The WWW Club

by Anita Notaro

  They were deep in conversation when his phone rang ten minutes later.

  “Excuse me.” He glanced down. “It’s Kate. Hi.”

  “Have I time for a coffee or have you two drawn daggers yet?”

  “No, fine. Take your time.”

  “Another fifteen minutes?”

  “Sounds about right. See you later.” He clicked off and they continued their chat. Both were feeling more relaxed by the time Kate returned. She joined them and it suddenly became formal again.

  “Would you like to meet the girls and inspect the gaff, or do you need time to think about it?” He hadn’t expected to hear himself ask that. Ellie liked the casual way he threw in the odd slang word, but Kate gave him one of her looks.

  “It is not a gaff.” She didn’t want Eleanora to say no.

  “I’d really like to see how the girls and I get on,” Ellie replied.

  Kate beamed at Jack, all forgiven, as they arranged for her to call the following afternoon, which was Saturday. They exchanged numbers and he stood up and shook hands.

  “Do you need a lift anywhere?”

  “No, no, I’ll just stay here for a bit and check my messages.”

  “Thanks so much.” Kate gripped her hand tightly and the siblings departed. Ellie saw Jack tweak his sister’s hair and laugh down at her and she envied them their easy relationship.

  “I thought you said you’d rather sauté your own kidneys than work for a single parent again?” Maggie was amused as they sat over their weekly brunch the following day, later than usual because Ellie had taken Rudi on an outing as promised.

  “I know, and I haven’t made up my mind, really, it’s just that he looked like he could do with a break.”

  “You’re in,” Pamela muttered as she looked at the menu. “God I hate vegetables, they all taste of muck.”

  “And you eat much clay every day, do you?” Ellie teased.

  “Are we having wine?” Toni asked hopefully.

  “No. I can’t drink because of this meeting so the rest of you can bloody well suffer too, and leave that bread alone.” Ellie reached for the piece of walnut and raisin that was barely visible under the mound of butter that Pam was shoveling on top. “You can’t use that much fat.” Ellie tried to grab it but Pam got there first and loaded it into her mouth in one go.

  “A second on the tongue, a decade on the bum.” Maggie sounded like a smug Carol Vorderman. They all laughed at her.

  “Is your face hurting you, cause it’s killing me?” Pam teased and stuck her tongue out. She looked like one of the Crankies.

  “How’s the food thing going for everyone?” Ellie wanted to know.

  “I thought we’d agreed not to let it take over our lives.” Pam was getting grumpy.

  “Not much chance of that, judging by what you’ve just shoved in your mouth.” Maggie got a slap for that remark.

  “On second thoughts, let’s leave this till our Monday meeting, shall we?” Ellie grinned at her friends. “Otherwise we could be chucked out for throwing bread rolls.”

  “I’m so hungry all the time,” Toni wailed. She’d abandoned her role as Hitler’s second in command. “I’m having the sausages and mash, I don’t care.” They were in Bang, the latest hot-spot for lunch, and this was one of their specialities.

  “I’ll have the fish and chips so.” Pamela was delighted.

  Ellie and Maggie had marginally more willpower and they settled down for a good natter, although the chat was somewhat subdued without the alcohol.

  “How did you get on with Rudi?” Maggie asked Ellie. They were all interested.

  “I dunno, OK I think. I arrived early to collect him. He was watching TV and Olga was still in bed. There wasn’t much food around and he hadn’t had any breakfast. Also, that vodka bottle from the other night was empty.” Ellie looked at them. “Tell me I’m overreacting,” she pleaded.

  “Ellie, you are inventing scenarios in your head again.” Pam smiled. “You do it all the time.” The others nodded knowingly and Toni rubbed her back in sympathy.

  “Don’t torture yourself, you’re a very good friend and most of the time she’s fine, isn’t she?”

  “Yeah, you’re right and it’s not like I don’t have enough to worry about.” She sighed. “Anyway, I fed Rudi and gave him a bath and bought him a few bits.”

  “What kind of form is Olga in these days?” Maggie wanted to know.

  “She seems very quiet this week. Remember when I met her first she was always making me laugh with her stories?” The others nodded. “She’s become a little bit more introverted, I think. Oh, hell, I’m probably just imagining things, like you said.” Ellie ran her hands through her hair. “It’s just that she seems to have given up on her dreams. She doesn’t talk about finding an Irish husband anymore …”

  “I’d say men up and down the country are breathing a sigh of relief.” Pam grimaced. “She’s not exactly a good catch, is she?”

  “When she’s in good form, she’s great, and besides, looks aren’t everything, she just needs a break, that’s all. I suppose in the meantime all I can do is keep offering support.”

  “What’s in it for you?”

  “What do you mean?” Ellie was surprised at Maggie’s question.

  “What are you getting out of the friendship?”

  “I like talking to her, she’s usually a great listener, and I love Rudi. I feel part of their little family somehow, and besides, she needs a friend. I think she’s going through a bad patch at the moment. Things are very tight money-wise and she spends a lot of time on her own.”

  “I think she’s lucky to have you.” Toni wanted to move on. “So, what did you all think of the column today?”

  “I didn’t see it.” Ellie hated missing out.

  “Here, I brought it with me.” Toni handed it over.

  Ellie began to read it and as usual got into it straightaway.

  “Which bit are you on?” Maggie wanted to know and Ellie read it aloud.

  “Sue, Frances and Terry (that’s what I decided they were called) are like any other women friends in the restaurant where I’m having lunch today with my editor. He’s late so I’m inventing scenarios for the lives of the other diners when they sit down at the next table. They’re fit looking and they have obviously been to a class of some sort, because they drop their designer sports bags and pounce on the menu. At a guess they range in age from late twenties, maybe early thirties to mid-fifties, I decide. They are typical ladies who lunch and don’t eat much either, I’ll bet. They order champagne. At first it doesn’t seem as if they have much in common except that they are all well groomed, well off and well proportioned. As they talk it appears that the one thing they do have in common, apart from their pecs, is their lovers. Some of the things they talk about would make any red-blooded male nervous about where his wife had been last weekend when she told him she was off to London with the girls for a shopping trip. Some of the snippets I overhear go like this.

  “‘It’s all about sex, for me anyway, and I’m absolutely loving the attention. And shopping for underwear has never been more exciting. Mark wouldn’t notice if I stripped off in front of him at a board meeting.’ (Sue fortyish.)

  “‘I’m not bored with my marriage, this is just a bit of fun. I feel like it’s my last chance before I get my bus pass.’ (Frances, anywhere between fifty and sixty.)

  “‘I met him on the Internet. He’s horny. I haven’t had a relationship with my husband since our last child was born. He makes me feel special, but I wouldn’t want it to go any further. I mean, I’d shag him senseless, but I wouldn’t want to go shopping in Homebase with him.’ (Terry, the youngest-looking of the three.)

  “So, husbands everywhere, as you tuck into your cereal and prepare to watch Sky Sports, think about how well you really know your wives.”

  “And on it goes. Everyone is doing it, apparently.” Maggie laughed.

  “Oh for a husband to worry about me in the first place.”
Toni smiled and they were off into their fantasy world again and even without the wine it was fairly raunchy.

  * * *

  An hour and a half later Ellie drove to Jack’s house with the top of her jeans cutting into her waist and her Lycra T-shirt almost preventing her from breathing. The “gaff” was in Howth, a white, flat-roofed building with fantastic views and a sweeping driveway. It made her nervous.

  Eight

  The girls were very excited and that simply added to Jack’s unease. He had a funny feeling about this, as if he was being steamrollered down a path he wasn’t sure he wanted to take. Despite all his moaning, he liked having the girls to himself. They were an odd little unit but somehow it worked. He dreaded any intrusion, fearing it might highlight his inadequacies.

  “Hi.” He was relieved to see that she looked exactly the way he felt.

  “Hello. Am I too early? The traffic was light …”

  “No, no, come in. The girls have been watching for you for hours and suddenly they seem to have … vanished, or … maybe not.” He spotted a shoe poking out from the living room door. He was stepping backward as he spoke, extending an arm in the direction of the scuffed toe.

  “Come on, girls, don’t go all shy on me now.” A body attached itself to the outstretched hand and a smaller version of the same stuck its head through his legs.

  “Let’s go to the kitchen and grab a coffee.” Two small bodies sprang into action.

  “I’ll get the biscuits.”

  “Me too.”

  He led the way to a long narrow kitchen with huge windows and great light. It was a mess.

  “Tea or coffee?”

  “Coffee, please.”

  “Coming up. Girls, say hello to Eleanora.” It was her first good look at them. Samantha was a beauty queen in the making, long wavy blond hair, a button nose and smooth olive skin. Jessie was all tumbly curls and puppy fat. She looked mischievous, like one of those children you sometimes see in kitten commercials.

  Ellie decided she’d better put the record straight. The full version of her name made her sound way too efficient. “My friends call me—”

  “Hi, Nora.” Jessie made the first tentative move.

  “Nora sounds old.” Samantha was less willing.

  “Actually, my friends call me Ellie.” She crouched down so they could get a good look.

  “I’m going to call you Nora.”

  “Me too, just in case you really are an old witch.”

  “Sam, stop it.” Jack was alarmed, she was normally so placid.

  “That’s OK.” Ellie glanced up at him, not at all offended. “Actually, I am old, but I’m definitely not a witch. I don’t have any magic powers.”

  “Haven’t you got a broomstick?” Jessie again, eyes wide, always ready for the big story.

  “Just a mop.” Ellie apologized. “But I do have a witch’s hat that one of the children from the crèche made for me at Halloween.”

  “I’m a fairy,” was Jessie’s current favorite phrase. In the last few days she’d twirled everywhere, leaving a trail of imaginary golddust in her wake. She looked high on life. “Nora, would you like one of my animal biscuits?”

  “No thanks, I’ve just had lunch. I’m bursting.” Ellie smiled at the two girls.

  “Do you need to do a wee wee?” Jessie was all concern.

  “Jessie, that’s enough. Have some milk.” Jack poured the coffee and the adults sat down.

  “Can you cook?” Sam demanded in a precocious voice. Jack looked like he was going to intervene again.

  “A little bit. Can you?” Ellie’s eyes told him to let them be.

  “Only French toast.”

  “Well, I can make great butterfly buns, with jam and cream, so maybe we could teach each other?” Sam nodded and the two girls sat up and watched her.

  “Are you going to slap us?” Jessie cut to the chase.

  “No, but I might tickle you to death.”

  “I don’t need a nanny.” Sam was watching her intently.

  “I’m sure you don’t. That’s why I came here, to see if you needed me at all. You’re both so grown up—”

  “Will you help me clean my room?” Jessie sounded like she had a list of questions.

  “Sure.”

  “Will you wash and iron all my clothes?” Sam was reminding her of her position. Amazing how devious a six-year-old could be when her territory was being invaded.

  “Are they all dirty, or do you only have a few?”

  “I have lots, dresses and tops and jeans and T-shirts.”

  “And where do you keep them all?”

  “In my wardrobe.”

  “You have your own wardrobe?”

  “And my own room.”

  “You must be a very important member of this family so.”

  “Me too.”

  Ellie smiled at the little girl. “I’ll bet you are.”

  “Want to see my room?” It was said in a couldn’t-care-less voice but Ellie knew it was a slight thaw.

  “Yes, please, if it’s OK with your dad?”

  “Be my guest.” Jack was watching the psychology of the whole thing, fascinated.

  “C’mon, Nora, I’ll show you my Nemo poster.” Jessie’s fat little legs led the way.

  By the time they returned twenty minutes later Ellie knew it was going to be OK and even Jack sensed the lightness.

  Jessie was skipping and Sam was admitting to her current addiction, Harry Potter. She had all the gear courtesy of her cousin Georgia.

  “I know, it is definitely a bit scary, I hate the bats, too,” Ellie was agreeing earnestly.

  “OK, girls, enough. Go watch TV. I need to talk to Nora.” It slipped out, but he was secretly relieved that the girls had shortened her unfortunate name. Eleanora sounded vaguely horsey. What had she said her friends called her? He couldn’t remember.

  “Well?” He raised an eyebrow. “Too much?”

  “Not at all. Fairly typical, I’d say. Jessie’s a dote and Sam is protecting her turf, but she’s great too.”

  “It hasn’t been easy, but they’re good kids. So, what are your thoughts now that you’ve had time to think?”

  “I think I’d like to give it a try, provided you’re happy. I’m worried that this might be all down to sister knowing best.”

  He shrugged. “I think we do need someone, but what if it doesn’t work out?”

  “Well, we could both agree to give it a month’s trial on condition that if it’s not working for either one of us we call it quits.”

  “But aren’t you giving up a job?” He was taken aback by her easy attitude.

  “I want out, to be honest. Crèches aren’t for me, I’ve discovered. The kids are fine but the parents need a good spanking.” She grimaced. “We do need to work out my duties, though. This is a big house.”

  “As far as I’m concerned if you can look after the kids and feed them properly and keep their clothes sorted, I’m happy. As I think I mentioned, Mrs. O’Sullivan comes in for a few hours every morning. She does the bathrooms and the hoovering and tidies the kitchen.” They both glanced around, or at least he did. Her eyes merely darted.

  “It’s usually a bit better than this. She was off yesterday and it sort of piled up.”

  “I don’t mind helping around the house as well. But I should warn you that I’m not a great cook. I’ll make sure the children have fresh food every day and I can shop in the mornings and I’m happy to leave you a plate of whatever I’m making but it won’t be gourmet food. Not by a long shot.”

  “I don’t expect you to cook for me.” He seemed surprised that she would even think he might.

  They chatted on about hours and rates and both seemed relaxed as she prepared to go. The girls appeared and Jack guessed they’d been keeping an ear cocked.

  “So, are you coming to work for us?” Samantha asked.

  Jack and Ellie glanced at each other.

  “Yes and I want you two to promise—”

 
; “But only if you give your approval.” Ellie knelt down again and looked up at Sam.

  “What’s approval?”

  “Only if you say yes as well as me.” Jack was quick to join in.

  “After all, we’re a family, we make decisions together.”

  “Yes. I say yeeees.” Jessie hopped about on one foot and held her other leg behind her, clutching her shoe. “When can we do the butterflies?”

  “Soon,” Ellie promised. She glanced at the older child. “But Samantha hasn’t said yes yet.”

  “It’s OK by me.” Sam hesitated for just a second. “But I’d like you not to move things around in my room unless I say so.”

  “Sure, I won’t even go in there if you don’t want me to. We can have a basket outside your door and you can leave your washing out and I can leave your clean things back on top of it. Would that be OK to start, and we can see how things go?”

  The child nodded and Jack looked sorry for his daughter. She was a little mother and she was way too young.

  “She’s weird.” Jessie made a face. “You can come into my room any time, even when I’m at playschool.”

  They walked toward the door and Ellie promised to see them bright and early on Monday week.

  “Bye, Nora.” Jessie was all waves and puckered lips.

  “Bye, Jessie.” Ellie returned the kiss via warm air on her palm. With Samantha she was more formal. “I’m looking forward to you showing me everything in the house, so that I don’t annoy you all and break the ornaments. By the way, I should have asked you, do you like to be called Sam or Samantha?”

  “Sam is fine. Dad only ever calls me Samantha when he’s yelling at us.”

  Ellie shot him a “bold boy” look and he ran his fingers through his hair. It was an oddly familiar gesture, even though she barely knew him.

  “God, I don’t know if I can cope with three women.” He laughed but she sensed he was serious.

  “Don’t worry, Dad, just do as we tell you and you’ll be fine,” Samantha looked earnest.

  “Exactly what I was thinking, Sam, but I wasn’t going to say it. I don’t want to get fired before I start.” Ellie smiled and left them and felt she was making the right decision.