Summer on Lovers' Island

by Donna Alward

  “He has to be willing to listen,” Lizzie said. “I’m not blameless. I sent him mixed signals all summer. I got scared after we slept together and came up with those stupid rules and basically told him it was a friends with benefits thing.”

  “Josh isn’t an FWB type.”

  “Exactly. And I told him I didn’t have anything more to offer. I still thought I’d be leaving to go back to Springfield. God, what a mess I am.”

  “Then take time and figure it out. Find your joy, Liz. You’ve gone cliff diving and bungee jumping and zip lining and Lord knows what else. Be just as fearless with your life. Take a chance. Find what you want to do and step off the edge into the unknown. Go after what makes you happy and the rest will fall into place.”

  “That’s good advice.” She smiled at Charlie. “You know you’re my sister from another mother, right?”

  “Of course I am. Which is why this baby here is going to call you ‘Auntie Liz.’”

  “I can’t wait to meet him or her.”

  “Her,” Charlie whispered. “I wasn’t supposed to know, but I saw the sonogram results. We’re having a girl.”

  It was so damned perfect that Lizzie nearly started crying again.

  Charlie’s eyes misted over, too. “Do you want to stay over, Liz? You can have the spare room. We can stay up and drink hot cocoa and talk, like we used to do.”

  She nodded. “I’d like that a lot.”

  The evening was cooling, so they got up and went inside where it was warm. Dave had washed the dishes and hung the tea towel on the oven door handle. He was sitting in front of the television, watching a baseball game and putting together what looked to be a mobile for the baby’s room.

  “You’re sure I’m not intruding?”

  “Don’t be silly. Of course not.”

  Charlie gave Lizzie something to sleep in and before long they were ensconced in Lizzie’s room with mugs of hot chocolate and a plate of cookies and a stern admonishment from Charlie to not worry about crumbs. They talked and laughed and Lizzie felt the baby move and they cried a little for things they’d lost and those they’d gained, too. And when the moon rose, Charlie fell asleep instead of going to her own bed with her husband and Lizzie crawled beneath the covers and watched her best friend, her heart mostly full.

  But there was still one empty space. And Lizzie suspected it was Josh-sized. She wasn’t sure what to do with it. The only thing she knew for sure was that she had to keep moving forward.

  CHAPTER 21

  The storm had been named Nancy and by Friday afternoon Florida and the Carolinas were starting to feel the effects.

  In Jewell Cove, the day was sunny and warm, slightly muggier than usual thanks to the tropical air pushing north. At first glance it seemed ridiculous that a huge weather event was on its way. But the sea was already sending a warning, rougher than normal, and boats were being either taken out of the water or secured as much as possible. The public beach was closed and hurricane warning flags whipped in the breeze. Not a sharp, stormy wind, but an ominous hush of chaos to come.

  Lizzie had experienced big storms before, but never right on the coast. Even with the wind and waves, she stood on her back deck on Friday afternoon and got the strange sensation that the atmosphere was holding its breath. Nancy was a Category 2 storm but expected to be downgraded to a Cat 1 by the time it reached landfall in Maine, then onward to a direct hit on the Fundy coast in New Brunswick and Nova Scotia. Everyone said it was going to get wild.

  They’d closed the clinic to walk-in hours for the afternoon, and Lizzie had gone home to look after storm prep. The deck looked bare with the two small planters she’d bought and the small table and chairs set sitting in the living room. The barbecue she’d moved to a sheltered corner and secured to the deck railing with bungee cords pulled tight.

  She didn’t have a generator, though Tom had offered to bring a small one by so she could run lights and water. She’d told him to keep it in case someone needed it in an emergency. Instead she checked the batteries in her flashlights, charged her phone, had a bath, and then filled the tub again with water.

  At eleven thirty she closed her book and gave the forecast one last check and unease settled in her stomach. She’d thought she’d be okay, but now the idea of waiting out the storm all by herself made her nervous. She thought about calling Charlie and seeing if she could stay there, but it was so late she was sure Charlie and Dave were asleep. She’d just wait to see what morning held. If it wasn’t too bad, maybe she’d lock up the cottage and head over.

  Light rain started around four. Lizzie heard it and tried to go back to sleep, but it was no use. By six the wind picked up and Lizzie got out of bed and stood at the patio doors, watching the water. It was gray and harsh with angry whitecaps. The leaves on the trees tossed and snapped, but Lizzie knew that this was only the beginning. It would get much worse before it finally pushed through.

  She made a cup of coffee and cooked eggs and toast while she still had power. And it was a good thing, because she’d just run the water in the sink to clean up her mess when there was a flicker, then a second flicker, and then nothing.

  She sighed, washed her plate and pan, and went to the bedroom to get dressed.

  She was just coming out when there was a pounding on the front door. It took her all of five seconds to get there and open it, but in that short amount of time Josh was soaked. He wore a slicker and boots and she stepped aside, letting him in out of the weather. “It’s seven o’clock, you lunatic!”

  It was a silly thing to say, but the truth was she was so glad to see him it was ridiculous. They’d barely spoken since that night in his driveway.

  “Hello to you, too. Your power out?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, about fifteen minutes ago. What are you doing out here?”

  His gaze locked with hers. “I suppose I’m an idiot. But I was worried about you out here alone. Wanted to make sure you’d battened down the hatches and had everything you need. Wasn’t sure you’d been through one of these before.”

  She was touched. She didn’t want to be, but she was, particularly after the way they’d left things. “I’m fine, Josh, but I appreciate you coming by. I even had coffee before the power went out.” She smiled at him. Despite all the hard feelings and yes, even the heartache, she didn’t want things to be nasty between them. She cared about him, probably too much. Enough that it made her heart hurt to see him. Lizzie, who always kept perspective when it came to relationships and matters of the heart, had broken the number-one rule: the opt-out. She couldn’t opt out now. It wasn’t a matter of being together or not. He’d found a place in her heart and he was there to stay.

  Damn.

  “Did Tom bring by a generator?”

  “Hmmm? Oh no. I told him to save it. If the storm is as bad as they say, there could be others who need it a lot worse than me, you know?”

  “That’s good of you.”

  “I’ve occasionally rethought that position. Particularly when the wind started to come up.”

  As if to answer her comment, a gust rattled the house, making her jump.

  His jacket dripped onto the floor. “You want to come in for a bit?” she asked. “Not like there’s anything to do, but I can offer you some still-warm coffee. The pot’s probably still hot.”

  “I’ll take it.”

  “Hang your jacket up to dry, then.”

  She poured them each a cup as he took off his jacket, and they went into the cramped living room. The storm raged outside the windows as they each sat on an end of the sofa and sipped. “You did some prep. Good thing. Your patio stuff would have been in the bay later today if you hadn’t.”

  “The barbecue’s lashed to the railings and the tub’s full of water. I figure I can live on protein bars for a while if I have to.”

  “It seems kind of isolated out here, though, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah. I didn’t count on that.” She took another drink; the coffee was cooling rapidly.
“Did you really come out here to check up on me?”

  He nodded. “I’ve got a couple of jugs of water and some oil lamps out in the truck. If the power stays off a long time, it’s good to have some light.” He shrugged. “At least it’s not a winter nor’easter, where you have to worry about heat and pipes freezing and getting snowed in.”

  She wasn’t so sure. Being snowed in … particularly with Josh … held a certain allure. He’d shut her down the other night. But her feelings hadn’t been shut off so easily.

  “It was nice of you, Josh, considering. I know you’re not happy with me right now.”

  He was quiet for a few moments. “It’s not you I’m not happy with. It’s me. I like to pretend that everything is in the past and it doesn’t affect me anymore, but clearly it does.”

  “It’s understandable,” she replied.

  “No, it’s not. I snapped at you and then I went out and made an ass of myself. Some pillar of the community, huh?”

  She straightened her spine. “So what? You’re human.” She shrugged. “Know what, Josh? It can be hard living up to such a stellar example. Believe me, I know. Sometimes it’s nice to know that ‘perfect’ people mess up once in a while. I don’t think one transgression will tarnish your reputation too badly.”

  She took a sip of coffee and sent him a wry look. “Besides, all you have to do is pop one of those dimples at the little old ladies and you’re back in their good graces. Mention that your bender was over a woman and you’ll get all the ‘poor Joshes’ you can handle.”

  “Don’t even,” he remarked. A little of the tension between them eased, but not all. The last words they’d really spoken—other than necessary updates at work, which they tried to avoid—had been filled with anger and resentment.

  “Lizzie,” he said quietly, so quietly she wasn’t sure he’d spoken at all. The storm was spooling up now, the trees bending in the wind and spray from the cove misting the windows. It was funny how she’d never noticed the everyday hum of electricity before, but in the absence of it the air felt empty and expectant, punctuated by gusts that made the little house tremble.

  She looked over at him.

  “Liz, the other night … I was angry. And maybe a little scared. I think you came to explain and I didn’t give you a chance. All I could see was the past repeating itself. You told me the score from the beginning. I was the one who tried to change the rules.”

  Oh God. He really had no idea how she felt. “Oh, Josh,” she said as a strange relief filled her. “I guess it’s not surprising that you feel that way. I did a good job fooling both of us with those damned rules.”

  “Both of us?”

  She put her mug down on the coffee table, turned on the sofa, and tucked her leg beneath her. “Yes, both of us. I was scared, too. I’m still scared. Those rules, they were my way of trying to protect myself.”

  “From getting hurt.”

  “In a way, yes. That night at your house, I came to tell you that I’d seen Ian. I wanted you to hear it from me and not anyone else. But then Sarah saw us—she’s the one who told you, right?”

  “It wasn’t her fault. She just worries about me. Obsessively.” He rolled his eyes. “I know she just doesn’t want to see me hurt again. She was there when I was at my worst after Erin died. She saw it all. I understand it, even if her meddling drives me crazy.”

  “And she told you I’d had breakfast with Ian.”

  “And that you looked cozy. And that you’d made a point of saying he’d stayed at the inn.”

  “He did stay at the inn.” She held Josh’s gaze steadily. “He came to see me, acted as if the last four months hadn’t happened. I couldn’t believe it. The gall, you know? He offered me my job back. And the girlfriend position, too, which is quite hysterical when I think about it. As if. So I told him I needed to think and I sent him to the inn and we made plans to meet for breakfast. I don’t want Ian. I haven’t for some time and I was never in love with him. He just … checked what I thought were the right boxes. And so did my job. They—both of them—were what I thought I was supposed to do. Mostly to live up to my dad’s legacy. When Ian left the café that day, I’d turned down both positions. That’s what I was coming to tell you.”

  His lips had dropped open. “You’re not going back to Springfield?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t fit there anymore. I need to find my own place and make my own way rather than trying to be Dr. Howard Junior. Does that make sense?”

  “Yes,” he said, “it does. I’m sorry I bit your head off.”

  “I wanted to tell you, but you didn’t want to hear it. And you wouldn’t have believed me. I understand why, Josh. I know you came second with Erin and how that made you feel. I know that sometimes I remind you of her and that hurts.”

  “You were honest with me, Liz. Always, even when I didn’t want to hear it.”

  She was so relieved they were talking again. She’d missed that so much. “Josh, you deserve to be first in someone’s life. And that won’t happen until you believe that it can be true. I don’t know how you’re going to find your way to trusting again, but I hope you do.”

  “I know you’re right. I knew it the other night, too. I felt so shitty about how I treated you that I figured I’d fix everything with some rye and Coke. And then a few more and the next thing I knew I was cursing all women and they called Bryce to come get me and take me home.”

  Her heart softened even more. “I’ll stay until you can find someone else. I want to spend some time with Charlie anyway. And if we can find a way to getting along, to … being friends, maybe, I could stay until the maternity leave is over. I need to figure out what to do next anyway. Where I want to work, and if that means being close to my mom or moving her somewhere else to be near me. I don’t like being hours away from her now. I need her close by. And she needs me for whatever time she has left.”

  “Stay,” he said softly. “We’ll make it work.”

  And then their gazes held and that damnable chemistry flared to life again. Only it was something more. Not just attraction but something bigger. Fuller. Something scary and amazing and it didn’t take words or actions. It was just there between them, holding them both captive. It wasn’t staying because they could be civil. It was stay. With me. She didn’t need to hear the words to know it was true.

  She’d gone and fallen for him. It had happened by degrees all summer, she admitted to herself, with first the stargazing, then crying on his shoulder, the kisses, swimming, making love … all of it. But the thing that toppled her over the edge was right now, sitting in the middle of a hurricane, Mother Nature throwing a tantrum outside while inside he quietly apologized and asked Lizzie to forgive him.

  “Josh,” she whispered, twisting her fingers together. “I need to apologize, too. For those stupid rules I asked you to agree to, for being so difficult and sending so many mixed signals.”

  “It’s okay. I knew all along you were going through a lot.”

  “I was lying to myself, acting like we didn’t matter. That it was just a fling. What you said on the island that day wasn’t just about you. You said you weren’t built to do friends with benefits. And the thing is, I am. Or rather, I was. It never presented a big problem, until this summer. Until you, Josh. I couldn’t separate my feelings anymore, and that scared me to death. So I kept putting up walls. Making rules. And then I kept breaking them.”

  “Scared,” he repeated, and she nodded slowly.

  “Scared. Of my feelings for you. Of falling for you when doing so would mess up all my careful plans. Scared of letting you in and then—”

  She looked down as her eyes suddenly began to sting. “Scared of letting myself love you only to lose you later. I don’t know how much more loss I can stand this year. I lost my confidence, and I lost my dad, and I’m losing my mom by degrees. My heart is not an infinite resource, you know?”

  She blinked hard, willing the stinging to go away.

  And then he p
ut a finger beneath her chin, raising it so she was looking at him again.

  “You used the word ‘love.’”

  “I know. And it scares me shitless.”

  He laughed suddenly, an emotion-packed sound that reached in and grabbed her heart.

  “If it helps, I’m as scared as you are.”

  She smiled at him. “It does, actually.”

  “Then will you come over here and kiss me?”

  She slid across the sofa until she was next to him. Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it in her ears, and her stomach was a mess of nerves, but the most delicious kind. She raised her hand, placed it along his cheek, feeling the rough stubble there. He closed his eyes as she moved her fingertips, and she traced a fingernail over his bottom lip.

  It was soft and she rose up on her knee and leaned in the last bit of the way to put her mouth on his.

  The kiss was tender, sweet, unrushed. It was a get-to-know-you kiss and a welcome-back kiss and a starting-over kiss all wrapped up in one. Josh lifted his arm and circled it around her, pulling her down against his chest, and she lay on top of him, feeling like they had all the time in the world.

  His hand slid beneath her sweatshirt and grazed the soft skin of her waist, up over her ribs, making her arch toward him a little more, seeking his touch. But then it went away again and his hand curled around her neck, shifting her slightly until the kiss was broken and their foreheads were pressed together.

  “Liz,” he said. “Are you saying that you want to stay in Jewell Cove?”

  She swallowed. “I don’t know. Let’s just take one thing at a time, okay?” She smiled against his lips. “I’ve spent years planning every aspect of my career. I think I’d like to wing it for a while. Live in the moment. Enjoy what’s right in front of me.”

  They were kissing again when there was a sharp crack and a crash. They jumped off the couch, startled by the loud noise, and Lizzie rushed to the window to look outside.

  “It’s not out back,” she said. “And the grill is still on the deck.”