The Feeling of Forever

by Jamie Howard

  Nothing in the world made my mood nosedive faster than someone making a snap judgment of someone based on their appearance. I’d seen it happen a million times with my sister—the flat-out stares on her bad days, the sideways glances on even her best ones—and at least as many times with myself. Blond? Well, I must be stupid. Willing to do partial nudity in a movie? Well, I must be a slut. Guy in a wheelchair? Well, obviously, that made him less attractive.

  What. Bullshit.

  Nothing, and I meant nothing, could detract from the extreme level of hotness that was Felix Donovan. He was too busy shrugging off the makeup artist and scowling at the photographer to see me coming, so I had more than enough time to stare my fill.

  You know those people who photograph really well, but then you meet them in person and they don’t even look like themselves in the worst way? Yeah, he wasn’t one of those people. From his sharp cheekbones to his strong jaw and those ice blue eyes, his face practically screamed, Make way! I’m sailing up this fjord so I can pillage your settlement.

  I bit back a laugh. Felix Donovan could pillage my settlement any day of the year. Chair or no chair.

  It wasn’t until I was right in front of him that his eyes snapped up to mine. They went wide for a second, and the nervous tapping of his long fingers on the armrest froze. I watched as every visible muscle in his body tensed like someone had just yanked out Medusa’s head and he was slowly petrifying.

  “Hey, I just wanted to come over and introduce myself. I’m Juliet St. Clair.” I held out my hand, helpless to stop the smile that was trying to overtake my face.

  His Adam’s apple bobbed, and he leaned forward slightly, sticking out his hand. “Felix Donovan.”

  My hand was practically swallowed up by his, the calluses on his fingertips grazing my soft skin. His gaze was still wary, his lips neither committing to a smile nor a frown. “I’m a really big fan, actually.”

  He dropped his hand back to his knee. “Really?”

  “Yeah. I mean, At The End was great, but this new one, All Our Tomorrows? It’s something else.”

  He ran a hand through the long strands of his blond hair, making the curve of his biceps bulge underneath the sleeve of his white T-shirt. “Well, it’s always nice to meet a fan. I’m more than happy to give you an autograph if you want one.”

  The teasing note in his voice hinted at the fact he was joking rather than just being an obnoxious ass. With a smirk, I settled one hand on my hip and cocked an eyebrow at him. “Is this the part where I’m supposed to shove my boobs in your face so you can scrawl on me with a Sharpie?”

  A smile ghosted across his face, teasing the corners of his lips before disappearing entirely. He cleared his throat. “Do you, uh, think this is going to take long?”

  I glanced behind me, my gaze flitting over the studio lighting, the black wires that snaked across the floor, and the big white backdrop. “It shouldn’t. Assuming we don’t run into any snags.”

  “Snags?”

  “It really depends on us and how fast we can nail the shot. Have you done this kind of thing before?”

  “Once.” His hands were back to beating a rhythm against his jeans. “For Rolling Stone.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” I gestured with my chin toward our photographer. “Have you met Javi?”

  As we both turned to look at him, Javi threw his hands up in the air. “¡Arruinado!” All five-feet-two inches of him seemed to swell with indignation, and he unleashed a rapid stream of Spanish on his assistant. Ben took a step toward him, but Javi shot up a hand, his head shaking so fast that any minute now it was going to detach from his spine. “No, you have done enough,” he said in heavily accented English, before stomping away.

  Felix sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah, he’s definitely not going to ask me to autograph his tits anytime soon.”

  Chapter 4: Felix

  I was stuck in the seventh circle of hell. My jaw ached from forcing my cheeks into a smile and with every new pose they made us try, my mood soured. This was a fucking disaster.

  As Javi let out the bajillionth huff of the day and stomped over to his assistant, Juliet tapped me on the shoulder. “You hanging in there?”

  I shrugged, not quite meeting her eyes. If it wasn’t bad enough that my skin was practically crawling from having everyone stare at me for the last several hours, this nightmare also had to feature one of the most insanely attractive women on the goddamn planet. And sure, Sexiest Woman and all that, but Jesus Christ, Juliet St. Clair was like a goddess sundae with sweet-as-sin sprinkles and sexy sauce drizzled on top. She was the kind of woman that even the old me wouldn’t have stood a chance with. Which made this tiny whisper of futile attraction that’d taken root in my chest all the more ridiculous.

  She’s only being nice. Obviously she just feels sorry for you.

  I shook that utterly depressing thought from my head. “Maybe they got something good this time?” Based on Javi’s expression—hello, storm cloud—I was guessing not.

  Juliet crinkled her nose, which made her look like a freaking adorable little bunny. “Somehow I don’t think so.” With a sigh, she ran a hand over my arm and squeezed. “You just need to relax a little. Right now, you look so . . .”

  Her fingers tapped against my skin and every pulse felt like an electric shock straight to my heart. My voice sounded like it was coated in gravel when I squeezed out, “Fierce?”

  She laughed and dropped her hand back in her lap. “Actually, I was going to say constipated.”

  I choked on something—air, spit, my dignity—and my cheeks instantly flamed. For fuck’s sake, what was the matter with me?

  “Seriously.” She bumped me with her shoulder. “Just pretend that no one else is here. Imagine it’s just the two of us.”

  Jesus. I had absolutely no problem imagining plenty of things with “just the two of us.” Dirty, naked things. In fact, this was hardly the first time Juliet had starred in one of my private fantasies. She was in this movie a few years ago and—

  “Felix?”

  The room snapped back into focus around me. “Uh, yeah?”

  A tiny smile peeked out from the corner of her mouth. “I said, ‘does that help at all?’”

  “Yeah, definitely. Of course.” I nodded enthusiastically at her and gave her a thumbs-up. A thumbs-up. God, I needed to get out of here. “Thanks.”

  The smile on her face slipped a little as she glanced over my shoulder. A little V worked its way into her forehead. I was already biting back a groan when my gaze collided with the sight of two tall wooden stools being manhandled toward us.

  Seriously, stools? My fingers bit into the seat of my chair so hard I thought the wood grain might be tattooed on my fingers. They were joking, right? My mind tried to process the logistics of it, but no matter which way I sliced and diced it, there was no way I was getting on that stool without making a complete ass of myself.

  I ground my teeth together. No way. No fucking way. I’d been poked and prodded, I’d smiled like a good little boy at the camera, I’d even given in and let them put makeup on me. But enough was enough. I opened my mouth to tell Ben we were done, but instead I heard Juliet’s voice cutting me off.

  “That’s not happening.” Her face transformed, morphing into the perfect image of a spoiled, snooty starlet. Changing into what I’d been expecting when I came here this morning, and she’d completely blindsided me by being an A+ human being. I gaped at her as she strode across the room, leveling a finger at Javi. “We’ve already tried not one, but two sets of chairs, and obviously that didn’t work. Think of something else, and do it fast. I’ve got somewhere to be tonight.”

  Walking right past him, she dipped her head to whisper in her assistant’s ear, accepting a bottle of water. She took a swig, then turned back toward me. Behind Javi’s back she grinned at me and shot me a thumbs-up of her own.

  Juliet squirmed against me, her shoulder blades digging into my back. She sighed. “Y
ou’re still not relaxed. I can actually feel how tense you are.”

  I stared glumly down at my legs as they sprawled across the floor in front of me. Did they look natural? I grabbed a fold in my jeans and readjusted my right leg again. Should I bend one of them? Glancing behind me, I tried to take a peek at Juliet’s pose, but it was hard since we were sitting back-to-back. Her head was resting against my shoulder, so when I turned she tilted her chin up to meet my gaze. From the magazines and movies, I’d always thought her eyes were blue, but they weren’t. Up close, they were unmistakably green.

  Click.

  Her eyes crinkled. “Would you rather cross the desert in a snowsuit or build an igloo in Antarctica naked?”

  “What?”

  She lifted her eyebrows at me. “You heard me.”

  I shifted my weight onto my left hand so I could run my other through my hair. “The desert. At least then I wouldn’t have any of my parts falling off from frostbite.”

  “Hmmm.” The sound of it vibrated against my skin. “I think you’re right. Barring dehydration and heat stroke, it’s probably the best option.” She elbowed me. “Your turn.”

  “Fine, ummm . . .” I wracked my brain. “Would you rather go without your phone for a month or your TV?”

  “My phone, definitely. I barely know where that thing is half the time. You?”

  “Phone. Anyone I need to talk to I can do it in person.”

  Click, click.

  “Okay, I’ve got a good one.” She waited until I was looking at her again, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth. “You ready?”

  “Bring it on.”

  “Would you rather sit through this shoot again or sing ‘Baby Got Back’ while wearing a giant pink bunny costume in the middle of Times Square?”

  I burst out laughing.

  Click, click, click.

  She elbowed me. “That isn’t an answer.”

  I sucked in a deep breath, a comfortable smile settling easily on my face. Tilting my head down so my chin rested on my shoulder, I watched her watching me. Her eyes were sparkling with humor and a satisfied smirk quirked the corners of her lips. For one long second I stared at them, imagining what they might feel like pressed up against mine. Wondering what kind of noise she might make if I sucked her wide lower lip between my teeth.

  “The shoot.” I ran my tongue out over my dry lips, reminding myself to breathe. “I’d do the shoot again.”

  Click, click, click, click.

  Her eyes widened, with surprise maybe or possibly something else. “Good choice.”

  “Gracias a Dios.” Javi clapped his hands together, jerking my gaze to him. “We got it. Finally.” His face lost some of its glee, and his shoulders slumped. “Just a few single shots, Felix, and we can call it a day.”

  AKA I was never getting out of here. Awesome.

  Juliet pushed to her feet and stretched. Her eyes scanned around us. “Do you need me to—”

  “Felix.” Ben parked my wheelchair next to me, flipping on the brakes. “Javi said you can take a quick break.”

  I glanced from the chair back to Juliet. I didn’t want her to see this—how awkward I looked doing even the simplest things. But I didn’t want her to leave. Not yet. “I—”

  “Jules!” Her assistant rocked up onto her toes and waved at her. She already had her jacket on and was pointing to the imaginary watch on her wrist.

  She hesitated for a moment but then strode in her direction, long confident strides even in those ridiculous heels. With a sigh, I transferred into my chair, then backed it up a little so I could look comfortably at Ben. “Think they’d notice if we snuck out of here?”

  An insta-scowl appeared on his face. “Don’t start.”

  “What? They’ve gotta have like a thousand pictures of me. They can just crop Juliet out and voilà!”

  “Felix.” That one word was dripping with irritation. I swore, this guy was so serious, an actual full-blown smile might crack his face.

  “Relax, Dad.” I rolled my eyes at him, my gaze sifting through the crowd and landing on Juliet. She was impossible to miss, the bright red of her coat like a beacon. I didn’t want to watch her walk out that door without saying thank you or good-bye or something. “I’ll be right back.”

  I could feel Ben’s eyes on me as I coasted over to her, drilling holes in my back. As I drew near, the assistant passed over a thick stack of mail held together by a rubber band. Up close, the two looked like they could be sisters—same hair coloring and cut, same skin tone and body shape. For all I knew maybe they actually were related.

  “Before I forget,” the assistant said. “This was waiting for me at the apartment. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities to look through it in all your free time.”

  Juliet tucked it under her arm. “You heading back to Jersey tonight?”

  “It’s either that or have my mother hound me every day on the phone.”

  “Smart move.” She laughed, her expression warming as she caught sight of me. “Give me one second and I’ll meet you at the car.”

  “What?” Her eyes slammed into mine, and a big-ass fake smile instantly appeared on her face. Her gaze kept slipping down to my chair and, as if to compensate, she stretched her lips even wider. “Sure, Jules. I’ll meet you outside.” She gave me a quick nod and hurried by.

  And then it was just the two of us again.

  This was the point where I was supposed to say something.

  Juliet shifted her pile of mail from one arm to the other, adjusting her purse, waiting.

  I ran a hand through my hair, trying to figure out what the hell I was doing. I had the urge, the absolutely insane urge, to ask if she wanted to have dinner sometime. Or lunch. I’d even settle for coffee. The words were there, sitting patiently on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t do it. This was Juliet St. Clair, for Christ’s sake. The only place I’d be seeing her again was in my dreams. I swallowed down the question and it settled heavily in my stomach, like a lead ball of regret.

  I blew out a breath. “I just wanted to say thanks, for today. I’m pretty sure we would have been here all night if it wasn’t for you.”

  She shrugged. “You just needed to loosen up a little.”

  “Well, it was really great meeting you.” God, I was so lame. Apparently the accident not only took away my ability to walk but also my ability to have a conversation with an attractive woman. Super.

  “Yeah, you too.” Her eyes searched mine, lips pinching together. “I guess . . . I’ll see you around.”

  “Sure, see you around.”

  She took two steps and stopped, turning back with a grin. “Hey, Felix?”

  I drummed my fingers against my pants. “Yeah?”

  “I’d rather do the shoot again too.”

  I blinked, my face forgetting to return her smile. By the time the little guys in my brain stopped running around shouting, What does that mean?!, she was gone. But shit, what did that mean?

  “This yours?”

  I jumped, my heart trying to climb up my throat. Ben dangled a white iPhone in front of my face. “Not mine. Where’d you find it?”

  He gestured toward the chairs and table that Juliet and her assistant had been crowding around just minutes ago. “Over there.”

  “It’s probably Juliet’s.”

  “Figured as much. I’ll have to figure out a way to get it back to her.”

  “I’ll do it.” The words sprang out of my mouth before I even realized I wanted to say them.

  Ben’s eyes narrowed. “It’s fine. I’ll take care of it.”

  “I said”—I levered myself up and snatched it out his hand—“I’ll do it.”

  Speculation gleamed in his eyes and if it wasn’t a trick of the light, his lips twitched like they were fighting off a smile. “Suit yourself.”

  Chapter 5: Felix

  Of all my lame ideas, this one was, for sure, taking the cake. I rolled over to the elevators, bypassing the dude who was mann
ing the front desk, fielding a delivery. He glanced over as I waited, his gaze scanning over me and dismissing me. Typical.

  The doors parted with a whoosh and I backed into the elevator, hitting the button for the fourth floor. I was still pretty amazed that an A-list celebrity like Juliet didn’t live in some outrageous penthouse on the Upper East Side. This building was as conspicuous as a taxi in the city. Although, I guess that was probably the point.

  At the ding, I pushed myself out into a short, carpeted hallway with beige wallpaper. Two doors down, I found Juliet’s, a gold number seven shining in the middle. With a quick knock, I backed up a little and waited.

  From inside, I heard a muffled, “One sec!”

  My heart rate got a bit excited and I tried to talk it down. Nothing’s gonna happen. This isn’t a big deal; you’re just returning her phone. No expectations and—

  The door swung open, and Juliet’s bright smile dimmed as her gaze locked onto mine. She folded her arms, almost blocking out the words, I prefer my puns intended, that scrawled across her T-shirt. That thick blond hair of hers was done up in two intricate French braids and, as far as I could tell, she’d completely bypassed the makeup this morning.

  So, to sum up, she looked fucking gorgeous.

  Her fingers tightened around the edge of the door. “Hey.”

  And with that one hesitant word, I realized how much of a creep I looked like just showing up at her door. I scrubbed a hand over my face, my jaw nice and smooth from the shave I gave it this morning. “I didn’t realize how bad this would look until I just saw your face.” I shook my head and fished her phone out of my pocket. “I only dropped by to give you back your phone. You left it at the shoot yesterday. And before you think I’m any more of a stalker than I already am, your assistant gave me your address. She didn’t really want to, but since she was out of town, it was really her only option to get this back to you.”