The Wedding Date

by Zara Stoneley

  ‘Just a trace.’ Jake laughs. ‘Haven’t we all? Tartan belongs to my uncle.’ I switch off a bit then, and look around. I don’t know about phone wires, but Jake and Jess’s dad seem to be getting on like a house on fire. I can’t believe how easily they’ve just slipped into conversation as though they’ve known each other for years. Liam was the complete opposite, he had to weigh everybody up, work out if they were worth the effort. And it was almost like he worked off a ‘pleasantries’ script – which was pretty short and lead to a lot of awkward silences.

  But now I feel an almost maternal pride. Except there is nothing maternal at all about most of my Jake related thoughts, which seem to have their own non-business agenda.

  The room we are in is amazing though. It’s like I’d always imagined a castle to be, but posher, and not as cold. It’s all stone, with fantastically high ceilings, softened with strips of plush red carpet, and heavy drapes at the unbelievably big windows. The bar is oak, and blends in with the heavy door we’ve just walked through.

  To say this place is stunning is an understatement. It is, as John said, really something.

  I’m gazing around in awe when I realise that something, or rather somebody, who is equally eye-catching but rather less wonderful, is heading our way with a very determined step.

  ‘Wow! Is that Ruby?’ I throw the ‘wow’ in, not because I like Jess’s brattish young sister Ruby, but because I know her parents totally adore her. In an over the top, she was the child we never expected, our little treasure, sickening way. Which is why she’s a spoilt brat, and Jess and I used to play hide and seek but not go and find her when we were little. I say little, we were about fourteen and way beyond silly games like that, but she was five and a total pain in the arse, elbow and any other body part you’d care to name. Anyway, we’re now twenty-nine, which makes her twenty (though I’ve not seen her for yonks luckily) but I imagine she’s still a pain. And the apple of her father’s eye.

  Unluckily it is Ruby. And she is stunning, in a twenty coming up twenty-one, totally glam kind of way. Okay, in any way. She has totally sidestepped her father’s solid gene, and somehow discovered the willowy tall one that has escaped the rest of the family. Her hair manages to be glossy and blonde and wavy, and her crooked front teeth are now all straight and ultra-white. But she’s still a spoilt brat. I can tell. She’s wearing it proudly.

  ‘Wow, you’ve grown up!’ It’s the best I can do, if I try harder I will be cringing with resentment.

  ‘Wow.’ Imitation is not flattery in this case. ‘It’s you Sam, you’ve er…’ She obviously can’t think of anything polite to say, she never could. The little cow. ‘Grown too.’ Total cow. At my age we all know what ‘grown’ means. ‘Oh wow.’ I think she is overdoing the wow bit, and I’m not sure if she’s being sarcastic or it’s her latest favourite word. ‘You must be Jake.’ She slithers between her father and Jake, in her slinky satin dress, and slips a hand through his arm on the other side. ‘Where on earth did you find such a gorgeous hunk?’ She squeezes, forcing him over her way a couple of millimetres, and although she’s speaking to me she’s gazing at him with total adoration.

  I squeeze harder so that he sways back my way. I can see we might end up having a tug of war here.

  Jake looks bemused, then slips his arm round my shoulder in a very nice (though these two words shouldn’t really go together) possessive way. ‘I think it’s more a case of where did I find such a fabulous girl.’ There’s a lovely husky edge to his voice, and I really don’t have to pretend at all when I gaze back at him in admiration.

  ‘Now, now girls, don’t you take him away before I’ve had a chance to chat, come on lad, let’s find you a nice glass of whisky.’ Ruby, the little treasure, pouts as her dad extricates my boyfriend from her grasp. ‘You girls can have a catch up.’ We both have to watch as my boyfriend is led away, though he does wink at me over his shoulder, and totally ignores Ruby. Which makes me feel all warm and mushy inside.

  Liam never ignored Ruby. Even when we were kids, and she was a total pain, he had a soft spot for her. I wonder what he thinks of Ruby now she’s all grown up?

  ‘Us girls’ stare at each other. I’m not going to play catch-up even if she runs away.

  ‘Honestly though, where did you meet a guy like that?’

  I detect a little too emphasis on the ‘you’ bit.

  ‘Yeah, where?’ The much more friendly voice of Jess cuts in. I don’t know how such a nice girl ended up with such a nasty little sister. Maybe she’s really the milkman’s. Or the devil’s spawn. ‘He really is something, look at those legs.’

  I look at the legs, and panic as they get nearer to the bar. And to Liam. And Dan. And my dad.

  Liam looks exactly how I remember him. As in exactly. He’s wearing the shirt that he bought when he got promoted at the bank, and the tie he let me buy him for Christmas (I did buy a slinkier silk one that I thought would make a change, but we took it back and swapped it for a blue one, M&S are good like that – blue ties and swapping), and a pullover like all the other ones. And a kilt. I’ve never seen him in a kilt, but that’s the only difference. I didn’t fall in love with him because he was drop dead gorgeous – he’s normal. But I’d liked ‘normal’ then. Now I’m not quite as sure. He looks less-than-normal next to Jake, who is bigger, broader. Happier. Maybe this needs to be my new normal. But I do miss the knowing, that I had with Liam. The knowing that comes from growing up together, from a friendship that slipped into a relationship. I knew where I stood, what we were doing, what he thought.

  Maybe knowing is bad. Maybe knowing is about accepting less than you really deserve. Maybe knowing just leaves you open to discovering that you don’t.

  ‘It’s that yummy voice that gets me.’ Sally, a girl we both went to school with, slips her arm through mine. ‘I could orgasm listening to that.’ She sighs.

  ‘You’re married!’ She was the first one of us to get married, to her childhood sweetheart. Sweet. And now they have three kids. Not so sweet.

  ‘Don’t I know it? And believe me, orgasms aren’t that easy to come by these days.’

  ‘And when did you hear his voice?’

  ‘Just now. I was snooping. And he knocked on our door earlier, by mistake. Looking for your mum.’

  ‘Oh no, it’s the way he looks at you, really looks at you, like he’s listening. I’d forgotten what that’s like.’ Beth, who works with Jess and used to sometimes join us on our nights out has a wistful edge to her voice.

  ‘To be looked at?’ Jess giggles. Beth is always being looked at, she has curves in all the right places and a big generous smile to boot.

  ‘To be listened to. Si doesn’t even pretend these days.’

  ‘So, Samantha?’ Ruby breaks up the chat ruthlessly. She says my name in a weird sarcastic Sa-man-tha way that she knows irritates me. ‘Where the hell did you meet him?’

  Which is slightly offensive, because she says it as though I’m totally boring and never go anywhere, and never meet anybody interesting.

  Although she’s probably got a bit of a point. I didn’t in the Liam days, because I was happy and had a boyfriend. But since then I’ve been to all kinds of places with Sarah, and got drunk on many, many occasions.

  Ruby is positively drooling, and licking her lips. In fact, I’m more popular than I’ve ever been, if you can measure popularity by the number of people you’ve got hanging onto your every word. I’d keep Jake on for ever, if I could afford him.

  ‘What does he do?’

  ‘He’s a lifeguard.’ I’m about to say I met him at the pool, but they all know I don’t like water, so that’s a bit fishy, and not very geeky. I’d rather like a boyfriend who is not just a pretty face. ‘Part time, when he’s not being a…’ Is nuclear physicist a bit strong? An engineer is clever, sexy, good with his hands. ‘An eng—’

  ‘Hey, Sam,’ Jake has somehow snuck up on us, and gives my waist a friendly squeeze that makes me yelp. ‘Brought you a drink darl
ing, all sparkly and fruity just like you. Are you going to introduce me?’

  ‘Eek, hey, hi, you, er, caught me by surprise.’

  ‘Oh, I always want to surprise you sweetie.’ He nuzzles into my hair, and drops his voice to a murmur that’s for my ears only. ‘Honesty, Sam. Let’s stick to the truth where we can eh? Keep it simple.’

  ‘Haha, funny.’ I try and shake him out of my hair. Honestly, honesty has no part to play in this week, our relationship, at all. Luckily none of the girls are taking any notice, they’re staring at him. So I nuzzle him back. ‘I might have to kill you later.’ After the wedding. ‘Honestly.’ Everybody is waiting. ‘Er, Jake this is Jess, who you’ve met.’ I ignore Ruby. ‘And meet Beth and Sally.’

  ‘And you’re a lifeguard?’ Ruby is looking him up and down like she might start to lick him in a minute.

  ‘An actor. Lifeguard was one of my parts.’

  ‘Parts?’ She’s not looking as impressed.

  ‘Think Baywatch.’ He winks, and she’s putty in his hands again.

  I’ll give him fruity and sparkly. He thinks I’m up on my tiptoes to kiss him, more to hiss at him. ‘Don’t push it too far.’ Ruby has already taken a sneaky photo of Jake, and I know she’ll be Googling him later. Our cover will be blown before we’ve started if he’s not careful.

  ‘Aww, love you too, Sammy.’ I really am going to kill him, before the wedding.

  ‘Oh my God that is so cute.’ Jess has her hands over her mouth. ‘She lets you call her Sammy.’

  ‘I don’t let—’

  Jess is not listening. ‘She doesn’t let anybody call her that. The last boyfriend that tried got threatened with castration.’ She giggles and Jake gives me a squeeze. ‘You two are so cute together.’

  ‘Aren’t we just?’ He’s doing the nuzzling thing again, and rather than annoying me it feels nice.

  ‘I’m so excited for you both!’

  Why is it that brides suddenly think all their mates need to be as loved up as they are?

  ‘Oh get away with you.’ I do my best fake laugh and punch him probably a bit harder than necessary in the chest.

  ‘I’m so excited too.’ His voice drops a couple of octaves and goes all gruff, and he’s cradling my face in his hands. He’s going to kiss me. Do I kiss him back? Is this a freebie or will he bill me? Oh gawd, he really is, and he shouldn’t. It’s not in the rules. He’s leaning in and he smells quite nice and outdoorsy. He’s the type of man who would suck mints, so that his leading ladies enjoy it. ‘And the best is yet to come.’ I shut my eyes and hold my breath. The things you have to do for your best friend. Honestly. ‘Any of you girls want another drink?’

  He’s let go. The sod. How can he not kiss me? I was all prepared, waiting for mintiness and all I got was to rub noses.

  We all watch him as he heads back towards the bar. Then he glances over his shoulder, grins and winks. Jess shrieks.

  The trouble with actors is that they like to be the centre of attention. They positively thrive on it. I’m going to have to explain that this is a minor part, a blend-into-the-background part. A no-snogging, or nearly-snogging, type of role. The no-sex rule needs a few sub-clauses.

  ‘How successful an actor is he?’ Ruby prods me when she doesn’t get an instant answer. Maybe she’s guessed? Maybe I should have swooned a bit more. But I never swooned with Liam. Is swooning even a thing these days? ‘What’s he been in?’ Ruby isn’t going to let go. If I get my hands on her, I’m not going to let go either. ‘What’s his stage name? Will I have heard of him?’

  ‘He doesn’t like to talk about it.’ See, I can do sweetness and light too. ‘He’s very modest.’ I think I’ve overdone it now.

  ‘Who’s an actor?’ Oh crumbs, it’s my mother, and Jess’s mother. Where did they pop up from? You’d think in a castle, you’d be able to avoid people if you wanted. Shouldn’t they want a comfy seat in a corner after such a busy day?

  ‘Jake.’ Ruby has her head titled to one side, and is sucking the salt off the rim of her marguerite glass. ‘Didn’t you know?’ She’s talking to Mum, but looking at me, assessing.

  ‘Oh, of course we did.’ For my mum that’s a remarkable recovery. I’d have put odds on her saying she didn’t know a Jake. She even denied knowing my dad once when somebody telephoned and caught her in one of her dottier moments. ‘I thought you meant there was another one here.’

  It’s then it hits me that she does actually know. We told her the truth. And if I’d said he was an engineer I could have already been in a mess.

  ‘He’s a very nice man. He’s going to help me with my delivery.’

  It’s the first I’ve heard.

  ‘I need to learn how to project.’

  Mother has never had a problem with projection. In fact, everybody in the bar can hear her right now, because she’s put her acting voice on.

  ‘Drink, Mum?’ I’ll sacrifice my bubbly, fruity drink if it shuts her up.

  ‘Oh, Ruth, aren’t you the lucky one?’ Juliet, Jess’s mum waves a regal arm and miraculously a tray full of cocktails materialises. ‘It’s so lovely that Sam has a new man, after, after what, after that terrible … oh look, who wants a Rob Roy?’

  I’m expecting a bearded Scotsman, looking a bit like Liam Neeson, to appear, but instead she’s waving a drink topped with a cherry. ‘We thought we’d go with a theme. We’ve got five different Scottish cocktails, so drink up girls.’

  I accept one without thinking, so now I’ve got a cocktail in each hand, but my mind is on the ‘terrible business’ bit. Liam. Her hugeness.

  I look at Jess, and do the fat tummy gesture, and she shrugs. The huge girlfriend is nowhere to be seen, I’m pretty sure I’ll know her if I see her. Liam meanwhile is draped over the bar and he’s looking this way. I knock back Rob Roy, who is a real hit. Better than Appletini.

  ‘Oh I am lucky, Jake is so charming.’ From the way my mother is going on you’d have thought Jake was her regular supper companion, not that she’d met him twice, and the second time was for ten minutes flat, first thing this morning. She waves at him. He waves back. I want to die.

  ‘Dan’s charming too, isn’t he darling?’ Juliet gives Jess a squishy smile and squeezes her shoulders. ‘We’re so happy!’ This is where Jess got her excitement, her exclamation marks from. Her childhood was punctuated with happiness! Excitement! Thrills! Aren’t you clever! Mine was on a much more even keel. We were always fine, okay, never thrilled. Exclamations did not feature.

  ‘Oh, I know he is, such a nice boy.’ Mum gives Dan a little wave, and studiously ignores Liam when he half-raises his hand. Liam is no longer a nice boy. ‘But I’m so glad Sam moved on, aren’t we darling?’ Now that’s what happens when my mum drinks cocktails. She gets an edge.

  Juliet and Mum always had this slightly competitive thing going on. You know, playground stuff – as in the parents in the playground, not the kids, parents are much, much worse. ‘Oh look, Jessica came top of the class in the spelling test.’ ‘Really, how nice, Samantha’s knitted square was the best in the whole school.’ (They always use full names in a competition.) To be fair, Mum didn’t join in that often, especially as we got older (Jessica has got 3 A levels! Jessica has got a wonderful job! Jessica has got promoted, the youngest ever in that role!) which was probably because I wasn’t doing much worth boasting about. Samantha has sold a holiday to Corfu! Samantha’s boyfriend has dumped her! Hasn’t got quite the same ring. But now, with the whole Dan and Liam thing, and the castle in Scotland thing, I can see she’s determined. Not even she knew how determined until she’d knocked back a couple of drinks on an empty stomach.

  ‘Canapé anybody?’ As if on cue, Jake is back with a tray of something that I suspect are black pudding topped with quail eggs. I’m not positive, but there was a list of ‘delights’ by the door, and this can’t be anything else.

  ‘Oh scrummy.’ I can tell Mum is pissed – not only because of her argumentative turn, but by the fact she’s said ‘scrum
my’ and she’s stuffing her face with black pudding. If we were at home and she was sober she’d be asking what it was, whether it would upset her tummy or give her indigestion, why they called it pudding when it obviously wasn’t, and couldn’t they afford full size eggs?

  ‘Everything okay?’ Dad has joined us, and he’s got his arm round Mum, which means he knows how much she’s had. I’m not sure if he’s doing it in anticipation of her toppling over, or because he’s planning on amorous after drinks activities. Bleurgh, what made me think that?

  ‘Oh fine darling, just telling Juliet how pleased we are that Samantha’s moved on.’ Dad knows the warning signs, he knows that sometimes, like after a bottle of wine, or a couple of cocktails, she gets stuck in and things can escalate. Like they did in Crete when Juliet said she’d dived in the Commonwealth games, so Mum said she’d dived for the Girl Guides and ten minutes later had to be rescued after a belly flop that half-emptied the pool of water. It added insult to injury when she recovered enough to find her saviour looked more Sumo wrestler than Hoff and he was determined to give her the kiss of life. For some strange reason we didn’t sit by the pool after that; it was all sea, ice-creams and historical monuments.

  ‘Oh, a change is as good as rest, don’t they say?’

  I’m not sure that’s supposed to apply to relationships, though Mum doesn’t notice.

  ‘Blood and sand.’

  We all spin round. Juliet does not swear, saying something like blood and sand must mean something terrible has happened. Which is good. Anything is better than listening to my parents.

  There’s nothing to see, apart from blinis.

  ‘Blood and sand!’ Juliet says it again, louder, and grabs the nearest waiter, who has yet more drinks… ‘It’s our next cocktail!’

  ‘Who’s up for a whisky challenge, boys?’

  I can tell that Dad is torn between acting responsibly and refereeing the mothers, or throwing in the towel and enjoying some whisky. He dithers, but when John holds a bottle of what he bellows is a five-hundred -year-old (or something like that) malt aloft, he’s distracted and before you can say ‘shake a leg’ Mum has necked her cocktail.