by Shan
"Come on, don’t do this right now. We have been talking about this for the past few days."
"I know, but after I seen him in that casket yesterday I don’t think I can handle it again today and besides—"
I got up and took off running towards the bathroom trying to hold whatever it was that was about to come out of my mouth. I’d been throwing up ever since I left that damn crack house. For the past few days, I’d go to bed with fever and wake up in the middle of the night with horrible cold sweats. Kevin felt that I was suffering from a case of food poisoning and that in a few days everything should get better.
"Maybe we should go see a doctor after the funeral. You seem a little worse off than I thought," Kevin suggested.
"Is everything alright?" my dad Korey asked as he stood in the doorway of the bathroom.
I’d moved in with my daddy the same day that Zavier was killed. There was no way I was going back to that condo with Tamar knowing that his brother could come over there at any time. I tried convincing Tamar that it was Tavon that did this shit. He seemed to not want to believe me because Tavon was still alive and well. I was surprised that my daddy accepted me back into his home after knowing that Tamar’s family was the cause of his son’s death.
"Yea, she's just not feeling too well this morning. I think we should take her to the doctor after all this is over with," Kevin said.
"You not pregnant again are you?’ my father Korey asked.
"Pregnant again? What you mean again?" asked Kevin.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and looked at Kevin. He had a surprised and confused look planted on his face. I thought Zavier told him. The last time I saw him at the Red Lobster he told me that he let Kevin know about Tamar.
I ignored his questions and so did our daddy as a matter of fact, he was no longer standing in the bathroom door. Kevin helped me over to the sink where I washed my mouth out with water followed by gargling with mouth rinse. Through the mirror, I could see that Kevin was still waiting for me to tell him about my pregnancy and if I was pregnant again.
"I had a baby about five or six months ago. He died in the hospital," I said. I wouldn’t make eye contact with him ‘cause the look on his face would only show that he was disappointed in me.
"Roz, you sixteen years old. How the hell did you have a baby six months ago? You telling me you’ve been having sex. Sex with who?"
"I thought Zavier said he told you about Tamar. Why are you—"
"Tamar?"
"You know him?"
"I shared a cell with his older brother Taron for the past two and a half years."
"Then you know Tavon?"
"I’ve seen him around a few times. What about him? We were talking about Tamar."
"I think that Tavon is the one that killed Zavier, Kevin." I felt that once I told him that he would completely forget about me having sex and having a baby.
"What the fuck do you mean? Why would you say that?"
"I just know alright. Let’s just go," I said and walked away.
"No, I need to know why you say that. Rozalyn don’t walk away from me.
"Can we just talk about this later? It’s too much to talk about and I really don’t feel like reliving the past right now."
"You saying you know who killed our brother and you talking about you don’t wanna relive the past! If you know something you need to tell me what the fuck is going on!"
"Kevin please! I don’t wanna talk about this right now!"
"Did that nigga you fucking have something to do with this shit too?"
I turned around and looked at Kevin and wanted to know the same damn thing. This past week I’ve been thinking how is it that every damn member of his family was involved in all this shit that’s been happening and he knew nothing about it.
When the police questioned me and asked if Tamar had something to do with it I couldn’t even answer them. It just didn’t make sense. I wondered for some eerie reason this was all plotted from the start. I didn’t know what was going on and why it was going on, but I know that I didn’t want any part of it. This was the end of it all for Tamar and me; this I couldn’t take anymore.
29: Tamar
"Roz, please pick the phone up. I know you see me calling you," I said as I spoke into the receiver leaving Rozalyn a voice message for the third damn time in the last hour. I haven’t spoke to her since the day I found her in the trap house that Andre stashed her at.
I knew she was dealing with the death of her brother, but I was also dealing with once again another betrayal by someone that I’d trusted with my life. My own damn brother had stabbed me in the back. I didn’t get a chance to confront him about it because after Rozalyn made the accusations he fucking disappeared on me like that bitch Shalea.
I tried my hardest not to believe that this was happening to me and was hoping and praying that Tavon wasn’t in on taking me down. But after sitting up night after night just thinking about the tattoos that I was familiar with Tavon having I knew that it was him. Redrum was nothing that I’d seen him with and after asking Brandon and Keylan they didn’t know of him having a tattoo that said Redrum either.
It didn’t come to me until I was lying in the bed fucked up on syrup and chronic and I remembered my mama having the shit beat out of her one day when the twins were thirteen years old:
"I’m telling you we gonna be feared by everybody around this bitch." Tavon told his twin brother Taron as they walked into the house.
"Yea, these niggas gonna be turning and running the other way when they see us," said Taron.
"Running the other way for what? What are y'all talking about?" Cheryl asked as she removed her apron and dried her hands with it.
"Oh nothing mama we just was talking about some video game," Tavon answered
"A video game? What video game is that?" Cheryl asked.
"Nothing, ma'. Is the food ready?" Taron asked and peeked over her shoulder.
"Yes it is. Tavon go get your father from next door and Taron go pull Tamar and the rest of the boys from that video game."
Everybody gathered around the table, joined hands and said grace before digging into the food. Tamar, Brandon, and Keylan were all engaging into their own personal conversations like they normally did. Keeping whatever secrets they knew between the three of them. Taylana was sitting in a high chair while Roderick fed her mash potatoes that were made especially for her. Tavon and Taron were terrorizing the food on their plates like there was no tomorrow and Tahj was sitting at the head of the table as usual not making eye contact with anyone and acting as if everyone didn’t exist.
"Tavon? What is that on your arm?" Cheryl asked dropping the fork on her plate and walking around the table to Tavon. She picked up his wrist and slapped him in the back of his head making his face land in the mash potatoes that were on his plate.
"What the fuck you do that for?" Tavon yelled.
Tahj was now wiping his hands with a napkin; he took a sip of his Colt 45 and stood up from his chair. He never liked it when Cheryl disciplined the boys. He felt that it was a man’s job and a woman’s job was to cook and clean. He didn’t mind her disciplining Taylana, but when it came to his boys; that was for him to do.
Without saying a word, Tahj drew his hand back and punched Cheryl right between both eyes. She flew backwards and hit her head against the stove. He walked over towards her and stomped his foot into her stomach over and over again until she was no longer moving.
Tavon now had tears coming from his eyes and so did the rest of them. They all felt bad for their mother, but they understood if they stepped up and did anything it could turn out deadly for them.
Tahj turned away from Cheryl and walked over to Tavon. He grabbed his wrist and twisted it so that he could see the brand new tattoo that was embedded on his arm.
"Murder?" Tahj questioned looking into Tavon’s eyes.
Tahj grabbed the other wrist and saw the other freshly done tattoo that said ‘Boyz.' He then put bot
h of his wrists together and looked at them while shaking his head in shame.
"Murder Boyz? Is you fucking stupid? You giving every cop in this fucking city a reason to fuck with you for any and every crime whether you were involved or not!" Tahj yelled taking Tavon’s wrist that held the word Murder and twisted it until his bone popped out.
Tavon wanted to scream, but didn’t because that would only cause his father to punish him more. Taron shoved his arms under the table and tried to keep from pissing on himself.
He had the same tattoo and so did four of their other friends. They’d formed their own click called the Murder Boyz and getting the tattoo was for everybody to know who and what they were affiliated with. Although Taron and Tavon at the age of thirteen had killed someone before, the other four haven’t and thought it was just something cool to do. They didn’t know how serious Taron and Tavon were when they’d gotten the tats.
Tahj made his way back over to the dinner table and continued his dinner. Even though the boys wanted to go over and help Cheryl, they didn’t; they continued to eat their dinners as well. Tavon fought back the tears that were building up in the corner of his eyes from the stinging pain in his wrist. He knew not to let one tear hit the wood on the table.
Once everyone was done with dinner, Tahj headed back over to the neighbor's house where he spent most of his time drinking and playing dominoes. The boys including Tavon quickly rushed over to Cheryl who was passed out on the floor. They all helped her get to the bed, cleaned up her bruises, and gave her some pain meds.
Later that night, Tahj’s mother Anna Belle came to take Cheryl and Tavon to the hospital. The whole night Anna Belle hinted around to Cheryl and the boys coming to live with her. She was aware of how ruthless, mean, and evil her son had become since he’d left the war. She only wanted to help and she also feared that someone would end up dead.
"Tamar, did you hear me?" Kayla asked pulling me from my thoughts.
"What? What’s up?"
"Brandon and Key said they found Tavon. He’s in the hospital. He just overdosed," Kayla said.
"Overdosed? Overdosed on what?"
"I don’t know. He’s being staying with Aunt Cheryl. I guess she took him to the hospital."
"I’m not trying to go see that nigga. I ain’t got shit to say to him. Ain’t no telling what I’ll do if I see him."
"You don’t know for sure if he was involved. Roz could have gotten her facts wrong."
"Nah, she didn’t get them wrong Ki-Ki. As much as I would like to believe that she was wrong, I know that she’s not." I said and picked up my cell phone to call Rozalyn again.
"Hello," a male voice picked up the line.
"Who the fuck is this?" I inquired.
"Nigga, who the fuck did you call?"
"Yo', put my baby mama on the phone."
"She didn’t answer the last twenty calls you made so that oughta let you know she ain’t trying to talk to you."
"Look homey, I don’t know who the fuck you are, but you bet not be there when I get there," I said and chunked my phone into the wall. Kayla jumped out of the way as if it was going to hit her. I emerged from my bed, threw on a white t-shirt, and grabbed my keys from the dresser.
"Who was that on the phone? What is going on?" Kayla asked.
"I don’t know who the fuck that was, but I know that nigga bet not be there when I get there!"
"Tae, don’t you think that maybe it’s best if y'all just went y'all separate ways. With all the bullshit—"
"No, I don’t think we should go our separate ways! Ki-Ki just stay out my fucking business alright," I said and walked out of the room leaving the house.
It took all of fifteen minutes to get to the apartment where Rozalyn was staying at with her pops. I guess she forgot that I kept hired security around her, so I don’t why she acting real brand new.
Bam! Bam! Bam!
"Rozalyn, open up this muthafuckin' door!" I roared. "Don’t make me shoot this bitch down! Open the fucking door!"
The door came open, but only slightly. Rozalyn stuck her head between the crack. "Who told you where I lived?"
"Don’t play dumb I know you see those niggas outside. Who the fuck is that nigga that answered your damn phone?"
"Nobody. What do you want? I ain’t got anything to say to you right now."
"Open the door. Why you not opening the door?"
"Because I don’t have anything to say to you."
"You got some other nigga smelling your pussy and all of a sudden you acting real funny now, huh? Open the muthafuckin' door. I really ain’t in the mood right now!"
"Tae, go home. I’m not in the mood either."
I pushed the door open causing Rozalyn to fall to the floor. "Where that nigga at?"
"Rozalyn, what the fuck going on in here?" I looked up to see her little boyfriend coming from the back of the apartment. This nigga was shirtless, no damn shoes on with a blunt hanging from his mouth. I was so sick and tired of being stabbed in my damn back, no better yet being stabbed in my fucking heart by the people I loved and the people that so called loved me. I took my pistol from my back pointed it directly at that nigga.
"Tamar, that’s my damn brother! That’s Kevin! I told you about him!"
"This the same nigga that was at the funeral with you! Don’t fucking lie to me!" I roared.
"Ain’t nobody lying to you. I told you he was getting out of jail soon! Put that damn gun down!"
Kevin took a toke from the blunt he was holding, sat on the edge of the couch, and stared me up and down. That nigga looked familiar, but I couldn’t remember where the hell I knew him from. Feel like a fucking fool right about now.
"Your brother said you were a fucking fool. Said he been hearing you been wilding out. That nigga had some stories about your ass, but he never told me one about you and my muthafuckin' sister," he said taking another long toke from the blunt.
"What the hell you know about my brother?" I waved that nigga off and looked over at Rozalyn. "We need to talk. Bring your ass outside."
I left the apartment and walked outside to my car. Rozalyn had me waiting for over twenty minutes and I was about to head back inside to get her, but she finally came out sporting a long black Chanel dress and a pair of Chanel sandals.
"Had me waiting long enough," I said. I kissed her on the neck and wrapped my arms around my waist. "Let your brother know I’m sorry."
"You tell him yourself." Rozalyn pushed me away from her and crossed her arms over her chest. I could tell she was mad at me. I didn’t know if it was over what just happened or what, but her actions and the look on her face told me she was hot.
"What’s up? I’ve been calling you, leaving you voice messages, text messages. You got me acting like a sprung ass nigga and shit. Why you ain’t returning my calls?"
"I don’t have anything to say to you, Tae."
"Yea you keep saying that, why is that?"
"You know why."
"No, I don’t know why. We made an agreement we were going to stay together. You go and be a lil’ hard headed muthafucka' and got yourself caught up in this shit and you wanna blame me."
"What you saying it’s my fault that your brother raped me and killed my damn brother?"
"I ain’t say that and we don’t know if that shit is true or not."
"You know what; this is exactly why I said I didn’t have anything to say to you! I knew you believed that nigga over me! Why the fuck did you even come over here? Why are you calling me?"
"Roz, I didn’t say I believed him. I haven’t talked to that nigga yet to even see what he gotta say!"
"What you need to talk to him for? I told you what it is!"
"That’s my muthafuckin' brother and killing him won’t be as easy as it was to pop that nigga— that’s my muthafuckin' blood!" I had to catch myself before I admitted to popping Andre.
"And Zavier was my fucking blood and our son that he had a part in killing was our fucking blood!"
"
I know that Rozalyn," I said taking her words in.
"Nah, I don’t think that you do. Look, this—" Rozalyn turned her head from me and allowed everything she’d eaten for breakfast to escape from her mouth. I walked over to her and pulled her long black hair from her face. "It’s just food poisoning. I haven’t really been eating these past couple of days. And then the funeral got me sick from all that crying."
"If you haven’t been eating then how did you get food poisoning?" I questioned.
"I’m about to go back in the house. I just wish you would not come around me any more Tae. I don’t wanna have anything to do with you or your crazy ass family. Okay?"
"You pregnant?"
"I’m about to go Tae. I told Kevin I would only be five minutes."
I reached and grabbed Rozalyn pulling her to me, wrapping her tightly against my body. "Did you think you were going to kill my baby and get away with that shit?"
"I wasn’t planning on doing anything Tae. I don’t even know if I’m pregnant or not."
"What if you are? What does that mean for me and you?’
"Tae, I don’t wanna be with you. I can’t be with you. You look just like him! How can I be with you?"
"You gonna put the bullshit that Dre, Ro and my brother did on me? I’m dealing with that bullshit too, Roz. My fucking family whom I kept close to me fucked me over and I gotta deal with that shit too! You ain’t the only one!"
"Rozalyn!" Kevin yelled.
"I gotta go, Tae."
"Come here," I said pulling her into my arms again. "Don’t do this alright. I know you hurting and shit, but a nigga love you Roz and I wanna be with you. I’m sorry for what everybody did to you and I wish I could take all that shit back, but I can’t. Don’t let that fuck up what we got."
"What do we have, Tae? What? What do we have? A dead baby? A black eye? A few busted lips? What? A fucking disease?" tears flowed down Rozalyn’s cheek.
I sucked my teeth. "What you want me to say? You know how I get when I get mad and yea I fuck a few other hoes every now and then, but so the fuck what. Those bitches don’t mean shit me."