I turned to Ash. “How do you feel about this?”
He didn’t look at me.
“What I discuss with my physician is none of your business, Alaska.” My grandmother gave me a firm look.
“When he’s my boyfriend it is my business,” I snapped.
Ash turned to me. “Due to patient confidentiality laws, I can’t talk about her healthcare to you without her consent. If she says no, I can’t say anything. Besides, it’s unethical.”
“Oh…that’s an actual law?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He squeezed my hand.
“I can’t even ask if you think she should have the surgery?” I asked.
“We’ve already had a long conversation about it,” my grandmother said. “Now drop it.”
Since she was my only family member left besides my sister, I was even more concerned about her. I wanted to be a part of the decision making. “Why didn’t you include me in this discussion?”
“Because you aren’t a logical decision maker,” my grandmother said. “You make your decisions with your heart, not your mind.” She caught the hurt look on my face. “I’m not saying that’s a bad way to live. It’s not. You’re passionate and generous, artistic and creative. But that wasn’t the kind of thinking I needed for this decision.”
I felt like they ganged up on me. “Okay…”
Payton twirled her hair with her finger. “Do you need anything, Nana?”
“No, I got everything I need right here.” She gave Payton a smile.
Ash looked at the board games in the corner. “Who’s up for a round of Monopoly?”
“That’s like the longest game in the world,” Payton argued.
“And we have all the time in the world.” He set up the game so Nana could reach it and we all huddled around.
I tried not to be upset about being excluded. My grandmother was going through a stressful time and I shouldn’t make it about myself. I decided to let it go and not have a sour mood about it.
We played games until visiting hours were over. Then we were kicked out.
“Do you want to do anything tonight?” Payton asked while we walked to our cars.
I leaned close to Ash and gave him a playful look. “No. Ash and I have plans.”
She rolled her eyes. “Just don’t get pregnant.”
“You’re one to talk,” I snapped.
“I’m on birth control and I make them wear a condom. I’m good.”
“TMI.” I walked with Ash until we reached his car. “I’m sorry about my sister.”
He smirked. “She’s different but she’s great. Believe me, after having stiff parents, she’s a refreshing change.” He opened the car door then slapped my ass. “Now get in. I need to be inside you as quickly as possible.”
I jumped inside then put my safety belt on, showing him my eagerness.
He growled at me then shut the door.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Ash
I finally had what I wanted from the beginning. The moment Alaska made her appearance in my life, I knew I wanted her. No, I had to have her. The initial attraction was purely sexual. I just wanted to sleep with her, to feel the area between her legs. I tried to sleep with her several times, but she never took the bait.
And I’m grateful she didn’t.
She was the first woman who rejected me. I always got what I wanted with minimal effort. But she glanced me over, unimpressed, and then moved on. The fact I couldn’t have her made me want her even more. But without the sex, I was able to see exactly who she was. It allowed me to get to know her better, to see the beauty underneath. It allowed me to fall irrevocably in love with her.
Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise.
When she told me she loved me, I knew we were both ready. I’d never given my soul to someone else before. I never opened my heart, allowing myself to get hurt. With her, all my defenses were down.
Because she was the one.
It was the first time I made love to someone else, and it felt right. I normally headed for the goal, bringing her to a climax as quickly as possible so I could reach the finish line. But with Alaska, I didn’t want to stop. I wanted it to last as long as possible. She was the first girl I was bare with. I didn’t wear a condom, and the sensation was foreign. I struggled to stay in control because she felt so good. Not only was she beautiful, but she was gorgeous. Not only was I inside her, but she was soaked for me. Not only did I love her, but I adored her. It made me forget every girl before her. She was my first in many respects.
When we came home from the hospital, we immediately went into my bedroom. We usually stayed over here because my bed was bigger than hers. I had a king and she had a queen. But I guess the size didn’t matter when we were all tangled up anyway.
I stripped her clothes away, not wanting anything to separate us. She was mine so I could stare at her naked all I wanted. And she was welcome to stare at me. She pulled my clothes away then kissed my chest. My hand fisted her hair then I gave her a kiss on the neck. We were both more aggressive than before.
She guided me to the bed then pushed me back.
I landed with a bounce. Then I leaned on my elbows, looking at her. “Bossy.”
She crawled up my body, stopping at my waist.
My cock lay on my stomach, leaning slightly to the side.
“You deserve to be rewarded for being such a good boyfriend.” She wrapped her hand around my dick then gave it a gentle squeeze.
A moan came from the back of my throat.
She pulled her hair over one shoulder then leaned down. “I’m taking my sister’s advice.”
I grabbed her shoulder and steadied her. “Darling, you don’t owe me anything.”
“I know. I want to.”
How could I resist that? I released my hand and let her seal her mouth around me.
Holy shit.
She pushed me to the back of her throat then sucked the tip.
Fuck.
Then she took my shaft again, using her hand at the same time.
I leaned back, enjoying her mouth around me. It felt so good my head was going to explode. I could hardly get chicks to do this, and it never seemed like they really wanted to. But Alaska was going to town like she couldn’t get enough.
I was enjoying this immensely but I wanted be inside her too. It was a tough decision. They both sounded incredible.
I fisted her hair and pulled her back, letting my cock land back on my stomach. “I want to make love.” I pushed her on her back then crawled on top of her.
“You didn’t like it?”
“No. I did.” I moved between her legs, pinning her down. “But I can’t resist you. I want to touch you, kiss you. I want you to moan for me.” I never cared about giving pleasure. I was only concerned about getting it. But with her, they were one and the same.
We were both wet so I slipped inside her without preamble. Her nails immediately dug into my back and a moan escaped her lips. My mouth crushed against hers and I kissed her hard, moving inside her with just as much passion. I wasn’t as slow as I was the other day. I feared my large size would be too much for her petite one but she adjusted to it. Now I moved a little faster, a little harder.
She loved it. “Ash…”
I loved it when she said that. I couldn’t believe she was lying under me, saying my name. It was my greatest fantasy. “Darling.”
She gripped my ass and pulled me further into her, panting and moaning. Her head rolled back and she bit her lip.
I made women come before, but it never happened this fast. But I wasn’t even trying. Alaska climaxed to me naturally. All I had to do was make sure I didn’t go first.
She caught her breath while she closed her eyes, recovering from the whirlwind of pleasure I just gave her. The beautiful look on her face made me crumble. Anytime I was inside her, I wanted to come, to explode.
I pressed my lips to hers when I found my release, coming deep inside her.
“Oh fuc
k.” I gripped her neck while I finished, loving every second of it.
She still clung to me, not wanting to let go.
I loved being inside her even if we weren’t doing anything. The connection between us made our relationship stronger, powerful. I turned on my side, pulling her with me. She snuggled into me and sighed happily, clearly satisfied.
“Jace never made me come like that.”
I mentally gave myself a pat on the back. “I’ll never leave you hanging.”
She hooked an arm around my neck. “Everything is better with you. I wished Jace had cheated on me a long time ago.”
I smirked. “I guess it was a good thing it happened.”
“The best thing that ever happened to me,” she whispered.
“It’s funny how life turns out sometimes.” I brushed a strand of hair from her face.
She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. “Ash?”
“Darling?”
“Why me? You can have any woman you want but you choose me.”
I didn’t have a clear answer. “Because we were friends first—I think.”
She opened her eyes and waited for me to elaborate.
“I always get what I want from women. It’s never much work. And when you rejected me, I guess it caught me off guard. I thought you were one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen, and the fact you turned me down just made me more obsessed with you. But since sex wasn’t involved, I got to know you better. Then when I found out you had a boyfriend, I knew I would never have you. I guess that just made me need you, to know someone else was making love to you. And when I couldn’t stand the idea of sleeping with someone else, I knew you were the one.”
Her eyes softened and she moved her fingers through my hair. “And you don’t care that your parents disapprove?”
“I couldn’t care less.”
“Okay.”
I cupped her face and kissed her. “You’re the only girl who can make me settle down. You’re more beautiful than all of them. And you have a gorgeous soul. I want you to be mine—forever.”
“That’s what I want too.” Her fingers played with my hair, moving the short strands through her fingertips.
Comfortable silence descended while we stared at each other. She was the single most beautiful thing in the world. I never loved anything the way I loved her. I used to be selfish and rude, and now I couldn’t stop putting her first. She was the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep, and the first thing I thought about when my eyes opened in the morning.
“Ash, I’m scared about Nana…”
My heart fell into my stomach. “I know. It’s okay to be scared.”
“Do you think she’s going to be okay?” She looked at me with hope in her eyes. She needed my assurance to feel calm.
Could I give it to her? I had my reservations about this procedure and I voiced them to her grandmother repeatedly, but I couldn’t change her mind. And I didn’t have the right to. I understood her decision completely. Honestly, it’s probably the one I would have chosen too. Alaska and Payton were both independent adults. They weren’t relying on her anymore.
“Ash?”
“It’s a procedure done every day all over the country, and her surgeon is one of the best.”
“Okay.” She took a deep breath. “I know this is selfish, but she’s the only guardian I have left. Without her, I’ll be on my own. I can’t count the number of times she’s given me advice. Or the number of times she’s helped me out of a bad situation.“
“Darling, you’re a strong woman. I know you’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. You don’t need anyone. And you really don’t need her because you have me now. Whether it’s changing the oil for your truck or giving you money to pay rent, you can always count on me. I’ll take care of you.”
“But it’s not your responsibility…”
“Yes, it is,” I said firmly. “I’m almost done with school and I’ll be making a considerable living for myself. You’ll never have to stress about money.”
“That isn’t what I meant.”
“And I’ll be there for everything else. I’m your rock. I’m everything you’re ever going to need.”
She trickled her skin down the front of my chest. “Even though your parents are…different…there’s no denying how much they care about you. They’re invested in your well-being and they just want the best for you. I never had that… You’re so lucky in that respect.”
My parents drove me crazy but I couldn’t deny that. They always took care of me and made sure I had everything I needed to succeed. They gave Livia a hard time too, but I knew they loved her.
“My grandma is both of my parents. She raised Payton and I with the help of my grandfather. I always knew I wouldn’t have as much time with her as I wanted, but this is too soon. I couldn’t stand it if I lost her.”
“Don’t think like that.”
“It’s hard not to.”
I stroked her hair. “What happened with your parents?” I didn’t feel entitled to the information until recently, when she gave her soul to me.
She looked away. “My dad took off after Payton was born. He took all the money and pissed it away gambling and paying off debts. My mom was an alcoholic shortly after that. Unable to support us, she didn’t take care of us. I would wear the same clothes for weeks because she wouldn’t change us or bathe us. I kept getting sick, and when I was put in the hospital, my grandmother fought for custody and won. My mom took off and never tried to be in our lives. If anything, I think she was relieved. My sister and I are both accidents, nuisances.”
“I don’t think your grandmother feels that way.”
“No, I know she doesn’t.”
I kissed the corner of her eye, where I saw a tear start to appear. “They didn’t cherish you, but I do.”
“I know, Ash.”
I held her close to me, hating how much pain she suffered through. Now I understood why Jace’s betrayal hurt her even more. She never felt loved in her life, and the one time she did, it was a lie. That would never happen with me.
“I’m so glad I have you for this. It makes it a million times easier.”
I kissed her knuckles. “We’ll get through this.”
She moved close to me then sighed, closing her eyes.
I stared at her, watching her features relax as sleep took her. I desperately hoped this surgery went well. I could heal her pain in most cases, but not if she lost her grandmother. That was something I couldn’t fix.
I went by the jewelers the next day to pick up my necklace. I wasn’t sure if they could fix the broken clasp, but I had to hope they could. That necklace was worth more money than everything in my parents’ bank account. I would forever hate myself if it could never be worn again.
“Hi. I’m here to pick up a necklace for James.”
The woman nodded then walked in the back. She handed the small box to me. “The last hoop had to be replaced. Since this is made out of rose gold, the jeweler had to special order it. But it's restored.”
I opened the box then examined the necklace. It looked exactly the same. “Thank you.” I immediately put it on then headed home.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Alaska
I tried to be brave for my grandmother but it was difficult. I was nervous and scared. The pressure was too much. I couldn’t lose her. She was all I had left.
My grandmother held my hand. “Everything will be fine, dear.”
I nodded, unable to speak.
Ash stood beside me, his hand on my back. He was always touching me, trying to support me.
“Ash, can I have a moment alone with my girls?” she asked.
“Of course.” He headed to the door. “I’m going to get some coffee.”
When he was gone, the silence descended. Payton came to the bed, her buoyant and talkative personality dimmed. She was serious for the first time in her life.
“Just in case the surgery doesn’t go w
ell…I wanted you to know a few things.”
I couldn’t have this conversation. It was too hard. I was already welling up.
“You two have given me so much joy since I took you in. There’s not a day that I regret. And you know how much your grandfather loved you. My time with you has been the best in my life. I’m sorry your parents were good for nothing, but I hoped I made up for everything you missed.”
“Of course you did, Nana.” Payton held her hand. “You’re the best mom a girl could ask for.”
I nodded. “And grandpa was amazing too.”
She stayed strong, not getting emotional. “I did my best. And it’s a miracle you two didn’t get fat from my cooking.”
Payton smirked. “We got grandpa’s metabolism, thankfully.”
I wasn’t in the mood for jokes.
Nana squeezed my hand. “If something happens to me, a lawyer will approach you both. I’ve given you equal share of my possessions. You’ll have more than enough to last you a lifetime.”
“I don’t want your money.” I tried to hold back my tears. “Why are you talking like this?”
Her eyes softened. “It’s just a precaution.” She stroked the top of my knuckles. “And I know I raised the both of you to have good heads on your shoulders. You are both smart, talented, and beautiful. You’re so independent that you don’t need me anymore.”
“We’ll always need you,” Payton whispered.
“I know. But I feel better knowing the two of you will be okay.”
We were quiet for several minutes, thinking about what was about to happen. This was hard for me and I knew it was hard for Payton. My grandmother was the only one who seemed to be at ease.
She released our hands then rested them in her lap. “It’s time.”
Payton kissed her on the cheek and hugged her. “I love you, Nana. You’re going to be okay.”
She hugged her back, holding her for a long time. “I know, dear.” Then she turned to me and extended her arms.
This felt like a good bye and I hated that. I sniffed then came into her arms. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” She squeezed me hard. “Look after your sister.”
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