Soldiers' Wives

by Fiona Field

‘But…’

  ‘But… you never sent them on to me, so how could I? Is that what you mean?’

  Jenna nodded, weakly.

  ‘Internet banking, Jenna. The internet is grand. I could see all those lovely new things in our quarter when I Skyped you, so I had a look at my account – or what was left of it.’

  Horror struck, Jenna felt her mouth open, but nothing came out. Not a sound, not a lie, not an excuse… nothing.

  ‘All my savings, Jen. The savings that I thought, together with my Afghan bonus, we might use to get a foot on the property ladder – or a nice car. Nearly eight grand, Jen, that you’ve blown, and you’ve spent it on what?’

  ‘I was going to pay it back, Lee,’ she whispered, ‘honest, but then Milward ruined everything.’

  ‘As I said, Jen, the army has rules about what you can do in quarters. You waited till I’d left, didn’t you, so you thought I wouldn’t find out. How could you, Jen?’

  Again her mouth opened and shut, as her heart thundered with guilt and her blood pooled down in her ankles.

  Lee was looking at her so coldly and Jenna knew with total certainty that she’d completely fucked up her marriage. Lee wasn’t going to listen to excuses and if she was honest with herself, she didn’t have any. She’d thought she could have things her way, that she could fight the army, but she’d made a complete mess of things.

  Finally she found her voice. ‘I’ll make it up to you, Lee.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘I could sell the furniture on eBay. And the telly. They’re still almost new.’

  Lee sighed and shook his head. ‘Drop in the ocean, but if you want to you can try.’

  ‘I’m so sorry, Lee.’

  ‘Are you? Really?’ He stared at her till she lowered her eyes. ‘Go away, Jenna. Please just go away.’

  ‘You don’t mean that, babes, do you?’

  Lee nodded. ‘I do. Just go.’

  34

  ‘Chrissie.’ Immi’s shriek could have been heard by dolphins in the Mediterranean. ‘Chrissie, babes!’ Immi hurled herself across the barrack room at Chrissie, who neatly sidestepped.

  ‘Immi – watch me arm, Ims.’

  ‘Shit, Chris, I forgot. How is it? How are you?’ Immi gazed at her room-mate, her eyes glistening with tears. ‘And you were so brave. Everyone says you should get a gong.’

  ‘What the fuck? Don’t be daft.’ Chrissie screwed up her face. ‘You don’t get a gong for being a twat and getting in the way of a bullet.’

  ‘No, you get a gong for getting in the way of a bullet and still lugging a stretcher three hundred yards to the bloody chopper.’

  ‘It wasn’t three hundred yards.’

  ‘Oh, who cares? You’re back, that’s the main thing. Come on, let’s go to Tommy’s for a celebratory one.’

  ‘One?’ said Chrissie horrified. ‘I want a bloody sight more than that.’

  ‘You mean you haven’t had anything to drink yet – not since you got back?’

  ‘Immi, I’ve been in hospital. Since when did the NHS serve a nice Chianti with the liver and fava beans?’

  ‘What?’ Immi’s face was a study in bafflement.

  Chrissie sighed. ‘Sorry, I forgot you don’t have a thing about classic films like I do.’

  ‘No – I have a life. Now, come on, girlfriend, get your arse in gear.’

  When Chrissie got to Tommy’s Bar, she found she was a bit of a celebrity. Soldiers she’d never clapped eyes on were offering to buy her drinks, asking her about her tour or her injury.

  ‘Told you,’ said Immi, smugly.

  ‘Told me what?’ as Chrissie sipped her first Bacardi in nearly ten weeks and felt the hit of alcohol instantly.

  ‘That you’re a celebrity.’

  ‘Just don’t get me out of here. Well, not till I have had a couple more.’

  ‘Just a couple.’

  ‘I’m going to be such a cheap date tonight. I’m going to be pissed in no time.’

  The two girls managed to escape from the attention of their fellow soldiers and find a table in a relatively quiet corner where they could catch up with each other properly.

  ‘So,’ said Immi, cradling her drink. ‘What are your plans?’

  ‘I can’t go anywhere for a bit. I was allowed to leave hospital on the absolute understanding that I report to the medical centre daily to have my dressing changed and my wound checked. Once the MO gives me a clean bill of health, I can take my post-tour leave.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And where are you going to go? Club Med for a wild time partying, or chill in some exotic retreat? You’ve got all that fantastic tour bonus to spend.’

  ‘God, I don’t know. Neither, probably.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘It’s not much fun going away on your own, is it?’

  ‘I’ll come!’

  ‘I know, hon, and I’d say yes, but haven’t you run out of your leave entitlement for this year?’

  ‘A minor detail.’

  ‘I don’t think Sir Bates or Sergeant Wilkes’ll see it like that. And to be honest, I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere. After all, all my mates are here.’ And Lee will be back in the garrison before too long. But she couldn’t mention that, not even to Immi.

  Immi shook her head at Chrissie. ‘All that leave, all that money from your tour bonus, and you want to kick around the barracks. Boy, Chrissie, you really are a lost cause.’

  Lee lay on his bed, his arm throbbing, despite the painkillers, and wondered what he was going to do about Jenna. He knew he could never trust her again and he knew he didn’t love her. In fact, he was pretty sure he never really had. He’d been besotted, swept away, and the sex had been great, but in love? No. His mother had been right all along about her. What was the phrase – marry in haste, repent at leisure? He sighed. What a sucker he’d been, he could see that now. He’d been Jenna’s means of escape from an overcrowded council house and having got away her next goal had been to achieve her ambition of having her own salon. And he’d bankrolled it. What a mug.

  Jenna lay on her sofa and wondered what she was going to do. She was pretty sure Lee was never going to trust her and she was pretty sure he didn’t love her, not any more. She’d fucked up good and proper and the mess she’d caused was epic. She felt a bit sorry for Lee, but he’d be all right. He had a good job, he’d get a bonus for his Afghan tour, and someone said he’d get another payout for getting injured. He wasn’t going to starve, was he? So, she was the one she had to worry about now. She didn’t want to be here when he got back and she wasn’t going to move back in with her mum, no way, so she had to find somewhere and fast. She drummed her fingers on the coffee table as she considered her options, which didn’t take long. She had no money and no job so she needed somewhere to crash. Dan.

  She picked up her phone and called his number.

  ‘Dan? Remember me…?’

  The flowering cherries were dropping their petals and the daffodils were well and truly fading by the time Lee got out of the cab. He’d been given a final clean bill of health from the army’s rehabilitation centre at Headley Court that morning and had been issued with a travel warrant back to his unit. Part of him had been thrilled that he was finally fully fit, but part of him had dreaded going back home, dreaded facing the mess that Jenna had left behind. Not that he thought it would be a physical mess; she wouldn’t have trashed the house out of spite, but he had the bathroom to sort, all that expensive furniture to get rid of, the house to hand back… God, how much sleep had he lost over recent nights just thinking about all he had to do? And over and above everything, he had to decide what to do about Jenna. Divorce, he supposed, but that was more expense.

  He paid the driver and then eased his shoulder, rolling it back and forth, more out of habit than necessity. The weeks of physio and therapy had sorted it out and it was almost as it was before the injury. He hauled his kit bag out of the boot and made his way up to the front door. He
noted the changes in the neighbourhood since he’d been away: Gary, the snotty kid from next door, had graduated from a trike to a bike with stabilisers; the neighbours opposite had a new car – or maybe they were new neighbours; and the mothy grass had been recently cut and looked almost lush.

  As the taxi drove off he walked up the path and let himself in. He looked about him. So, she hadn’t lied when she’d sent him a text to say she was moving out. And she’d left it clean, he’d give her that. He dropped his holdall on the carpet and wandered into the sitting room. He noticed the expensive furniture and huge TV had gone. In their place, in the middle of the carpet, was a square of paper and with it a cheque.

  I sold the furniture and the telly on eBay. This is what’s left after I paid off the finance company. Afraid it’s not much. Jx

  That was a turn-up, he thought, although it was no more than fair. He glanced at the amount on the cheque – bugger all compared to what she’d taken, but he supposed it was better than nothing.

  But there was still the matter of the bathroom. He needed to see for himself what the damage was, he thought, as he climbed the stairs, so he’d better see what he’d paid for.

  He opened the door and peered round it cautiously. Well, he could see why it had cost what it had. Gleaming. And he’d always preferred a shower to a bath, but his views weren’t going to wash with the housing commandant. The sooner he got this quarter handed back, the sooner the barrack damages could be squared away and the sooner he could put this whole miserable episode behind him.

  And the sooner he could tell his mother to shut up about Jenna. I told you so seemed to be her only words. She was right, of course, which didn’t help matters. He leaned against the counter by the shiny new backwash unit and wondered why he’d been so blinded by Jenna’s looks and had never seen the real person underneath the false nails and hair extensions. His mother had seen through her, had tried to warn him, but he hadn’t wanted to listen, he supposed. The idea of having Jenna, with her luscious looks, to himself had been too seductive. He snorted. And what a fool she’d made of him.

  He made his way back down the stairs. He wondered idly where she was these days, not that he cared. And that was the spooky thing – he really didn’t. Back in the hospital in Birmingham, after he’d told her to get lost, he’d wondered if he might have a change of heart, but… nothing. Not a sausage. Zip. Zilch. Nada. He supposed it was infatuation that had got him caught up in Jenna, and once that had worn off there was nothing left underneath to prop up their relationship.

  Lee left the quarter and walked through the married patch towards the barracks. He might as well go and see Captain Fanshaw and get his personal admin sorted out. There was no point in putting things off – his situation wasn’t going to get any better.

  Half an hour later, he was knocking on his platoon commander’s door.

  ‘Perkins,’ said Seb, looking up. ‘Good to see you back. How’s the shoulder?’

  ‘Gucci, thanks, sir. I’ve got a whole Meccano set holding everything together, but it all works properly. I’m still on light duties but I’m hoping the MO is going to pass me fully fit in a couple of weeks.’

  ‘Glad to hear that.’

  ‘Not sure I’ll be able to try for the SAS again, though.’

  ‘That’s a blow,’ said Seb.

  ‘But being at Headley Court puts things in perspective. There’s a lot worse things that can happen to a guy.’

  His platoon commander nodded. ‘That’s a commendable approach to have.’

  Lee shrugged. ‘Sir, the thing is, I’d like to move back into company lines.’

  Seb stared at him before saying, ‘Ah. It’s come to that, has it?’

  Lee nodded. ‘I can’t forgive what she did to me.’

  ‘How did you find out?’

  ‘Online banking, sir, but I told you… at the hospital.’

  Seb looked perplexed. ‘Sorry, I meant about…’ He stopped and looked embarrassed.

  ‘Sir?’

  ‘No, it’s nothing.’

  But his boss was squirming with embarrassment. ‘There’s something else, isn’t there?’

  ‘Look, Perkins…’ Captain Fanshaw paused. ‘No, it’s nothing.’

  ‘Shouldn’t I be the judge of that, with all due respect? Sir.’

  Seb stared momentarily at the ceiling. ‘You’re going to hear about it, anyway, I suppose. It’s pretty common knowledge.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘Your wife had a fling, while you were in Afghan. With an REME sergeant. I don’t know if it’s over, or still going on. Of course, the army posted him out of the garrison quick-sharp but it doesn’t mean…’

  Seb faltered, and Lee could hazard a guess at the implication. If Jenna and the sergeant wanted to carry on a bit of distance wasn’t going to stop them.

  Lee waited for the anger or the hurt to kick in, but again, nothing. ‘I see, sir. I suppose it’ll make the divorce easier.’ And it might explain why she’d moved out – she’d found somewhere else to go. Typical Jenna, that.

  ‘Is that what you want? A divorce? Taking eight grand out of your account without asking was a big breach of trust, and I suppose this other business… But it’s a drastic step.’

  Lee nodded. ‘It’s not the money – or this other business. To be honest, boss, as I said, when I was in Headley Court I got to realise that there’s stuff that’s a lot more important than cash. Being somewhere like that kinda puts a lot of things in perspective. And as for her having a fling… I don’t think I was the right man for her. Let’s just say, I think we both made a big mistake.’

  Jenna waited till she heard the front door slam and then got out of bed. She padded across the bedroom of Dan’s new flat and took a packet out of her handbag. There were, she thought, as she made her way to the bathroom, a lot of advantages to living with Dan. For a start there was plenty of money, lots more than when she was with Lee, and secondly they were living in their own place, not a grotty quarter. But on the downside he kept banging on about how they could start a family once the divorce was out of the way. As if.

  Jenna sat on the loo and opened the box. She didn’t need to read the instructions; this wasn’t the first time she’d had to do this. Wee on the stick, wait a bit, and then look to see what the result was. She was pretty sure she knew what the outcome was going to be but she had to be sure and if she hadn’t been so preoccupied with getting away from her old quarter and moving in with Dan she’d have noticed she’d missed a period. And now the next one was late.

  The result was as she thought. Bugger. Only one thing for it, then. Really, she thought, as she Googled the number for the Pregnancy Advisory Service, she ought to put it into the memory of her phone. It would save her a lot of time, in the long run. She knew exactly when she’d got pregnant – that drunken night just before she’d heard about Lee’s injury – so there was no time to waste or she’d start to show and Dan might notice. As it was she was sure she could get away with getting rid of it, quietly. She’d tell Dan she was going to visit her mum for a bit, and he needn’t be any the wiser. A tiny part of her felt a bit sorry for him; it was obvious that he was longing to be a dad, but having kids wasn’t the be-all-and-end-all in life, was it? And if he stayed with her he’d just have to get used to the idea, wouldn’t he?

  Seb shovelled in another forkful of mashed potato, while Maddy fed Nathan some steamed fish.

  ‘I saw Perkins today,’ said Seb.

  ‘Really?’ Maddy was genuinely pleased. She knew he’d been sent off to Headley Court and that his wife had done a bunk but since those two bits of intelligence had whizzed around the patch, Lee Perkins and his troubles had rather disappeared off everyone’s radar, including Maddy’s. ‘How is he?’

  ‘Surprisingly good, all things considered. He’s going for a divorce, though.’

  ‘I would have been surprised if he didn’t.’ Maddy shook her head as she remembered Jenna and her shenanigans. ‘You’ve got to hope there’s some nice
woman out there who would make him a proper wife. He deserves it.’

  Seb nodded. ‘He’s a good soldier and I’d like to see him do well. He’s a bright lad and he should have a good career ahead of him.’ He returned his attention to his supper.

  ‘Seb?’

  He glanced up. He knew that tone; it was Maddy’s wheedling voice. ‘Hmm?’

  ‘Talking of good careers…’ She paused. ‘How would you feel if I got a job?’

  ‘A job? But what about Nate?’

  ‘What about him? Lots of mothers work and their kids cope.’

  ‘I know but…’

  ‘But you said I wasn’t to worry about your career and I was to think about being me. Well, I have been and I need to use my brain.’ She looked pleadingly at Seb, willing him to understand her point of view. ‘I’ve got a plan and I’ve discussed it with Caro.’

  Seb threw down his knife and fork. ‘So you’ve talked about this to Caro before you go over it with me? Well, thanks very much.’

  Maddy rolled her eyes in exasperation. ‘Yes, because she’s part of the plan. Caro is a trained nanny and I asked her if she’d be Nate’s childminder. You know how brilliant she is with him and Nate adores her and her boys.’ She stared at Seb. ‘Happy?’ But she could tell from the look on his face he wasn’t really.

  ‘But why do you want a job? I earn enough to keep us.’

  ‘It’s nothing to do with the money, and by the time I’ve paid Caro, there won’t be a lot left from anything I earn. Seb, this is about me.’

  ‘You?’

  ‘Yes, me.’

  ‘But aren’t you happy?’

  Maddy stared at him. He just didn’t get it, did he? ‘Darling, I love being your wife and Nate’s mother but that’s all I am these days. I’m not… me. Not like I was at uni. Not like I was when you met me. I don’t have a role that’s just mine. God, I’ve even found myself introducing myself to people as Captain Fanshaw’s wife or Nate’s mum, not Maddy or even Maddy Fanshaw. And I feel as if I’m disappearing. Seb, I’ve got a degree from Oxford and I’m wiping bottoms, mopping floors and shopping for groceries.’ Seb stayed silent. ‘You’ve got a career, why can’t I have one too?’