Diary of the Pirate Killer

by Jenn Vakey

  4/10/09- That couldn’t have been easier. I parked in the alley behind a few stores and stopped him as he was walking down the street. I told him I needed help loosening the lug nuts so I could change my tire. I had the trunk open and when he started around to the other side, I drugged him and pushed him in. It took me a few minutes to decide where to leave the card where I wouldn’t be seen but it would still be found. I ended up leaving it under the windshield wiper of a delivery truck that was parked back there. They must not have gone back out there for a while, because it was almost four hours before the call came in. It gave me plenty of time to get him into the house. I was actually nearly finished with the procedure when I was called in. Because he was a tourist, they have no idea who was taken. I don’t imagine that will happen again. Even if I grab a man from another random spot, it won’t be long before people start to report them missing as soon as a report went out. Detective Wilcome already issued a statement today, but none of the calls that came in were for the vessel. I haven’t seen him with anyone, so I’m pretty sure he’s here alone. Unless he’s got family somewhere that’s going to report him missing if he doesn’t check in, I doubt they will know who I have before his body is found. It will be fun to watch them try, though. I really wanted to get back out here quickly, but Detective Wilcome wouldn’t let anyone leave. Every officer was out following up on the men that were reported as possible victims, and he had everyone in the lab going over every piece of evidence for the hundredth time. It was ten when he finally let us all go. I must say, he is really starting to look like horrible. I don’t think he’s left the station in days.

  Anyway, the vessel was looking pretty good when I got back. He had no idea what was going on and was completely freaked because of his leg. I almost felt bad for the guy. He didn’t say a word as I told him that he picked the wrong city to visit. I told him all about Justin and the men that had been taken to help him come back. I only lied about one thing. I told him that the reason they died was because they wouldn’t comply with the process. I didn’t want to lie to him, because I know how badly Justin hated lying and liars, but I thought it would be the best way to keep him calm. The less he struggles, the easier it will be for Justin to enter him. I didn’t push him to make sure he understood after I finished explaining everything, because I know he needs his rest. I could tell that he does, though. He sees the importance in what I’m doing, and understands that it needs to be done. I could see it in his eyes.

  The procedure itself went very well. There was almost no bleeding this time. Well, no excessive bleeding. I’ve also gotten better with closing the stumps. The first three I closed too tightly. The last one was pretty good, but this one was much better. I felt just enough skin to close it up. If I didn’t have to kill him, it would actually be easy to fit for a prosthetic. Well, I should get some sleep. I’m supposed to be off tomorrow, but I have a feeling Detective Wilcome will be requiring everyone to be in until his body is found. I’m going to need to spend as much time with him as I can in the hours I’m not working.

  4/11/09- I almost feel sorry for this vessel. He has no idea what’s going on. I think he was still a little too drugged when I talked to him yesterday, because he didn’t remember anything about what was going on. I had to explain it to him all over again. He even offered me money to let him go. Apparently he is some rich man who was in town to look at some investment opportunities.

  He really had no idea what he was walking into when he came to Addison Valley.

  Well, I was really hoping to have the day off today, but I have to go in. Detective Wilcome has everyone working overtime just to try to identify who the latest vessel is. From last I heard, they are still no closer.

  I can’t believe he offered me money. It would have been one thing if it was before I explained everything to him, but it was after I told him the reasons why I was doing this. I don’t get what’s so hard about it. He should have been jumping at the opportunity to sacrifice himself for someone as amazing as Justin. More later... off to work.

  4/12/09- Man, this vessel is a whiny one. He spent all day complaining and crying. Justin didn’t even have a chance to enter him until late in the evening. I was annoyed to the point that I almost clobbered him just to get him to shut up. I think Justin made a mistake in choosing this one. He may look like him in a way, but their personalities are nothing alike. The vessel just lost a leg... Justin was dying and he never once complained. I don’t care how bad things got, he would have never whined the way this vessel does.

  I was seriously considering just going out and grabbing another guy today. I might have actually done it had I not thought that it would mess up the process.

  My mood wasn’t improved after Justin was able to enter him. I could tell when it happened. The fight just left him and he just smiled up at me. Then he said, “Hi, babe,” which made me almost melt. After a little small talk, his demeanor changed. He got more serious and turned into someone I didn’t like much.

  He told me that I needed to stop this and that he was happy where he was. He said that it was time that I moved on with my life and that I should just leave him where he is. I tried to argue with him, but he seemed pretty persistent. I don’t think I’ve seen that look of determination on his face since the day he told me that he wasn’t getting the surgery. We all know how that worked out for him. I really want to respect his decisions, but I need to do what’s best for him. I’m not going to sit back and let him be stubborn like he was before. I’m not going to let him tell me that I shouldn’t do what I have to do to bring him back. I don’t care if he spends the rest of his life angry with me because of it. At least he will have a life. I would gladly sacrifice the love that he has for me just to have him back.

  It just annoys me that he keeps trying to talk me out of this. Doesn’t he see that it’s the only way? The world is better with him in it. These men are nothing compared to him. Even more than that, he should understand that the department needs to face the punishment that is coming to them. He should see more than anyone else that they need to be brought down. They are to blame for his death. They stopped us from being able to be open about the love we had for each other. All they did was make things hard for us.

  We should have been able to tell people about us. If that stupid rule wasn’t in place, I could have just rallied everyone at the station and we could have forced him to get that stupid operation in the first place. He might have lost his leg, but he would still be here. We wouldn’t have lost these last nine months together. And I hate it when he says stuff like this. Why wouldn’t he want me to do everything I could to get him back? I thought he loved me. Why wouldn’t he want me to do what I could to bring him back so we could be together? It hurts me. It makes me feel like I’m nothing to him.

  I know that’s silly and it doesn’t make any sense, but that’s how I feel. If he really loved me as much as he said, he wouldn’t have left me in the first place. He would have done everything he could to stay with me. He knew the risks that came from not having the surgery, but he put it off anyway. It was just a stupid leg! Was I not worth more to him than that? It’s not like it meant he would be unable to get around by himself forever. After a few weeks, I’m sure he would have been able to walk around with a prosthetic. He would have been just fine. I know he would have! It’s just not fair!

  I feel so stupid for feeling like this, though. I know he loves me, but I guess part of me feels like he would still be here if he loved me more. Arg! I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling so insecure. My insides just tightened and did flips when he told me that today. I wanted to throw up. Part of me, a big part, knows that he’s just trying to look out for me. I still can’t help but feel like he just doesn’t want to be with me, though. Then when I start to think like that, I start to feel like a complete idiot. I just really hate feeling like this. I haven’t been so unsure or insecure since right after we started dating. As much as I hate it, part of me hates him for making me feel like this. I hate h
im for making me doubt the love he has for me, and I hate him for making me leave the room in tears today. I haven’t even been able to gather the strength to go back in. I don’t know if I’ll be able to tonight. Maybe I’ll just go to the bar.

  4/14/09- Ben was ridiculously grumpy today. It was almost obnoxious. I know he’s been taking a lot of crap from the chief and Detective Wilcome, but he doesn't need to be taking it out on everyone else. I almost called him on it, but I thought it would just cause more drama. I guess everyone is entitled to a bad day. Things will be much easier for him when Justin is back. Not just because the vessels will no longer be taken, but because he will have his big brother back to take care of him.

  At least I got called out to a big break in today, so I was out of the station for most of the day. It was a pretty nasty home invasion. I know there has been a string of them lately, but this one was bad. They waited until the homeowners were home before going in. They beat them badly and left them tied up in the living room. They were stuck there all night before a friend stopped in to pick the wife up for brunch. They were still at the house this morning when I arrived. Both of them looked pretty bad. One of the wife’s eyes was completely swollen shut. I’m actually amazed they hadn’t been beaten to death. There wasn’t much left at the scene that will tell us who did it. The power and phone lines had been cut, so the security system wasn’t working. The house was completely trashed, but we weren’t able to pull any prints. Well, we pulled a lot, but so far they all belong to the homeowners. I don’t think we’re going to find anything useful.

  Well, I’m going to head out to the cabin. As annoyed as I still am with Justin for what he said a couple days ago, I know I only have a limited time to spend with him before his time with this vessel is over. He was better yesterday, but he still seemed a little off. I know this is all a lot for him to take in, but I just wish he would accept it.

  Well, I have a pretty bad headache. I think that’s enough writing for now.

  4/15/09- Not much to report today. Work was pretty busy, but at least time went by fast. I bounced from crime scene to crime scene all day. Now I’m about to head out to the cabin. Only two more days left, and I want to make the most of them.

  4/16/09- The vessel is sleeping. I figured I would use the time to find the perfect stop to leave the body. I’m stuck between two places right now. I guess it doesn’t really matter which one I choose, because I’ll just use the next one for the next vessel, but I still want to pick the one that will provide the best chance of it getting found quickly. I also have to decide which one will be easiest for me to leave him at without being seen.

  I was actually thinking about it last night. I was considering what I would do if someone actually saw me. I never thought that I would be capable to killing someone, but now I think it would be the only option. I still don’t know if I would be able to do it. Not really. I have to put Justin first, though. I have to do what’s best for him and that’s bringing him back. I would hate doing it, but I know that I need to do everything I can in order to guarantee I have enough time to finish the entire process. Luckily, I’m off tomorrow. If one site just isn’t going to work, I can just go over to the next one. Hopefully I won’t have any problems, though. I don’t really want to be toting around a chopped up body all day. It’s not like it’s exactly light. Oh, it would be so much easier to just toss them into a dumpster... or bury them. I know I wouldn’t be able to accomplish the second part of the plan if I do those, though. As much as I really want to get Justin back, it’s still very important that the department gets what’s coming to them.

  4/17/09- Everything went very smooth today. It was much easier than the last one, at least. Since this one is from out of town, he hasn’t heard the reports from the previous vessels. He put up a bigger fight when the time came, but it didn’t last long. I took my time cutting into this one. I feel horrible for saying it, but I actually liked the way it felt to slice into him. Cutting through the bones is still difficult, but there is something fascinating about watching the body open up when a knife slides into it. I’m definitely glad now that I didn’t just decide to go with a chainsaw to get the job done. It wouldn’t have been nearly as satisfying. Oddly enough, it’s almost therapeutic. I know that sounds nuts, but it is strangely calming.

  Well, the first site didn’t work. There were a group of hikers in the area, so I didn’t want to risk it. Luckily, I saw them before I made it too deep into the woods. The second site was completely vacant. I scattered the pieces and made it out of there in just over ten minutes.

  Detective Wilcome still hasn’t been able to identify the latest vessel. I don’t think they’ll know who he was before the pieces are found. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if they weren’t found. I think I could actually leave numbers out every week and no one would be the wiser. The public would be panicked, and the department would feel like they’re even more of a failure than they already are. It would be fun!

  4/18/09- I know it’s only been a day, but I miss him already. I really wish I could take another one now. I don’t think Justin would be strong enough to enter another vessel so soon, though. I have a feeling it would just be a giant waste of time. I really, really wish I could have him back. I’m tired of the waiting part of this game.

  4/19/09- So I’ve been thinking over everything and I definitely need to try to diversify the men as much as possible. They need to still all have something in common with Justin, but I think the reason he’s getting stronger is because all of the men have had different strengths. The third vessel was in great physical shape, and I could tell that it made him much stronger. This last one was very bright and driven. It strengthened Justin cognitively. I need to make sure that I’m finding men with the different characteristics that Justin needs. That way it won’t take as long to get him back.

  4/23/09- There was a report about a body found in the woods today. I thought for sure that it was my vessel. As soon as I heard the location, though, I knew it wasn’t him. This one was a young girl. I felt bad when I was examining the area around her. She couldn’t have been out there for more than a couple days. There were visible signs on her ankles that looked like she had been restrained. She was just a teenage girl.

  While it would only further show how the department is making people suffer, I don’t want to think that someone is attempting to copy what I’m doing by killing young girls. I’m not doing this because I like it. I’m doing it because it needs to be done. This was just a kid. She must have been so scared.

  4/30/09- I want to grab someone. I can almost feel the need coursing under my skin. It itches. It itches deep within. I look at every man I pass on the streets and think about how easy it would be to grab them. It’s too soon, though. Justin’s not ready yet. I also don’t have the right candidate right now. I’m actually considering waiting until it’s closer before I start looking. I don’t know if I would be able to restrain myself if I found one now. All I feel is excitement and it’s overwhelming. I want him so bad that it hurts.

  May 2009

  5/5/09- I’ve added a few men to my list from the cases I’ve worked recently. I haven’t started looking for the one to take next, but I will soon. I don’t think I can trust myself to do it now. I’m too eager. I don’t think I could keep myself from grabbing someone on the spot if Justin told me he was right.

  5/13/09- I’ve got the perfect guy picked out. Okay, so morally he isn’t perfect, but he’s the one Justin wants out of the handful I was looking at. He’s a little smaller than Justin, but they dress alike. In fact, he was actually wearing a shirt when I saw him yesterday that Justin used to wear. I even came home and found it in the back of my closet. I didn’t even need to wait for Justin to show me that it was going to be him before deciding. Justin didn’t make me wait long, though. He showed around him just a few moments later. I was so excited when he did. It’s like the shirt was a sign that he was the perfect guy.

  As for his morals, he’s really not THAT bad
. He was down on his luck a couple years back and ended up grabbing a woman’s purse right after she left the ATM. He didn’t make it far before literally running into a cop. Since being released, he appears to have kept his nose clean. He’s working at a grocery store across town. Going by the past few days I’ve been watching him, he seems to be pretty routine. He doesn’t seem to have a car, so he walks to work and back. I haven’t seen him do much else. I haven’t seen him on a Friday, so I’m hoping it won’t be too difficult to get him in a position where I can grab him. Maybe it would be easier if I try to grab them at night instead of during the day. It would definitely give me more time to get them without being seen. On the other hand, I like that I take them from the middle of an awake world. It just proves that I’m better than all of them. The department would have an excuse if I was taking them in the middle of the night. When I grab them during the day, it just makes them look incompetent.

  5/14/09- I know I should be sleeping right now. I’m just too excited! I was really hoping the vessel would go out to a bar tonight, but he just stayed in. I kind of wanted to go out and wait for him to walk home, then grab him then. No such luck. If he wasn’t living with a roommate, I would actually consider going over and knocking on his door right now. Arg! I’m so excited that I’m literally bouncing on my bed. I just wish the sun would come up already! It’s not even midnight yet. I got into bed early because I thought that I would be able to pass out and the night would go by quickly. Well, that isn’t happening. Maybe I’ll go out to the bar. A few drinks might help me get to sleep.