Misfits, Gemstones, and Other Shattered Magic

by Meghan Ciana Doidge

  “Nice,” Kandy said.

  “Good.” The guardian brushed her hands together matter-of-factly. “Now, the treasure keeper suggested there was sushi and dancing still on the schedule? But I suppose introductions are necessary.”

  I opened my mouth to formally introduce Rochelle, since I wasn’t quite certain of the proper ranking between the oracle, Jasmine, and Mory. But then it occurred to me that given Rochelle’s relationship with the far seer, there was probably a chance that she and Haoxin had already met.

  “Nah,” Kandy said, saving me the trouble. “Food is getting cold. And warm.”

  Haoxin abruptly appeared beside me, giving me a wink as she reached for a plate on the corner of the island. “Well, we can’t have that, can we?”

  “No … ah, guardian.” I cleared my throat, still thrown by her presence in my living room. Our last meeting hadn’t been exactly friendly. “You bless us with your —”

  Haoxin laughed as she dipped sushi rolls in soy sauce, then carefully arranged them on her plate. “Don’t worry, Jade. I’m not here to tussle. I mean, I’m sad there aren’t any cupcakes. You know, the ones you promised to woo me with. But I understand you’re a little busy with getting married. And with the elves.”

  She popped a negitoro roll in her mouth before I could respond or pepper her with questions — questions that would likely have just rehashed the conversations she and Warner had already had about elves. And, specifically, about the elves in Vancouver. Then she pinched a pile of ginger between her chopsticks and wandered over to commandeer the center seat on the couch.

  “Hello,” the guardian said, addressing Mory. “Who are you then?”

  “Mory. Necromancer,” Mory said. Then, straightening her shoulders, she spoke more seriously. “The wielder’s necromancer.”

  Oh, Jesus. It was catching.

  Kandy leaned backward over the back of the couch and offered me one of her patented nonsmiles.

  I shook my head at her.

  “And what exactly are we watching?” Haoxin asked.

  Mory paused the show, then proceeded to launch into a detailed explanation of the plot, characters, and everything the guardian had missed so far. Haoxin listened to every word as if she were being told something of great importance, nodding as she carefully placed a single slice of ginger on each piece of her sushi before she ate it.

  My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out, reading the text message from Liam.

  >Picked up a trace at the pool. Will scan from the first break-in to the last and report back.

  I glanced over at Kandy.

  My BFF shook her head at me — emphatically no.

  I sighed, applying my thumbs to my screen keyboard.

  Keep me updated.

  >Definitely.

  And Liam? Anything more than a trace, you back off and wait for me.

  >I’m not an idiot, Jade.

  I let the conversation end without ripping the sorcerer’s head off. He might not have needed the reminder to avoid running blindly toward trouble, but I certainly always did. But then, I was an idiot.

  Kandy was staring daggers at me. I tucked my phone back in my pocket and showed her my empty hands. Only then did she nod, satisfied.

  10

  Kandy actually insisted on blindfolding me. Though if I’d been so inclined, I could have probably figured out our location by paying attention to the minimal number of turns my werewolf BFF took to drive us to our destination. After guessing that we were either in Yaletown or Chinatown, I didn’t worry about it any further.

  Kandy and Mory guided me down a set of stairs, through a light brush of magic that tasted of my mother’s strawberry-and-grassy witch power, and an exterior door that sounded like it was metal. Once we were through what I assumed were sound-dampening wards, I could hear music. It grew louder as my giggling captors continued leading me along a short hallway and into a room that felt large. Even without the pop song blaring over speakers strategically placed all around us, I would have guessed that we were in a club of some sort. The occasional staccato flashes of light that filtered through the blindfold simply confirmed it.

  Laughing, Kandy removed the scarf she’d cinched over my eyes. My first glimpse of her, she was grinning madly as she executed a series of impressive pirouettes with her arms flung wide, spinning into and showing off the space around her. The main room of the club was windowless, suggesting that we were at least partially underground. It was also entirely black, including its slick-looking concrete floor, matte walls, and the steel beams and ductwork that crisscrossed the ceiling. Except for a few tables and chairs that had been pushed to the edges, the place was practically empty. Overhead spotlights were intermixed with typical dance-floor lighting — strobes, disco ball, and such. A low stage built out of risers — again, painted matte black — stood against the far wall between the clearly marked washroom signs.

  “The place is ours for the evening,” Kandy crowed. “It doesn’t usually open Sunday nights, and the staff that came with the rental were easily persuaded with a little charmed cash to take the evening off. Add in a little more magic, courtesy of your mother, to keep the nonmagicals at bay. And voila!”

  I grinned, probably more relieved than I should have been. But I had been more than a bit worried that we’d been heading to a strip club of some sort. Plus, the idea of being around too many vulnerable humans while being hunted by elves — ceasefire or no ceasefire — was ridiculously irresponsible. It was bad enough that Kandy and I were already dragging Mory, Rochelle, and Jasmine around with us.

  We had all managed to cram into Kandy’s SUV — but only barely. And I’m pretty certain Haoxin hadn’t had access to a seat belt. The guardian had also produced a magnum of obscenely expensive champagne from somewhere, then was peeved when she couldn’t persuade anyone else to swig it directly from the bottle. Apparently, she wasn’t concerned about being pulled over for drinking and driving, even if she was in the back seat and this was a bachelorette party.

  Kandy dashed forward, tugging me farther onto the dance floor and already swaying her hips to the music. The stage area was set up for a live DJ, but the music currently playing was canned. Maroon 5’s What Lovers Do was a staple from my sparring playlist — and made me suspect that Kandy had created a mix just for the occasion, even though she claimed to loathe my taste in cheesy twenty-first-century pop.

  Mory and Rochelle brushed by Kandy and me, heading over to set up camp in the grouping of tables. Jasmine hovered between us and the two younger Adepts, as if not certain whether she should follow them or stay with Kandy, Haoxin, and me. Though she was almost as skilled as her cousin Wisteria at acting unaffected, I could tell the guardian dragon in our midst unnerved the newly remade vampire.

  Then, as one of the spotlights launched into an automated sweep of the dance floor, I spotted a huge cake on the right front corner of the stage. No … not a cake. It was tier upon tier of cupcakes. I made a beeline toward it, dragging a chortling Kandy with me to examine this delectable mountain of frosting and cake.

  But one step away from getting my hands on the sure-to-be delectable desserts, I stopped short.

  The cupcakes were … well … obscenely decorated was the nice way of putting it.

  “What the …” Haoxin muttered. The guardian stepped up next to me, picking up and examining a cupcake that I would have sworn was topped with a vagina constructed out of chocolate and strawberry icing.

  The … um … vaginal cupcake had been nestled between other samples decorated with icing-sculpted full lips, and … well … rosy-nippled breasts in a variety of skin tones.

  The middle tier was dedicated to the male anatomy. Again, with every possible skin color represented. And on the top … actually, without a closer look and better lighting, I wasn’t exactly certain what I was staring at. Toes?

  I gave Kandy a look. “Dancing and obscene cupcakes?”

  She shrugged. “You said no strippers.”

  “And …
you wouldn’t happen to have a thing for feet, would you?”

  “Me? You’re the one with the shoe obsession!”

  “What are the cupcakes on the top tier supposed to be?”

  Kandy glanced at the cupcakes in question. “Those are plain iced, dowser. Geez, get your mind out of the gutter.”

  I had no idea whether she was lying or not.

  Haoxin started laughing. Then she delicately swapped out the vagina cupcake she was holding, selecting a … well, selecting what appeared to be a mocha-iced penis instead.

  I desperately attempted to avoid thinking about any male, who might also be a guardian, who might have had smooth, darkly tanned skin, and magic that tasted like coffee and chocolate …

  Haoxin caught me watching her. “Do I eat the cake or the icing first?” she asked, feigning innocence while carefully peeling the paper off the cupcake.

  Kandy eyed Haoxin’s selection with approval. “Bryn does good work.”

  “You roped Bryn into this?” I cried. “While she was in the middle of opening a bakery?”

  “It didn’t make sense for her to join us right in the middle of the Whistler opening, but she wanted to contribute.” Kandy’s casual shrug was offset by her wicked grin. “What did you think was in the boxes in the back of the SUV?”

  “I didn’t even notice.”

  “I would have arranged them differently,” Jasmine said, still making an obvious effort to keep me between her and Haoxin. “Mixing together lips and nips makes sense, but I would have had pricks intermingle with pussy.”

  Kandy sniffed dismissively. “Sure you would, vampire. But I don’t mix.”

  Haoxin began choking on the rather large bite she’d taken of her cupcake.

  Taylor Swift took over the speakers with Look What You Made Me Do.

  My phone buzzed. I retrieved it from my back pocket, finding a text message from Liam.

  >I picked up minor trace elements at the first location. Slight enough to simply be an error reading. Second location had a definite spike. An elf likely broke in and did something magical. Still no indication of what or why. As far as I can tell they haven’t returned. Heading to the third location now.

  Thank you. Keep me posted please.

  “Jade,” Kandy said pissily. “It’s your party.”

  Nodding absentmindedly, I tucked my phone away. I reached for a cupcake — and then hesitated over which one to take. Normally, I’d grab whichever one had more chocolate without thinking twice about it. But I honestly wasn’t completely sure how I felt about eating —

  “Hello?” a deep male voice called out from what sounded like the entrance to the club behind us. I could barely hear it over the pulse of the music. “Is this the right place?”

  I spun on Kandy again. “You said no strippers!”

  She shrugged, grinning. Again. “I don’t think you’ll complain if these guys decide to take their clothing off.”

  The door that led to the street swung open, and Warner, Kett, Drake, and Beau invaded the room. You know, if they were actually capable of conducting a full-scale invasion while appearing to be half drunk.

  Warner’s gaze zeroed in on me, becoming smoldering. His hair was perfectly mussed, a slight shadow of stubble edged his jaw, and he was dressed in dark jeans and a black lightweight sweater that barely made the stretch across his broad shoulders.

  Mine. All mine.

  And then I was halfway across the room, in his arms and being kissed fiercely. He tasted of smoke and chocolate and … peat? Whiskey?

  My dragon grabbed my arm, lifting it over my head and spinning me around so fast that the room kept moving even after he’d checked my movement with a hand on my hip.

  Laughing, he threw his head back and bellowed over the music, “We’re crashing your party.”

  “Are you drunk?”

  “I most definitely am.” Warner cinched me against his chest, then dragged me a couple of steps to the right. He clapped his free hand on Kett’s shoulder. “The vampire has connections.”

  The executioner, who was clothed in his typical light-gray-cashmere-and-jeans combo, stumbled underneath the weight of the friendly blow. Not because he couldn’t handle it, but because the red of his magic ringing his ice-blue eyes made me fairly certain he was completely buzzed as well. “The Isle of Islay.” Kett smiled contentedly, as if he’d actually provided some sort of clarification.

  Of course and as always, I had no idea what the executioner was talking about.

  “I’m the designated driver,” Drake abruptly announced, overcompensating in volume to be heard over the music. Then, without further explanation, he wandered toward the tables, tugging off his leather jacket to reveal a short-sleeve printed black T-shirt that he’d paired with black-washed jeans and sneakers. He greeted Mory and Rochelle boisterously. Beau, also in dark-blue jeans and a long-sleeved henley, had already settled in next to his wife, who was gazing at him adoringly.

  “Driver?” I echoed, concerned. “Does Drake even know how to drive a car?”

  “He does now,” Warner murmured. He wrapped his hand around my waist and tugged me against him so he could sway both of us to the music. “We’re here to dance, aren’t we?”

  “Yes, um, but …” I glanced over at Drake worriedly. “Kandy had Bryn decorate cupcakes with genitalia.”

  “I’m certain they will be delicious.”

  “Warner!” I slapped him on the shoulder. “Stop being drunk for a moment, and listen to me. The fire breather is not going to be cool with you and Kett getting drunk with Drake, then me feeding him penis cupcakes.”

  Warner just blinked at me, still grinning. Clearly, he wasn’t grasping the problem.

  I sighed.

  Beside us, Kett held out his hand toward Jasmine, who was hovering a few steps away. She practically teleported forward in order to take it. He brushed a kiss against her forehead. “All is well, my child?”

  She nodded.

  “Go play with the wolf, then.” He pushed Jasmine gently back toward the dance floor, where Kandy was already dancing.

  The golden-haired vampire grinned as she practically skipped away.

  Haoxin had finished her cupcake — and had a second one decorated with a red slash of lips across chocolate icing already in hand. She sauntered toward us, pausing a couple of steps away and eyeing Kett.

  A chill ran up my spine. I hadn’t even thought … I mean, Kandy had arranged the guest list, and I had noticed how uncomfortable Jasmine was around Haoxin. But not until seeing her standing next to Kett did I really remember that guardian dragons and vampires didn’t mix. Like, not at all.

  I pushed away from Warner. He let me go, begrudgingly.

  “Introductions, dowser?” the guardian demanded haughtily.

  I cleared my throat. Which seemed the better choice than bodily shoving myself between her and Kett. “Haoxin, guardian of North America, please allow me to present Kettil, the executioner and elder of the Conclave, sire of Jasmine.”

  A slow smile curled across the petite guardian’s face. “Reckless and adventurous.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “That is my secondary title, dowser. If the executioner gets to use two, then so should I.”

  Yeah, I still had no idea what ‘reckless and adventurous’ meant in dragon speak. But knowing as much as I did about the power the guardians wielded — with each of the nine fulfilling different obligations and embodying different magic — I knew that being the guardian representing reckless adventure couldn’t be anything other than terrifying.

  Haoxin slowly offered her hand, palm down, to Kett.

  My vampire BFF swept forward, taking the guardian’s hand and pressing a kiss to it.

  “Executioner, the healer was supposed to make an appearance …” Haoxin glanced over at Warner.

  “Qiuniu was called away, guardian,” he said, answering her not-quite-spoken question.

  “After he joined you in deeply imbibing the sorcerers’ elixir?” she a
sked frostily.

  A large grin spread across Warner’s face. “Indeed, guardian.”

  Haoxin sniffed, obviously excessively put out. Then she turned her attention back to Kett. “You may lead me to the dance floor, Kettil. We shall show the children how it is properly done.”

  Kett laughed quietly, offering his arm to Haoxin. She took his elbow. And thus entwined, they practically floated over the polished floor toward Jasmine and Kandy.

  I stared after them, not completely following the sequence of events. All I could figure was that Haoxin had expected the healer, but knowing that he wasn’t showing, she decided that the executioner of the Conclave was a solid substitution. Never minding that Kett was literally the complete opposite of the guardian of South America in looks and in magic.

  Shaking my head, I turned to Warner. “The sorcerers’ elixir?”

  “Scotch. Potent, tasty scotch.”

  I put two and two together and came up completely pissy. “You went … all the way to Scotland? For magical scotch?”

  “Yes.” He playfully slurred the word. “There was a specific process that needed to be conducted in person.”

  “A process? Like what? You had to pass a test to prove your worthiness?”

  Warner laughed. “Well … a test of taste buds, and magical absorption.”

  I gave him my best not-at-all-impressed look. “You mean there was a tasting room.”

  “Yes. A brilliant invention of the twenty-first century.”

  I didn’t bother disabusing him of the timeline of how long tasting rooms had been a thing. “And if we’re attacked by elves while dancing?” I said instead, not completely certain why I was being all pissy and edgy … though I was definitely worried about the potential fallout of dragging the younger Adepts to a dance club filled with obscene cupcakes.

  Warner brushed my curls away from my face, then lingeringly caressed around the back of my ear and down my neck. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

  I shook my head. Nothing had really happened. Nothing that Kandy, Jasmine, or I hadn’t already texted in our updates to Kett. But something was definitely happening, or about to happen. “Actually, I’ve inadvertently negotiated a sort of ceasefire with the elves. And I have a bargaining piece from the treasure keeper.”