The Heart's Ashes

by A. M. Hudson

  Each beat of my heart forced a small movement from me, making me jolt forward, the rhythm of the music my breath. “Yes.”

  His hands slipped along my lower spine, a tickly, delicate touch, our chests, our hips, the skin on our stomachs finally touching as he pulled my body against his.

  Everything tingled—alive with lust.

  David Knight. My David, holding me the way I’ve dreamed of for so long. The boy with the sexy smile; the top student, musician, protector—my saviour. But a feeling surged in me, rising from someplace locked, barred away from the world. “I’m scared,” I whispered as our lips touched, softer, more terrifying than any kiss we’d ever had.

  “It’s okay, sweetheart. Just close your eyes—I’ll be gentle with you.”

  An aura of tension shook my arms and legs, pushing me down, making me heavy. David lifted me; hands under my knees, around my waist, and carried me the two, human steps to the bed. Then, with a gentle kiss, he slid my body, feet first, between the silky sheets; their cool touch making all this real, so real, while the smell of lily fabric softener reminded me to wash that white shirt I left in the laundry—the one with a blood stain on it.

  When David fell beside me, his jeans gone, his bare skin touching my leg, I came back to the now and smiled up at him.

  “I can’t believe I finally have you in my arms like this.” He shook his head, closing his eyes for a second. “You don’t know how many nights I dreamed of this, Ara.”

  The soft tickle of his fingers drove my body wild as he slid a firm hand down my stomach and between my thighs, gently pressing them apart. So many times I’d pictured how this would happen, but as the cool of the night brushed places warmed by the desire to have him, I could think of no other scenarios. I wanted him between my legs, his body connected to mine, touching me deeper than he’d ever been before.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  His hand hovered just above me. “Your eyes—they’re unbelievably blue right now.”

  “It’s the colour of desire.”

  He snapped out of whatever reverie he’d been in and pushed up off the bed. “I thought that was red?”

  “Not tonight,” I whispered, my legs falling apart to let David kneel between them.

  “You’re getting hotter.” He grinned and smoothed his hands over my inner thigh, tracing every inch of my flesh, his thumbs coming to rest in a place that took my breath.

  “Am I supposed to feel like that?”

  He smiled. “You mean...wet?”

  I felt my cheeks go hot. “Um, yeah, that.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  He moved his thumbs inside me; I closed my eyes, tensing all over—good tension. The cloud of ecstasy filled every inch of me with plumes of rushing want.

  “I think you’re ready,” David said, sinking onto his elbows; his stomach, his hips, his chest falling to meet mine.

  I propped a shaking hand against his ribs and held him there; “Will this hurt?” Nerves formed a lump in my throat. “When you—you know?”

  “Yes. The first time usually does.” He kissed my brow. “But we’ll go slow—and I can stop whenever you want me to. Just think it and I’ll stop.”

  “Okay,” I said, then held my breath, trembling as David reached down. “Uh!” My fingers tightened on the pillowcase under my head, the feeling inside me so foreign, the stinging deep and tight.

  “Relax,” David whispered into my hair. “It won’t hurt as much if you relax.”

  “Mm-hm.” I nodded, but stayed tense. I couldn’t take my mind off the sensation; David, inside me, touching me. Me. Not anyone else. Finally me.

  He dropped his head and looked to one side, smiling. “Bite me.”

  Huh?

  “Bite me, Ara. The blood will distract you.”

  “But—”

  “Go on,” he prompted, smiling. “You won’t need me to break the skin. I’m so hungry right now a butterknife could draw blood from me.”

  I hesitated.

  “Go on. It’ll help.”

  Swallowing the lump in my throat, I rolled at the waist a little, my hands wrapping David’s neck, my hot breath coming immediately back off his skin with the smell of shampoo and aftershave. The stubble on his neck prickled my tongue before I pressed my teeth to the softness of his flesh, and it broke open under my lips, blood pooling into my mouth.

  As I swallowed, distracted by the smooth, sugary taste of his warmth, David slipped deeper inside me—gripping my legs with his widespread fingers. My spine sunk into the bed with the weight of his body forcing me down; he held still for a moment then eased out of me slowly, dragging a warm feeling behind before gently sliding back in, making me gasp, closing my eyes, biting harder to focus only on the blood.

  “How’s that now?”

  His skin closed under my lips, blocking the flow. I focused on the feeling between my legs, crossing my ankles over David’s hips. “It’s...it’s good. Really good.”

  He let out a low, slow breath, then grabbed my hip, propping his body off mine.

  “You’re holding back, aren’t you?” My words came out funny, sounding jolted with his feverish movements.

  “Yes.”

  I circled a finger around the hair at the base of his neck, then whispered in his ear, “Don’t.”

  He looked down at me. “I could get pretty rough, Ara.”

  “I’ll tell you if it’s too much.”

  He leaned in slowly and kissed me, his tongue touching mine for a second, smoothing the blood from my lips into his, then pulling away before coming back one last time as he broke the kiss. “I know it’s cliché—” Even his voice sounded like he was talking and running. “But I want to do so many bad things to you right now.”

  That only intensified my breathing, which made him move faster, his hands wildly searching every inch of my flesh, his face in my neck, the want for my blood showing in his tight grip under my hips.

  “Do it. Bite me.” I closed my eyes and scrunched my hands into his hair. He moved faster then, kissing with eager desperation—breathing louder as his lips fought for flesh—touching, then pulling away—hungered by lust. Teeth scraped over my skin, gently nibbling at the surface, then sealing each tender bite with a kiss.

  Another rush of heat, embodied by a pulsing sensation, gripped my insides. I let out a pathetic cry.

  David laughed.

  “Sorry.” I touched his chest, practically panting. Too loud?

  “No—not at all.” He smiled down at me, moving his hips again. “Although, I can’t be held responsible for what I might do if you keep making those sweet, sexy noises.” He kissed my forehead, then rolled his head back slightly. “I wish you could be me, Ara—for just one moment, to know how you make me feel—to see how good you feel when I’m inside you.”

  I took a moment too, to really feel him on top of me, to feel his weight, the backs of my legs touching his waist, his hipbones sharp, the breath from his nose falling over my bare chest. “Am I the first human you’ve ever made love to?”

  “Yes.” He smiled widely, grabbing my hips to control the motion.

  “Uh,” I cried out again, laughing. “Stop doing that.”

  “What?” He rolled his hips downward, making my insides twitch and my toes curl.

  “That!”

  “Oh, you like that, do you?”

  “Stop it—I can’t control my voice when you do it. Uh!”

  David laughed and did it again. “Do you know what that feeling is?”

  “An act of God?”

  “Ha-ha,” he chuckled. “You’re peaking—in a minute you’ll go over that ridge and...”

  “Orgasm?”

  “Yes.”

  “I thought that was something only porn stars did.”

  He laughed, loud and full, rolling his head back. “Then we better get my camera out, because, my love, you are about to org—” He bit his lip, thrusting into me harder.

  I turned my head to the side, breathi
ng heavily, reaching for something to ground me again. My fingers tangled the sheet under my hips as every pulse in my body flowed down to that one place below, surrounding me in an intense stillness of excitement—better than drinking blood.

  “You should try it while drinking blood,” David said and sank his teeth into my neck. He bit hard, really hard, as each muscle along his forearm tensed, flowing down his shoulders, tightening his hips under my thighs. He stopped moving, and pushed into me, holding me in place as his bite spilled warm blood out over my shoulder.

  David, bite harder.

  I didn’t need to ask twice. His chin pressed into my collarbone, his teeth savagely gnawing at my flesh, catching the tendon, making my arms tighten. But the pleasure of his bite only excited my nerves, sending tingles down my spine—into my toes, controlling my movements—forcing my back to arch, my pelvis rising up to meet his.

  My fingers twisted the sheet tighter as, with one tiny movement of David’s body, all the lust, the fear, the perfect, intrinsically delicious sensation sent a burst of excitement from my lips in a pathetic squeak. I felt everything; his breath, his hands, the heat, the cold—cumulating and rising up from my knees, into my hips, tightening my stomach—Oh God—I breathed, unsure whether to panic, or cry, or giggle. “Holy shit!” I thrust my hands into my hair, practically crying, wanting to kick my legs or tremble uncontrollably.

  My vampire sucked the last remains of liquid from my neck and drew back, breathing heavily as he looked down at me. I was lost, totally lost; the sensation that tipped my body over the scales flooded away with a rush of tranquillity—weakening my legs; they fell softly against his hips, a numb exhaustion filling my chest with giggles.

  “Ara!” He stared at my neck, his whole body rigid.

  “What?” I stopped smiling.

  “Doesn’t that hurt?” David jumped back and shuffled to the foot of the bed, clutching the sheet to his groin.

  “What?”

  “I—”

  “Is she okay?” Emily burst in the room.

  “Emily!” I grabbed the other end of the sheet to cover myself. I really need to get a lock.

  “What’s going on?” Mike flicked the light on, still buttoning his jeans. “Em?”

  “He used his fangs.” Emily sat on my bed, taking both my hands, looking deep into my eyes.

  “What?” Mike looked at David, livid fury in his gaze, until he saw what I only noticed then; David’s black eyes; hollow and horrified; he stared at me like he’d just taken my last breath.

  “I—I lost control,” David said.

  My hand flew to the bite mark. I rolled it away, looking at the blood. “You used your fangs?”

  Mike’s shoulders dropped, his eyes tearing. “Is she...is she gonna die?”

  I panicked. I didn’t feel anything. Nothing. No sting. No rushing infusion of agony. I looked at my fiancé, who hadn’t moved an inch, sitting with the sheet just covering his lower half, at the foot of the bed.

  “What have I done?” he said, his words falling to the oblivion he was lost in.

  “I—” I looked around the anguished faces. “I feel fine. It didn’t even hurt.”

  “No, it doesn’t.” Emily looked over to David. “That’s how humans feel when we kill them.”

  “But, I’m okay though—it’s not burning. I don’t feel any different.” I clutched the sheet to my chest.

  David, with curiosity behind his eyes, crawled across the bed and sat before me, the sheet forgotten. Mike shook his head, looking away; Emily just smiled.

  “My love.” He cupped my face, looking right into my soul.

  “I’m fine.” I placed my hand over his, using my other one to cover his manhood, half smiling.

  “She should have had some kind of reaction by now.” His eyes narrowed, then he looked knowingly at Em. “If she was going to, she—”

  Emily nodded in agreement.

  “There’s no way of knowing that,” David said, looking suddenly up at Mike.

  Mike shrugged. “It was just a suggestion.”

  Emily and I shared the confusion. “Knowing what?”

  “When Jason bit you, we always just assumed you didn’t have the gene—that you can’t be changed—because you’re still human,” Mike said.

  “Right.” Emily stood up, folding her arms. “David, is it possible that she does have the gene—that maybe something went wrong when Jason tried to change her?”

  Thought washed across David’s face.

  “Do you think that’s possible?” Mike edged forward.

  “No one has been gifted the secret of transformation for over a hundred years,” David said, not taking his eyes off me. “All I know is that it’s not just a case of biting a human and leaving them alive.”

  “Well, that’s just great.” Emily threw her hands up. “And it’s not exactly like you can just walk in there and ask the council.”

  “I know. I—” David pressed a fist to his lips.

  “Come on, Em.” Mike folded his arms, a tight frown darkening his eyes. “Let’s leave them to it.”

  David looked at Mike then back at me as the door closed behind them—giving us back our privacy.

  “What?” I said. “What was that look Mike just gave me?”

  “He just realised what we were doing—when I bit you.”

  “Oh.” I looked at the door. “Is he mad?”

  He poorly held back the laughter etching on his lips. “Yeah. Pretty mad.”

  “Oh no.” I rolled my face into my hand.

  “Ara. I’m sorry. I lost control—” He shook his head, staring at my face.

  “I know. I felt it when you did.” I liked it. “I’m not mad that you bit me, David. It was silly of us to risk it—with you being hungry and all.”

  “I should be able to control it. I’m not some kind of animal.”

  “If it’s any consolation at all, I loved every second of it.”

  His teeth showed with a smile, tipped with thin lines of red. “Me too.”

  “Can you believe we finally did it?”

  “It didn’t hurt too much, did it? The er, when I first—”

  I shook my head. “After I relaxed, it was fine.”

  He reached across the small space between us and touched my chin. “You were so beautiful. I mean, you are so beautiful, all the time—but, when you let yourself go and be free, feel the desire, the lust—you look amazing. You make me feel so alive.”

  “Well, any time.” My cheeks flushed with heat. David laid back, pulling me onto his chest. “David?”

  “Yes, my love?”

  “What’s it like? To make love to a girl vampire—why is it different?”

  His fingers traced circles over my bare skin, all the way down my spine. “Well, they don’t have a heartbeat for starters. They’re not timid and shy, and, inside, they don’t move like you do either; they’re kind of just tight. You—you’re all of that, but more alive.”

  “But you said vampires aren’t dead.”

  “We’re not. But I mean alive descriptively. Buzzing, sort of.”

  “Right.” I nodded. “So, you liked it—I was enough for you?”

  “Oh, God, sweetheart, yes. For eternity, you’re everything I want.”

  “But, what about when I’m Lilithian?”

  David laughed aloud; his eyes became distant behind his smile. “Lilithians are a very different class of vampires.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, trust me, making love to a Lilithian is nothing like with a vampire,” he scoffed, with a grin.

  “So, you speak from experience?” I looked down at my diamond ring.

  “Ara.” David tilted my chin upward and smiled softly. “I’ve been alive for over a hundred and twenty years, I have had other girls.”

  “I know.” I pulled away and rested my face on his smooth, warm chest. “I just don’t like to think about it.”

  “Then don’t, sweetheart.” David kissed the top of my head and smoot
hed his fingers along my hairline. “It’s only ever going to be you now.”

  And for me, I’ve only ever had him. “Is—is Mike going to be okay?”

  “I actually don’t know, Ara,” David said with a breath. “I wish I did, but he shouldn’t be feeling what he’s feeling. Not now he has Em. I’m worried.”

  “Why?”

  “He and Em have...you know...they’ve had sex since she became a vampire. Being Marked should change a few things.”

  “Really? But he wouldn’t be bound to her, because he wasn’t a virgin.”

  “No, but even then, he should be more focused on her than he is.”

  I pointed to my neck; “Is mine there yet, my Mark?”

  David leaned over as I rolled onto my back, and gently swept my hair to one side. “Your hair is getting so long now.”

  “I know. Do you think I should cut it?”

  “God, no. Don’t do that. It’s beautiful.” He smiled warmly and studied my skin, running his finger over the curve of my shoulder. “Hm.”

  “What’s hm?” I frowned at his frown.

  When his eyes narrowed and he laid back with a blank expression, I jumped up and ran to the mirror.

  “Ara. Don’t. Please? Just come back to bed.”

  “No!” I gasped, touching my neck.

  “Maybe it’s too early. Maybe it’ll show up tomorrow,” David said. “I’ve never Marked someone before.”

  I backed away from the mirror and studied my naked body, tears welling in my eyes as I forced my mind to see images of Mike, images I shouldn’t be able to see with a spirit bind in place.

  “David,” I said, covering my mouth when my voice came out broken. “The bind didn’t work.”

  He slid his warm arms along my waist, his soft lips touching my shoulder. “I’m sure it will, my love. It’s probably just not what you expected.”

  “No.” I shook my head and let my heart feel the burn of love for Mike—to really wallow in the desire to be in his arms as well.

  David doubled back, growing taller as he stumbled backward to the foot of the bed. “The only way that’s possible is if—”