His Risk

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “Because of the rumors about his past?”

  She nodded. “Jah. Not only was I wary about him being once taken in for questioning by the sheriff, I was uncomfortable about the way he made me feel.”

  “Why was that?”

  “He made me feel different than any other man had before. I thought we were so wrong for each other . . . but I still thought about him all the time. In spite of my best intentions, I would find myself dreaming about being in a relationship. About having a future where I wasn’t alone.”

  “So love happened in spite of yourself.”

  She smiled. “It did. I can’t help but wonder if you are feeling some of the same things.”

  His knee-jerk reaction was that his feelings were completely different. He wasn’t dwelling on love and attraction and hope. He was worried about causing someone to get seriously hurt, abused, or to die. But then he realized that there was a part of him that did feel the things she was speaking about.

  “I’ve been alone for a long time, Neeta.”

  “I know.” Looking sad, she said, “You know what? When one is alone, one doesn’t have to worry about what other people do. There’s a measure of control there that feels comfortable.”

  “I don’t want to be responsible for other people’s pain.”

  “But have you considered that even when you try so hard to carry all your burdens on your own, other people are still affected?”

  “Unintentionally.”

  “Jah. To be sure.” Her eyes widened. “But does that really matter? Pain, whether it was caused intentionally or not, still hurts.”

  “You are right. Right about that. Right about a lot of things, but it doesn’t really change anything.”

  She nodded slowly as she walked over to the coffee pot on the kitchen counter and poured herself a cup, stopping to stare out the window for a moment.

  Calvin watched, thinking as he did that Mark had chosen well. Waneta was the perfect woman for him. She was kind and had a calm, compassionate nature about her that drew him closer. No doubt it was because he’d had so little of that growing up. He’d physically ached for love and affection.

  Still staring out the window, Waneta sipped her coffee. “Calvin, you are welcome to disagree, but as I think of all the events that brought your brother and me together, I can’t help but realize that all of my hoping and planning and hesitation didn’t do any good.”

  “But what choice is there?”

  “First, we could put our troubles in the Lord’s hands. He’s strong enough to carry the burden.”

  “I believe in God, but I don’t know if I’m ready to assume that He is going to watch over my mess and protect the ones I love.” That was a lie, he knew he didn’t believe that. After all, if the Lord was so good and caring, why hadn’t He protected him and Mark when they were little boys?

  “All right, then,” she said, still staring out the window. “How about this? I believe that life and love and hope and pain are going to exist no matter how hard we try to fight them. Just like we don’t cause all the hurt in our life, we can’t prevent it all, either. Not even when we walk on a tightrope across the crevice of our insecurities.”

  Calvin got to his feet. He was slightly taken aback that she had an answer for everything. But he was even more irritated by the way she was staring out the window instead of facing him again.

  “I’m getting the feeling that you are avoiding looking me in the eye. What is so interesting outside?” he snapped.

  “Oh, nothing much. I’m just watching Alice speak with the sheriff.”

  “What?”

  At last she turned around and looked at him. “The sheriff’s SUV is parked right in front of her house. Alice has been speaking with Sheriff Brewer the whole time we’ve been talking.”

  “And you didn’t think to tell me?”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Well, I’m telling you now. And I tried to tell you earlier.”

  “No, you didn’t. You were standing there, offering platitudes.”

  “Nee, Calvin. I was trying to tell you that you can sit on my couch with your hands over your face for as long as you want. But that doesn’t stop the rest of the world from moving along.”

  He opened his mouth. Shut it, and felt like a guppy. Then he went to pull out his boots from their mudroom, sat down, and stuffed his bare feet into them. “You know, I had no idea you were such a know-it-all.”

  She chuckled. “I fear that it came as a surprise to Mark as well. It’s his cross to bear.”

  “I’m going out there to see what happened,” he said unnecessarily. Already every worry that he’d been pondering was jumping around in his brain. He paused, half waiting for her to give him more advice or warn him off.

  But instead, she simply nodded. “I know you need to do that. You care about her.”

  He did. But he was old enough to realize that just because someone cared, it didn’t mean that their concern was a good thing.

  Neeta spoke up again just before he could say something too revealing. “Let me know if I can help you, Calvin.”

  As he walked out, both the sheriff and Alice paused in their conversation to watch him cross the street.

  And that was when Calvin Fisher knew that he shouldn’t have acted so impulsively. He had no idea what he was walking into. He only hoped that he wasn’t about to get arrested.

  Chapter 20

  Saturday, February 24

  Here comes Calvin,” Alice blurted as soon as she saw him walking across the street. His presence was exactly what she needed to get through this horrible moment.

  Sheriff Brewer turned to watch him approach. “I didn’t realize you knew each other.” Looking back at her, he murmured, “Y’all close?”

  His question caught her off guard, both by his interest and the fact that she wasn’t sure if they were actually close or not. “We’re pretty close. He’s becoming a good friend.”

  “Is that right?”

  She was getting so spooked by the sheriff’s tone, she blurted the first thing that came to mind. “Maybe he heard about my schoolhouse and is coming over to check on me.”

  “That would be real thoughtful of him. ’Course I can’t think of how he would know about it already. Can you?”

  Oh no! Had she just made Calvin seem guilty? “Nee. Not at all. I mean, I’m not sure. I mean, I guess we’ll have to ask him.”

  The sheriff narrowed his eyes as he watched Calvin stop to give Valentine a scratch behind her ears. The silly cat was lounging on a rock next to the mailbox. “Yeah. Sure, we can do that. We can ask Calvin if he knows anything at all about the damage done to your school.”

  Sheriff Brewer’s voice was quiet and low-key; his Kentucky drawl softening the consonants should have made her feel more at ease. But, unfortunately, it did just the opposite. Why had she even brought up Calvin now, connecting him with the damage to her school? “Calvin is a good man. I’m sure he’ll tell you if he does.”

  Her pulse fluttered as Calvin neared. She noticed that his expression tightened as he got closer. It was obvious that he’d heard the last of her words. “What will I tell you?”

  She hated how defensive he sounded. She knew he was scared, though. Of what, she wasn’t certain. She didn’t think he was afraid the sheriff was going to arrest him. But if not, she had no idea what could be on his mind.

  He was definitely afraid of something. Really afraid. “Calvin, have you ever met Sheriff Brewer?”

  He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Yeah. We’ve met. Is everything all right?”

  Sheriff Brewer glanced her way. “I hope so. I stopped by to speak to Alice here about some damage that happened to her school building.”

  Everything in Calvin’s body language changed. Much of the guarded expression on his face disappeared as he stepped closer to her. “Why? What happened?”

  “Looks like someone broke down the front door and pulled things down from the walls.” The sheriff shifted. Rolled his shoulders
. It was obvious, to Alice at least, that he was attempting to sound offhand. “Looks like it happened last night.”

  “Someone messed up a nursery school?” His expression was incredulous. “Who would want to do such a thing?”

  “That’s what I’m trying to find out,” Sheriff Brewer said. “It’s kind of an odd place for vandals to target.”

  While Calvin seemed to need another moment to digest that information, Alice spoke quickly. “There isn’t anything of value inside. Well, not beyond everything that I made.” As she began to mentally catalog all those things—the animal shapes out of cardboard and construction paper, the pretty calendar that her father had helped her make out of old plywood, the magnets, and the letters—it felt crushing. All of those things were personal and had taken a lot of care.

  Was any of it left?

  To her surprise, Calvin pressed a hand on the center of her back. “I’ll go over there and work on that door.”

  “You will?”

  A fiery, almost hurt expression burned in his eyes. “Of course I will. Did you really think I wouldn’t help you?”

  Immediately she felt warmer. Though, whether it was from embarrassment or happiness, she wasn’t sure. “I didn’t want to assume.”

  “I’m going to help you as much as I can.”

  “But your brother . . . I don’t want to interfere.”

  “Mark’s sleeping most of the time. He’ll be all right.”

  “I was just asking Alice if she knew of anyone who might have done such a thing,” Sheriff Brewer said. “Can you think of anyone?”

  Calvin’s expression tensed again before he relaxed. “No. I haven’t lived here in years. I don’t really know anyone around here anymore.” Rubbing her back gently, he said, “I really don’t know anyone who would want to damage a preschool.”

  Sheriff Brewer nodded, as if he’d thought the same thing. “If you discover anything odd when you’re cleaning up, let us know, Alice. Otherwise, I’ll swing by the school in a couple of days to check on you.”

  Feeling like the sheriff was taking note that Calvin’s hand was still resting on her back—and maybe remembering the way she’d told the sheriff they were pretty close—Alice felt her neck warm. “That’s mighty kind of you, Sheriff Brewer. Thank you for stopping by.”

  He smiled as he tipped his hat. “It’s my job.” Darting a look Calvin’s way, he said, “Give me a call if you can think of anyone who could be responsible.”

  “Will do,” Calvin said.

  “All right, then. I’ll be in touch,” Sheriff Brewer said as he strode to his vehicle.

  Still taking comfort in Calvin’s presence, Alice watched the sheriff start his SUV, speak into his radio, and drive off.

  Then the reality of what had happened hit her hard. Someone had broken into her little school. The place that she’d worked so hard to make into a happy, nurturing space for her tiny scholars. Now it was tainted. Feeling almost violated, she fisted her hands so she wouldn’t burst into tears.

  As the SUV disappeared from view, Calvin shifted his arm to curve it around her shoulders. Alice knew she should step away. His touch was far too familiar, both for their strained relationship and because of the fact that they were standing outside for the rest of the neighborhood to see.

  But she wasn’t strong enough to care about all of that. All she did care about was that she wasn’t standing by herself, wondering how she was going to have to go ask her parents for help.

  She bit her lip. But of course she was going to have to speak to them. And her brother John, too. If she didn’t, they would soon hear that the sheriff came to her house, and immediately assume that she was hurt or injured.

  “What do you want to do first?”

  Leaning closer, she rested her cheek on his chest. “You were speaking the truth? You really will help me?”

  “Of course. I wouldn’t have lied to you about that. When do you want to leave?”

  Something blossomed inside her. It felt warm and comfortable, like she’d just donned a warm sweater. That was what Calvin’s friendship was becoming, she realized. Comfortable and comforting. Something she was starting to think that she could reach for and feel better.

  Realizing that he was still waiting for her response, she pulled away and gathered her thoughts. “I can be ready as soon as I gather my purse and my keys.”

  “Let’s drive over in my truck. That way if we need to run to the hardware store for supplies we can.”

  “I need to visit with my parents and my brother John sometime today, too.”

  His expression turned carefully blank. “Why is that?”

  “They’ll have heard about the sheriff’s visit. I need to give them an explanation before they make up their own.”

  “All right. We’ll go to the school for a couple of hours. Then I can drop you off on the way home.”

  She knew what he was trying to do. He wanted to avoid her family. Not because he didn’t like them, but because he didn’t know if she would want him there. Alice decided to ease his mind by injecting a bit of humor. “Oh, no, you won’t. You’re coming with me, and there’s no getting out of it, either.”

  “You sure about this?”

  “I’m sure.”

  He gestured to himself. “They’re probably not going to like that you’ve been hanging out with me.”

  “After I tell them how helpful you’ve been, they’re going to want to thank you.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I ain’t so sure about that.”

  Obviously, it was time to pull out all the stops. “It’s going to be hard for me to tell them about the damage. I know I’ll feel better if you are there. Please, Calvin?”

  Twin spots of color appeared in his cheeks. Alice wondered if this was the first time in his life that he’d blushed. He stepped awkwardly to one side, then nodded. “I’ll go get ready, too, and meet you in ten minutes.”

  “And I’ll be ready, Calvin. I’ll be standing here, waiting for you.”

  He didn’t say a word, just turned and walked back across the street.

  But as Alice went inside and got her things together, she realized that her mood was light and she was actually optimistic. She wasn’t going to have to face the vandalism of the school all by herself. She wasn’t going to have to worry about fixing the school’s door on her own, she wasn’t going to have to face the mess or her parents by herself.

  Calvin Fisher was going to be with her. And no matter what happened, he wouldn’t let anyone get the upper hand or run roughshod over her. He really had become her warm sweater.

  Chapter 21

  Saturday, February 24

  Alice had hoped and prayed the whole time they were riding over that the damage to her classroom wasn’t as bad as she feared. But the moment they walked toward the front steps, Alice knew she’d made a mistake in her prayers.

  It wasn’t as bad as she’d feared.

  It was a whole lot worse.

  Even Calvin seemed surprised. His footsteps had slowed as she was pointing out the yellow crime scene tape across the doorframe. Then they went up onto the porch and stopped—stood together, silently staring into the classroom.

  It was obvious to Alice that Calvin was trying to gather his composure so he didn’t frighten her any further.

  But he needn’t have worried. She didn’t think that there was anything he could utter or accidentally say to make things worse. She was devastated.

  When he finally did speak, his voice was strained. “I’m really sorry,” he said at last. “To tell you the truth, I didn’t think things were going to look this bad.”

  “I didn’t think so, either.” Wiping stray tears that had filled her eyes, she swallowed hard. “I don’t know who would do this.”

  “I don’t know either, but I’ll figure out who did,” he said, his voice hard. “I promise you that.”

  Alice had always believed in turning the other cheek and trying to look on the positive side of things. Actually, she r
elied on her beliefs when she taught her tiny scholars. How could she think otherwise?

  But as she stood on the porch looking into her classroom through the taped-off door, seeing the picture books ripped, the pictures torn off the wall, the toys and easels broken, she secretly hoped that Calvin would find the person who had done all the damage. She wanted to yell at them. And, secretly, maybe she wanted Calvin to punish them, too.

  As terrible images flooded her head, she whimpered. What was wrong with her? Reaching out, she rested her hand on the doorframe.

  “Alice?”

  “I’m all right, Calvin. Just a little dizzy.”

  “Of course you are.” Before she could say a word, he swung her up into his arms. Her hands flew in the air before looping around his neck.

  He pulled her a little closer, making her feel cared for. Almost better. Which was disconcerting, too.

  “Calvin, you need to put me down.”

  “I will. But we’re going to sit down,” he said as he turned from the door and carried her back to the porch steps.

  She held on tight, trying not to contemplate just how pleased she was to be in his arms. She felt safe and protected. She felt like she wasn’t part of a half anymore. Almost like she was now part of a whole.

  After they turned away from the door and got to the top step of the porch, both of them breathed deep. The cool air felt fresh and untainted. Cleansing.

  “I’m going to put you down now,” he murmured as his actions followed suit.

  With care, he slowly released her legs, then lowered her. After another couple of seconds, he released his arms. Alice found herself having to remind herself to let go, too.

  But he was still acting as attentive as a sweetheart might. Holding her elbow, he bent forward slightly in order to peer into her eyes. “Better? Or do you still feel dizzy?”

  “I’m better.” She breathed in and out again, slowly taking stock of how her body was reacting. Her shakiness was done. Her world had stopped moving. The numbness she had felt in her fingers and toes had subsided. “I feel much better. Sorry about that.”

  “You don’t have a thing to be sorry for. Anyone would have been upset.”