The Heart's Ashes

by A. M. Hudson

  “What? So, I’m not allowed to ask how my friend, who was supposed to marry me, is feeling today?”

  “We’re all aware this is hard for Mike, Ara, but it’s hard for Emily, too.” Vicki motioned to the front lawn through the window, where Emily sat with her face in her hands.

  Vicki went back to the stove and Dad rose from his seat, placing the camera on the table in front of me. “You know, I’m not too good at running this thing. You never know what might be on it.”

  Before I looked up from the camera, Dad disappeared out the front door. “Why are you staring at me?” I whispered spitefully to the palm-sized image catcher. I wonder what Dad meant by You never know what might be on it. Is there something on this thing he wants me to see?

  I looked over at Vicki, then back at the object in question.

  It’s supposed to be bad luck to see the groom before the wedding—mind you, tradition didn’t help with my other wedding.

  “I hope you know what you’re doing,” I said to the camera, snaffling it under my shirt and bolting up the stairs.

  Okay. On button. I know where that is.

  The camera bleeped, the small screen lighting up as I closed my bedroom door with my ankle and flopped onto the bed. Several thumbnails showed images of the setup outside, Vicki’s face, Skittles, Sam and then a grainy, dark room, with two figures in the frame, the image at an acute angle, as if it was filmed half upside down; the zipper in the foreground a giveaway that Dad left the camera on top of the bag.

  With a shaky finger, I pressed play. A static rushing made it hard to hear the voices, but David’s smooth tones rose above it all.

  “This must be hard for you,” he said, and I think he placed his hand on Mike’s shoulder. The bright morning sun dominated the background, turning the boys into silhouettes. The taller guy looked down and nodded; I pressed my finger to the screen and the volume increased.

  Mike chuckled. “Understatement.”

  “You know I’ll take care of her, right?” David said, gently shaking Mike’s shoulder.

  “Yeah, I know.” He nodded, then they linked hands in a weird upside-down gesture—the ‘brotherhood handshake’. “You’re like a brother to me, man, and…I love that girl—more than I damn well should. If I had to choose any guy on the planet to marry her, I’m glad it’s one who loves her as much as I do.”

  David looked down and nodded, then wrapped his arms around Mike. They hugged, patted each other’s backs loudly and broke away, clearing their throats.

  “Come on then.” Mike and David walked out of the frame. “It’s time to get our shoes on.” The scene went silent, a washed out hum the only remaining sound as the camera fell into the darkness of Dad’s leather bag. I closed the screen and looked up at Emily, who stood in the doorway, covering her face as she burst into tears.

  “Oh, Emily.”

  “I’m never going to be the only one, am I?” She landed beside me, falling straight into my waiting arms.

  “Em.” I sighed.

  “What do I have to do to fill your shoes, Ara? I can’t compete anymore. When he sees you, his heart picks up—I can hear it, and I can feel the way his body gets hotter when you’re near him.”

  “Doesn’t that happen when he’s with you?”

  “Yes. But you’re missing the point.”

  “No, I’m not, Em.” I chuckled softly. “Mike and I loved each other all our lives—this is gonna be a long transition, especially since we all live together. Look—” I brushed her hair from her face. “When David and I leave for Paris today it’ll give you and Mike a chance to fall in love properly, okay? Like it should be—away from ex’s and all. This’ll be good for you.”

  Emily nodded. “Yeah, if he doesn’t jump on a plane after you.”

  I can so see that happening. “Emily, Mike loves you.”

  “No. He needs me, he likes me, but not love. I’m sure of that now,” she said with a nod of composure.

  “What makes you think that?”

  “Well, he still hasn’t said it.”

  “What?”

  “I told him I love him, and he just kissed the top of my head and rubbed my arm.”

  I slapped my forehead. “Em. Mike loves you. He’s just an idiot, that’s all. He told me he loves you.”

  “Really?”

  I took a deep breath and shook my head. “Talk to him. Ask him if he loves you.”

  “But what if he says no?”

  “Then you’ll know. And you won’t have to agonise over it any longer.”

  Emily smiled softly and touched the ends of my hair; “I love it when you make sense.”

  “How’s my little bride-to-be going?” Vicki asked as she walked in.

  “Great.” I stood up. “I’m just heading for a shower.”

  “A shower?” Vicki’s lips twisted. “Ara, you had one last night—remember? So you wouldn’t ruin your hair, today.”

  “Oh, right.” I slapped my palm to my brow again. “I just don’t know what I’m doing. I haven’t been able to think clearly all morning.”

  “That’s because you rushed into this,” Vicki said, sitting on my bed. “You planned and executed a wedding in a few weeks. You didn’t even have an engagement party or a bridal shower or—”

  “Vicki.” I turned away, shaking my head. “I told you, and I’m not going to argue with you about this today. I don’t want any fuss. I just wanna get married and—”

  “But you didn’t even paint your nails, or get a tan this time.”

  I looked down at my pretty, rounded nails. “David wants to marry me, Vicki, not some primped-up, polished, plastic-doll version of the girl he loves. Just me—simple, elegant me. Weddings don’t need to be a big deal.”

  “I’m sorry, Ara. I just don’t want you to regret it one day when you grow up and realise that a wedding means more than you thought.”

  “I’m sure if that happens we can always renew our vows.” I sighed and looked at Emily. “I need to get my dress on. It’s nearly time.”

  “Okay, get out of your jammies, I’ll go get it.” Emily scuttled off to the wardrobe.

  I looked at Vicki; she smiled softly—her white flag—and hugged me. “I’m sorry, Ara. You already look beautiful, and I’m so happy for you. David’s a very nice boy. I don’t think you could’ve done better if you’d married Mike.”

  “Thanks, Vicki.” I hugged back.

  “Okay.” She stepped away and wiped her face. “I’ll go greet the guests, and we’ll see you down there in twenty minutes.”

  I nodded.

  As the door closed, I quickly shimmed out of my pyjamas. Bumps of frost-aversion littered my half-naked body. I crossed my arms over my waist and looked out the window, tapping my foot to get warm. We can’t really class this as spring, despite the fact that, according to the groundhog, it’s the official first day. There was still snow outside last week, and only very few leaves on the trees. But we don’t have time to wait for the sun. Immortality awaits, and so do a band of blood-thirsty, hate-fuelled vampires.

  “Hey.” Emily smiled at me, carrying a pile of white lace over her arm. “Nice underwear—David’ll like those.”

  “I know.” I just wonder how you know. I cupped my hands over my bare breasts; the icy touch of my fingers brought blood to the surface in a rush to warm my skin.

  Emily dropped my dress to the floor and made a circle in the waist for me to step into. As the zip reached a stop—just under my shoulder blades—I traced my fingers along the rounded neckline. “David will love this,” I said.

  Emily nodded and tied the crimson velour sash around the high waist—just under my ribs, pinching the delicate lace of the skirt to tidy the folds. It moved, flowing softly like silk sheets on a breeze. “Hold out your arms.”

  I took a zombie pose, removing my bangle first so Emily could loop the elastic of the sleeve over my index finger—forming a peak across the back of my hand.

  “Now, sit.” She pushed my shoulders; I plonked
onto the stool, cupping my bangle over the lace sleeve. “I need to take the rest of these braids out.”

  “Gently, this time.”

  “I make no promises.” I could hear a smile in her tone.

  With a deep breath through my nose, I closed my eyes and inhaled the ease of the day. No fuss—that was the condition of this wedding. No giant cake, no reception—well, I didn’t win that one, but cocktails and hors d’oeuvre’s don’t count as a reception—no wedding cars, but, lots of red roses.

  “Honestly, Ara—” Emily tugged and pulled at the last of the plaits, “—I wish you had’ve let me tie this up.” She stood back and leaned forward, quickly fluffing the front of my hair. “But then again—maybe not.”

  “Is it good?” I asked nervously.

  “See for yourself.” She spun the tall mirror around, and as I stood, I stared at the unnaturally beautiful girl in the reflection. “Now, I left the top braids in, and look—” Emily pointed to the crown of plaits atop my skull where little fake ruby stones coloured each cross-section. “Pretty, right? Since you’re not wearing a veil this time, I get to use bling.”

  “Em, it looks...” I touched the tips of my curls and smiled at how pretty they looked, cascading over the low back of the dress. “I look good enough to marry David.”

  “Hm.” She pressed her finger to her chin. “No, all you need is bonnet, and you could be marrying Mr. Darcy.”

  “Well, I have my own Mr. Darcy now, Em.” I smiled, flattening the front of my dress. “And this time, I’m not letting him go.”

  “Here.” She passed my bouquet; completely red roses, with a white ribbon binding them together

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re gonna be fine, Ara. You look perfect.”

  “So do you, Em. I like red on you.”

  She smiled down at her knee-length dress, her face awash with wistfulness, then shrugged off whatever thought she had, returning to the now with a smile. “Are you wearing this?”

  “It’s appropriate, I think.” I took my locket from her fingertips, dropping it back into place.

  “Yeah, it is, I suppose. What about this, I’ve never seen this before?” Her eyes stopped on my silver bangle.

  “It’s new—sort of. It was David’s mother’s.”

  “He gave you his mother’s bangle?” her voice peaked.

  “Yeah, why? What’s wrong with that?”

  “Nothing.” She swallowed, the corners of her lips twitching as she quickly looked away.

  “Em? Are you okay?”

  “It’s just—” She exhaled. “You know how I feel about David.”

  “Do I?” The shock of her sudden outburst remained, forcing my brows into an arch.

  “Yes,” she rebuked. “He’s always been a good friend to me. I—” she straightened the ribbon on my bouquet, “—I just never imagined I’d be at his wedding, standing next to his bride.”

  I grinned. “Oh. You fantasised about being his bride?”

  Emily laughed softly. “We all did—every girl at school.”

  Yeah, especially you. “Do you love him, Em?” I asked carefully. Tension squeezed my lungs like a bolt being tightened.

  Emily took a short, ragged breath through her nose. “No. Not like that—but he’s…he’s special to me.”

  Hm, special, huh? “I’ll be good to him, Em.” I tilted my head to the side. “You know that, right?”

  “I do know. Besides—” she wiped a tear from her cheek, “I’ve got an eternity to make sure of it.”

  “Well, not yet. We still have to convince David’s friend to change me.”

  “While outrunning a mob of bad guys,” she added. “Did he tell you she was called out to New England?”

  “Who?”

  “His contact. She won’t be there when you guys arrive. She was called over here for some major case of torture.”

  “Ooh, that’s just so freaky. And no, David didn’t tell me that.”

  “Oh. Maybe you weren’t meant to know.” She bit her lip.

  “It’s okay. He won’t be mad you told me. I mean, what I know and don’t know is the least of his problems, right?”

  She smiled up at me in the mirror. “David will look after you, Ara. He won’t let them catch you.”

  “I know. Doesn’t mean I’m not terrified.”

  “Only because you don’t really know what he’s capable of, do you?” She folded her arms softly across her waist, tucking her bouquet under her arm. “I hunt with him. I’ve seen what he can do. You shouldn’t be afraid.”

  “I’m sure that puts your mind at ease. But he keeps himself a secret from me—doesn’t really show me the vampire.”

  “Just like Mike doesn’t show me the guy he is with you.”

  “He will.” I nodded. “Just give him time.”

  “Time is all we have,” she said and hugged me. “Come on, we have to go. It’s nearly midday.”

  “Okay.”

  “Are you ready?”

  “Too ready, Emily.”

  She left the room to gather the rest of the guests and send them out to the oak tree where David and I first held hands, and I took a moment to look around.

  Things are different this time; I don’t feel empty, lost and alone. I don’t need to think about the sadness of childhood passing, or the longing to move on. I’m happy. Complete.

  In the hinge of the old mirror, as I turned to take one last glance at the bride, I noticed a single red rose. “David?” I spun around, searching the room for the cheeky vampire. “You better not have looked at my dress!” I called to him anyway, sure he was around here somewhere.

  The rose smelled of sweet, approaching summer, watery and cool. I plucked it from the frame, smiling.

  My life begins today.

  Meet me at the doorway to our forever, David’s voice hummed in my mind; I placed his rose in the bouquet and left the room—without looking back.

  The billowy curtains, slightly transparent, gave way to the serene setting beyond the back porch. Dad greeted me by the formal dining table, offering his arm as I lifted my shoulders and dropped them again with a sigh.

  Although I may be a little nervous, my long-time friend—the old oak tree—expressed its cheerfulness today; tickling the gentle breeze with its flourishing leaves, full and green, despite the newness of the season.

  I stood on my toes a little and peered into the yard; the small gathering of friends and family hovered closely around David and Mike, leaving only the tops of their heads visible.

  “Shall we?” Dad smiled down at me, the crinkly lines around his eyes remaining even when the smile concealed anxiety.

  “Yes. We shall.”

  The French glass doors folded out, opening to the path before us. Emily, with her feet full of hesitation, walked onto the back porch. As she reached the steps, Alana and Ryan played the first notes of The Knight of the Rose, and my mind flashed back to that last day of forever in my bedroom where David first gave me the silver locket.

  I drew a heart-steadying breath, but the clunking beat in the centre my chest continued to vibrate through my ribs—not from nerves or apprehension, but from how badly it needed to be beside David again.

  We stepped through the door and the golden light warmed my arms through the lacy sleeves. As people looked back up from Emily to me, a quite gasp undulated over the crowd of awestruck faces.

  “She looks just like her mother.” One whisper stood out among the rest; I looked at Vicki, who covered her mouth, smiling apologetically.

  The sentries before the doorway to forever parted, revealing David in all his iridescent glory; as our eyes met, the debonair James Bond image disappeared from sight and the immaculate sparkle of his emerald green eyes stood out from the last of the winter, becoming jewels against the background of the perfect blue sky.

  My cheeks flushed with heat when David’s brow folded over his adoring gaze, and he clutched a fist to his chest, shaking his head.

  As we neared the
end of our walk, the presence of others moulded into focus; Mike, smiling warmly, next to David, his hands clutched in front of him, and Emily, coming to a stop opposite the boys, turning to watch me as Dad steered my hand across the closing eternity and placed it in David’s. A flicker of energy surged between my fiancé and I as his cold touch met mine. This is it—this is right—the way things were always supposed to be.

  David looked down at our hands and smiled, though a shimmer of tears around his lashes caught the sun.

  The image of the dream I had so long ago was no longer in black and white; today, shone in full colour, with me a part of it—not just watching from a place where dreams are far away and wishes seem impossible.

  My fingers tightened around David’s as we turned to face the celebrant.

  Finally, I’m moving forward, no longer just moving on.

  “Friends, family, we are gathered here today to witness these two young people bind themselves together for the rest of their lives.” —A period of time no mortal smiling back at us can possibly comprehend— “These are the ties that bind us,” the celebrant said, “A union of love for all time. Death will not part them, pain and sorrow will not break them. Like diamonds, their love will be forever.”

  David’s eyes smiled then, his lips making a gentle curve as the secret smile that belonged to the boy across the road suddenly became the hidden thoughts of the man I was giving my life to. He focused on my completely red bouquet, then looked up at the celebrant, the smile growing.

  “Do we have the rings?” the celebrant whispered to Mike.

  Emily took my bouquet so I could place both hands in David’s as we turned to face each other. The green in his intense, focused eyes, glittered around his wide black pupils.

  Without blinking, without twitching his brow, his lips remained in the smile, almost illustrating amusement; he rested the small silver band at the tip of my finger. “Your hands are shaking.”

  “Shut up,” I whispered almost mutely as the celebrant began again.

  “Do you, Amara-Rose Thompson, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband—to love and honour, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for all eternity?”