As much as I wanted to stay home and cry into my pillow all day and all night, I needed to make money to pay the bills. I had a maternity shoot I couldn’t miss that afternoon, so I grabbed all my equipment then headed to my truck. When I started the engine, it wouldn’t turn.
God fucking damn it.
This could not be happening to me.
I leaned back in the chair and sighed. It was always something new with this vehicle. I got out then popped the hood. I didn’t know anything about cars so I just stared at the engine blankly. I didn’t leave my lights on so the battery was fine. It must be the oil again. Ash changed it four months ago, so maybe it needed to be changed again.
Well…how did I get the oil?
Ash always came to my rescue but I knew he wouldn’t this time. I was going to be late but I was too depressed to care. I lost the only thing that actually mattered. My job and my truck didn’t mean shit to me.
I could call my sister and ask for her help but I didn’t even know what kind of oil it needed. I thought about asking Scotty, but since Livia was Ash’s sister, that was a conflict of interest. The only guy I knew who was educated about cars was Jace…but I couldn’t stoop that low. I’d rather get a tow truck.
“You seriously need to get a new car.”
I flinched when I recognized the hardness of Ash’s voice. I didn’t even realize he was behind me. “Yeah…”
He opened the oil cap then checked it. “I told you to get your oil changed every three-thousand miles.” The annoyance was evident.
“I know…I just forgot.” I didn’t look at him. It was too hard.
“Are you in a hurry?”
Yes. “Ash, you don’t need to help me. I’m fine.”
“You’re fine?” he asked incredulously. “Then how do you plan on getting out of this situation?”
“I don’t know but I’ll figure it out. I’m not your problem anymore.” I didn’t want to look into his eyes because it would hurt too much.
“Not my problem anymore?” He shut the hood then stared me down. “Alaska, you’re always my problem.”
I still couldn’t look at him.
“I may be mad at you but it doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”
“You won’t talk to me…”
“Because I’m waiting for an apology.”
“I did apologize.”
“Look at me when you talk to me.” His anger seeped through.
I finally locked my eyes with his. And it hurt. “I said I was sorry…and I know you hate me.”
“I don’t hate you. I’m just hurt you did that to me.”
“I wasn’t thinking…I was just upset.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “I can’t stand the way I hurt you and I hate myself for it. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and I hate being without you. I think about you all the time and I miss you. I’m sorry and I’ll trust you from now on—really trust you.”
His eyes softened when he looked at me. “That’s all I wanted to hear.”
I sniffed then blinked my eyes so I wouldn’t cry again.
Ash wrapped his arms around my waist then pulled me close to him.
His chest felt so good that it hurt. I released a deep breath, loving the moment. I dreamed of his touch all week, needing him. I didn’t think he wanted me anymore, only loathed me.
He rested his chin on my head and kept me close to him. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to yell.”
“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re back.”
“I never left, Alaska.”
“I assumed we broke up.”
“No. Never.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “So you weren’t with anyone?”
“You know the answer to that.”
I just wanted to go to bed and cuddle with him, to listen to him breathe beside me. I wanted his strong arms to cage me close to him. I didn’t want to be here, standing outside under the California sun. “Let’s go to bed.” I pulled away and grabbed his hand.
He steadied me. “Don’t you have to work?” The humor was in his voice.
“I don’t care.”
He pulled me back. “Take my car and I’ll change the oil of your truck.”
“But how will you get the oil?”
“I have extra. I assumed something like this would happen again.” He smiled when he looked down at me.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, darling.”
My nickname. I missed hearing him call me that. “Okay.”
He kissed my forehead. “Now go. I’ll be here when you get back.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” He swatted my behind as I walked away.
I got into his car then started the engine. For the first time in a week, I smiled.
When I came home, I immediately went to his door. I’d been thinking about him all day. Every time I took a picture, I imagined he was there with me. I’d been apart from him all week and I didn’t want to be away from him any longer.
I knocked on his door, pounding my fist against it because I was so anxious.
He opened the door immediately. “What took you so long?” The playful look was in his eyes.
I stepped inside then pushed him against the wall, pressing my chest against his. Then I crushed my mouth against his, wanting to taste him.
He moaned then gripped my hips, pulling me as close to him as possible. He sucked my bottom lip then dug one hand into my hair, fisting it.
I missed the connection between us. I couldn’t believe I lasted a whole week without his hands on me, without his lips caressing mine.
He guided me to his bedroom then gently laid me on the bed. He moved on top of me, separating my knees with his. I wrapped my legs around his waist, squeezing him.
I was out of breath and desperate for more of him. I wanted every inch of him, to feel him in a way I never felt before. My lips pulled away from his, ending our embrace. Then I looked into his eyes. “I’m so sorry…”
“Forget about it. I have.” He planted his mouth against mine again.
I broke apart again. “Being without you was the worst pain in my life. It was worse than Jace, by a landslide.”
“Then don’t ever turn your back on me again.”
“I won’t.” I cupped his face, staring into the blue eyes I loved so much. “Because I love you.” I wasn’t thinking when I said it. It just came out. The emotion of losing him was enough to kill me. I didn’t care if he didn’t feel the same way. He had to know how I felt.
The desire suddenly faded from his eyes. He looked at me in a different way, his lips pressed tightly together and his breathing elevated. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Maybe he felt the same way. Maybe he didn’t. “I’ve loved you for so long. It’s nice to finally say it.”
My grandmother was right. “I had no idea…”
“It was obvious in everything I did and said. You were just blind to it.”
“Apparently…”
He brought his hand down to my cheek, caressing it with the pad of his thumb. “I never thought I would feel like this. I was so determined to feel nothing all my life, but I couldn’t do that with you. Since the beginning, I was hooked. When you didn’t want to sleep with me, it just made me want you more. Now I’m head-over-heels in love with you. This is hard for me, more difficult than I let on. Please don’t hurt me. If something horrible happened to you like it did my sister, I would die…”
“Nothing like that is ever going to happen.” I placed my hand over his. “You’ll protect me, Ash. And I’m a smart girl. I look after myself pretty well.”
He took a deep breath then released the air from his lungs. “Okay. That’s what I needed to hear.”
I moved my hands under his shirt, feeling the grooves and abs. He was tight and fit, strong and undeniable. My hands slid up higher than they ever had, reaching his chest, something I longed to touch.
He stared at me, eyeing the desire in my eyes. “You’r
e beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful.” I reached his shoulders and felt the muscle underneath. His skin burned under my touch. He was like a personal heater. I moved my hands back down and grabbed the end of his shirt. Then I slowly lifted it, hoping he would let me.
He reached one hand back and yanked it off, exposing his naked torso to me. I hadn’t seen him shirtless since that night he kicked that girl out. Every inch of his skin was chiseled and defined. He was a heap of muscle on top of me, strong and unbreakable. My hands felt the grooves and lines, appraising him like a sculpture. He stared down at me, watching the look in my eyes. Then he grabbed the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up. I lifted my arms above my head and let him pull it the rest of the way.
He leaned down and kissed the skin of my stomach. His tongue tasted each hip then kissed the skin above my waistband. Then he moved up, his lips moving to the fabric of my bra.
I hadn’t anticipated this to happen today, so I wasn’t exactly prepared. My bra was old and my panties weren’t my best pair. I hoped Ash wouldn’t care.
He snaked his hand around my back then unclasped my bra within a second. It was obvious he done this a hundred times. He pulled down a strap then kissed the exposed skin. Then he did it to the other shoulder. Once my bra was off, he stared at my tits without any shame.
The first time I took off my clothes he refused to look at me. The second time, he covered me. Finally, he soaked me in with his eyes. His hand grabbed one and massaged it, feeling it in his big hand. Then he leaned down and sucked the nipple, making my lip quiver. I bit it because I didn’t know what else to do. Then he moved to the other nipple, sucking and tasting it.
My hands moved into his hair and I arched my back, stretching like a cat. He hit the right triggers on my body, making me writhe on the sheets.
He moved his tongue in the valley of my breasts then to the hollow of my throat. His kiss was delicious and precise, touching me in just the way I liked.
My hands moved to the top of his jeans and I unbuttoned him, eager to see all of him. It was difficult to yank them off with the way we were laying. Ash pulled away then leaned back, letting me get more room. Then I pushed him on his back then climbed on top of him, pulling them the rest of the way.
When he was in his boxers, I stared at his toned thighs and the muscle above the brim of his underwear. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d ever been this turned on. I grabbed the end of this shorts then pulled them down. When his large length emerged, I bit my lip.
Ash stared at me. “I love it when you bite your lip like that.”
My breathing increased the longer I stared at him. He was substantially large, putting Jace to shame. He was the biggest one I’d ever seen. I just hoped he would fit.
He sat up then undid my jeans. My heart rate increased while he yanked them down. He kissed my lower stomach then gripped my ass while he got my pants off. When they were at my knees, he threw me on the bed then moved to edge, pulling them the rest of the way. Then he rested his knees on the bed and picked up my legs, pulling them against his chest.
His hands moved down my legs until he reached my thighs. Then one hand moved to the area between my legs, and with his thumb, he touched my clitoris through my underwear, rubbing it in a circular motion.
I was already hot so this foreplay was unnecessary. But I loved it anyway.
When I moaned quietly, he stopped. Then he grabbed the top of my underwear then slid them off my legs, moving until the ankles. Then he yanked them off, tossing them on the floor.
While I was naked underneath him, he stared down at me, taking me in. “I wanted you the moment I saw you. I wanted to fuck your brains out but now I have something else in mind.”
His words made my spine shiver.
He hooked his arm around my waist then moved me further up the bed, resting my head on a pillow. Then he leaned over me, pinning my legs back and resting his arms under my legs.
My hands gripped his shoulders, steadying myself for the stretching about to take place.
“Are you on birth control, darling?”
“Yeah.”
He leaned over and kissed my lips, making them slow and purposeful. “I’ve always been careful, and I always use protection. But I don’t want to wear anything with you.”
“I don’t want you to wear anything either.” After I found out Jace cheated on me, I went to the clinic to get checked out. I wasn’t sure if he gave me something he picked up from someone else. “And I’ve been careful.”
He pressed his head to mine and looked into my eyes. Then he took a deep breath before he adjusted himself, putting his tip at my entrance. Slowly, he pressed himself in me, inserting his thick head.
My fingers dug into his skin, breathing hard while he moved slowly inside. “Ash…”
He kept his eyes glued to mine as he made the plunge, slowly stretching me until he was completely inside. My legs were as wide as possible, but he was still stretching me tight.
I clung to him, gripping him tightly while he looked into my eyes. He didn’t move. He just stared at me, his desire evident. Then he rocked his hips slowly, moving inside me then pulling out again.
“Hmm…” I bit my lip while I clung to him.
He breathed hard but didn’t speak. He rocked into me slowly, taking his time with every thrust. He hardly shook the bed because he had good form. He just rocked into me, stretching me far and wide before he pulled out again.
I leaned my head forward then gripped his biceps. He felt so good down below and I could hardly contain it. Every time I was with Jace, the ride was bumpy and not nearly as enjoyable. I never knew sex could be so good until Ash was inside me.
I wasn’t going to last long. The burn between my legs was electrifying. Every time he pushed far into me, my legs shook. He was hitting the spot over and over, making me crumble underneath him. “Ash…”
“You have no idea how many times I fantasized about you saying my name.” Sweat dripped down his chest while he moved into me. Every thrust was precise and smooth. There was just the right amount of friction between my legs.
I bit my lip when I felt the explosion down below. I couldn’t remember the last time I had an orgasm. And I couldn’t remember one that felt this good. My fingers dug into his skin, almost drawing blood. “Oh…” My head rolled back while I finished the ride, panting the entire way. Sweat was on my upper lip and it tasted like salt.
He gave me a long kiss before he stilled, giving me his final thrusts. His breathing was hard and he moaned deep in his throat. He filled me, emptying his essence within me.
Seconds passed and he didn’t pull away. Instead, he cupped my face and kissed me gently, making it long and passionate. It seemed like he was hot all over again judging the need in his kiss.
He lay on his side, pulling me with him, and continued to kiss me. The sweat on his chest pressed into mine. He hooked his arm around my waist and held me close. When he ended the kiss, he stared into my eyes. “You’re my first. And you’re my last.”
My heart moved into my throat, cutting off my air supply. Ash said the sweetest things but I never expected him to say that. I wanted him to be mine forever. Our relationship was perfect, exactly what I wanted it to be. And he felt the same way. “As you are mine.”
“Hey, Nana.” I walked inside her room with Ash behind me.
She smiled when she saw me, but she beamed when she saw Ash. “This is a lovely surprise.”
I placed her Tupperware on the nightstand then sat down. Ash sat beside me then held my hand. We got a late start today because we stayed up late last night, doing anything but sleep.
Ash gave me a knowing look then turned away. “How are you feeling, Mrs. Patelo?”
She patted his hand. “Call me Nana.”
She never said that to Jace even though we were together for two years. I always thought she liked him, but it was nothing compared to Ash.
He nodded. “Then don’t call me Dr. James.”
I leaned close to him, glad he was mine again. Not having him in my life was unbearable. But after the night we had, I knew he wasn’t going anywhere.
She eyed both of us. “You look tired.”
“Just had a long night,” Ash explained.
She winked. “I bet.”
Ash’s cheeks reddened.
My grandmother stared at me. “Did you use—”
I knew what she was going to ask. “Don’t even say it.” She had a weird obsession with butt plugs since she read that book.
She laughed. “Nevermind.”
Payton walked in. “Sorry I’m late. The guy I had over last night wouldn’t leave.” She flicked her hair over one shoulder.
My sister had no filter.
“Why are you two practically glowing?” she asked.
“We’re just happy to see you,” I said sarcastically.
She eyed Ash then me. “Did you finally suck his dick like I told you to?”
I covered my face, mortified.
My grandmother laughed. “Leave it to your sister to be brutally honest.”
“Well, did you?” Payton pressed.
Ash’s face reddened.
“Butt out of our personal life,” I countered.
“Did he at least get laid?” she asked.
“Yes.” I just said this so she would get off my case.
“Did you use butt plugs?” Payton asked.
Ash laughed. “Your family always surprises me.”
Payton put her hands on her hips. “Did you?”
I rolled my eyes. “Let’s stop talking about our sex life.”
“Then what else are we supposed to talk about?” Payton asked.
“How about Nana’s surgery?” I turned back to my grandmother. “Did they schedule a time?”
She nodded. “At the end of the week.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I couldn’t deny my fear. It was a simple procedure but surgery was still surgery.
“Yes.” The resolution was in her voice.
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