by Jenn Vakey
I ended up getting called away for a mugging near the mall. Some guy actually tried to rob Detective Matthews’ wife, Katy. I didn’t know what to expect when I was pulling up, but it wasn’t anything like what I found. She was relatively alright, but the mugger had to be sent to the hospital. He was a good deal larger than her, too. I have to say, I have a lot of respect for her after that. Detective Matthews was pretty shaken, but he couldn’t seem to have been any prouder of her. I almost feel bad now about my plan to cause conflict between them in order to keep him distracted. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to do it, though. He’s good. He might actually be the best detective on the task force. If I don’t do something, he might just catch on. It doesn’t help that he was so close to Justin and Ben. If it does come out and the spotlight is on Ben, he won’t just go with it. I know he’ll look into anything and everything until he finds a better explanation. Maybe I should try to break the little bond the two of them have. I could write out the card on the flowers in his hand writing. If Detective Matthews thinks there’s something going on between his wife and his pal, it might just send him over the edge. Then he would be more than willing to accept Ben as a suspect. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before!
I was going to go back out to the vessel’s house tonight, but I decided against it. I don’t want anyone to notice me out there. I’m working the afternoon shift tomorrow, so I’ll head out first thing in the morning. I’m super anxious... more than I was the last two times. There is so much uncertainty that I can hardly stand it. I’ve never been good with dealing with it. I always like to know what’s going to happen instead of just playing it by ear. You know, I never really understood that phrase. What does an ear have to do with anything?
3/6/09- The grab went better that I thought. I was parked on the street for about an hour before Ellis left his house. I thought he was going to go for a jog or something, which would have made it really easy to grab him; instead, he just walked down to the mailboxes. I waited until he was almost there before pulling my car up. I popped open the trunk and grabbed a piece of paper. I struck up a casual conversation and told him I was hanging flyers. Then I ‘accidently’ dropped it and the wind carried it away. He started after it, but I told him it was alright because I had plenty more. I left the trunk door open and grabbed another one before walking to the mailbox. Then I told him I forgot the tape in the trunk and asked if he wouldn’t mind getting it for me. He looked me up and down with a sickening sort of grin and nodded before walking over. From there it was so easy. After making sure no one was around, which wasn’t hard since the mailboxes are pretty hidden from the homes on the street, I injected him and stuffed him in the trunk. I was so excited that I nearly forgot to leave the black card behind. After I tucked it into a crack on the box so it wouldn’t blow away, I parked the car as far as I could down the connecting street with the boxes still in view. Then I waited. It didn’t take long for the magic to start. A woman pulled up to check her mail and saw the card before screaming. Apparently Ellis’ wife began to wonder where he was, because she was only about fifteen feet away by that time. She screamed too and started looking around and yelling her husband’s name. I must say, she was actually much prettier than I expected. She doesn’t look at all the type to be with a man who was in and out of prison. I left right after that. While they weren’t paying attention to any cars traveling down the road, I knew the same wouldn't be said for the cops. Since Wilcome had everyone out, I knew it would only be a matter of moments before someone arrived. I took the back roads and headed straight for the cabin. I was actually surprised when I didn’t get a call to go back out to the scene. I’m guessing Ben is handling it himself. It’s not like there was much to process since he was grabbed at a mailbox.
This one was a little more difficult to get out of the trunk. I ended up dropping him down pretty hard on the dolly. It was even more difficult to get him into the bed. I’m going to need to figure out a better way to do it. It would be awesome if I could put in a chute that would slide them from the driveway to the bed in the basement, but that’s a little unreasonable.
Well, I guess I should get started on the second step of the process. I would rather not have to drug him again, then have to wait until tomorrow before even getting to talk to him. I would also really like to get it done before I have to go to work. Hopefully there won’t be any complications this time.
3/7/09- This one is lively. I wasn’t here when he woke up after the procedure, but he was still fuming when I got back after my shift. He actually threatened me! I didn’t know exactly how to react to him. Part of me just wanted to laugh. I gave him his dinner and checked his wounds before deciding just to give him his space. The procedure went very smoothly and his leg looks really good. In fact, it’s the best job I’ve done so far. I didn’t get much sleep last night, though. He was yelling and cursing most of the night. He finally passed out around three in the morning. When I went in this morning to change the bandages and serve him breakfast, he seemed to have calmed down quite a bit. He was still angry, I could see it in his eyes, but he wasn’t yelling anymore. In fact, he didn’t even talk to me at all. I really wish I didn’t have to work today, but it would look far too suspicious if I called in. Now I get to put of a stressed face and pretend that I’m as shaken by this as everyone else. I’m getting pretty good at pretending, though. I’ve been hiding what I’ve really been feeling for years now. I just hope I don’t end up having to stay there all night.
3/8/09- I had a great time talking with Justin today. He confessed to me that he doesn’t like the fact that his hair is gone now. He had such beautiful hair before the chemo took it. He never complained when it started falling out or when I finally had to shave it. I knew how much he hated to see it go, but he never complained. He tried to be so strong for me, no matter how he was feeling. I loved him for that. I’m glad he is being open with me now, though.
It really is better than I could have ever imagined having him back. I know it’s not the same since he’s in a different body, but it’s still amazing.
We talked about so much. After the vessel finally gave up and let Justin have complete control, he told me how beautiful I was and told me how much he missed me. He then got really serious and told me that I couldn’t keep doing this. He said that these men had lives and people who loved them, and he told me it wasn’t right to take them away from their families like he had been taken away from me. He reached out and took me by the hand and told me how much he missed me, but he said that he didn’t want me to kill these men just to have him back.
I won’t lie, it made me pretty angry. I really thought he understood it. We’ve talked about it before, and I was sure that he knew how important this is. I don’t know why he’s getting cold feet now. I didn’t feel like arguing with him, so I just walked out. This isn’t the time for him to be chivalrous. He has always put everyone in his life above himself. For once, he needs to think about himself. He can put others first after I get him back. He can do everything he needs to do to ease his conscious after the process is complete. For now, we just need to worry about getting him back. I’m going to give him a little time to think over everything before I go back in.
3/9/09- I was hoping to be able to sneak away from work for a bit today, but that didn’t happen. I ended up spending the entire day out in the field. After that, I had to go straight to my appointment with Dr. Gamboa. It was seven before I finally made it back to my apartment. At least the cases were pretty interesting, though. Well, as far as they go. The first one was for a guy who broke into a house and got stuck in the bathroom window on his way out. From the small window of time the homeowner was gone and the amount of destruction, it was pretty obvious there was at least one other person involved. It took a while for me to collect all of the prints. From there I had just enough time to log the evidence in at the station before going out to hit and run. I was actually shocked no one was killed. A truck plowed into a group of people in someon
e’s front yard. He must have been drunk. Either that or he had it out for someone in the group and intentionally drove off the road to hit them. There wasn’t much for me to do there aside from collecting paint samples off of the car he sideswiped as he was driving away. There had to be twenty people in that yard and not a single person managed to get a license plate number. I think that’s a little ridiculous. The last case was pretty easy, though it was a big one. I think it might actually be the first bank robbery in Addison Valley in at least ten years. I don’t think the guy could have picked a stupider time to do it. Police presence is substantially higher. It only took a matter of minutes for them to arrive and start chasing the guy down the block. He didn’t even have a getaway car. He ended up ditching the money in an alley, then tried to say they had the wrong guy. The moron didn’t even wear gloves, so his prints were everywhere.
I stopped by my place to change real quick before I head out to the cabin. I’m hoping a full days rest will have been good for Justin. I can tell he’s definitely stronger this time. I’m so glad my plan is working. I don’t know what I would have done if it didn’t. I couldn’t stand to live the rest of my life without him. Well, I should be going. I don’t want to make him wait too long before seeing me.
3/10/09- Justin and I curled up and watched our favorite movie last night. He still doesn’t have complete control over the vessel, so I had to keep him restrained. It wasn’t as comfortable as it could have been, but it was nice to just lie in bed with him. He ended up falling asleep halfway through the movie. I don’t know who was more tired, Justin or the vessel. I imagine they were both pretty worn out. I stayed in bed with him until the movie was over. I wanted to stay longer, but I knew I couldn’t. I don’t think I would have been able to control myself. As much as I want him, as bad as I want to feel him, I can’t. It may be Justin’s soul, but it’s not him. I want all of him: his heart, his soul, and his body. I can’t settle for anything less than that.
Eh, I know I have more to say, but I really don’t feel like writing right now. I think I’m just going to head back out to the cabin and spend the rest of the evening with Justin. I’ve been asked to go out to the bar tonight, and although I know it would be good for my cover, I really just want to see him.
3/11/09- I left work a little early today and came out to the cabin. I just wanted to talk to Justin. He was much more relaxed and open to talking today. I guess he got over the notion that I’m not doing the right thing.
We talked about the case for a bit, then talked about Ben. I told him about him doing well emotionally, but he agrees that it’s time for Ben to find a girl. He said that I was right in thinking that he’s been alone for too long, and he would be much happier if he had a good woman in his life. We talked about putting him on an online dating site, but he said that just didn’t sound like Ben. I have to agree with him. I think Ben would actually get pretty annoyed with us if we put him on one. We decided that it would be best to try to arrange a casual meeting with a nice girl when we go out to the bar sometime. After that, we spent an hour talking about the type of girl we should try to hook him up with. He seemed a little funny talking about it. I think he just doesn’t like the idea of meddling in his brother’s life. He’s going to have to get over it. When we get married, Ben is going to be my family, too. I want to make sure he’s happy. I’m going to do what I need to do to make him happy.
On another note, I can’t bring myself to tell Justin that I’m using Ben as a cover in case this goes wrong. He would never let it happen. He would rather stay dead than risk anything happening to his brother. I don’t even think he would listen to me when I explained that he would never be convicted of anything. I would rather just not give him anything else to worry about. He needs to concentrate on getting stronger, and we can deal with all of that if the time comes. I’m still hoping that I can make it through the entire process without anyone at the station even starting to look in my direction. If it comes down to Ben or Justin, though, I’m going to do everything I can to have Justin back. Even if it means Ben taking the fall.
3/12/09- I had to buy the groceries for the meal at two different places today. Detective Wilcome has them out looking for anyone who bought the ingredients for the meal, so I didn’t want to take any chances. I have way too much food right now. I didn’t want to just buy what I needed, so I ended up with two full baskets of groceries. I think I will have a party this weekend. I’m going to need to do something, because there’s no way that I will ever be able to eat all of this before it goes bad.
Well, heading out to the cabin to get everything ready for tomorrow. Luckily, I don’t have to be in until four, so I will have plenty of time to finish the last step before going in. I don’t really like leaving the pieces here while I go to work, then coming back out just to dispose of them later.
3/13/09- Lunch went smooth. He was a little withdrawn, but I think he just knew that it was because he would have to leave the vessel. It can’t be easy for him to know that he will have to leave for weeks at a time. I know that he can still see us during that time, but he can’t interact with anyone. It’s hard for me, but it must be ten times as hard for him.
The disposal went smooth, also. And it only took me half as long to cut up the body as it did last time. I managed to get everything done and scatter the pieces in the campsite before heading into work. I was even early. Well, I’m a little down since he’s gone again, so I’m going to go out for a drink. I imagine everyone will be at the bar tonight.
3/31/09- It’s been a while since I wrote. Nothing much of significance has happened. I’ve been searching through my files trying to find the right guy to be the next vessel. I’ve followed a few, but none of them are right. I can tell by looking at them that they either aren’t going to work or that they aren’t quite ready yet. I keep hoping Justin will tell me that one of them will be good enough, but he hasn’t.
The station has been pretty quiet. Ben’s gone again. This time he has back to back speaking arrangements, so the entire trip will be over a week. I’m just glad it doesn’t conflict with my schedule. I would hate not to be able to take the next vessel because he was out of town. That is if I can even find someone. I was considering venturing out from men I’ve crossed paths with at the station, but I decided against it for two reasons. The first is because I don’t want to make a change and risk it causing the process to stop working. Second, I want to make sure that the department can be blamed for each and every one of them. I’ve also considering targeting a man and doing something that would cause him to call the police, but I think that would be too much of a risk. I’m just going to have to wait and hope I can find someone. If not, I may have to do something more drastic.
April 2009
4/3/09- I still haven’t found the right man. I’ve gone through every case I’ve worked twice, and have been through the list I made of possible men a dozen times. No one is going to work. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I need a drink.
4/5/09- I’m starting to freak out. It’s getting close to time and I still haven’t found anyone. I think I’m actually on the verge of a panic attack right now. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I never considered when I started this that I might not be able to find the right guy. I haven’t been able to talk to Justin to find out what he wants me to do. Am I just supposed to pick a guy off the list even if Justin hasn’t told me that he’s the right one? Will it still work if I do that? I just wish he would tell me what to do. I haven’t been able to stop crying. I don’t want to make the wrong decision and mess this all up. Oh, I just don’t know what to do.
4/6/09- I really hate that I have to go to that damn place nearly every day. If I could quit, I would. The only reason I’m still there is so I can keep an eye on the investigation. I would much rather know exactly what they’re thinking so I can adjust things as needed. If the investigation does start to shift toward my direction, it should at least give me enough time to go into hiding until the process is complet
e. While it would be crazy difficult to take another man after that, it wouldn’t be impossible. I don’t like thinking about it, and I don’t really think there is a possibility that it could happen, but it’s better that I’m at least prepared in case it does.
I still haven’t found the right man. I’m seriously considering attacking a man while in disguise so I will have someone who qualifies. I was also considering taking the man upstairs, but that one would be too much of a risk. He’s too close to me, not to mention the fact that he only leaves his place to go to school and out to the bar with his girlfriend. The building actually has a pretty good security system, so I wouldn’t be able to get him out of his place without someone knowing. He is perfect, but I will have to wait until I’m nearing the end to take him.
4/8/09- I finally found someone! Oh, I nearly fainted when I saw him at the scene I was called out to this morning. He wasn’t a victim or a suspect, but he will work. He actually witnessed a teenage girl get pushed from a car by her very pissed off boyfriend. She wasn’t seriously injured, but I doubt she will keep him around.
Anyway, back to the important part. He’s perfect. I could see Justin around him as soon as I saw him. I overheard him talking to the officer interviewing him. He’s a vacationer. He said that he’ll be in town for the next week, so I shouldn’t run into any problems. I’m going to head over to the hotel he’s staying at tonight and see if I can get eyes on him. Chances are he hasn’t heard anything about the murders, so it shouldn’t be as hard to keep an eye on him.
4/9/09- He has the same smile as Justin. Not just a close one, but identical. It melted my heart just to see it. I only got to watch him for a little while today before going into work. I heard him asking someone where some good antique stores are for him to check out tomorrow, so hopefully it will give me a good opportunity to grab him. I’m pretty much just going to be winging this one.