Play Boy

by Cassie-Ann L. Miller

  And because I’m a fool, because I’m weak when his hands are on me, because I’m a glutton for punishment, I hear myself saying “yes.”

  Charlie smiles that frigid smile again. His eyes roam over my face and it almost feels like his trying to memorize every little detail of it. I can’t stand the heavy, sad weight of his stare so I turn away.

  He follows after me as I head for the door. “So you’ll text me, right? With your flight details so I can drop you off?”

  My head seems to weigh a thousand pounds when I nod. “Yeah. Sure. I will.”

  I get to the door and slide into my sneakers. I feel his presence behind me. So close. Why is he doing this? Is he trying to drive me crazy? Is he trying to remind me of all the things I want from him that I’ll never be able to have? It almost feels cruel.

  When I stand up and turn to face him, he leans his forearm against the doorjamb and his body arches over mine. His stare is so powerful. It makes every hair on my arms stand at attention.

  My throat quivers when I look up into his dark eyes. “What?” My voice is small and weak.

  A sad smile lifts one corner of his mouth. “I just know I’m gonna miss you. That’s all.”

  Without another word, without any elaboration, he reaches around me and pulls the door open, like he’s silently telling me to leave. I spin away from him when I feel the tears clinging to my eyelashes.

  I don’t let them fall until I’m pulling away from the curb, the grating sound of metal on concrete filling the air.

  Chapter 37

  Charlie

  I feel like I’ve got a log lying sideways in my throat as I pull into a spot in the parking garage.

  Nova unfastens her seatbelt and twists around into the backseat. She snatches her guitar case and the backpack sitting on the bench. Then she hops out of the car and pops the trunk open to pull out her duffel. When the trunk door slams shut, it all becomes too real. Too final.

  She’s leaving…

  I can’t move. I’m strapped into my seat, hands gripping the wheel, eyes straight ahead. She pauses at my tailgate and stares down at her phone for a moment. Then, she’s standing at my window with her guitar slung over one shoulder, her backpack over the other, her duffel bag clenched in her fingers.

  Bringing my eyes to her, I force a smile. I pop open the door and step out of the car. There’s a little smile on her face. It’s shallow but it’s there.

  “So, this is it, huh?” It’s a lame question but it’s all I’ve got right now.

  “This is it.”

  We stand there staring at each other for so long that her guitar strap starts slipping down her arm. She hooks a thumb over her shoulder in the direction of the elevators.

  “I’ve gotta, um—”

  “Yeah…”

  There’s another awkward pause. “So, do I get a hug or…?” she croaks out.

  I shake myself out of my miserable fog, spreading my arms wide to receive her. She sets her bags on the ground. I pull her to me, holding her to my chest, wishing to god that I didn’t have to let her go. She squeezes her little body close to mine when her arms come around my waist.

  Does she feel how hard my heart is beating? Does she realize that I’m silently begging her to change her mind?

  I love her…

  She gives me a sad look and her arms drop from around me.

  Those eyes…

  I’ll never get to watch them again in the light of the rising sun.

  That hair…

  I’ll never get to lose my fingers in it as I guide her lips over mine.

  Those lips…

  Just watching them now is driving me insane.

  Without thinking, I reach out and grab her face with both hands. I lower my lips to hers and feel them sliding against her soft mouth. She gasps in that wispy, breathless way that always gets my cock to swell. I deepen the kiss, opening her lips with my tongue. I taste her again. For the last time. And it’s breaking apart every bit of willpower inside of me.

  My arms drop to her waist and I kiss her like I don’t know how to stop. I lash my tongue against hers, I suck hard on her lips, I angle her face just right. I need her to know that I mean it. I mean this kiss with every fiber of my being.

  When she pulls away, stumbling back, her eyes are wet and confused, asking me what the hell I’m thinking. The stuttering words that come out of my chest do nothing to help the situation. “I—I, uh…” I glance down at the watch on my wrist. “What time is your flight?”

  “I should go.” She hefts her bags onto her shoulder and takes quick steps away.

  I leap forward. “Wait—let me help you.” I grab the duffel and the backpack. We walk side by side to the elevator. Silence hovers over us. It’s tearing up my insides. Our friendship used to mean the world to me. She was one of those people I could be myself with. Now, it’s like we’re strangers and that’s all my fault.

  I wait with her in the line to the airline counter. Each step takes us closer and the words in my head grow louder. Don’t let her go. Make her stay. Beg her. Tell her how you feel. But it turns out, I’m a coward. Besides, I know that New York is what’s best for her. Her dream career. A world of opportunities. A fresh start.

  After she’s done checking in, we walk silently to the security gate. She pauses and turns to face me. “I can’t go past this point,” I tell her stupidly, as if she doesn’t already understand that. In fact, she looks relieved for the physical barrier she’s about to put between us. Don’t let her go…

  Cupping her check, I lean down to kiss her again. This time she turns away.

  “Don’t,” she whispers, her attention focused on the ground. “This is already so hard. Too hard…”

  Those are her last words before she steps through the gate and disappears from my sight.

  Chapter 38

  Nova

  My jaw quivers as I stab my fork into the bottle of olives and stuff a forkful into my mouth. No salad dressing this time. Just tears. Sliced olives and tears.

  That’s tonight’s menu.

  This is pathetic.

  I should be happy. I’ve wanted an opportunity like this for so long. Here I am, in New York, with a production company prepared to turn my hard work into a product that will be seen by millions of people. Why am I not over the moon? Why do I feel like the whole galaxy just came crumbling down on my shoulders?

  All I think about is Charlie. The look on his face when I turned away from his kiss at the airport is burned into my mind. I didn’t want to turn away. I wanted to melt into his arms but that would have only made things worse in the long run.

  If I’d known that things would end up like this, I never would have accepted his offer to take me to the wedding. I would have kept him at arm’s length like I’d always done. Instead, I let him in and it left us both broken.

  I can’t keep dwelling. It’s driving me crazy. I wipe my eyes with my sleeves and set the olives aside. I pick up my sketchbook again because that’s the only thing that makes me feel better. I flit the lead back and forth on the paper. An image begins to take form. A face. Handsome, rugged, cocky. It’s Charlie’s face.

  Oh god. I’m fucked.

  My sister stomps into the room, causing me to jump. “The milk goes on the top right side of the fridge,” she informs me in a saccharine tone meant to hide her irritation. She shakes the half-empty carton in the air. “But not too far to the back because then it freezes and not too much to the front because then it turns sour.”

  I roll my eyes without looking up from my drawing. She’s been on my case since I landed in this shoebox a week ago. She needs to give it a rest. "Would you stop treating me like your kid sister? I'm your roommate!”

  She isn’t usually this much of a pain in the ass. That’s how I know that something is going on with her. I’ve been so deep in my own issues that she and I haven’t had a heart-to-heart since I got here. I wonder if her heart is as broken over Luke as mine is over Charlie.

  "No�
��roommates pay rent and they wash dishes. You, you're a squatter. And squatters get evicted. Back to mom and dad's place."

  My head snaps up. “Oh god, no. Don’t send me back to that den of iniquity. That’s just inhumane.” No matter how old a person gets, they just don’t get used to seeing their mother covered in hickies, bruises and other sex injuries.

  Setting the milk on the coffee table, she shrugs out of her blazer and plops down onto the couch opposite me. “So how’s work going?”

  I try to force a smile. “It’s great. Challenging. Much more exciting than a shift at Gallos, that’s for sure.”

  She leans back and draws her legs up under her. She watches me doubtfully. “Doesn’t seem like you’re that into it, though…”

  I scoff. “Are you serious? I’m totally into it. I’ve wanted an opportunity like this for so long.” I’m just repeating out loud the story I’ve been telling myself.

  “So why have you been moping around like your pet centipede just crawled up your ass and died? You should be over the moon!”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am over the moon. I’m so happy. Fulfilled, really.”

  My sister tilts her head to the side. “This is about Charlie, isn’t it?”

  Both of my eyebrows dart up. “Charlie? Why would this be about Charlie? Firstly, there is no this to be about and if there was a this, it definitely wouldn’t be about Charlie!”

  She just rolls her eyes. “What happened between you two anyway?”

  I throw her a warning look. “Nadia…”

  She throws it right back. “Nova…”

  I sigh and flop back against the couch. I pull a cushion into my lap. “There is no me and Charlie…”

  “Well, at the wedding, it certainly looked like Charlova was the next super couple of Copper Heights.”

  “Charlova?” I snort out.

  “What? You prefer Novarlie?”

  I shake my head, laughing. “You watch too much TMZ.”

  She smiles a little and then her face goes serious. “Nova, what happened?”

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Why does it hurt so much?

  “I started to feel things. Intense things. Things that would get me hurt…Charlie’s not the type of guy you fall in love with. I know better than that. But I let myself go anyway.”

  “And how does he feel about you?”

  I lift a shoulder, utterly defeated. “I…I don’t know. He says he wants me but I just can’t ignore his history. He’s always been a player.”

  With a hiked brow, Nadia watches me. “Are you sure he hasn’t changed? Because when I saw you together…There was something real there. The way he looked at you. The way you laughed together. It seemed real.”

  “Well, yeah—we laugh together. We’ve been friends for over a decade. But that doesn’t mean anything.”

  “How did you leave things, Nova? Has he called you since you got here?”

  “He’s texted. But it was just friendly. Hey, how are you? Nothing more.” I hate myself for the painful spasm in my chest when I admit that. I hate myself for missing him so much.

  “Look—I don’t know the guy the way you do. But I know you. I know how you shut yourself off from other people. You don’t trust anyone. I know how you try to be tough and pretend you’re okay when you’re really crying inside. Did you give this guy a real chance? Did you let him in?”

  I weigh her words. “I tried...” I say in a small voice. “It was scary. And then we had a misunderstanding and it was like a sneak peek at how badly I could get hurt. I freaked out and shut down…”

  “I’d say you owe it to yourself to take a chance, sis. Not necessarily for Charlie’s sake but for yours. You can’t live all your life with your heart barricaded behind an iron gate.”

  Tears flow freely down my cheeks now. When did I become such a wreck? Facing the possibility that my sister might be right is tough. And scary. I’m used to dating guys who don’t pose a threat, guys I could never possibly fall for. But Charlie—I could fall hard for him, I could love him fully. And if I do that, he could ruin me. I’m not strong enough for that.

  Nadia’s phone chirps and she pulls it out of the pocket of her slacks. “Dammit! It’s Friday night, Cartwright.”

  “Work stuff?” I ask sympathetically as I wipe my eyes on my sleeves.

  With a reluctant sigh, she rises to her feet. “Yeah—I’ve got a helicopter boss.”

  “I know all about those,” I say as I think back to Mr. Gallo.

  She grabs the milk and hustles toward the kitchen for some privacy. She pauses in the doorway. “We’ll finish this discussion later, but in the meantime, I really think you should consider talking to Charlie instead of driving yourself crazy with what ifs.” With that, she disappears around the corner.

  Chapter 39

  Nova

  Lori Arthur is something of a renegade in the industry.

  She has a reputation for hiring the very best artists and taking on projects that no one else would touch. Profitability takes second place to innovation and even still, CXT’s profits are through the roof.

  I know—I’ve done my research.

  And right now, I’m having lunch with her at one of uptown Manhattan’s classiest lunch spots.

  Most of the office staff couldn’t believe that she’d take me out to eat. Some of them have been there for years and she doesn’t even know their names. So for her to take me to lunch in my second week, it’s kind of mind-boggling for them. Apparently this is a big deal. I’d be excited if I weren’t a lovesick fool right now.

  Nadia has spent the past few days trying to convince me to talk to Charlie. She says that we can make a relationship work, even if we’re long distance. I don’t see how that would happen. We couldn’t make it work when we lived in the same town. How are we going to do it when we’re not even in the same state? My sister’s optimism gives me hope but I’m still not fully convinced that what she’s saying is practical, realistic. Anyway, I’ve been longing for Charlie so much that I think that tonight after work, I’m just gonna pick up the phone and call him, let the chips fall where they may.

  With a dainty movement, Lori lifts her wine goblet off the table. Her matte burgundy lips curl around the rim as she takes a small sip and her eyes tilt up to the ceiling as she swishes it around in her mouth like snobby people do in movies.

  Oh jeez…

  “This is absolutely divine,” she coos as she holds the glass up to the light to admire its rich color. When she’s done worshipping the overpriced vintage, she lays the glass down on the pristine white tablecloth. “So, Jessie is very impressed with your work,” she tells me. “She had some very flattering things to say about you.”

  Jessie? Who the hell is Jess—? Oh, Jaimie, my supervisor.

  I briefly consider correcting her but then the magnitude of what she’s saying hits me. My heart pumps just a little faster. “Really?”

  She chuckles tightly. “Of course. Would Jessie lie for you?” A perfectly-penciled in eyebrow inches toward her hairline. Despite her smile, I can’t fight the feeling that this woman is laying a trap for me, trying to trip me up. She doesn’t like me. One of the skills I quickly developed in high school was how to discern whether someone is being sincere or whether they’re playing an angle. Lori’s playing an angle.

  “No! No!” I say, quickly. “She wouldn’t. She has no reason to. She doesn’t even know me.” My alarm bells are warning me to be careful with her. I haven’t figured out her game yet, but I know not to let my guard down.

  Lori gives me a dry smile and pulls her linen napkin into her lap, carefully spreading it across the skirt of an exquisite shift dress that obviously costs more than all my earthly possessions combined. Her tone goes solemn. “Honestly, Nora. I knew from the very first time I saw your work that I had to have you on my team. At all costs. You have a unique kind of talent. A special way of looking at the world.”

  “I’m really flattered. Thank you.�
�� I try to mimic her grace as I take a taste of my wine. The only thing I’m used to gargling is Listerine so I’m not quite sure I pull it off. “There’s so much great art on the internet. It’s sort of serendipitous that you happened to stumble across mine in that sea of talent.”

  Her stiff brow makes an attempt a furrowing but it seems to freeze halfway. “I didn’t find your work on the internet,” she says matter-of-factly.