I Want to Hold Your Hand

by Marie Force

  He blinked rapidly to keep from bawling his head off. “Love you best of all, too, Hannah Banana. How about I go let poor Nolan in from the cold?”

  Smiling at his childhood nickname for her, she nodded.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow.” He kissed her cheek and pushed his feet into his shoes.

  “Hunter?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You really ought to take some of your own advice one of these days.”

  As the image of Megan’s shattered face danced through his mind, he shrugged off the comment with a cavalier grin. “I’d much rather give it than take it.” Her smile stayed with him as he walked out the front door and found Nolan right where he’d left him—leaning against his truck.

  “Everything okay?” Nolan asked, straightening as Hunter approached.

  “It will be. With time and patience.”

  “I’ve got plenty of both I’m happy to share with her.”

  “You have to tell her about the racing. Not tonight, but soon.”

  “I know.”

  Hunter nodded, satisfied his sister was in good hands.

  “I’ll take good care of her.”

  “If I didn’t already know that, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, and I certainly wouldn’t be sending you in there to her.”

  Nolan stood up a little straighter. “Oh. So . . . It’s okay if I . . . You know . . .”

  Hunter laughed. “Yes, you stammering fool. It’s okay. She’s waiting for you.”

  • • •

  Nolan wiped suddenly sweaty palms on his jeans and headed up the sidewalk, mindful of Hunter watching him. He knocked lightly on the door and opened it. “Hannah?”

  “In here.”

  His heart thudded and his mouth went dry as he followed her voice to the cozy sitting room. It would’ve been easier, he knew, to fall for someone whose life was less complicated, who hadn’t been to hell and back, who hadn’t loved another man with her whole heart and soul. It would’ve been easier, but there was no one else quite like Hannah, and if being with her meant navigating an emotional minefield, he was fully prepared to suit up and do battle.

  Ugh, he thought, bad analogy. Horrible analogy. Caleb had been killed when he stepped on a landmine in an area that had been deemed safe by sweepers. He’d been playing soccer with some Iraqi kids when he chased after the ball into a field adjacent to the base.

  Nolan often thought how like Caleb it was to befriend the local kids, to strike up a game with them, to be the one to chase after the ball. The random circumstances of his death had made it that much harder to cope in the aftermath. It would’ve been easier, for all of them, if it had happened in the heat of battle rather than during a rare moment of leisure in an area no longer in the active war zone. They’d thought he was safe there.

  “Nolan? Are you okay?”

  Hannah’s voice brought him back to the present, where he realized he was standing in the doorway to the sitting room, staring at her on the sofa. “I’m sorry. I was thinking . . .”

  “What about?”

  “I was actually thinking about Caleb.”

  She patted the sofa cushion next to her, inviting him to join her.

  He took off his coat and laid it over the back of an antique easy chair before sitting next to her.

  “What about Caleb?”

  “I’d rather not say because it’s something you won’t want to talk about.”

  “Ah . . . the bad stuff.”

  He nodded.

  “I’m sorry.”

  The unexpected apology caught him off guard. “For what?”

  “For not answering the door or the phone earlier. For worrying you.”

  “Don’t be sorry. Don’t ever be sorry for doing whatever you need to. I get it, Hannah. Believe me. I get it.”

  She reached for his hand and curled her fingers around his. “I know you do, and that helps. It helps a lot.”

  “Are you hungry?”

  “A little bit I suppose.”

  “Want to get a pizza?”

  “That sounds really good.”

  “I’ll call it in. What do you like on it?”

  “Anything.”

  “Coming right up.” He got up to use the phone in the kitchen and returned with a glass of wine for her and a beer for him. “I helped myself. Hope that’s okay.”

  “I got the beer for you,” she said with a shy smile that touched him.

  “I’m honored.”

  “So am I. I’m honored that you want to spend time with me, that you’re willing to put up with all my issues, that you seem to care—”

  “I only seem to care?” he asked, pretending to be insulted. “Let me set the record straight. I care greatly. Tremendously. Incredibly.” He curled the end of a long strand of her silky dark hair around his finger. “Enormously. Hugely. Vastly. Extremely.” By now she was giggling softly, which he adored.

  “Are you done?”

  “Not quite. You got a thesaurus handy?”

  “There might be one upstairs.” She zeroed in on his lips in the second before she leaned in to kiss him.

  Whispering against her lips, he said, “Exceedingly. Exceptionally.”

  “I never knew you were so good with words.”

  “Neither did I. Apparently, all I needed was the right inspiration.” He put his beer on the table and curled an arm around her, wanting to keep her close. “I’m usually told I’m good with my hands.”

  She raised a brow in a saucy expression that made his blood hum with desire. “Is that right?”

  “Uh-huh. I can take apart a carburetor and reassemble it with lightning speed. I could show you sometime.” He waggled his brows. “And you ought to see me rotate tires.”

  She shook with silent laughter. “That’s not at all what I thought you were going to say.”

  “Hannah! I’m shocked to discover a dirty mind under that angelic face.”

  Her shoulder bumped against his chest. “You set me up.”

  “Are you gonna tell me what happened to upset you earlier?”

  As her smile faded, he wanted to shoot himself for tossing a serious question into the midst of their playful banter.

  “You don’t have to tell me if you’d rather not.”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s more that I’d rather relax and enjoy our evening without bringing sad stuff into it.”

  “That’s fine.” Pausing, he added, “As long as you know I’m on board for the sad stuff, too.”

  She laid her hand flat upon his chest. “I know, and I appreciate that. More than you can ever know.”

  He wondered if she could feel the crazy way his heart beat when she touched him and hoped she knew it was all because of her.

  “What happened earlier in your office . . .”

  “What about it?” he asked, his heart now slowing to a crawl while he waited to hear what she would say.

  Looking up at him shyly, she said, “I liked it.”

  “Jesus, Hannah.” He blew out a ragged deep breath. “You have no idea what you do to me when you look at me that way or say things like that.”

  “What do I do to you?”

  “You know full well,” he said, chuckling at the innocent expression on her sweet face.

  “Tell me anyway.”

  “How about I show you. Would that be okay?”

  She seemed to summon the courage to nod.

  He took her hand and pressed it against the fly of his jeans where his desire for her was fully apparent.

  Her eyes widened, and her lips parted, which only made him harder.

  He removed their joined hands from his lap. “Any questions?”

  “Just one.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Will you kiss me again like you did earlier?”

  “How did I kiss you earlier?”

  “Like I was just Hannah rather than Hannah the widow who needs to be treated with kid gloves.”

  “You are just Hannah
to me, but I’d never want to push you too far too soon or force you outside your comfort zone before you’re ready—”

  She stopped him with the firm press of her lips against his, and Nolan forgot all about anything that didn’t involve the glide of her lips over his, the delicate tease of her tongue, the sweet flavor of her mouth, the tug of her hands in his hair and the press of her soft curves against his body. Kissing Hannah was quickly becoming his favorite thing to do.

  They ended up reclined on the sofa, locked in an endless kiss that had him wanting so much more. And then her hand found its way under his shirt, and the heat of her palm against his lower belly made his muscles quiver. He’d been with other women, but nothing in his past could compare to the all-encompassing desire Hannah aroused in him. He wanted to comfort and protect her, but he also wanted to strip her naked and kiss every inch of her pale, soft skin.

  Banishing those thoughts as way beyond the parameters of what was going to happen tonight, Nolan concentrated on the increasingly erotic kiss. By the time the doorbell rang announcing the arrival of the pizza, he’d nearly forgotten all about his so-called parameters.

  “You’d better get that,” he said as he reluctantly released her and reached for his wallet to hand her a twenty. “I’m in no condition . . .”

  Hannah’s soft laughter didn’t do a thing to ease the ache between his legs. “Seems to be happening a lot lately.”

  “It’s all your fault.”

  “If you say so.” She took the bill from him, got up and headed for the front door, straightening her hair and shirt as she went.

  Nolan fixated on the gentle sway of her sexy ass, which made him envious of worn denim for the first time in his life. Releasing a tortured groan, he fell back against the sofa cushions and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to cool himself off before she returned.

  He expected her to take the pizza into the kitchen and call him in there to eat with her. But she came into the sitting room, put the pizza on the coffee table and once again surprised the living shit out of him when she stretched out on top of him. Hovering less than an inch above his face, she said, “Where were we?”

  CHAPTER 10

  Will is coming to UVM this year, too! I think Hunter is relieved he won’t have to put up with me and Caleb by himself anymore. He’s been a good sport about how much time Caleb and I spend alone. It’ll be good to have Will living with us, too. Hunter will have someone to hang out with when we’re “busy.”

  —From the diary of Hannah Abbott, age nineteen

  Hannah wasn’t sure what possessed her to come down on top of Nolan that way, and for a mortifying second she thought he was too surprised to react. But then he sprang into action, one arm encircling her waist while the other threaded into her hair, drawing her into another incendiary kiss.

  All her senses went on high alert as his tongue tangled with hers and his fingers tugged lightly on her hair, making her scalp tingle. The faint scent of soap, aftershave and laundry detergent made her want to burrow closer and breathe him in. She’d forgotten what it was like to be lost to desire, to be surrounded by a sexy, aroused man, to be absolutely certain he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

  He released his tight hold on her hair, and his hands met at the waistband of her jeans.

  Hannah could barely breathe as she waited to see what he would do next. When his hands slid down to cup her ass through her jeans, she broke the kiss and sucked in a greedy deep breath.

  “Is this okay?” he asked, squeezing lightly as his lips and tongue went to work on her neck.

  Because she couldn’t find the words just then, she nodded, and he squeezed again, harder this time. She needed more but couldn’t seem to get close enough until he abruptly sat up, arranging her so she straddled his lap with the hard column of his erection pressed against the part of her that pulsed with desire.

  She was on fire. That was the only possible explanation for the heat that threatened to consume her on the spot. Reaching for the hem of her sweater, she drew it up and over her head, revealing a skimpy white tank top that doubled as a bra.

  His eyes widening with surprise and what looked to be pleasure, Nolan released the tight grip he had on her backside and shifted his hands to her ribs, spreading his fingers until they came to right below her breasts.

  Hannah leaned her forehead against his. “This is crazy,” she whispered, staring into his eyes, which had taken on the color of dark chocolate.

  “You make me crazy.”

  “Do I?”

  “Yeah,” he said with a gruff laugh. “Although crazy might not be the right word. Insane is more like it.”

  She combed her fingers through his hair, straightening it as she went. “I was really upset earlier, but I feel better now. I feel better when I’m with you.”

  “Hannah . . . God . . .” His strong arms banded around her, crushing her to his muscular chest. “I’ve wanted you for so long, but I never thought . . .”

  “What? What didn’t you think?”

  He released his tight hold on her, and with his hands on her face, forcing her to look directly into his eyes, he said, “I didn’t dare to hope I’d ever get to hold you and kiss you and touch you or that you might want me, too. I never thought I’d get so lucky.”

  “I do want you, too. I want you more all the time. I feel foolish for pretending for so long that I didn’t know you had feelings for me or that I didn’t have them for you.”

  His hands moved up and down her back, further enticing her through the thin cotton of her top. “You weren’t ready to acknowledge it yet.” With a charming grin, he added, “Good thing I’m a patient sort of guy.”

  “Good thing,” she said, kissing him. “I would’ve hated to miss out on this, whatever it turns out to be.”

  “No matter what happens between us, I’d never want to lose my friend Hannah. That’d be . . .” He shook his head, as if the thought of it was too much to fathom.

  “Unbearable.”

  “Totally unbearable.”

  Only when the eye contact became too intense to maintain did she look away. “You must be hungry.”

  He nibbled on her neck, making her shudder from the sensation that shot through her entire body. “Famished, but not for pizza.”

  “Nolan,” she said on a moan.

  His hands moved slowly upward until they cupped her small but incredibly sensitive breasts. “Tell me to stop.”

  The word was on the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t say it. Rather she wrapped her arm around his neck and held on tight as he caressed her breasts, ignoring her tight nipples for so long she was on the verge of pleading when he finally rolled them between his fingers.

  As a gasp escaped through her tightly clenched jaw, Hannah tilted her hips, needing to get closer to him.

  He groaned and moved against her, letting her know with every tilt of his hips what he wanted from her. “Do you trust me?”

  “Yes, you know I do. Of course I do.” She fisted his hair and held on as he managed to stimulate her through two layers of denim and another layer of silk.

  “Turn around.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  Filled with uncertainty and overwhelming curiosity, she did as he asked, her movements awkward and hesitant.

  He arranged her so she was still on his lap but facing away from him. The hard column of his erection was wedged against her bottom, making her twist to get closer.

  “Easy, honey,” he said, chuckling softly against her ear, which made it difficult to remain still. “Relax against me. I’ve got you.”

  Muscle by muscle, she made an effort to release the tension and fear and guilt and grief and every emotion that didn’t involve the incredible pleasure he made her feel.

  His hands moved over the front of her in a relaxing caress that missed all the most important areas that yearned for his touch. “Still trust me?”

  Hannah bit her lip and nodded, gasping when he tugg
ed at the button to her jeans and slid the zipper down. She held her breath, waiting to see what he would do next as desire pounded through her in a steady drumbeat that she hadn’t experienced in a very long time.

  Moving slowly, he slid his hand inside her jeans and down to cup her over skimpy silk panties. “How about now?”

  She wanted to move against his hand, but his other arm was banded around her waist, making it impossible for her to move as his cock throbbed against her bottom.

  “Hannah?”

  “Yes, yes. It’s okay.” She wanted to beg him to move his fingers, to do something to ease the growing ache, but for what seemed like forever he didn’t do anything other than drive her wild with the heat of his hand against the silk of her panties. And then he pressed harder, his fingers slipping between her folds, using the silk to create friction where she needed it most.

  Somehow her legs ended up outside of his, which slid apart to give him better access. The arm that had been tight around her middle shifted and his hand found her breast through the thin tank, rolling and tweaking her nipple.

  “Let it happen, honey,” he whispered against her ear, making her shudder. “You’re so sexy, so beautiful and I want you so bad. I want to feel your soft skin against mine as I sink into your heat. I want to feel you come when I’m deep inside you. I want to touch you everywhere and kiss you and lick you.”

  His words and hands worked together in perfect tandem to tip her over the edge into pleasure so sharp and so intense, she ended up trembling uncontrollably and sobbing, wrecked by the total abandon he’d drawn from her.

  Removing his hand from her pants, he turned her effortlessly into his warm embrace. “Shh, honey, it’s okay. Please don’t cry.”

  As she burrowed her face into his chest, she wanted to tell him she was sorry for falling apart on him, but she couldn’t speak as her body continued to tingle and shudder from the pleasure that moved through her in waves that radiated from her core.

  “Talk to me, Hannah. Tell me what happened.”

  “I don’t know.”

  He wiped the tears off her face. “Did I scare you or push you too far with what I said?”

  She shook her head. That was the last thing she wanted him to think. “It was so amazing. I loved what you said—and what you did. I’d forgotten. I just . . . I’d forgotten.” The moment the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. “I shouldn’t say that. It’s not fair—”