wrong with her.

  Niki didn’t bother to look up. Kept her head down, texting. Texting. And AnnMarie felt uneasy as Nadette raised her arm, bending her wrist to show off a mad big diamond on her finger.

  Oooh, wh
ere’d you get that, that is beautiful, Nadette, AnnMarie said, crossing to look at the ring.

  They engaged, Teisha said.

  Who engaged, you got engaged? To Dennis?

  Mm-hm. Proposed to me yesterday.

  I thought y’all broke up.

  Where you been AnnMarie … He left that skinny-ass clown last week, came back to the one and only true thing, word.

  Niki was slumped back in the chair, staring at Nadette. AnnMarie didn’t even have to look, she could feel the hatred pouring out her eyeballs, all of Niki’s questions and neediness making sense all of a sudden. Rejected again.

  Nadette lifted her eyes and glared. She said, What. You got something to say?

  But Niki just got up and walked out the door.

  Teisha shook her head. Why you gotta fuck with her like that.

  What, you the one who said they engaged.

  AnnMarie stood for a moment, her own heart collapsing. Niki’s shame left behind, like a shadow.

  Where you going, AnnMarie, Nadette said. But she didn’t answer, she went out the door, down the stairwell, calling Niki’s name.

  Finally catching her in the hall leading to the street, she reached out and grabbed her arm, saying Hold up, Niki. Hold up. But Niki swung around and backed AnnMarie up against the wall, pinning her there with both hands.

  What the fuck, Niki, let go. And she did, slamming her hard one last time before backing away and disappearing into the bright white light of the afternoon.

  For a second, AnnMarie stood dumb. Feeling the stab of pain where her spine had collided with concrete, pulsing now after Niki had released her. She hesitated, then told her feet to move, went out the door and up the block, catching Niki at the intersection. AnnMarie tried to think of what to say as they crossed the street.

  Nadette be mad cold sometime, she finally said.

  Niki didn’t answer. Hands in her pocket, she didn’t even shrug.

  Did you know they back together?

  Niki still didn’t answer so AnnMarie got up the nerve to glance at her face, saw her eyes crumple as she fought back tears. She’d never seen Niki cry before. Not once in her life and it scared her.

  She reached for Niki’s hand but she dodged away, saying, bitch, Don’t touch me.