by Jenn Vakey
Well, I desperately need a shower. Or maybe I’ll take a hot bubble bath. I haven’t had one of those in a while.
2/7/09- It was so great having Justin again. I feel so alive again when I’m with him. When it’s time for the vessels to leave, though, it makes me only feel even more down. For a few moments, I even begin to think that it’s not worth it. I know that it will be in the end, though. It’s worth suffering through the pain now if it means that I can have him back. I mean, maybe my pain is a payment for getting him back. These men are sacrificing their lives for him, and I’m sacrificing my happiness.
I’ll be honest, though... I’m having a pretty hard day. I think I’m going to go for a walk before heading to the bar.
2/8/09- So Detective Wilcome has nearly everyone out searching the woods for the vessel’s body. Right now they are completely on the wrong side of the city. At first I wished I had put him in that area, but I’m actually glad I didn’t. I don’t want the vessels found by the department. That will eliminate the effects on the citizens of Addison Valley. I want them to feel the horror and know that the department is responsible. That isn’t going to happen if they downplay the scenes. Hopefully someone else will find him before Wilcome shifts the search area. If it wasn’t so risky, I would move him. I think I might have hidden him too well. I thought it wouldn’t take more than a few days because it’s a common camping site, but I guess no one is really going out right now. I didn’t think about the fact that it’s pretty cold out. I think it will be much easier once it warms up.
2/13/09- He STILL hasn’t been found. I’m not going to have to wait much longer, though. I went down to the parks and recreation office and noticed that the spot is booked for Sunday. Unless the campers don’t show or are completely oblivious to their surroundings, they’ll find him then. I was considering just sitting back and waiting for the call to come in, but I want to watch the initial shock on their faces when they find him. Seeing them after being called out is still gratifying, but I don’t think it will be anything close to when they first uncover his body. I’m going to go out tomorrow and see if I can find the perfect place to hide so they won’t see me but I can see them. If I can find the perfect place, then I will go out on Sunday and watch them. I just need to make sure I can get back out without being seen. Hopefully they will leave to go get help and I can easily get away without anyone seeing me. I know it’s a risk to go out there, but I really want to see the pain the department is inflicting on them. I just wish there was a way to make it clear to everyone that these men died because of their connection with the department without the risk that it could get tied back to me. I’ve been careful only to pick men that Ben was also connected to. All but the first, that is. I’m pretty sure he consulted on that one, though. Ahhh! I’m thinking into this way too much. I think I need a drink.
2/15/09- Today was so exhilarating! I found a spot yesterday and hid about half an hour before they got there. It took another hour for them to actually find him. It was actually a young family out. The dad struggled to put the tent together while his wife entertained their toddler. I thought for sure they would venture out to collect firewood after he finished, but they just sat down and talked. I was growing impatient when the toddler started wandering around and found the arm. To my surprise, he actually didn’t react at all. He just picked it up and carried it back to his parents like it was a toy. It took a moment for them to register what it was, but the reaction was something I will never forget. She started screaming and pulled it out of his hands before picking him up. I swear I thought she was going to throw up. The dad didn’t seem to know what exactly to do. He just pulled his hands up to his face and kind of tried to move four different ways at once before grabbing his wife and dragging her and the child away from the site. I was able to quickly slip out without anyone seeing me and was back at my apartment by the time the call came in. I’m guessing they got lost on the way out, because it took much longer than I expected for the call to come in. I was actually worried for a second that the first responder might arrive before I got back to my car. Detective Wilcome isn’t looking so hot. I swear he’s lost a little weight. I think part of him knows that he is in part responsible for this. It will only get worse for him. Even if he didn’t have a personal relationship with the vessel, I’m sure it will devastate him. Before this is all over, he will understand his role in Justin’s death. It’s going to make it so much worse because of how close they were. Oh, this is fantastic!
2/16/09- I don’t have much to say today. My appointment with Dr. Gamboa was interesting. He actually brought up the case. It was a little awkward. I know I’ve considered talking with him about it, but I wasn’t at all ready for it. It was very hard to act freaked out instead of the amusement that was coursing through me. There was also another news release about the case. Detective Wilcome looked like crap. I heard he had suggested the chief do the interview, but he refused. He doesn’t want his face associated with this. What a coward. He really deserves this. I would take him as a vessel if I could. I think he would be counterproductive, though. It would probably set Justin back a good deal, not to mention it would only increase the motivation from the department to catch me. I’m sure the feds would be here even before I managed to complete the second part of the process. It would be so nice, though. I would love to see the look on his arrogant face when it sunk in. When he realized not only who was behind it but why. He’s the one who signed off on that rule. He’s the one who make it impossible for me to get help from everyone else in the department to push Justin into getting that surgery. Justin’s blood is on his hands. I just wish I could make that clear to him. Unlike the others, I would actually enjoy watching the life leave his body. It would be too hard to stick to the process, though. I would want him to hurt. I do want him to hurt. Not just emotionally because of what he did, but physically. I want him to feel the pain that Justin felt at the end. He wouldn’t show it, but I could see it in his eyes. He tried to be strong for me. The chief wouldn’t be the same. He’s nothing compared to Justin. He’s a bug; an ant that should be squished. Before this is over, I’m going to take everything from him. I’ll take his career and watch as he realizes he brought it all on himself.
Well, I guess I had a little more to write than I thought. I really should go. I need to start looking into the other men on my list and try to identify who the next vessel will be. Hopefully Justin will make it as easy for me as he did last time.
2/17/09- I narrowed it down to two guys. It’s definitely not as easy to follow them as it was the last two. Men are being more cautious after the last news report. They’re being far more observant of their surroundings. Luckily, the reports have been about a man being the killer, so they aren’t really looking out for me. I may have to change my strategy, though. I don’t really know what I would do. I guess I could try to get some surveillance gear, but that might be a little extreme. I could also take a more direct approach and try to get to know them a little. Then I risk the chance of their loved ones mentioning me when they were being interviewed. If it continues to be this difficult to get to know their patterns, I’ll have to figure something out.
As for the men, they are both good options, but neither of them are really standing out. I still have a little time, so hopefully Justin will show me which one. I’m kind of leaning toward one, but I don’t want to make a final decision yet.
2/20/09- Well, it looks like my decision has been made for me. One of the men I was considering left town, and by the looks of the amount of stuff me took with him, he won’t be coming back anytime soon. The thing that really sucks is he was the one I was leaning toward. He was more like Justin than the one that’s still here. I guess I’ll have to make do. Well, off to work.
2/21/09- I got called out on the strangest case today. This guy had been making noise complaints about his neighbor’s dogs for the past couple months. Apparently he finally had enough when they once again left all five dogs out in the backyard after going to
bed. He snapped and hanged them all in the large tree in their backyard. I must admit it was quite a sight. All dogs were large and were just dangling there when we arrived. We haven’t gotten the results back on the DNA from the ropes that were used, but they were pretty sure it was the guy next door who had done it. I can’t really blame him. There’s nothing more inconsiderate than leaving a yapping dog out to keep the neighbors up all night. Five of them are only worse. With months of sleep deprivation because of it, I’m actually surprised he didn’t string up the home owners.
All this woman was doing the entire time we were out there was talk about how cruel it was and going on and on about how her dogs never did anything. Finally Officer Carter told her that there had been close to seventy-five noise complaints on her dogs over the last year. She tried to say that the man next door just had issues with her until he told her that the complaints had come from five different homes. She shut up after that. That’s what she gets for being an inconsiderate hag. If she really cared about her dogs, she wouldn’t be leaving them out all night, anyway. It was just above freezing last night. If she didn’t want them in the house, she could have at least put them in the garage or something. How can anyone be so cruel to a living creature? No wonder they were barking. They were freezing! She doesn’t deserve to be a pet owner.
Well, I managed to get in a little time following the new vessel yesterday. Hopefully he follows a good routine so it won’t be difficult to plan an easy abduction. I don’t want to have to worry about just following him when the time is right and trying to get him alone without anyone else noticing. Why can’t it ever be as easy as it is on TV? You know, the right person just happens to walk down a dark alley. Then you just need to snatch them up without any trouble. Life would be so much easier if that were the case.
2/25/09- Ben actually invited me out for a drink tonight. It was really nice. I considered continuing my act, but I decided to give him the night off. I know how angry it makes him. As much as I want to keep the show going, I also don’t want him to write me off entirely. That might actually happen if I take it too far. If he does, it might mean he would turn the investigation on me even quicker if the real reason is ever revealed.
I actually had a lot of fun. We chatted a bit with a few other people at the bar, but it was pretty much just the two of us. It almost felt like it used to. We joked about things, like the fact that Joy seems to go home with a different man every time we go out or how wound up the chief is right now. Ben agrees that he is being a bit of an ass about the case. He said he was really surprised that he chose not to bring the feds in. Though he wouldn’t say it, I can tell he’s also thinking that it’s about time we get a new chief. I’ll make sure that happens before this is all said and done.
So I tried to convince Ben that he should get out there and meet someone. He’s dated a little bit here and there, but he hasn’t really been serious with anyone in years. I know what happened to his fiancé in college really hangs over him, but it’s about time he moves on. He just kind of laughed the idea off. I even tried to get him to go talk to a hot girl who was in the bar, but he wouldn’t go for it. It’s something I’m really going to need to work on. When I have Justin back, he’s going to need to have a nice girl to bring to our wedding. I know Justin wants him to be just as happy as I do. Maybe his brother can talk some sense on him when he’s back. Until then, I’m going to do my best to help him find someone. I just wish I had some single girl friends who I could introduce him to. The only single girl I hang out with is Joy, and there’s no way I would let that happen. She’s too loose for him. He needs a good girl. Someone who will bring out the best in him without taking advantage. He’s got a really good heart. I need to find someone for him who will appreciate it and reciprocate. It’s too bad he lost his fiancé. From what Justin said, she really was the perfect girl for him. He can’t just keep spending his off time with those fish of his. I can’t have a fish as my maid of honor at our wedding! Haha!
2/27/09- It’s almost time! I can feel it. Justin came to me last night in a dream and told me that he was growing stronger. I’m so glad this is working. I knew it would. It won’t be long now before I get him back, even if it is only for a week.
I did hit a snag with the vessel, though. The one I’ve been following just isn’t going to work. I don’t know how to explain it, but he isn’t right. I started freaking out about it, but I found something in the files. There is a man I actually testified against who will be release from prison next week. He’s not the ideal person, but he’s a good choice when it comes to keeping them from detecting any kind of pattern when it comes to the men. If he’s only been out for a few days, they will assume that they’re just being chosen at random. As much as I want them to know the reason they are really being picked, it’s much too soon. For now, I need them to think some man is out there just grabbing guys off of the street at random.
On another note, I went to lunch with Ned today. It was good to see him. He’s one of the few people who I can actually be honest with about how much I miss Justin. There’s no way he could tie the bodies back to me, because he’s not in the department, and I don’t have to worry about it getting out at work. I definitely should make some more time for him. It’s really nice to be able to completely be myself with someone. Even Dr. Gamboa, who I tell almost everything to, doesn’t know my real name. I didn’t want there to be any chance of it getting back to the department, so I used a fake one. With everything going on now, I’m actually really glad that I did. If they ever do start looking at me as a suspect, I know there’s no way they can trace me to him. They aren’t smart enough to.
March 2009
3/2/09- Dr. Gamboa said I’m looking much better. I told him that I’m still taking the antidepressants and that I’m a little nervous about getting off of them. That seemed to go over pretty well. Ben left Friday for another conference, but he’s getting back tomorrow. I’m so excited. It’s just about time again. Oh, I can’t wait!
3/4/09- Detective Wilcome has the whole town on alert right now. Everyone has been called into the station to get ready for the next “victim” to be taken. He’s also ordered that every officer be out on the streets in hopes of catching the “man responsible” as he attempts to take the next man. I had to struggle not to laugh in the middle of the meeting.
The good news is the next vessel is being released from prison today! I was tempted to drive out and watch, but I knew it would be too much of a risk. Instead, I’ll just park on their street and keep an eye on the house. I don’t really like that I’m not going to be able to do the proper amount of surveillance, but I’ll have to deal. I just hope he doesn’t decide to spend the next several days inside with his wife. I can’t believe she stuck by him after he was locked up. It’s not even like it was his first time. I’m pretty sure this was his second time being sent away since they married. I love Justin and am willing to stick by him with everything he’s going through now, but that’s completely different. He was an innocent victim of the department. He didn’t choose to do something that took him away from me.
I’m going to need to come up with a backup plan in case he doesn’t leave his house. It’s not like I can just walk up and knock on the door... or maybe I can. As long as his wife isn’t home, that is. Maybe I can tell him I’m one of his neighbors and I heard someone sneaking around my backyard. Or I could tell him my dog got out and I need help finding him. That’s a little clique, though. Or I could tell him that he had some personal property that was left at the station and I need help getting it out of my car. That might not fly, though. Oh, I could tell him that I’m a friend of his wives and she lent me something that I was trying to return. That would work. Well, it would only work if he didn’t recognize me from court. Maybe I’ll wear a wig. Hopefully I won’t have that problem. I should look back over his records. I think I saw something about a possession charge. Maybe he’ll go out to try to score something and I can grab him then. I really don’t like all of t
his uncertainty. While it does have a bit of excitement along with it, I still don’t want to risk being seen by anyone. I just wish I had a better option to go with. I know he’s going to be stubborn and strong willed, which will be good for Justin. I was just hoping it would be as easy as the last three. I guess a challenge will be good for me, though. It will show that I’m willing to do anything to get my Justin back. Maybe that will even help things along. God will see that it was a mistake taking him, because he was so loved here. Instead of holding onto him until he is strong enough to break free, maybe he’ll just let him go. That would be so great.
3/5/09- So I was parked down the street from Ellis’ house for about an hour today before I got called away. I was right. He really is the perfect man. Justin showed me that he was the right choice like he did before. I was hoping that he would leave, but all he did was go out to mow the lawn. His wife was out for the majority of the time, though, which gives me hope that she will be out when I need her to be. By the way I saw him looking at some of the women walking into their house, it shouldn’t be hard to get him to do what I want. After all, he has been locked up for the last eighteen months.