The Heart's Ashes

by A. M. Hudson

  “I—I’m just trying not to cry.”

  “Don’t do that, my love. Don’t be strong for me. You, of any person in this world, has the right to tears.” He held out an arm, offering his embrace. “Cry, and I’ll hold you until all the pain goes away.”

  “No.” I shook my head, reaching for the empty space my locket no longer sat. “This isn’t the time for tears; I’ve used enough of those.”

  “Well, if you don’t fix this proximity issue—” he motioned to the gap between us, “—I’m going to cry.”

  I launched back into the exquisiteness of his arms, my legs flying freely behind me while he spun us around; his soul in the realm of joy, but his arms in a world of loss, of pain; a hold so tight I could feel he never wanted to let go.

  He placed me on the ground and shook his head, the soft smile staying on his perfect, dark-pink lips. “I missed you beyond words, Ara-Rose.”

  “I missed you, too. I missed this you.” I stroked his face. “The one that’s present of mind and body.”

  “I was always present, my love. I just couldn’t reach you.”

  “And I couldn’t touch you, even if you could.” His blackened, charred body seemed like a distant memory already—one I guess I wanted to push away, to forget. “I wish you could’ve known how much I loved you. I wish there’d been a way for me to show while you were unconscious.”

  “For me—” he touched a hand to his chest, “—each time your hand or your breath brushed past my skin while I was stuck in that bed, was like re-living our first kiss; like feeling my heart beat again for the first time.” David stepped in to me and slid his fingers along the side of my face; his height cast a shadow across my nose and brow, blocking the glare of the sun as I looked up into his shining, emerald-green eyes. “But I no longer have only my dreams to keep me sane. You’re here.” He squeezed my face a little. “You’re alive and immortal, and, Ara, I never thought I’d see you again. I never thought I would hold you again.”

  “You promised me the afterlife.” I smiled softly.

  “Yes.” He smiled, with all the warmth of his heart pouring out through his gaze. “But I had no way of knowing our plan would work.”

  “Well, it did, and here we are.”

  “Yes, here we are; after all the pain, after all the sorrow, after everything we’ve been through—this is heaven, this is where we belong.”

  “I wish you’d been a little less cryptic in your definition of afterlife, David. I didn’t catch on to the whole David’s-not-dead plan until the next day. Talk about grief.” I shook my head, half smiling.

  “I’m so sorry for that, mon amour.” His voice flooded with a depth of sorrow that dragged my heart into blackness for a breath.

  “All’s well that ends well, right?” I shrugged, shaking off the sinking feeling.

  “For us?” He nodded. “Finally.”

  “It’s been quite an adventure,” I noted.

  “Yes, and we’re together at last, to be parted never, because you’re a vampire after all.”

  “Weird, huh?”

  “Not in the slightest.” He took a long breath and closed his eyes.

  “What? Why are you shaking your head?”

  “I just—I can’t believe it. You’re still just as beautiful as always.” He opened his eyes. “My memory did not prepare me for this. I must have forgotten how you look in the sunlight.”

  “And I forgot how much taller you are than me.” I stood on my toes a little, my head only just touching his nose.

  He smiled but it fell quickly.

  “David, what is it, what’s wrong?”

  “So many things, my love. I told myself, when I left home today, that I would not bring up the past—that I would not waste our last days ambling in the horrors we’ve suffered, but, Ara—” he scrunched his eyes tight. “I have no way to explain the agony I suffered for not being able to call to you—comfort you when I heard you crying.”

  “You could hear me?”

  David nodded, his brow furrowing tightly. “It plagues my memory. When I look at your face, even now, I expect there to be tears, surprised when there’s not. I dreamed of coming to you, dreamed I stood by your bed, lifted you in my arms and made all the pain go away. But when I’d wake, stuck flat on my back, in the dark room, with you sleeping on the floor just inches away, a piece of my soul died each time.”

  “I’m okay, you know. I hardly think of it now. Mostly, my tears were for you.”

  “Liar.”

  We both laughed softly.

  “Okay, so, maybe it’s a little hard to move past, but, I really will be okay.”

  “I know, Ara. Because I’m here.” He squeezed my arm a little. “Because I won’t let anything happen to you, ever again. I swear this. I will do everything in my power, for once in my life, to be your knight.”

  “You are, David.” I grabbed his hand and planted it to my cheek, closing my eyes. “You save me from wishing for death—just by existing.”

  “Then I shall exist forever, my love, because a world without your beauty to light the morning would indeed be a world which knows no sunrise.”

  “Oh, I missed your romance-novel lines, David. Do you lay there at night and just plan out a list of things you can say to make my cheeks go red?”

  He chuckled. “You’ve caught me out in my diabolical plan. I just wanted to test if Lilithians blush.”

  “Do they?”

  He stroked a thumb over my cheekbone. “Yes.”

  “Are you repulsed by me, you know, ‘cause vampires hate my kind?”

  David’s face split into that cheeky grin. “No, my love. It was only ever the law which determined them to be dangerous, and cast them as repulsive.”

  “Why?”

  “Fear, I suspect.”

  “Fear? Of the pure bloods, or the created Lilithians?”

  “Both. Even century old vampires are susceptible to venom, and until now, no one had discovered immunity.”

  “Why not?”

  He laughed. “No one took the risk of sharing blood with a Lilithian, then biting or being bitten to find out.”

  “So we’re the only two fools that did?”

  “Yes. How fortunate for us that immunity is possible.”

  “Guess that makes us pioneers.”

  “Something like that.”

  “And you don’t mind that I’m a pure blood, you know—a murderer?”

  “Ara, I love you. You’re still the same beautiful girl you always were—except now I don’t have to be afraid I might hurt you.”

  “I’m stronger now.” I showed him my wrist. “I get bitten by Emily all the time—to build up my venom immunity; it doesn’t even burn anymore—just like when you used to bite me.”

  “So you’re immune to all venom—not just of the one whose blood you drink?” His eyes narrowed.

  “Mm-hm.” I nodded. “As far as I know. And Mike was telling me that there used to be these servants called Sacrificials, back in the days of Lilith…”

  “Yes.” David rubbed his chin. “They would give themselves, offering their lives to feed the queen.”

  “Yeah. Well, he’s enlisting more of them…to feed the Lilithian Council and any royal parliament members. Except, they don’t have to die. He says it’ll be a position of nobility, something the Lilithians will pay a great price for.”

  “Mobile blood. You call—we deliver.”

  I laughed. “Yeah. I don’t like the idea, but it’s better than murder.”

  “And what about vampires? Will you get your way and outlaw killing of humans?”

  I smiled. “What do you think?”

  “You will have a hard time passing that law through the people. Lilithians, maybe, but…”

  “Well, too bad. I’m in control now, and your king tortured and starved my people while he ruled. We don’t care what you vampires think. I’m forcing the law that vampires cannot kill, and that’s all there is to it.”

  “Good luck. It
will start a war. We need to feed on human blood, Ara. Lilithian blood won’t be enough.”

  “Well, I’m not passing the law today. I don’t have the power yet. But one day I will.”

  “And you expect me to side with you?”

  “I can’t believe you’re starting an argument with me when you’ve been out of bed for two minutes.”

  “I’m sorry.” David smiled, then looked around, frowning. “Wasn’t Petey here a second ago?”

  I looked behind me. “Yeah—he comes and goes. Magic dog.”

  David smiled but rolled forward, ever so slightly.

  “Do you need to sit?” I offered the rock.

  “I’m fine.” He reached across slowly and, with two fingers, gently parted the buttons on my shirt, revealing the jagged scar at the centre of my chest. I cupped my hand over his, closing my eyes. “It hurts me to no longer feel surprised at the wretched acts my brother was capable of.”

  “He had no choice, David. You’d have done the same.”

  He knew as well as I did that he couldn’t deny it. I understood so much deeper then why he was the one to torture Pepper.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking.” He said firmly, his commanding gaze catching me off guard.

  “Nothing.”

  “Do not lie to me, Ara-Rose. It’s incredibly frustrating to be forced into conventional methods of deduction; don’t make this harder by denying your thoughts.” The circles he drew over my chest with his thumb became firmer.

  Swallowing hard, my eyes opened more as the gleaming sun dropped behind the cloud again and the tight sensation across my brow, from the almost burning heat, softened. “Did they tell you about this—about how I got this scar?”

  “I’ve been reading Emily’s mind, which is precisely why she avoids any thoughts about it. But I know Eric suffocated you. I know what happened after. And I know how you got that scar on your spine.”

  I cringed. I found that scar a few days after I was home, safe. Eric went pale when I asked him how I got it. I didn’t ask again. “Is that all you’ve heard?”

  His round eyes held obvious pain. “Yes. And I need you tell me what else happened.”

  “David, you shouldn’t be thinking of—”

  “Ara, please.” He took my hand and squeezed it. “I am not an invalid, anymore. I’m a grown man, and I have a right to know what tragedies my beautiful girl suffered while I wasn’t there to protect her.”

  I shut my eyes. “Please don’t make tell you, David.”

  “But you must. I need to know.”

  “Why?”

  He sighed and stood taller, taking a step toward the water’s edge. “You cannot fathom the helplessness, the feeling of no ground beneath my feet, locked up, so far away from you, knowing you were in the hands of the very people whose torture of pure bloods is legendary. The stories so detestable, they haunt vampires even as vile as myself.” He reached across and flicked my chin up gently. “Ara, all I had were these stories, and no resolution.” He looked down, his eyes closing tightly. “It has been as if I’m asleep; in a nightmare I cannot wake from. I need to know what my brother did to you. I need to know what you suffered, so my heart may smile upon his death, and I may know best how to comfort you.”

  “David,” I said with a sigh.

  “Ara, when Jason brought you to me, to kill me, my heart faltered. I fell apart, and all the things I knew you were trying to tell me in that moment—” his shoulders lifted, tight, “—all the things he did to you, I couldn’t hear them.”

  “That’s because I never showed you anything.”

  “Why? Why wouldn’t you let me see? Is it not worse that I had to be in agony over what they proposed to do, or worse, knowing what they did to the last queen.”

  I covered my mouth. Oh my God! Poor David. I never thought of that. A flash of a deathly, bloodied image encased my mind. What Morgaine told me—the repeated rape and torture, then healing and torture of their queen; in the end, Queen Lilith begged for the mercy of death. But if I tell David the truth of what Jason did to me, it makes it real. Then he won’t just imagine—he’ll know. “David…it’s, it’s over, it’s in the past, I—”

  “But it’s not,” he cut me off, “I can see it in your eyes, Ara. You know I can heal the pain, but only once you’ve given it to me.”

  I lowered my head. “Maybe I wish to keep the pain.”

  “Why?” He moved closer. “Why would you want that?”

  “As a reminder—that I have to be careful who I trust.”

  David shook his head and took my fingertips in his; “That’s why you have me. I’ll tell you who to trust.”

  “You trusted Jason.”

  “I know.” David looked down again. “We all did.”

  “Are you upset—about the spirit bind?”

  David shook his head, smiling softly. “You know, Ara, the fact that you are still so in love with me, even though, in your mind, you’re bound to him, it tells me that our love is more true, honest and amazing than any other union I’ve known.” His smile infected mine. “Spirit binds—even if they are only in one’s mind, are inescapable. You don’t move on from them.”

  “So, you’re not mad at me?”

  “Mad? Ara?” He stood taller. “You had a dream. That was all. It’s not even a real spirit bind. It’s as strong as one, but you were still pure when we first made love.”

  “Then why didn’t I get Marked?”

  “That, my love, is because you’re Lilithian.”

  “Serious?”

  “Yes. Regrettably, if we’d made love before I left the Set, I could’ve asked Arthur. He’d have known straight away.”

  “Damn.”

  “Yes. Damn.” He smiled.

  “But I doubt he’d have told you the truth. He knew what I was all along—ever since the masquerade.”

  “Yes, I heard that.”

  “Why didn’t he tell us?”

  “Probably to protect you. If he is on our side, telling you might have put you in danger.”

  I nodded, pressing my lips together. “Or we could’ve run away.”

  David went quiet behind thoughtful eyes. “Yes. Which is why I suspect Morgaine may be right about him having an agenda of his own.”

  “Possibly. I’ll be seeing him in a few days. He’s coming to the manor the day I arrive.”

  “I know.” David nodded once. “Be careful with him, Ara. He radiated affection around you, and I’ve seen him like that only once before—with my aunt. He’s trying to get close to you, for what reason, I don’t know.”

  “So, his affections aren’t real?”

  “Oh, no, they’re real, but his reasons for them are…well, I just feel as though something’s not right. He wants something from you, and I don’t think it’s friendship.”

  I smiled. “Are you jealous?”

  “Of Arthur? No.” He dropped back on his heels a little. “You and I are in love, and despite my supposed passing, the Arthur I know would not cross those boundaries with you. It’s just not in him.”

  “Then why is he so affectionate?”

  “Perhaps to gain your heart, use you for his own purposes.” His eyes narrowed, he touched his chin. “Which would void his ethics, rendering my theory that he’d not cross boundaries with you invalid.”

  “What, so, like, if I fall for him, he can bend me to his will?”

  “Like I said, I don’t know. He may just feel close to you, given that I loved, er, love you so much.” We both smiled. “All I’m saying is be cautious of his affections; think before you act, and don’t, for even one second, allow your guard down, because he will get in there and steal your heart, and you’ll not even know it’s happened until he’s in your bed.”

  “David!” I went to slap him, but stopped short of his newly healed skin.

  “I’m sorry, my love, but I don’t feel safe about this—about sending you off to the manor alone.”

  I slipped my arms along the insides of his jacket,
an outfit way too warm for this weather, then snuggled my cheek onto his firm, solid, real chest. “Don’t worry about me, David. Mike will watch over me.”

  “But I do worry, my love. It’s my job to worry—you’re my wife.”

  My mouth fell open.

  “What?” he said.

  “You said wife. It sounds so weird—nice weird.”

  David looked down at the ground and smiled. “Well, my love, as of this day, we have forever to revel in the joy of our union.”

  Slowly, he linked his fingers through mine, and we stood palm to palm, his lips an inch away from my hair. And all around us, the smell of wet soil and watery plants gave the air a breath of summer; a moist kind of heat mingling within it, settling between our skin while the sun sparkled off my diamond ring.

  “It was kind of Vicki to send that in the post.” He nodded to my ring.

  “Yes, well, if we’d not been pretending to be in Paris, I could’ve had it weeks ago.”

  “If we’d not fled our own wedding, you could have had it back the same day.”

  I smiled. “I have something for you.”

  “Other than a blissfully happy eternity?”

  I smiled and pulled a heavy white-gold band from my pocket.

  “I wondered what happened to that.” David smiled.

  “I keep it with me so I never really feel very far away from you.” As I slid the band back where it belonged, and it touched the base of his finger, my world seemed to stop for one breath, like it clicked into place around me; the cog that winds the hands of time had been reset, and it would never be out of place again.

  “I love you, my beautiful wife.”

  “And I, you.” My David; the boy I loved for so long, but held for only a heartbeat—now, I will look into those stunning green eyes for every morning that the sun chooses to rise, and touch his skin, feel the warmth of his breath on my neck when he whispers, for always—nothing do us part—not even death.

  As our lips touched, I tried to wash the smile from my face, unable to kiss and laugh at the same time, but an energy surged in me so strongly my fingers went tight and numb; David pulled back slightly. “What is that—it’s warm?”

  “I can use static energy.” I held my hands up—showing him the awesomeness of snake-like electricity, thrashing about over my fingers. “Whoa. It’s never done that before.”