I Want to Hold Your Hand

by Marie Force

  She trembled in his arms, overwhelmed by everything he made her feel. Things she hadn’t felt in so long, she’d forgotten what it was like.

  He released the clasp on her pants and let them fall around her ankles, leaving her only in the bra, a matching thong and the heels. Nolan took her hand and stood back to take a searching look at what he’d unveiled. “Breathtaking,” he whispered, leading her across the room, where he turned her to face the bed.

  Hannah continued to tremble as she waited to see what he would do. She heard him unbuckle his belt and unzip his jeans.

  He cupped her bottom, squeezing and caressing.

  Tipping forward, she braced her hands on the bed as he drew her panties down over her hips until they rested just below her cheeks. “Is this okay?” he asked in that rough, gruff voice that told her just how badly he wanted her.

  “Yes . . .” She fisted the sheets. “Nolan . . . Please, hurry.”

  He moved quickly to align their bodies, pushing into her in one quick thrust that stole the breath from her lungs and made her scream from the sheer pleasure that shot through her. She pushed back against him, begging him with her body to move.

  Wrapping one strong arm around her belly he held her in place for his fierce possession. His other hand cupped her mound, circling the tight bud of her desire with a calloused finger that detonated her release. She came hard, and he was right behind her, pressing into her one last time as his lips skimmed the sensitive skin on her back.

  Hannah’s limbs were made of rubber as they disentangled themselves. She pushed her panties the rest of the way off, crawled onto the bed and landed facedown on a pillow as every inch of her body throbbed with satisfaction.

  Nolan molded himself to her and pulled the covers up and over them, cocooning them in warmth and bone-deep pleasure.

  She summoned the last bit of energy she possessed and turned to face him, smoothing his hair and caressing the scruff on his jaw. His eyes were closed and his chest still heaved from exertion. Hannah traced the outline of his lips, startling and then laughing when he took a gentle bite of her fingertip.

  “Thank you for this weekend, Nolan. It’s been amazing.”

  “For me, too, honey. You have no idea how much I love being here with you or how much I love holding you this way. It’s what I’ve wanted for a very long time.”

  “I’m sorry I made you wait so long.”

  “Don’t be sorry. It was well worth the wait. You were well worth the wait.”

  “I hope you still think so when people start to find out about us and look at you differently because you’re seeing me.”

  “I don’t care what anyone thinks. We both know how this happened—and when it happened. That’s all that matters.”

  As Hannah drifted off to sleep in his arms, nagging worries filled her dreams.

  CHAPTER 20

  “Captain” Caleb is leaving for Iraq tomorrow. He brought Homer and me home to Vermont to be with my family while he’s away. He’s downplaying the whole thing like it’s no big deal. I appreciate what he’s trying to do, but I’m terrified. This isn’t his first deployment, but I’ve never been this anxious before. He assures me he’ll be fine, so I choose to believe him. It’s good to be home for a while so I can finally make his grandmother’s house more “ours” than it is now. I’ve got plenty to do!

  —From the diary of Hannah Abbott Guthrie, age twenty-seven

  As Nolan drove home to Butler the next afternoon with the windows down to let in the warm spring air, Hannah turned her face into the sun, welcoming the warmth after the endless winter. “I was thinking,” she said.

  “About?”

  “Sunday dinner at my parents’ house.”

  “You want me to drop you there?”

  “I want you to come with me.” Nolan had been a frequent guest at Sunday dinner over the years, so no one would be surprised to see him there. Of course the context was different now, which was why he hesitated.

  “Oh.”

  “Do you want to?”

  “It’s not about wanting to. It’s about whether your family is ready to see us together. Does everyone know?”

  “I assume by now everyone knows, and I’m sure they all know where we’ve been this weekend. Well, not where, but that we were away together.”

  “Right . . . That’s sort of the part that worries me. People I’ve known all my life looking at me differently because I’m with you now.”

  “You’re going to have to face them sooner or later. Unless,” she added in a teasing tone, “you’re sick of me after this weekend.”

  “I’m hardly sick of you,” he said, squeezing her hand, which he had laid flat on his thigh. “As you well know.”

  “Then I guess there’s no time like the present to face the Abbott family as my new . . . What shall I call you? Boy toy? Lover boy?”

  “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? I feel like I’m going to puke, and you’re over there making fun of me.”

  “I’d never do that.”

  “Yes, you would.”

  “I’ll protect you from the evil Abbotts. Don’t worry.”

  “I’m very worried.”

  “How about I use your phone—if we can get a signal—to call my mom so she can do some prep work on our behalf?”

  “That’d be good.” He dug the phone out of his coat pocket and handed it to her.

  Hannah punched in the familiar number and waited for the call to go through. After a few ominous-sounding clicks, the call finally connected and Molly answered.

  “Hi, Mom, it’s Hannah.”

  “I know that, silly. How was your time away?”

  “Excellent. We’re on our way back now and were thinking about crashing dinner if that’s okay.”

  “Absolutely okay. We’d love to have you both.”

  “Um, the thing is . . . Nolan’s not really up for the Abbott inquisition, so if you could run some interference for us, we’d both appreciate it.”

  “I’m on it. Don’t worry.”

  “Great, thank you. We’ll see you soon.”

  “See you then—and Hannah? I’m so glad to hear your time away was excellent. I’ve been thinking about you.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” she said softly before she ended the call. “We’re good to go,” she said to Nolan.

  “Can I wear this or should I go home and change first?” He was wearing faded jeans with a black thermal shirt.

  “As much as I’d love to see where you live, you look fine. You should see what my brothers wear sometimes. Well, except Hunter who puts them all to shame.”

  “About going to my house . . . It’s not that I don’t want to take you there. You know that, right?”

  “I guess.”

  He gripped the wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white from the strain. “It’s just sometimes . . . Occasionally, there’s drama. Family drama. I don’t want you anywhere near that.”

  “Nolan, I have nine siblings. Do you think I don’t know about family drama?”

  “Not this kind you don’t,” he said with a bitter edge to his voice.

  “I’ve shared a lot with you, things I haven’t shared with anyone else. I wish you’d feel safe doing the same. It would hurt me if you didn’t feel safe to share your troubles with me.”

  “God, Hannah . . . Don’t put it like that. You know I’d never hurt you.”

  “Then don’t. Share your worries with me. Tell me what puts that pained look on your face whenever we talk about your home or your family.”

  His jaw pulsed with tension as he stared at the road. “You wouldn’t understand coming from what you come from. What with your Sunday dinners and your coat hooks in the front hall with your names on them and your parents who always do and say the right things. You wouldn’t get it.”

  Stung by the sharpness of his words as much as the agony she heard behind them, Hannah held her silence for many miles, deciding to let it go for now. But she hoped that someday he’d trust her enough
to share his pain with her.

  “After dinner, I’d like to go see Gavin.”

  Nolan visibly relaxed when he realized she’d changed the subject. “That’s fine.”

  • • •

  “Your lips are swollen,” Charley whispered to Hannah as they helped to clean up after dinner.

  “Shut up. They are not.”

  “Yes, they are,” Ella said. “So how was it?”

  “I’m not having this conversation.”

  “Yes, you are,” Charley said. “We deserve to know.”

  “How do you figure?”

  “We’re your sisters,” Charley insisted. “We get to know everything.”

  “Where is that written?”

  “Come on! Don’t be lame! Spill it.”

  “It was great, if you must know,” Hannah said, glancing over their shoulders to make sure no one was listening, especially Nolan.

  “Did you cry?” Ella asked with sweet compassion.

  “A little.”

  Sniffling subtly, Ella hugged Hannah.

  “Caleb left me a letter.”

  “What?” Charley asked breathlessly, her eyes gone wide with surprise.

  “He gave it to his mom to hold on to until she felt I was ready. She gave it to me on Thursday after I told them I’m seeing Nolan.”

  “Oh my God,” Ella whispered. “What did it say?”

  “A lot of things, but mostly he wants me to be happy, he wants me to love again and to not let his death steal the joy from my life.”

  Ella swiped at the tears that now flowed freely down her cheeks.

  Charley was suddenly very interested in her feet.

  “What an incredible thing for him to do,” Ella said.

  “Were you mad she waited so long to give it to you?” Charley asked.

  “No, because she did exactly what he told her to do by holding on to it until now.”

  “Holding on to what?” Hunter asked as he came into the kitchen carrying a stack of plates.

  “Caleb left her a letter,” Ella told their brother.

  “Oh he did? And you just found it now?”

  Hannah relayed the story of Amelia holding on to it for her.

  “Wow.” Hunter leaned against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest. “And here I’ve been kind of pissed all this time because he didn’t do that, and I so wished he had for your sake.” He took a closer look at his twin. “You seem really happy, Han. I take it the weekend away went well?”

  “Uh-huh,” she said, as Ella giggled softly.

  “Oh God.” Hunter groaned and rolled his eyes. “I’m so out of here.”

  Nolan came in with some of the serving bowls, which he placed in the sink before turning to face the three sisters. “Are you guys talking about me in here?”

  “Not at all,” Charley said with a disdainful snort. “Don’t be so full of yourself.”

  “Right,” he said. “How foolish of me to think someone with the last name of Abbott might be gossiping.” He surprised Hannah when he put his arm around her and kissed her square on the lips. “You’d better not be kissing and telling.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  “Right,” he said again, releasing her and shaking his head on the way out of the kitchen.

  The three women dissolved into laughter.

  “He’s so hot.” Ella fanned her face. “You get all the hot guys. It’s not fair.”

  “There’s one out there waiting to find you, El,” Hannah said. “And whatever man wins your heart will be the luckiest guy in the world.”

  “I think she’s got her eye on one already,” Charley said.

  “Do tell!” Hannah said.

  “I don’t,” Ella insisted.

  “She always says that,” Charley said, “but if you ask me, she knows exactly who she wants, but damn if I can get it out of her.”

  “Shut up, Charley. Why do you always have to be such a pain in the ass?”

  “It’s part of my charm.”

  “Is Charley being a pain in the ass again?” Molly asked as she came in carrying more dishes.

  “Yes!” Ella said. “Do something about her, would you, Mom?”

  “Darling, I’ve been trying to do something about her for thirty years now.”

  Charley snorted with laughter at the true statement. “Keep trying.”

  “I’ll never give up,” Molly said. “What’s she being a pain about now?”

  “She’s hammering Ella because she thinks Ella has her eye on someone, but being the smart girl that she is, Ella won’t tell Charley,” Hannah said.

  “I wouldn’t tell her either, El,” Molly said.

  Ella sent a smug, satisfied look to Charley.

  “Say what you will, my friends, but she’s hot for someone, and I’m going to figure out who it is.”

  “Why don’t you spend your time figuring out who Colton’s hot for,” Ella said. “That’ll be a much more satisfying mission.”

  “I’d like to know that, too,” Molly said. “Two weekends in a row he’s a no-show for Sunday dinner.”

  “I’m on that as well,” Charley said. “Luckily, I can work multiple missions at the same time.”

  “Where were Max and Chloe today?” Hannah asked her mom about her youngest brother.

  “Poor Chloe has been hit with morning sickness that’s more like all-day sickness. Max decided to stay in Burlington with her.”

  “Ugh, that’s gotta suck,” Charley said.

  “I was so lucky I never had that with any of you, or I would’ve had a whole lot less kids,” Molly said.

  “That might’ve been a good thing,” Ella said with a pointed look at Charley.

  “You love me,” Charley said. “You know you do.”

  “Stay out of my business, and I’ll continue to love you.”

  Charley pounced. “See! I knew it! She has business!”

  “Ugh!” Ella twirled and stomped out of the room.

  “Leave her alone, Charley,” Molly admonished gently. “You know how private she is.”

  “What right does she have to be private when the rest of us are forced to share every detail of our lives with this family?” Charley asked.

  Hannah couldn’t exactly argue with her rationale, even if she didn’t always agree with her tactics.

  “Leave her alone,” Molly said more sternly. “I mean it. If she’s got business, as you put it, she’ll share it with us when she’s ready to. Hammering at her isn’t going to get her to spill it any sooner.”

  “That’s true,” Hannah said.

  “Now tell me, Hannah,” Molly said, “what can we do to help you for next weekend?”

  “We’re going to need a ton of food.” Hannah was never sure what they went through more of during a Sultans weekend—food or beer, so she always had plenty of both on hand.

  “That we can help with, right Charley?”

  “Yeah, sure,” Charley said, pouting a bit after failing to break Ella. Hannah knew she’d keep at it until she got the info she wanted. That was Charley.

  In the other room, she heard Wade say good-bye to their grandfather. Hannah went into the dining room to stop him before he could leave. She drew her brother into the hallway. “How are things going?”

  “I got an e-mail from Mia last night, letting me know she can’t meet me anymore.” The utter devastation on his face broke her heart.

  “Oh no. Did she say why?”

  He shook his head. “I’m so afraid he found out about our friendship and now . . . The thought of what she might be going through kills me. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

  “Please don’t do anything crazy, Wade, or put yourself in jeopardy when you have no idea what’s really going on there.”

  “I can’t just sit here and do nothing.”

  “That might be the best way to keep her safe.”

  “I don’t know.” He ran his fingers through his hair, which was loose today. “I’m going to
take a hike on the mountain and burn off some of this energy.”

  “That’s a good idea. Will you call me if I can do anything or even if you just need to talk?”

  “I will.” He hugged her. “Thanks, Han.”

  Shortly after Wade left, Nolan slid an arm around her waist. “Everything okay?”

  She nodded even though she was desperately worried about her brother and what he might do to ensure the woman he cared about was safe.

  “Wade seemed worked up about something.”

  “Maybe a little.” She glanced up at him. “Are you ready to go?”

  “Whenever you are.”

  As they were saying good-bye and thank you to her parents, she heard her dad say, “Take good care of my little girl.”

  “I fully intend to,” Nolan replied as he shook hands with her dad.

  Touched by his love and concern, Hannah hugged her dad, who held on tighter than usual. Her parents had suffered right along with her when she lost Caleb. They’d loved him, and they’d worried endlessly over her. She knew it was a relief to them to see her moving forward with her life and spending time with a man they liked and respected.

  “You survived,” she said to Nolan when they were back in his truck.

  “Just barely,” he said with a teasing grin. “Everyone was really nice. No one asked anything inappropriate, which was shocking.”

  “I didn’t get so lucky.”

  “I knew it! Your sisters were grilling you, right? What did you tell them?”

  “Nothing. Much.”

  “Hannah . . .”

  “I didn’t give them any details.”

  He busted up laughing. “And yet somehow you gave them the full picture.”

  “I did no such thing.”

  “Whatever. I know how you Abbotts roll.”

  “Does it bother you that everyone knows we’ve been, well, fooling around?”

  “If I had my druthers, no one would know but you and me, but I get that’s not the world we live in. There aren’t many secrets in Butler or in the Abbott family.”

  Hannah thought of what Wade was going through with Mia, that Hunter had feelings for Megan, that Ella might be interested in a man none of them knew. “We have our share of secrets.”

  “Apparently, you and me and what we’re up to isn’t going to be one of them.”