I Need You Now

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  “If you’re sure he feels the same way, then you should tell him. One thing life’s taught me lately is that it’s too short to let even the smallest chances slip by. We never know what tomorrow might bring or if we even have tomorrow.”

  Wow. I was blown away by how deep Nate thought. I could almost swear he was reading my mind.

  He looked down at his watch and then up at me. “Damn. I need to get going. I promised my friend that I’d meet him in an hour. Here, let me have your iPod. Hopefully he can fix it. And before you argue, I assure you that I’ll have it back to you as soon as possible.”

  His hand extended to take the player. His fingertips brushed up against my hand, causing an instantaneous spark. I’d felt this kind of spark only once before. My mind was about to go back to that night. “I better get the batteries out of this. The damn thing’s shocking me.” Naturally it’d be the damn batteries.

  I don’t know why but I felt my heart get ripped out of my chest. Something about him seemed familiar and in one sense turned me on, while another part of him was a major turn off.

  “Thanks for having it looked at. When can I expect it back?”

  “It may take a day or two, but I’ll listen for any noise coming from your place when you’re home and drop it by. Sound good?” I watched as he reached over to a chair close to mine and grabbed his towel. How did I not hear him get that close to me? I don’t even want to imagine what he saw.

  “Okay.” I flushed with embarrassment.

  He leaned over, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. “Cheer up. I’ll make this right and,” his voice dropped down low, “I won’t tell about how we finally met in person, if you won’t.” Then he winked at me and was gone.

  I needed to be more careful. Several of my family members lived here in their condos and any one of them could’ve come out here and seen me make a fool of myself. Rafe and my sister definitely wouldn’t let me live this kind of embarrassment down.

  I watched as Nate walked away. His body and words had me a little overheated so I decided to go for a swim to cool off and clear my mind.

  The coolness of the water and the laps in the pool helped me relax and take my mind of work. The only problem is now it was focused on my cowboy, wishing he’d been here instead of Nate. I kept imagining him in place of Nate, when he had me pressed up against the side of the pool. My mystery man knew how to play my body. Would he have taken me in the pool?

  I was lost in thought when I heard someone call my name. I turned toward the sound. Naturally it was Nate, looking super fine in a tight polo shirt and some chinos.

  “Gianna, you might want to put on some more sunscreen. You’re looking a bit pink on your shoulders and back.” He seemed friendly enough. I just wish he’d mind his own business and just focus on himself.

  “Thanks, but shouldn’t you be on your way and minding your own business?” I didn’t mean to be rude, it just came out that way.

  He started laughing at me and shook his head. “We don’t have to make this difficult. You know we can be friendly to one another, since we’re going to be neighbors for a while. It wouldn’t hurt either of us to try and be nice.”

  “Don’t remind me.” Just what I needed, a hot guy as a neighbor, and a nosy one at that.

  “Okay, whatever. I’m out of here. I’ll see you around.” He waved me off and headed toward the garage, sounding a bit disappointed.

  I couldn’t blame him. I didn’t trust people easily. There was something about him that called to me, but I decided I wouldn’t listen. I might as well head upstairs and start cleaning my apartment. It’d been a while since I had a few hours at home to do housework. Lately, I seemed to live at the office.

  I WAS HAPPY TO be in my car and headed to pick up Ethan. When we’d talked last he’d begged me to break him out of the rehab place for a few hours. The pool scene kept replaying in my mind as I was driving. It had gotten too intimate for me and I was one who typically didn’t do passion. I’d never responded so intensely with anyone in my life, except for Vixen—but it couldn’t have been her. The smell of her skin was off, smelling more like coconuts and pineapple, not the strawberries and champagne that made me hard. There was the dominance in her demeanor too, but to some degree if felt forced. Maybe she was throwing some walls up to protect her heart? Who knew? Maybe with time I could figure her out.

  Gianna was definitely a fine piece of ass and I was thankful she shot me down. A little more and I would’ve taken her against the side of the pool. She was the first person to get me hard in a while. Too bad my mind kept drifting back to Vixen. I kept imagining she was in front of me, but Gianna was definitely not Vixen. She was too thin, whereas my dream girl had some major curves and was more subdued. Gianna spoke her mind . . . or did she?

  She consumed my mind so much that I didn’t even notice I’d pulled up to the front of the rehabilitation center and that Ethan was knocking on the window for me to unlock the doors.

  “Dude, are you going to open up the freaking door or what? You know these damn crutches aren’t the most comfortable things in the world to deal with.”

  I hit the unlock switch and reached over to open the door for him. I watched as he slid in and moved his legs around before throwing the crutches in the back seat. He turned to me with a knowing smile on his face. “Okay, what girl has you daydreaming and wishing you were inside her pants?”

  Leave it to Ethan to point out the obvious. “What? No ‘Hi’ or ‘How have you been?’”

  He slapped me on the arm and started laughing. “Since when did you become a woman?”

  “Never! I just had a run in with my new neighbor.” I still couldn’t get Gianna out of my head.

  “Is she a hottie? Is she someone I’d like? Help a man out here,” he begged.

  “Ethan, dude. You don’t need any help. You’ve got gals lining up for you.” I was actually a little jealous. He’d been able to talk some of the hot nurses into giving him sponge baths and riding or sucking him off like crazy. Lucky bastard!

  I was surprised to see his face get so serious. “Let’s not go there, okay?”

  I turned to him and realized he didn’t have his mini laptop with him like usual. His attitude seemed a tad somber. “Everything okay, bro?”

  He raised one hand to his head and shook it. “No. The nurse I was sweet on got fired for giving me special treatment, now she’s pissed and won’t talk to me. Then the physical therapist I liked on had her ex-boyfriend come back and propose to her. And to top things off, Electrotechs was bought out by Dynamics Comp and they had to let some people go with the merger.”

  His job was his life, what he lived for most, even over women. “They didn’t?”

  Ethan nodded, confirming my suspicions. “I got the news yesterday when they came to personally deliver my severance check, take their laptop, and inform me that I’d at least get a good reference and they’d be kind enough to let me keep my health insurance through the end of the year, which is only four months. So much for being the head of computer design and giving them five years of service.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Ethan was the top honcho at his workplace. “How did they justify it?”

  Before he could answer, both of our stomachs grumbled. He suggested, “Why don’t we grab some grub first?”

  I was starving. “Sure. What do you have a taste for?”

  He did a double take and turned toward me in his seat. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with Nate? The Nate I know would’ve insisted on going to the Kilted Skirt or Hotties to eat and pick up a girl for a meaningless fuck later tonight.”

  My best friend knew me a bit too well. “I’m still the same, but I don’t need all the bullshit anymore. I met someone back when Marissa graduated and I haven’t been able to think of anyone else since.”

  “It’s about damn time! So, what’s her name?” A huge grin was plastered across his face.

  I just shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. “That’s
the thing. I don’t know. I went to Dane’s parents’ club when I learned what Tom had done to my sister and that he was still threatening her. I needed to blow off some steam with a mindless fuck, but instead my mind was completely overwhelmed by an Italian goddess. We hid our identities, going by Vixen and Cowboy.” I turned to him. “We agreed that if fate wanted us together, our paths would cross again.” I punched the steering wheel hard. “I need to find her, man. She’s all I never knew I wanted and my every fantasy come true.”

  He started laughing. “I never thought I’d see the day that you’d get hit with the love bug. I pictured you as a life-long bachelor with a new woman every night. But you’ve got it bad.”

  I hated admitting it so I changed the subject. “So where should we eat?”

  “I could really go for a beer and a good hamburger, the food here at the rehab center sucks. Any place is fine, just nothing near the college campus.” He raised his hands up in surrender. “I’m tired of the party scene. How about that new place, Rock ’n Pub? I hear they have some great food.”

  I knew which place he was talking about, since I’d passed it on the way here. “Sounds like a plan.” I turned toward him. “I’ve had it with all the partying, too.”

  “But what about your roommates, Chad and Tanner? Aren’t they still partying every weekend?”

  “I moved into Dane’s condo for now, until I can figure out whether I want to purchase it or find someplace new to rent.”

  I must have floored him by all the changes since we sat in silence, except for the radio, as we made our way back to the restaurant.

  Once we were seated and placed our orders, I asked Ethan, “So why did your workplace let you go?”

  He took a big gulp of beer. “They gave me some bullshit about being too expensive to keep on staff. Apparently they have some up and coming yahoo that’s willing to work for half my rate, so of course they cut the bigger expense first.”

  I raised my glass to him before taking a swig of beer. “Man, that sucks. Any plans on what you’re going to do now?”

  He shook his head. “Not a clue. However, I will be sitting back and watching the new kid fall flat on his face.”

  I didn’t know if it was the best time to discuss the future, since I really had no clue where mine was going either, but what the heck. “I quit my job at Cavanaugh, Keiton, and Marz.”

  “You’re shitting me, right? You love that job.” Ethan’s eyes were huge.

  “Nope. I just finished my last assignment with them and was planning on coming back to town, taking some time off, and looking for a new job. I’d been offered an amazing deal to stay in Seattle to work for the company I was auditing, but I wanted to come home.”

  I couldn’t tell if Ethan was happy for me or upset over what I passed up.

  “Why?”

  I just shrugged. “Why not? I haven’t spent much time with my sister lately. Had I been here I might’ve been able to prevent Tom from being such an ass. I could’ve been there for you and prevented you from driving that night. And I’m going to be an uncle soon. I know my parents aren’t that close to us, but I’d like to be there for my sister and to know my niece or nephew.”

  He nodded, taking another sip of beer. “You’ve already got something lined up, haven’t you?”

  Ethan and I had been friends for a long time. He knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. He was several years older than me, but we got along great. We’d met when he was finishing up his Master’s degree in computer programming before going on to his doctorate, while I was heading into my Master’s in accounting. We had been in the same fraternity, but grew close as brothers.

  I nodded. “Dane called with problems going on at Prescott International. He’d explained some discrepancies Marissa found in the sales reports. They started a couple months ago, but have gotten worse, extending into the accounting department.”

  “But she’s innocent. Your sister doesn’t have a corrupt bone in her body!” he exclaimed rather loudly, causing every head in the pub to turn our way.

  “Calm down, man.”

  He took a big swig of his beer before landing the mug hard onto the table. “You know I’m protective of her. I don’t have any siblings, so she’s the closest thing I have to a sister.”

  I reached over and landed my hand on his shoulder to reassure him. “That’s why Dane called. His family knows she’s innocent. In fact, Marissa is the one who found the problems and pointed them out to him. They’d made corrections, but they keep getting altered. It seems the problem has trickled over into the accounting department with their new manager.”

  “Are they asking you to help out?”

  “Yeah. Dane asked if I’d consider helping them figure this mess out. Someone seems to have it in for Marissa and the new manager. The person seems to be skimming sales off of other sales associates and padding it to Marissa and Dane’s accounts, not realizing they’re salaried and don’t get commissions based on sales.”

  I couldn’t get another word out before Ethan asked, “Is that rat bastard Tom causing this?”

  I shook my head. “That’s the first thing I asked too, but Dane’s been keeping tabs on him.” It suddenly dawned on me. “You have heard, haven’t you?”

  He looked puzzled. “Heard what?”

  “About Tom Reynolds.”

  His fist clenched and his face reddened with anger at the mere mention of him. “What about the little fucker?”

  “His father wouldn’t bail him out of jail, because he’d caused shame and embarrassment to the family. All the bail bondsmen passed due to the length of charges, so he’s been sitting in jail awaiting trial.”

  “So?”

  I went on to explain. “He’s in the hospital with massive swelling to the brain and on life support.”

  Ethan stopped mid-sip. “No way.”

  I nodded. “He pissed someone off and was beaten within an inch of his life. Actually they don’t hold out hope of him recovering. According to the nurse who looked after you, the family’s talking about pulling the plug.”

  “It couldn’t happen to a better guy.” His words were cold, but I understood where he was coming from, especially after all he’d done to my sister. “I only wish we’d been able to take him to court so he could see how many lives he managed to ruin because of his misguided hatred towards your father.” He looked into his beer mug and started laughing. “To think my life has been totally fucked up. Dane’s sister is dead thanks to me, and Marissa was a mental wreck because of that asshole.”

  I couldn’t listen to him take the blame for everything. I slammed my mug down. “Dammit, Ethan! How many times do you have to be told you’re not responsible for Gabriella’s death? Even if Tom hadn’t drugged your drink that night, causing you to pass out at the wheel and hit her car, her aneurysm might’ve burst delivering her little girl. It had gone undetected and was at a critical level already.”

  He rubbed his hands against his forehead and sat back in his seat. “I know. I know! I’ve got my parents, Marissa, Dane, you, Rafe, Gabriella’s parents, and everyone else telling me that it’s not my fault. My mind accepts it, but my heart feels so sorry for Jackson. I’ve tried talking with him, but he refuses. I know he blames me and I can’t let that go.”

  I knew this would be one of the biggest issues for Ethan to let go. “Jackson doesn’t blame you, nor does he hate you.”

  “How would you know?” He finally pulled his hands away from his face, showing unshed tears for the loss of the life he accidentally took.

  I looked him in the eyes. “I’ve talked with Mr. Prescott and Jackson. He just needs time to heal. According to Mr. Prescott, Gabi and Jackson grew up together because their families were friends, so they’ve known each other longer than the three years they were married. They were friends since birth.”

  His eyes went big. “I had no idea. That’s a long time. No wonder he’s having such a hard time dealing with things.”

  “He knows Tom is res
ponsible for everything and he realizes he might’ve lost Gabi at any time thanks to the aneurysm, so he doesn’t hate you. He’s dealing with the major loss of a long-time relationship. Right now all he wants to do is work, go home, and spend time with his little girl, Nicola.”

  I got to thinking about things and came to a realization. “If you think about it, only Marissa has had the courage to move on. She’s taken a chance at life again and has found happiness with Dane.” I pointed between the two of us. “But you and I are just as stuck as Jackson.”

  His expression shifted. “How so?”

  “I don’t want to let my sister too far out of my sight. That’s one of the reasons I decided to move back. And you keep beating yourself up, thinking you’re to blame for everything. If anything, I should’ve stayed and made sure you got home okay. If I had, I would’ve noticed you acting funny, driven you to the hospital, and you’d have never gotten behind the wheel of a car that night. I’m the one who fucked up!”

  “But you’re not responsible, Nate,” he argued.

  “Yes, I am.” I slammed my fist down on the table and startled the waitress, who was approaching with our food. I looked at her, a bit embarrassed. “Sorry.”

  I waited until she walked away to continue. “I don’t want any argument over things, Ethan. I fucked up royally, and because of it, everyone paid.” I did feel guilty about everything, but Marissa and Dane had already made me realize that nothing about that night could be changed. I was hoping that by arguing with him, he’d come to the same conclusion I did.

  “You’re trying to get me to see that no matter what, the events were already set in motion. Right?”

  I held my hands up in defeat. “You’ve got me.”

  “My psychiatrist keeps telling me the same things, but a part of me keeps wondering the ‘what if’s’ of things.”

  Finally, I’d broken down his barriers. “We can go over every detail in our minds a million times, but we can’t change the past. It is what it is and there’s nothing we can do, but we can accept that it’s a part of our life and try to move forward with it. Why things happened the way they did, I’ll never know. However, we can both change how we move forward with our lives.”