Everblue

by Brenda Pandos

  Ashlyn.

  I watched as she turned, her alabaster skin hitting the moonlight just right, stabbing me in the chest with her beauty. She walked up to the back porch, hand-in-hand with this punk and my stomach twisted, but I couldn’t look away. They stood together, too close for my liking, whispering things I could barely pick up. She had a good time. He did, too. There was a pause and they continued to gaze into one another’s eyes. Blood hammered in my veins and I clenched my jaw. When he tilted her chin up with his hand and Ashlyn closed her eyes, leaning into him, my stomach lurched. I couldn’t take it anymore.

  A kiss for a Natatorian was the most intimate act two merfolk could do; once a mer’s lips touched another’s, they were promised to each other for life as mates. Through their breath, their souls intertwined, binding them together spiritually, emotionally, and physically. This is the main reason why mermaids weren’t allowed out of the kingdom alone. One kiss would drive a man insane. His soul, seared from the loss of the mermaid herself, would never allow him peace until he found her again.

  But for me, watching Ashlyn kiss someone else, merman or not, drove me crazy. I dove into the water to try to shake the jealousy. This whole time, I’d done my best to keep my distance and not get too close. Harboring feelings for a human was risky. But watching her with the other guy made me realize I’d only wanted her to be with me all along.

  I groaned and raced toward the gate back into Natatoria. If I was with Dad on the secret mission, I would have avoided seeing her with someone else. But instead, I got an eyeful of her future and all I wanted to do was rip things apart with my bare hands.

  “Good, you’re home,” Mom said, catching me off guard as I came out from behind the curtain. A sunbeam transported in from the other side of the globe allowed me to phase into legs. “Did you have a nice time with Badger?”

  My eyes hit the floor. I could never successfully lie to Mom. “I ended up just going for a swim.”

  She walked closer to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “Everything okay, Son?”

  I nodded. “Just a little home sick, that’s all.” And heart sick too.

  “Oh, I see. There are a few more cookies in the kitchen if you’d like some. They always seem to cheer you up.” She smiled and leaned her head to the side to try to find my gaze. I turned up the edges of my lips to appease her.

  She bought the façade and went back to work on her needlepoint.

  I stood for a moment, head low. Cookies wouldn’t fix what ailed me this time. Now, a few Guinnesses might have put a dent in my pain, but I didn’t think Badger would share, and being intoxicated might lead me to doing something very rash, like returning to the surface to get Ashlyn’s attention. Instead, I went to my room, sat on my hammock, and put my head in my hands, searching for answers.

  24

  ASH

  Callahan escorted me to the porch and my heart never pounded more excitedly. Well, except a few hours ago when the results of Senior Ball queen was announced.

  “Sorry about tonight,” Callahan said sheepishly.

  “For?”

  “Everything.” He looked away, guilt covering his face.

  I chuckled and squeezed his hand tighter. “I’m not. I got to leave with the Senior Ball King. What more could I ask for?”

  He peered down at me and wrapped his hands around my waist, knocking my breath away with his closeness. “I wanted you to be my queen.”

  I squealed on the inside, far happier to have his vote above anyone else’s, and put my arms around his shoulders, gazing back into his eyes. “Who says I have to have majority vote to be yours?”

  “True.” He raised his left eyebrow.

  His reaction zinged my chest and I giggled at how brazen I’d become.

  “You were really great with everything I had to do tonight, too.” Callahan’s gaze darted away again. “I don’t know if I could have handled things if the vote had gone another way.”

  I leaned my head over, forcing him to look at me and smiled once his baby browns met mine. “If it weren’t for the fact you just asked me to be your girlfriend, then I might not have handled your Kingly duties very well either.”

  He flashed a coy smile. My breath quickened as he brought me closer. Finally, an uninterrupted moment. I tilted my lips toward his, parting them slightly as he leaned in. I shut my eyes.

  A loud splash down by the lake drew my attention away, causing me to turn at the last second. Once again, Callahan planted a kiss on my cheek.

  “Did you hear that?” I asked, peering over his shoulder. My heart still thundered at a sprinting pace, leaving me breathless and shaky, especially after I realized what I’d done.

  “What?” He turned and looked for the interruption, dropping his hands from my waist

  I let go of his shoulders and readjusted my corsage on my wrist. How could I have let this happen again? “Sorry, where were we?”

  Callahan put his hand on my chin and caressed my cheek with his thumb, his eyes filled with concern. With his other hand, he brushed a wisp of hair away from my face.

  “Maybe we’re taking things too fast,” he said solemnly.

  I gulped back the rejection, begging with my eyes for him to kiss me again. “No, I’m sorry.”

  He straightened the corners of his lips; disappointment crossed his face. “We’ll have a better chance another time. I need to relieve the driver and get home. My parents won’t be happy if I end up owing overtime.”

  “Right.” I stared at the ground, my cheeks flushed from screwing up the perfect ending to our crazy night.

  Callahan caught my hands and forced me to look at his tender eyes. “I had a very nice time tonight.”

  I sighed as he pulled me into a hug, kissing me on my temple. The warmth of his body, encased against mine, temporarily calmed the rollercoaster in my stomach. “I did, too.”

  I wanted to say something else to fix it or just grab his face and lay one on his lips, but my cowardice wouldn’t let me. Instead, I pulled out my set of keys and unlocked the door.

  “You’re such a sweet girl,” he said before heading down the walkway toward the limo. “Have good dreams tonight, Ashlyn,”

  “Good night,” I whispered and shut the door.

  My head reeled as I removed the bothersome heels and tip-toed barefoot through the dark house toward the stairs. What the heck just happened?

  I purposefully avoided going to the after-party just so we’d get a quiet moment together. Why did I look away? Why didn’t I just kiss him when I had the chance? Would he go now to the party without me? I dreaded waiting for his phone call tomorrow. I bet he’d break up with me in the morning because of my lack of experience.

  And then the stupid dance. Why was I so disappointed when Principle Tanner called Brooke’s name instead of mine? Did I really want to be queen or was I just jealous of Brooke getting his attention? I struggled watching her fawn all over him for pictures and the dance reserved for royalty. Georgia had me so convinced I’d win, like the swim race earlier. Was the vote even close? How badly did I lose? And why was Brooke so smug even after people booed her? The audience’s reaction didn’t jive with the results. Thank goodness Kylie and Evan were more excited about the after-party at Justin’s house than rubbing the defeat in my face.

  I took off my dress and carefully wrapped up the fur in the garment bag Gran left for me on the bed and slid into my jammies. With an empty stomach and a full brain, I curled up on the window seat and peered into the dark night. Tatchi’s house was lit up like a Christmas tree and Fin’s Jeep sat like a statue. Every time I’d attempted to go over there to talk to Colin, I chickened out.

  Why couldn’t she just come home already?

  25

  FIN

  I woke up sick: sick to my stomach, sick of Natatoria, sick of waiting for Dad to come home, sick of Tatch’s complaining, and sick of the rules. And when I showed up for practice at the field, all I got was another laundry list of stupid stuff elder mers wanted
me to do . . . like moving decorative rocks.

  All I needed was one excuse and someone was losing an appendage.

  26

  ASH

  “Get up, Ashlyn,” Mom demanded from down the hall. “Hurry or we’ll be late for church.”

  I pried my stubborn eyelids open and removed a wayward fake lash, but didn’t leave the sanctuary of my bed. Church was the last place I wanted to go. More than likely, Callahan would be there, along with other kids from my school. I didn’t want to face him yet, still dying of embarrassment from the flubbed up kiss.

  Within minutes, Mom opened the door and picked up the dirty laundry off the floor. “Didn’t you hear me? You need to get ready.”

  “I’m not going,” I said plainly.

  “And why not?” Her tone told me she wasn’t in the mood for theatrics or sob stories.

  “I have cramps,” I lied, knowing my period could get me out of anything since she had horrific cramps herself.

  “Oh,” she said with a softer tone. “I didn’t realize. Did you start early?”

  A flicker of dread flashed across my body. Did she keep track of my cycle? I wasn’t supposed to start until next weekend.

  “Must have been all the stress,” I mumbled into my pillow, curling into a ball and moaning for affect.

  “I’ll bring up the Midol,” she said quietly and closed the door.

  I asked God for forgiveness for my deception, knowing He’d understand. If Dad had come to wake me instead, he’d have accepted my need for solitude, but chances were, he’d already left for the fire station.

  Shortly after Mom brought the pills and a heating pad, the family got into the car and left. I exhaled at the sudden quiet. Three peaceful hours all to myself. What would I do first?

  I closed my eyes and tried to sleep longer but couldn’t shake the anxiety. If Callahan noticed I wasn’t at church, he’d probably call. I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet.

  I pulled on jeans and my team jacket, deciding a walk far away from my phone would calm my nerves. The cool breeze off the lake tickled the inside of my nose as I sloshed down the soupy path to the water. Memories of playing on the trail with Tatchi before we were old enough to take The Sea Star, our four-seater row boat, to Fannette Island, prompted a desire to visit our secret spot.

  Inside the shed, the blue boat leaned against the wall closest to the door. I heaved it down the dock, then grabbed two paddles and looked at the life vests. A big hairy spider had made its home on the edges of the fabric, wigging me out. I shrugged and left the eight-legged beast alone. It wasn’t as if I didn’t know how to swim.

  The paddles glided the boat across the calm deserted waters. Out in the bay, the clarity allowed me to see down into the eerie depths. I bit my lip thinking about the source of the splash the night before. Was Tessie the one making noise, distracting me from kissing Callahan? I giggled, before the embarrassment hit me again. As if.

  Fannette Island was closed to tourism this time of year due to the frigid weather. I made sure the coast was clear before I snuck over to “our” spot. Underneath the ponderosa pines and white firs, I scooped the dirt away from the line of rocks we’d arranged as kids. Somewhere under the sand, a plastic Folgers coffee-can slept with childhood treasures deep inside. We’d counted twenty steps from the spot to the water. Now, the steps were more like fifteen. The landscape had changed, but I still remembered where we’d hidden it.

  The sandy loam made digging the earth easier and I finally hit something hard. With my fingers, I traced the edge of the circular object under the dirt and lifted the can from the ground. The outside wording had faded, but when I pried the duct tape free, the inside was dry as a bone.

  For a moment, I just peered into the container, afraid to stir the contents. We were supposed to open this together before we left for college. Before she left without saying a word. Oh, Tatchi. My insides ached. I felt more like a thief than a discoverer.

  Inside were the two friendship rings I’d made from a broken gold chain, a paperclip, and fake stones all hot glued together—a blue stone for me and a yellow one for her. Tangled in the loose chain was a necklace charm of a mermaid she’d given me for my birthday one year, something we liked to pretend when we swam in the bay. A picture of us with the inscription “best friends forever” written with liquid paper reminded me how we loved to play with Mom’s office supplies at Gran’s shop. I put my friendship ring on and held the picture to my chest.

  Two envelopes with our names written in glitter pen caught my eye. I stopped before taking mine out and breaking the candle wax seal. A thread of guilt for opening it early wrapped around my heart.

  Dear Ash,

  You are my bestest friend in the whole world. Swimming, reading books, pretending to be rescued by handsome princes, and riding bikes with you is my favorite things ever. I hope live next door to each other when we grow up and have lots of babies who grow up and like to play together. When you read this, I want you to remember the time we took Fin’s underwear and put it up the flagpole. ha-ha. Or the time we tricked Fin into tasting the whipped cream pie and smashed it in his face. That was hilarious. Okay, I can’t think of anything else to say, so good-bye.

  Love your BFF, Tatiana aka Tatchi aka Super Spy #2

  Ps. If you aren’t Ash, you’re stealing. Rebury it or else.

  I held the note to my chest, laughing and crying at the same time. We’d had such a fun childhood together—so many good memories. And now this. Silence.

  I sat overlooking the water, flipping the mermaid charm in my fingers, contemplating a life without my best friend. As the wind blew through the trees, the aged wood protested—aching with me. Did something bad happen? Did her parents find out about her plans for college and move away? What if she never came home? Would I have to go to college alone? The thought killed me.

  My butt fell asleep after sitting on the cold ground. I put everything away except the picture and reburied the can.

  Dejected, I pushed off shore and began the slow process of rowing back. The urge to cry burned in my throat. This wasn’t fair. Who just picks up and leaves their things, abandons their business, and doesn’t tell anyone why for weeks? Was this the insanity of living with an alcoholic? I pulled out the picture and studied it—our happy faces, our innocent joy. How could we be best friends forever now?

  A ski boat zoomed by, the curious onlookers prying into my business. I turned away but had to grab the sides as their stupid waves rocked the boat too hard. An oar slipped into the water. I went to grab it, dropping the picture, too.

  “NO!” I cried and reached over the ledge to retrieve both items.

  Another wave knocked the boat just right and I toppled over into the water. The icy current ravaged my skin like sharp needles, jabbing relentlessly into my body. Everything ached except one part of my thigh where it burned instead.

  I tried to swim but my leg wouldn’t work. Something red colored the water around me. A huge tear in my pant leg revealed the source. Lucky there aren’t any sharks. I laughed at myself.

  Horrified I was able to make jokes at a time like this, I turned around to reach for the boat. I slapped empty water. Where was it? Panic began to take over. And then I saw it. The wind had pushed the boat out of reach. With each passing second, it moved further away. I tried to paddle, but my muscles seized with the cold.

  Forcing myself to calm down, I rolled over and floated on my back. But as I watched the blue sky above and felt the icy water below, reality sunk in. If I didn’t get out of the water soon, hypothermia would set in. I was about to drown.

  “Help!” I screamed, hoping the people who’d just cruised by and caused the accident actually saw me fall in. “Help . . .”

  Salty, hot tears burned my cheeks and slid down my face into the water.

  This was it. The best swimmer on our swim team had met her match. I was going to join the underwater grave of mobsters in cement boots at the bottom of the lake. Cold seeped into my bones, numbing
my hands and toes. Uncontrollable shivers overtook my strength. The desire to keep my eyes open became harder to fight.

  My face submerged.

  I opened my eyes one more time, my last breath bubbling out of my mouth. The light from the sun twinkled in the water as the darkness pulled me downward. My lungs burned for air, air impossible for me to swim to.

  A bright light barreled toward me under the water. It couldn’t be good, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. It’s what everyone sees at the end.

  “I’ve got you,” I heard in my mind. The voice sounded faintly like Fin’s.

  I smiled. Of course my last thoughts would be lying cradled in the warm and safe arms of my unending crush: Fin. What an amazing way to go.

  27

  FIN

  I could have swam in circles of joy when Mr. Gumboot requested smooth rocks for his fence surrounding his algae garden. With pleasure, I insisted retrieving them and left Kiernan to help arrange the existing collection. With a quick flap of my fin, I secretly slipped back into Tahoe for a little extra curricular rock-hunting adventure. Sure, I was pushing the limits, but hey, Mr. Gumboot asked and my explicit instructions were to please the elder mers. And where else would I find smooth granite stones?

  I returned to the lake with a grin and swam to the shoreline, careful to stay far enough underwater so no one would see me. Of course, Uncle Alaster and Colin were nowhere in sight either. Scanning the bottom, I laughed at the bountiful selection. How would I choose? Heck, it might take me all day to find the perfect stones.

  Hours later, when I finally stopped procrastinating, I found some that were satisfactory. I lugged them back to the gate. That’s when I realized the opening through Tessie’s mouth wasn’t very large.

  Annoyed, I returned to grab some smaller ones to take back with me when a scream from the surface grabbed my attention. One I’d know anywhere. Ashlyn’s scream. Without a thought, I dropped the stones and with a powerful flick of my tail, I shot through the lake like a cannon, only slowing to listen.