Underestimated u-1

by Jettie Woodruff

  I took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m good. I’m hoping the alcohol will help.”

  It didn’t. I was afraid to go to sleep at all, afraid that Starlight would deem me a lunatic and fire me or something. I lay awake purposely trying to tire out my subconscious mind. Maybe if I was beyond exhausted, I wouldn’t dream. I did finally let the fatigue take over some time around three in the morning. I may had been okay had I kept my mind on Dawson back in Maine, but I didn’t. I lay on my side watching Starlight’s breathing moving up and down under her covers.

  It reminded me of Drew when he on occasion stayed in my room. I would stay as far away from him as I could, staring at him breathe just like Star was doing. I waited for it. I wanted him to fall asleep. I would rather it not have been in bed with me, but when his breathing changed I knew he was asleep.

  That was the first night that I didn’t remember what I dreamed. I knew that it must have been bad though. I woke to Star on the side of my bed shaking me and yelling my name.

  I startled her as much as she startled me when I screamed and jumped to the top corner of the bed. My hair was drenched from sweat and my damp nightshirt stuck to my body. My breathing was erratic, and I was sucking in air that wasn’t available.

  “Jesus, Riley.” Starlight exclaimed with wide eyes.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologized once I realized where I was.

  I got up and went to the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face and the back of my neck.

  I hung out in the small hotel bathroom as long as I could, hoping that she would go back to sleep. She didn’t. She had a smile, a cup of water and two little pills waiting on me.

  “Here, take these. It’ll help,” she said warmly.

  “What is it?” I asked, taking the pills. I didn’t really care what they were. I would take anything if it would help. Her relaxing tea sure the hell didn’t work. It helped me fall asleep but didn’t keep me asleep.

  “Just Melatonin. It’s all natural, and will help regulate your sleep and your wake cycle.”

  I already knew that the two little pills were all natural. Starlight wouldn’t dare put anything with chemicals in her body.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” she smiled.

  Of course, I didn’t want to talk to her about how fucked up I was. “What did I say?” I asked. That’s what I wanted to know. I wanted to know how much I said. I wondered had the alcohol kept me from remembering what I had dreamt. I always knew what I dreamed about. They were too real not to remember.

  “I’m not really sure what you were saying. It was mostly muffled. Are you okay now?”

  She lied. I nodded and lay down.

  I did sleep the rest of the night or morning I should say. I finally dozed back off, freaked out about what I had said and wondering what it was that I had dreamt about.

  I was woken early. Starlight was in the shower, and I heard the two little dings from her cellphone. I sat up and nosily slid open her screen on the night stand between our beds.

  It was from Dawson.

  “Sorry, was on phone. Is she okay now?” It read.

  I couldn’t help it. I had to see what she had said to him. I could still hear the shower running, so I had time. I went to the first message so that I could read the conversation in order.

  “Dawson…What the hell? You need to give me some answers about Riley.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I think that is a dumb question, and you already know what I mean. She woke up screaming, drenched in sweat during the night, and the things that she was saying were horrific. Don’t tell me you sleep with her every night and don’t know what I am talking about.”

  “I know what you’re talking about, but I promised her that I would keep it to myself. I can’t Star.”

  That made me feel good. He was being loyal to me.

  “I think she needs help, Dawson.”

  “She does, but she won’t get it.”

  “If it’s the money, I would gladly help her out.”

  “It’s not. She doesn’t want anyone to know where she came from. Please just let it go. I am afraid that she will run, and I don’t want her to do that. I love her.”

  That made me smile again.

  “We’re here for two more nights. What do I do?”

  “You can do what I do. Hold her and kiss her beautiful lips and tell her that you love her, lol,”

  I smiled again.

  “You’re an ass. This isn’t funny. I’m a little blown away here.”

  “Relax Star, she’s fine. If she does it again tonight just talk her down. She’s not going to do anything crazy if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “I’m worried about her.”

  That was the last message and I quickly laid her phone down and crawled back into bed when I heard the shower shut off.

  I stretched and pretended that I had just woken.

  “Good morning, hungry?” Star asked with her carefree smile.

  “Yeah, I could eat, but I need a shower.”

  “Go. Get a shower. We have a busy day. I can’t wait until you see these vendors today. It’s epic.”

  I smiled at her enthusiasm for the hippy festival.

  “Star, I’m really sorry about last night.”

  I don’t know why I felt the need to apologize to her. I just didn’t want to ruin what I had going on, although the thought had crossed my mind to run away and start over again somewhere, neglecting the relationship and friends. I would be safer the next time. I knew what I could and couldn’t do, and having people in my life that wanted to get close wouldn’t and should have never been an option. But the truth is I couldn’t imagine not having Dawson, Star and Lauren in my life.

  “Honey, you don’t have to be sorry for anything. Just tell me if there is anything that I can do to help. I owe you so much already.”

  I looked at her puzzled. I owed her everything. I didn’t understand.

  “Why would you owe me anything?”

  “You are joking, right? You turned my money pit dive into a striving, profitable business. I would have never done that. It was just something to occupy my time. I never dreamed that it could be what it is now. I owe you for that.”

  “You don’t owe me anything. I think that I love that place more than you do.”

  “I owe you breakfast and one hell of a fun day so go get your skinny little butt ready.”

  I was glad that Star was letting go of my night. I would just have to make sure I didn’t sleep that night.

  We had to take two cabs because there were six of us. I rode with Starlight and Sunny and couldn’t help but laugh at the two sisters. They were talking about how a fortune teller once told them that they both would marry and have three girls each. Star was said to have two marriages in her life. She didn’t have any. She had an illegitimate daughter. Of course, her name was part of the universe as well, Moon Beam Straights. She went by Moonie.

  I could feel my heart begin to beat faster when we got close to the jewelry store. I knew that the chances of Drew being there were slim to none. I had heard enough of his business calls to know that he was hardly ever in any of his stores. That’s what he had Derik for. Derik did all of his dirty work.

  I think I stopped breathing. I don’t know how I even saw him. There were so many people on the sidewalk, but I did. He was pacing with one finger in his ear and his cellphone to the other one. It was Derik for sure, in his expensive, elaborate suit and tie. He never looked up and kept his eyes down. I knew without knowing that Drew was on the other end.

  “Riley?” I heard Starlight call my name. I was sure that it wasn’t the first time.

  “Sorry, did you say something?” I asked the stupid question.

  “Not anything important. I was just telling you about all of the coffee vendors that will be set up here.”

  I couldn’t believe all the cars and people that were at this expo. I would have never dreamed that so many people were into the retro hippy crave.
I was happy to see that we were someplace that you wouldn’t find Drew or his sidekick, Derik. We had to walk a mile because our cab driver refused to go any further into the multitude of traffic. I didn’t mind. I wore my dark sunglasses and my oversized sunhat proudly.

  Starlight and I both had ordered a new outfit for the special day. I wore a brown and green tie dye Mudmee wrap skirt and a brown hippy style fringed leather vest with a pair of water buffalo sandals. Starlight wore a patch work sundress and the same sandals as me.

  We spent the entire day at the swap meet. We did eventually go our separate ways. There was way too much to see everything in five days, let alone two, and we wanted to acquire some new and exciting merchants. The store room had quickly started to get cleared out from our robust sales over the past few months. Starlight of course went for the coffees, teas, aroma oils and scented candles. I spent my time with Sunny and we hit up all of the clothing, novelty items and pictures. I definitely wanted more of the artwork. They seemed to be one of the hottest items for the tourist that we attracted.

  It was after seven before we finally made it back to the hotel. I was hot, tired and excited all at once. Starlight went to the shower, and I called Dawson.

  “I was beginning to think that you forgot me,” he answered. I could sense the smile on his face.

  “Never, how are you?”

  “Lonely. I’m not used to sleeping alone anymore. I didn’t sleep much.”

  “I think you are lying to me. You probably slept like a baby without me there to wake you during the night.”

  “I promise I didn’t. I would much rather have you here waking me. I kept throwing my arm over you, and you weren’t there.”

  I laughed. I missed him. I really missed him. The only person that I had ever missed in my life was Justin. I didn’t even miss my mother although I often wondered where she was.

  “I have to say that I missed you last night too.” I didn’t say why. He knew why.

  “How was your expo?”

  “It was amazing, Daw. You should have seen the people at this thing. I talked to a guy that came there all the way from Florence, Italy. He flew there just for the meet.”

  “He wasn’t cute was he?”

  I laughed at his jealousy. “No. I promise. He wasn’t cute. We have twenty four new catalogues to go through.”

  “You didn’t buy anything to have shipped back home?”

  “No. Star wanted to, but I talked her out of it. It’ll be much cheaper to order and have it sent direct from the wholesalers then to have it shipped from here.”

  “Have I told you how much I loved you today?”

  “No. I haven’t talked to you today, silly.”

  “I love you more than the stars, the sun, the moon, the ocean, the air…”

  I laughed before I cut him off. “Okay. I get it, and I love you too, but Star just got out of the shower, and I desperately need it.”

  “So you don’t love me as much as a shower.”

  “I do, just not right at the moment. Do you have any idea how hot it is in Las Vegas in July?”

  “Nope. Never been there. How hot?”

  “It was a hundred and five today. That is ridiculously hot, and I have enough sweat on me to water a house plant.”

  “Ewe. That’s kind of gross. You better go shower. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Dawson.”

  Starlight and I spent our evening looking at the many products and dog earing pages of the catalogues. We didn’t eat any supper. We had both eaten so much at the meet that neither of us was hungry.

  I crawled into bed first, and Starlight gave me two of the little pills. I took them with a smile, hoping I didn’t wake her with one of my episodes.

  “Where did you grow up?” Starlight asked as we both lay down in our side by side beds.

  How much should I tell her? Should I lie and say that I grew up in Indiana? It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her. I was just afraid. Afraid of what, I wasn’t sure.

  “Pennsylvania.” I lied. It was somewhat in the same vicinity.

  “Do you have any siblings?”

  I didn’t want to have this conversation. I had an awesome day, and I wanted to fall asleep thinking about all the neat things that we would soon have in the shop.

  “I have a brother,” I said, yawning a fake yawn, hoping she took the hint.

  She didn’t.

  “How long were you married?”

  Did I tell her that I had been married? I didn’t remember telling her that. I was afraid to lie. Did Lauren or Dawson tell her that I had been married?”

  “Six years,” I told the truth.

  “Ry, I’m here if you need to talk,” Star said, sensing my apprehension.

  “I’m fine. I would rather let the past stay in the past.”

  “Okay, but just so you know, I’m a pretty good listener and an even better secret keeper,” she smiled.

  I did dream that night. Maybe it was her asking about my upbringing, but for the first time I dreamt about my mother. At least I didn’t wake up screaming bloody murder, and I didn’t think that I had talked in my sleep.

  I should have known that morning that something was up. My mom never told me to come to the truck stop and eat after school. I wasn’t allowed to be in there. She couldn’t flirt with all of the truckers if I was there, and she sure wasn’t going to use her tip money to buy me supper. I didn’t have that kind of mother. I had a mother who I knew didn’t stay loyal to my dad, not that he ever did either.

  I cautiously wandered into the dive and sat at the bar with my mom. She wasn’t working at all, and she wasn’t wearing her ugly green polo uniform shirt. She patted the red plastic barstool beside of her.

  “Order anything you want,” she offered.

  I did. I ordered a chocolate milk shake, cheeseburger and fries. I felt guilty for eating the food and even more so the milk shake. I knew Justin would have loved to have had a milk shake.

  “I’m not coming home tonight, Morgan,” my mom explained while I ate my glorious meal.

  “Where you going?” I asked around the cheeseburger in my mouth.

  “I am moving away from here. I can’t stay with your dad anymore. It’s not healthy for any of us.”

  “We’re taking Justin too, aren’t we?” I asked, not understanding what she was trying to say.

  “I need you to stay and take care of Justin for me.”

  “You’re not taking us with you?”

  “I can’t, Morgan. Some day you will understand. I promise.”

  I turned when I heard the well-dressed man clear his throat beside of her.

  “I have to go, Morgan. You take care of your brother for a while for me, okay?”

  “Just for a while? And then you’re coming for us?”

  “I won’t be coming for you, but you will be eighteen soon. You’ll leave this place too.”

  She didn’t hug me, didn’t kiss me, and only patted my knee.

  “I love you. Finish your food and head home before your dad gets home.”

  That was how my mother said goodbye.

  I did sleep well, other than that haunting dream about my mother leaving her children to be with some man, obviously with more money than my dad had. I felt strange about the dream. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but it was almost like a clue for some odd reason.

  We spent the next day at the expo again. Star’s all natural sleeping aid once again helped. I was too happy to have nightmares about my past. We had such a great day that it made it almost impossible.

  * * *

  I could not wait to land that plane. I even asked the stewardess if she could tell the pilot to speed up a little. I missed Dawson so much, and couldn’t wait to see him. I don’t know what my hurry was. We landed at eleven in the morning. I wouldn’t see him until he got off work at four.

  I couldn’t wait. As soon as Star dropped me off at my door, I tossed my belongings inside the door and headed back into town.

>   “You have a really hard job,” I said, seeing him looking oh so fine in his uniform with his feet propped up on his desk. He almost knocked over his cup of coffee when he abruptly sat up with a smile. I loved that smile.

  “Welp, guess I better go catch me some bad guys,” his Deputy Matt said, excusing himself.

  Dawson had me in his arms in a split second.

  “Don’t you ever leave me like that again,” he demanded, kissing me. I mean really kissing me. My arousal went from zero to eighty in two point seven seconds.

  I was panting, and his hands seemed to be magical, causing sensations to places that he wasn’t even touching.

  He let me go rather quickly.

  “Your house or mine?” he asked, retrieving his cellphone.

  I didn’t have time to answer before he was on the phone with Matt, telling him to get back there because he was taking the rest of the day off.

  I followed him to his house and had to laugh when he accidentally hit the siren on his cruiser trying to get out of the car.

  I was twenty five years old, and it was the first time ever in my life that I felt passion. I wanted Dawson more at that moment than I ever wanted anything in my life. It was also the first time that Drew had stayed out of our sex life. It was the first time that Dawson had ever gone down on me, actually it was the first time that anyone had gone down on me. Wow. That’s a lot of firsts. Drew wasn’t into pleasing me. He was into pleasing himself.

  Dawson walked me backwards toward his bedroom, never letting the contact of our lips break. He had my long flowing sundress around my hips and was thumbing off my panties. I didn’t take any of my clothes off except for the panties. He backed me up until the bed stopped me and I pulled myself back with my elbows. After he pulled my shirt above my breasts, I watched him hastily undress himself. He raised my knees and kissed my stomach while his hands caressed the satin on my bra. I wasn’t used to that either. Drew just demanded that I spread my legs, and I did it. Dawson moved down and kissed me on the inside of my right thigh.

  I thought I was going to come off the bed when he slid his finger into me. These were all new and foreign feelings for me. I didn’t know it could be this way. My emotions were instantly halted when I felt his tongue next. It scared me at first, but he sensed it and softly laid his hand on my stomach forcing me to stay with him, promptly bringing me back to him and not Drew.