Everblue

by Brenda Pandos

  She smiled. Her entire face lit up. “Why of course I do. Who else is going to help God perform all those miracles?”

  I felt the corners of my lips lift. “Do you think we can see them sometimes?”

  “I do. The Bible does say to be hospitable to strangers because you might be entertaining an angel instead.”

  A small memory about that verse tickled my mind. Sometimes, when we drove as a family, Dad would give a bum all the change from the car ashtray. Mom worried Dad was encouraging their behavior, giving them money to buy booze or drugs. He’d look back at her and remind her about this verse.

  I looked away and bit the side of my cheek. “It’s not a coincidence the boat magically showed up.”

  Gran sat down next to me on the bed and watched me with gentle eyes. I took a deep breath and confessed what happened.

  “I see,” she said after I finished, no judgment in her tone.

  “But what I do remember about the person who saved me, in a dreamy sort of way, they might not have been entirely human. Even in the freezing water, he was very warm and glowed a little. I’m pretty sure he flew me out of the water into the air.”

  Gran studied me for a moment with pensive eyes. “Have I ever told you my angel experience?”

  I shook my head.

  “Well, when I was newly married to your grandpa, I got very sick. My heart would start beating fast for no reason and the doctors didn’t know what was wrong with me. It got to the point where it happened all the time. In fact, one time it raced so hard and wouldn’t stop, they had to hospitalize me. I remember shivering uncontrollably because the blood wasn’t circulating through my body like it should. But there was this one mysterious warm spot right on my arm”—she touched me in the crook of my elbow—“as if something unseen was holding me.

  “You see, one of my biggest fears was I’d die and Grandpa Frank would remarry. I couldn’t bear it.” Gran’s eyes glistened as she swallowed hard. “But I finally got to a place where I thought death was near, so I gave his life to God to worry about because if I were gone, he’d need someone to take care of him. Instantly, my heart slowed and it’s never raced since. And in the end, I was the one who outlived him, the lucky devil.

  “So, yes. I do believe in angels, because mine was there, touching my arm during the worst episode.”

  I looked down at the bed sheet folded over my lap. “Did your angel ever come back?”

  “He’s around, somewhere. But more importantly, I feel the presence of God and there are no accidents, sweetie. You have a very special purpose in life and I’m glad your angel or whoever was there to save you. I don’t know what we’d do without you.” Another tear trailed down her cheek.

  Dread slugged around in my throat, stopping my words. “I’ll never do anything so stupid again,” I finally choked out.

  “That’s a good thing, but you should tell your folks and ask for forgiveness. They love you, Ashlyn, more than you realize.” She gave me a reassuring smile.

  I took a deep breath and nodded. “I know, Gran. I will.”

  She reached over and hugged me tightly. When she let go, it was as if all was forgiven and forgotten. “Can I get you anything? Lunch? I made some of that tortilla soup you like.”

  My tummy rumbled at the thought of food. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

  She looked at me one more time with forgiving eyes before leaving the room. Once she closed the door, my gaze drifted to the window, to the sunlight dancing on the lake.

  37

  FIN

  “What was that all about?” Tatiana demanded, out of breath while throwing a pile of clothes towards me.

  I caught them before they hit the wet ground, but not before Ash’s lingering scent on Tatch’s borrowed clothing seized my chest with longing and guilt. “Nothing. It’s okay.”

  “Okay? I heard her yelling for you to ‘get out’. Did you mind-wipe her afterward?”

  “Not exactly.” I tried to remain nonchalant as I inspected the outfit Tatch got for me. The navy blue Tahoe Fire T-shirt would be fine, but the jeans were definitely too big.

  “What do you mean not exactly?”

  I took a deep breath and pulled on the jeans. Telling the truth was easier than hiding what happened. Problem was she’d be just as mad as Ash, if not worse. “I can’t.”

  She blinked back at me with confusion, and then her face fell with shock. “NO! You didn’t!”

  I swallowed hard. “It’s not what you think.”

  Tatch’s legs began to wobble. I grabbed her before she fell on the ground and pulled her toward me so our eyes were level with one another. “We have other things to worry about. You need to buy me some shoes.”

  She blinked back wide-eyed, her hands covering her mouth. “You kissed her? You’ve promised yourself to her? ’Cause that can be the only reason why your powers wouldn’t work on her. Tell me!”

  She pounded her free fist into my chest. The confession that I’d kissed Ash wouldn’t come out of my mouth. I looked blankly back. She finally stopped protesting and her eyes glazed over.

  “For the love of the kraken! This is huge, Fin.” She pulled her arms free and folded them over her chest. Then another wave of anger flashed in her eyes. “Why? WHY? We were going to go away to college. Now she’s doomed to join the mermaid world I’m trying to escape. I can’t believe you did this to me. YOU! My own brother!”

  She let out an animalistic groan, threw her hands up, and stormed away from me.

  “Wait, Tatch! It wasn’t like that. I had no intention of promising myself to her. She was drowning. Look at her leg. That happened right before—why she couldn’t swim. I had to give her mouth to mouth or she would have died. That’s why I made the waves. To get to her in time. That’s why I can’t tell anyone what happened. Why the boat was floating free in the bay.”

  She turned around, tears streaming down her cheeks. “You what?”

  “I came to Tahoe to collect rocks for Mr. Gumboot, then I heard her scream. She fell from the boat and sliced open her leg. By the time I got to her, she was already underwater, bleeding to death. I couldn’t let her die.”

  Tatch listened with a frown. The severity of what happened seemed to soften her, but the disappointment still remained visible on her face and rubbed acid into my conflicted soul. “So now what? Are you going to change her too?”

  “She doesn’t remember what happened.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She was unconscious. I’m hoping there’s something we can do to reverse it,” I lied, desperate to earn back her trust, knowing my promise to Ash, something I would fight with everything I had to keep, was irreversible until death.

  Tatiana exploded into cutting laughter. “Really? That’s funny. There’s no cure and you know it. Poseidon!”

  I looked down at the ground, terribly conflicted. Dad would know the best thing to do. But for now, I needed shoes.

  “Can’t we discuss this later?” I asked, pointing to my feet.

  She looked down and grimaced. “Yeah, I guess so,” she said as she sniffled, heading down the lakeside trail towards the strip mall on the pier.

  Since she took the news so hard, I followed in silence, letting her mull things over. I had my own demons to tame. Ashlyn’s angry words wouldn’t stop echoing through my head as I walked, holding my pants with my hand. Going to her house was a bad move; I regretted ever trying to smooth things over. But more importantly, I wanted to tell her the truth.

  “I need a belt,” I finally said.

  “You should have told me before you volunteered to go to her house. That might have been smarter,” she said over her shoulder. “So what did she say when she saw you?”

  I sighed, still noting the hurt in her voice. “I made up a story that Colin had locked me out of the house while I was in the hot tub to explain why I was wearing board shorts. But after a few minutes, she flipped out because she’s been worried about us this entire time. Then she thought we just didn’
t care about her anymore and we were ignoring her.”

  Tatch moaned. “We have to fix this. You have to fix this. I can’t just leave her there, upset without knowing what’s really going on.”

  “Even if she was talking to me, what would I say?”

  Tatch massaged her temples. “I don’t know. This sucks.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  As we came closer to town, I wondered how far I should walk with her. Shoeless and coatless, I stood out like the stripe on the back of a skunk. “I think I should wait here.”

  Tatch turned around. “Really?”

  “Well—” I pointed at my feet again.

  She shrugged. “Right. Shoes and a belt?”

  “And socks too. Oh, and a sweatshirt.”

  I watched her disappear around the corner of the local strip mall and hoped she wouldn’t be long.

  I sat on a nearby granite boulder and turned towards the lake. The sun lit up the water like diamonds as the waves lapped the beach. The air blew across my skin and made me feel alive. The difference between Natatoria and Tahoe showed how unbearable underwater living had been on my psyche. No matter what happened, living there permanently could never be an option for me, or Ash—once she, or rather if she, accepted me and we were finally able to be together.

  At the pier parking, I spotted my Jeep again, parked next to Captain Jack’s. The Empress was about to leave the pier. I could only assume they were collecting or dropping off more mermen for the search. If so, this entire lake would be crawling with mer life soon.

  If only the lake fed into a river that led to the ocean that wasn’t knee deep in places or intersected with dams. We’d have to figure another way to get across the state.

  I waited as the Jeep sat unattended—top down—begging for me to take it away from Colin’s grimy hands. If only I had the key. What’s taking Tatch so long?

  I snuck over for a closer look when Colin came out of the store and got into the driver’s side. I ducked as he pulled the Jeep out and drove past.

  What an idiot! Driving in this weather with the top down?

  My fists curled into a ball, I wanted to punch him in the face for everything. I returned to wait for Tatch and paced to keep my nerves calm.

  “Here ya go!” Tatch threw a bag my way.

  “Dang, what took you so long? I could have stolen the Jeep back.” I pawed through the items inside. She’d gone a little overboard: shoes, socks, a belt, pants and a jacket.

  “The Jeep was here?” She looked over towards Captain Jack’s. “Well, no worries. I figured out another plan.” She fanned out a set of tickets in her hand.

  I looked closer and let out a groan. “The bus?”

  “Yup. We’ll leave tomorrow at seven and get to San Francisco by five. It’s perfect.”

  “Perfect?” I ripped the tags off my new clothes. “If you say so.”

  She smiled. “Once we find Dad, we’ll be able to come back to Tahoe and I’ll smooth everything over with Ash. Then we’ll all go to college and no one will need to turn anyone into a mermaid.”

  “And you’ll stay a mermaid?”

  “Mom said I could go to college.”

  “In Tahoe.”

  “She’ll change her mind once I tell her about the scholarship.”

  I laughed under my breath at her “happily ever after story,” unwilling to argue. “If you say so.”

  “I know so. This is going to work!”

  38

  ASH

  A large pile of school books, notes from each teacher, and a card signed by the entire swim team lay in front of me on the bed, courtesy of Georgia. Mom had suggested I start on my homework but I could barely concentrate to read the mystery novel she’d picked up from the library yesterday. How could I fathom school work?

  “Everyone is asking how you’re doing,” Georgia said while sitting on the nearby chair. Her leg was propped over her knee and bounced to some unheard beat.

  “I’m healing.” Sort of.

  The bitter ache of Fin’s visit and realization I’d lost my best friend kept me on the rocky precipice of tears. All I needed was one good reason and they’d fall from behind the paper thin dam.

  “Well, good because we really need you to come back and swim in the finals.”

  I gulped. Finals. I hadn’t told her I wouldn’t be able to swim at all and even if a miracle happened, I wouldn’t be as fast. Once Florida Atlantic University found out about my injury, I was sure they’d pull my swim scholarship.

  “Where are you going to college?” I asked abruptly, my conversation filter a little off its axis.

  “UCLA. Where else?” She laughed. “How about you?”

  “I don’t know for sure anymore. This accident has changed everything.”

  My somber mood made Georgia unusually antsy. Normally, her upbeat spirit and spunk would lighten any room, but my crappy attitude smothered everything. All I wanted was for her to leave so I could curl up in bed and watch soaps.

  “Did Callahan visit?”

  My stomach clenched. We’d talked a few times on the phone and he asked to come by but I kept making excuses why he couldn’t. I didn’t need anyone else feeling sorry for me, nor did I have the energy to entertain.

  “No. My mom wants me to rest. I think you’re allowed ’cause you were bringing me my homework.”

  “Oh,” she said and chewed on her fingernail. “Did you hear Brooke and Kylie were suspended?”

  “No. Why?”

  “No one knows. Something happened at the dance apparently.”

  “Senior Ball Queen gets suspended. That would make for good school PR.” I faked a smile.

  The dance seemed like ages ago, back when my problems were laughable.

  “It reeks of conspiracy, don’t you think? Remember how everyone reacted when the vote was announced? And the mix up with the tables? Well, maybe they’ll crown someone new.”

  “Better not be me.” I laughed caustically. “I think I’ve had enough attention for the time being. It’s all a huge joke anyway.”

  “Aw,” she said in disappointment, pouting her lip. “It’s not.”

  I swallowed down two more pain pills with some water and pulled the covers up to my chin. “Life is a big pu pu platter for me right now and the last thing I’m worried about is some stupid popularity contest. I’ll be lucky if I can keep up my grades at this rate. My mom thinks I can take pain pills and do homework when I can barely concentrate on a TV show.”

  “I think someone needs a sash and a crown right about now.”

  “Have you been listening to me? I’m going to lose my scholarship. I don’t know when I can go back to school. I’m going to be so far behind, I might not even graduate!”

  Georgia clammed up and pressed her lips together.

  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “Sorry. I’m just super frustrated.”

  “I was just trying to cheer you up.”

  “I know. So what else is going on at school?”

  At the invitation, Georgia shrugged off what I’d just said and prattled on. I lay back into the pillows and listened with half-lidded eyes. The distraction was appreciated, though Fin kept barging into my thoughts. Luckily, the pills started to buffer my physical pain and my emotional ones as well.

  After about a half-hour Mom came into my room and ushered Georgia out. She continued to talk as they walked down the hall, adapting to a new audience. Exhausted, I pushed everything off the bed, closed my eyes, and drifted easily off to sleep.

  : : :

  When I opened my eyes again, the house was quiet. The red numbers on the clock flashed 12:03AM. I turned on the light and lay back, wide awake. A little index card that had been folded in half stood precariously on my nightstand. The words “Dinner is in the fridge. Love, Mom” were scrawled across the front. I warmed at her thoughtfulness, wondering if Dad or Gran had told her the truth yet. An opportunity to mention anything about the boat had eluded me since I’d slept most of the time
when she was home. Once someone did, I knew she’d make me fend for my own food and ground me for life.

  Gingerly, I hobbled to the kitchen as my stomach growled. They’d had their regular pasta night and my mouth watered at the garlicky smell still lingering in the kitchen. I found the plate in the fridge and popped it into the microwave. Within seconds, the steaming hot goodness was ready for devouring.

  The pills were definitely working to my disadvantage as the creepy trees beyond the lit porch played tricks with my mind. My imagination flipped through a sundry of bad guys, like a vampire or a zombie, who could appear and scare the heck out of me.

  I tried to hurry and eat, when I heard a noise. At first it sounded like people talking but quickly escalated into an argument. I stood up and turned off the porch light to get a better look. Even under the full moon, I couldn’t see anyone.

  My adrenaline pulsed as my clammy hand fogged up the glass. Then a girl’s angry voice registered over the other male voices. Could no one hear this? Was this girl in danger on the beach?

  I opened the door and slipped outside to listen better.

  “Get your hands off her!” Fin yelled. His voice temporarily stopped my heart.

  Without a thought, I limped down the path and headed towards the beach.

  “Finley, it’s time to head back. You’re in enough trouble as it is,” a guy said, his voice slightly deeper and huskier.

  “I don’t have to go anywhere with you. We chose to leave Natatoria of our own free will and I have that right,” Fin barked back.

  Natatoria?

  “You’re still underage for a few more months,” another masculine voice said.

  “Get your hands off of me,” Tatiana said plain as day. The smack following made the others laugh.

  I pushed through the pain to walk faster.

  “I like a spunky girl,” the husky voice said. “Take her down.”

  “No!” I yelled as soon as I approached the edge of the shoreline. But I wasn’t prepared for what I’d see.