Lethal Cruise: A Humorous Cruise Ship Cozy Mystery (Cruise Ship Cozy Mysteries Book 9)

by A. R. Winters

  “Aye,” he said as if that possibility seemed remote.

  The adrenaline from the shock of my assault had faded and left me feeling a little shaky. The kind of shakiness that would best be cured with something sweet.

  “Can I eat it anyway?” I said to him with a smile.

  “Aye! Sure. Of course! It’s what it’s there for after all.”

  I took a spoonful and tasted it experimentally. Then I dug the spoon back in to get a veritable mountain of the dessert. It was cool, sweet, rich, with just a bit of crunch from the meringue. It also tasted absurdly decadent thanks to the golden dulce de leche. I didn’t dare imagine how many calories were in this little bowl.

  The perfect amount, I told myself. And I deserve it!

  “What d’ye think?”

  “Dee-licious!” I swallowed another mouthful. “Divine. I can’t believe I’ve never had this before! What’s it called again?”

  “It’s a polvita. It’s South American. It’s a polvita de Uruguay, to give it its full name. What do you think? Next big thing?”

  “It should be the next big thing.” I scraped my spoon around the inside of the glass bowl so as not to miss any of it. “In fact, why hasn’t it been the big thing for the last hundred years?”

  Keith shrugged. “Beats me.” He began to eat from his own bowl. “Are we going to call security?”

  I shook my head. “No. I’ll deal with it in the morning. It’s too dark for the cameras to have picked up anything useful, and it’ll only worry Ethan.”

  “Ethan?” he asked with a frown.

  “First Officer Ethan Lee. He’s also the head of security. And my boyfriend.”

  “Ohh.” Keith looked nervous. “Is he… is he going to be mad?”

  “Sure,” I said. “Of course he’s going to be mad. Absolutely furious. Who wouldn’t be?”

  Keith shook his head and muttered under his breath again. “Idiot, idiot, idiot…” Under the table, I was pretty sure he was smacking his leg with a balled-up fist again.

  I was confused for a moment, and then almost burst into laughter. I grabbed his arm. “Not mad at you. At the guy who attacked me! This is just a misunderstanding. He’s not some crazy jealous guy who gets angry at people for admiring his girlfriend.”

  Keith looked up again, relief visibly washing over him. “Really?”

  “Really! Why don’t you walk me back to my cabin? I could do with a bodyguard this evening.”

  And so, gentleman that he seemed to be, Keith walked me back to my cabin. He didn’t try anything, and nor did anyone else.

  But once I got back, my weariness didn’t send me directly to sleep.

  Instead, I lay awake for a long time, thinking about what had happened.

  Who was it that had attacked me?

  And was I still in danger?

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The next morning, I sent Ethan a message early, telling him to meet me in the Croissant Club for breakfast if he could make it.

  It was a small, French bistro-themed restaurant which served delicious a la carte meals. It was a far more intimate place for a meal than the International Buffet and its throngs of guests who seemingly wanted to pile every single food in the place into heaping mountains on their plates. Not that I’d ever do anything like that…

  Ethan looked fresh as a daisy when he arrived, gleaming gold and white against his fair complexion. I’d barely had time to put on makeup after a restless night, so I no doubt looked terrible compared to him.

  We were seated at a large round table as the small tables for two were already taken. At these big tables, guests could intermingle with each other and make new friends. Or enemies, as the case may be. Luckily for us, there was no one else at the table yet so we could talk relatively freely.

  After ordering croissants, eggs, bacon, and hot coffee, I explained to Ethan how I had gone for a stroll and been attacked.

  Ethan gripped both my hands and stared at me as if looking for some kind of visible wound, despite my assurances that I hadn’t really been hurt.

  “And you have no idea who it was?”

  “Not exactly. But I ended up thinking about it half the night. Couldn’t sleep. It was a man. I’m certain of it by the build. I mean, I know people can get confused when things like this happen, but I’ve been in enough fights that I think I was able to keep my head on straight. So I’m pretty sure it was a man, and not a small man either—he was at least six feet tall.”

  “And they had a mask? Like we saw on the video feed from outside Nurse Jessica’s cabin?”

  “Yep. It was dark but I’m pretty sure it was one of housekeeping’s dust masks again. I’d bet money on it.”

  “Did they say anything at all? Do you think you could recognize their voice?”

  “Not really. Before I was attacked, I heard him say shh, and then oww, but that was it. No real words. It could be anyone, really.”

  “But a male, and not too small. It’s not great, but it’s more than we had to work with before. You’re going to have to be careful though, Addy.”

  Our breakfasts arrived and we dug in. Despite my late-night snack, I still had a hearty appetite that morning.

  “I guess that gave you another chance to have a chat with Keith. Do you still think he’s the wrong guy?”

  “Yeah, I’m afraid so. He basically saved me, and he’s got no connection to Arizona or anywhere in the Southwest as far as I can tell. He didn’t even know where Arizona was. It’s not absolute proof, but I’d bet anything it’s not him that’s been messing with me.”

  Ethan nodded and chewed thoughtfully on a piece of toast.

  “The only thing to consider is, he did basically lure you there, didn’t he? I’m going to check the cameras on everything around there. Even if we can’t make much out, we’ll be able to see if he was colluding with someone or met someone else before you arrived.”

  I hadn’t told Ethan about Keith’s failed attempt at romance, only that we met there so he could show me a dessert. Then I had a brilliant idea.

  “You could look at it that way. But I don’t think that was the case. I honestly think he was just trying to help me out. He went to a lot of effort to help me with the article I’m writing…” I frowned and slapped my hand on the table. “Cornstalks!”

  “What is it?”

  “I forgot to take a picture! Keith and Greg had set up a scene so that I could take a really good picture for my article, but I forgot all about my work after the attack. They set up a table with a candle, with this delicious dessert. It would have been an awesome photograph.” I sighed. “Anyway, I doubt Keith would have gone to all the trouble of arranging a beautiful photoshoot for me if he intended for me to be attacked before I even saw it. I think I was just lucky I was meeting him there.”

  “Sounds like you did get lucky. Can you do something for me though?”

  “What’s that?”

  “No more wandering out onto the decks late at night on your own? Stay in the ship or take me with you at least.”

  “Don’t worry. I think what happened last night was enough to scare some sense into me. I won’t be making that mistake again.”

  “Hi, guys!”

  Ethan and I both looked up to see Kelly and Captain Jonathan Ellman approaching our table, both of them with broad good morning smiles.

  “I was just telling the captain that often us senior staff like to eat breakfast together in here, and look, here you are!” She burst into delighted laughter before pulling out a chair for the captain, who sat down gratefully.

  I was relieved to see that Kelly had removed her scary-looking colored contact lenses and her colored hair extensions so she looked more like the cruise director I was used to. Today she was dressed in vibrant yellow, from her sunshine Alice-band to her mustard-colored heels.

  “How’s our murder investigation coming along?” asked the captain. “Kelly tells me you had a breakthrough last night.”

  Ethan looked at me with raised
eyebrows. I hadn’t even gotten around to telling him what Cece had uncovered yet.

  “We found some very useful information that gives one of our suspects a good motive, but there’s no evidence yet to connect her to the actual crime.” I outlined, without too much detail about the lurid photos, what Cece had uncovered about the not-so-innocent kindergarten teacher, Tessa.

  “Of course,” I said, aiming my words at the captain, “we still have to think about the nurse, don’t we? And our other suspects.”

  The captain nodded, seemingly happily at the mention of his nurse-being-the-killer theory.

  “Maybe the nurse and the kindergarten teacher were in it together, eh?” he said. “After all, they’re both in jobs that help people. Birds of a feather stick together!”

  That was the most tenuous link I’d ever heard of, so I smiled politely and ignored it.

  “We’re investigating all avenues, sir,” Ethan said formally. “But,” he looked pointedly at Kelly and the captain, “we’d very much appreciate it if we could keep all our theories to just ourselves for the time being. We wouldn’t want to warn the killer.”

  “Oh, no, no, no,” said the captain, shaking his head, a stricken look on his face. “We’ll keep everything battened down, won’t we, Cruise Director Kelly?”

  “We sure will, Captain Johnathan!”

  I eyed the two suspiciously. They seemed to be getting along well.

  “Big day planned?” I asked the two of them.

  “Always is,” the captain said. “I’ve got a thousand things—”

  “—a trillion things,” Kelly corrected with a giggle.

  “—I’ve got a bazillion things to do!” The captain and Kelly both laughed uproariously at each other while Ethan and I smiled.

  “And I’m going ashore today,” said Kelly. “I’m taking a group to a special thermal spa!”

  “Wait, where are we?” I asked. I had completely lost track of where we were sailing to next.

  “Do you hear that?” said the captain. “What kind of sailor are you, huh? You don’t even know where you’re sailing!”

  “I’m not a sailor,” I said defensively. “I’m a social media manager.”

  “Ha,” said the captain. “You’re too busy surfing the internet instead of sailing the seas!”

  I wanted to roll my eyes but didn’t think it would be polite to do that to my new captain. Speaking of which, when was the last time anyone called it surfing the internet?

  “Surfing the ‘net and trawling for murderers,” said Kelly with a giggle that brought on a guffaw from the captain.

  Under the table, Ethan squeezed my knee supportively. I put my hand on his.

  “Kelly, Captain Ellman? There’s a small security matter you should be aware of today.”

  The captain nodded for Ethan to continue.

  “I’ve arranged for all the passengers who are going ashore to have their bags checked, as a security measure. There’s a chance that our killer might be trying to sneak the empty Phytox cylinders off with them. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t announce it in advance though.”

  “Oh, that is good thinking,” the captain said. “No wonder you’re in charge of security. I should make a list of all the things I shouldn’t talk about.”

  “Me too,” said Kelly in keen imitation. “I bet there are lots of things we need to put on it.”

  “A million,” said the pair of them to each other in unison.

  Ethan squeezed my knee extra tight.

  “We’d better get going. Enjoy your breakfast.” Ethan gave my knee a final squeeze before standing up and pulling out my chair for me.

  “Yes, enjoy your meal, and your trip ashore, Kelly.”

  Walking side-by-side, but of course not touching, we left them to it.

  Ethan and I headed down to where the gangway to the ship would be connected for the passengers and staff going ashore. It was a large room with a low ceiling, which all the passengers would pass through before disembarking.

  When we got there, Ethan saw his security team was all set up and ready to go.

  “The x-ray machines are all working?”

  “Yes, sir!” said an enthusiastic young lady who seemed to stare at Ethan with longing admiration.

  “And we’ve got enough tables for bag inspections?”

  “Yes, sir!” a young man said with similar enthusiasm.

  “And do you all know what we’re looking for?”

  “Empty vials, sir,” the young lady said.

  “Glass ones,” the young man clarified.

  “Excellent. You’re all doing a fine job. Try and be quick but thorough when dealing with the passengers, and do your best to be pleasant to them—even the rude ones.”

  “Yes, sir,” said his team in unison.

  Watching them obey his commands and respond to him with such respect filled my heart with a happy glow. I was proud of him.

  “Looks like everything’s under control”

  “Sure does. Let me just have a final look at everything.”

  A few minutes later, we were sipping coffee from paper cups, relaxing after the inspection.

  “Everything ship-shape?” came a now familiar voice.

  We laughed politely at the captain’s little joke as he approached us. When he got closer, I saw that his uniform was now decorated with tiny spots of egg yolk and jam, unlike Ethan’s, which was still immaculate.

  “Yes, sir. Everything’s set.”

  “Good, glad to hear it. I need you to come with me now.”

  “Oh?” asked Ethan.

  “Yes, we’ve got a minor crisis in the engine room.”

  Ethan gave me an apologetic look and then left with the captain, who was already busy explaining all the things he had planned for them today and the nature of the problem in the engine room.

  When I finished my coffee, I headed off. With my phone ready, I had three things I wanted to do: take some pictures for my day job, follow up with what I’d learned about Tessa, and look for big guys who may have been my attacker. All without getting in any trouble or putting myself at risk.

  I had a feeling I was getting close to finding the killer. I just wasn’t quite sure yet which of my suspects it was, despite Cece, Kelly, and the captain’s hunches.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  My first order of business was to find out anything more I could about Tessa. Thanks to Cece’s snooping, we had figured that she had a clear motive for wanting Bruno out of the way. But could Tessa the kindergarten teacher really have committed murder? I’d have to find out.

  And who better to talk to about Tessa than her husband? I found him on the far side of the Lagoon Pool from Hemingway’s, where he had cleared a little island of sun loungers out of the way to make a makeshift outdoor exercise space. Like his wife, he was an exercise fanatic and had the physique to prove it.

  I watched him work through a small circuit of exercises as I approached. Push-ups, crunches, and then a variety of stretches. He was probably about 6’3” and, thanks to his passion for exercise, had an athletic build.

  I swallowed hard.

  It was the exact same kind of athletic build my attacker had the night before. If Tessa realized I was onto her, could she have set her husband onto me? To shut me up?

  No. That couldn’t be right. I mean, how would she have known? I’d been friendly when I interviewed her, and I’d assured her she wasn’t really under suspicion. But then again, people with something serious to hide can act irrationally.

  I watched him for another moment before approaching. Was this the guy who had attacked me the night before, I wondered? And if so, would it be dangerous to approach him now? At least we were outside, in a crowded public place. If Tony tried anything, there were plenty of other people around to stop him.

  With a final inner-pep-talk to boost my confidence, I walked up to him. When I arrived at his makeshift calisthenics spot, Tony was just wiping his brow with a small hand-towel.

  “G
ood morning.” He looked at me with an open smile. “You’re Adrienne, the social media manager, right?”

  It wasn’t often that guests I hadn’t met knew exactly who I was.

  “Yes, that’s right.”

  “Tessa mentioned you, and I saw you talking to her at breakfast the other day.” He stuck out a hand. “Tony,” he said with a friendly smile.

  “Adrienne, as you already know. So, exercise, huh?” I made a lame attempt at conversation. My nerves had stopped me thinking straight.

  “Oh yeah, I definitely need it. That buffet restaurant is a killer. It’s been playing havoc with my macros.”

  “Your what?”

  “My… I mean, what I eat. Usually I follow a strict protocol, but when you’re on a cruise…” He shook his head and laughed. “Hoo, boy.”

  “So are you and Tessa enjoying your vacation?”

  “Oh, very much so. In fact, I’ve got to go in a moment—we’re going ashore today.”

  “That’ll be fun. Have you had any beauty treatments done? Or do you leave that all to Tessa? Not that either of you need them.”

  “Oh, we need them, all right! Neither of us is twenty-one anymore.” They both looked like they could be. “I did a facial yoga session yesterday. It was amazing.”

  “I should go and take a picture of that sometime. I haven’t seen it yet. So you exercise a lot, huh? All day and all night?” That was my not-so-subtle attempt to find out what he’d been doing the night before.

  “Not all the time. In fact, last night I don’t think we did anything apart from eat, drink, and watch a show. That’s why I’m trying to burn off some calories now!”

  “Not even a late-night stroll?” I watched his eyes very, very carefully. Would he give something away with a nervous glance? A gasp of shock? An intake of breath? A threatening stare?

  No.

  “If you call the walk from the theater to our cabin a stroll.” Tony laughed. “It was only about a hundred yards!”

  “I’d love to get a picture of you and Tessa together later, but I’ll let you go and get ready for the trip ashore now.”