Finding Kylie

by Kimberly McKay

  “That’s nice. You told her how much you like me?” He watched her face turn pink.

  “No, I didn’t tell her anything.” She took a sip of her water to ease her dry throat. “She’s just knows that I don’t bring anyone around, so she you must be somewhat important.” She tried sounding casual.

  Timothy reached across the table to grab her hands. “Well just to let you know … you’re pretty important to me too.”

  Her stomach flipped, like she was on a roller coaster.

  “Hey you two - break it up.” Anne set their food on the table, and slid in next to her friend. “I can only sit for a sec. When someone comes in, I’ll have to go.”

  Something tells me they won’t care. She looked to Chastity who looked flushed.

  “So Timothy, you from around here?”

  “I live in Southern California, but I’m from a lot of different places.”

  “He’s a brat just like you,” Chastity explained.

  “Ah.” Anne nodded, knowingly. “You got to love the military. You know I wasn’t one that really liked all the moving around. I must have gone to about ten different schools. It’s so nice to finally have roots.”

  He understood. He knew a lot of kids, who felt the same. “Yeah, it can be hard. I loved it, but to me every new place was a new adventure … new friends … schools.”

  “The chance to reinvent yourself a little?” She grinned. He cocked his head. “Yeah, I guess so. I never thought about it that way, but you’re right.”

  He grabbed some cheese fries, anxious for a distraction. All these questions were making him hungry.

  Anne heard her front door sound, as more lunch crowd filtered in.

  “Be back when I can guys. If you have to leave before I’m done … it was nice meeting you.”

  “You too.” Timothy stood, wiped the remaining grease from his hands, and gave her a quick handshake.

  As Anne was busy working her tables, she watched the pair from the corner of her eye. She smiled to herself as they flirted from across their table. She felt confident that Timothy was a nice guy. He had the kind of eyes you could see into, and tell he was warm hearted.

  One thing was for sure; he was definitely into her best friend. Yes, her friend had reeled in a good one all right. Anne watched them finish their food, wave their good-byes, and leave with their arms wrapped around each other. She had never seen Chastity so invested before, and it was nice to know she found someone that she could let go with … to let herself be loved.

  Chapter 45

  Chastity fought the urge the entire weekend. Each night she forced herself to stay in her own bed, when all she could think about was tiptoeing toward the sleeper sofa and slipping under his covers to feel the warmth of his skin.

  The only thing that kept her at bay was her conscience and a lot of prayers for strength.

  That’s not what this is about, she reminded herself while she lay awake.

  Frustrated, she rolled over and punched her pillow. Normally, she wasn’t one to jump into anything this serious, and she wasn’t about to complicate things with sex. Not that she wasn’t tempted every second of the day and night.

  After two nights alone on her sofa bed, she wasn’t sure what Timothy thought of her. She wouldn’t blame him if he thought this was completely sophomoric, but if he were going to know her—he would have to appreciate who she was.

  Besides, she’d rather know up front that he wouldn’t want to continue seeing her because she wouldn’t sleep with him, than to find out he wouldn’t because she did. Chastity had to admit, so far she was impressed with his control, especially when it was obvious how physically compatible they were.

  Timothy didn’t know how he held it together. He wanted more than anything to be lying next her rubbing his hands across her smooth tight skin. All he could think about were her long legs wrapped around him and how bright her eyes would get when he brought himself inside her. Every part of him wanted to see what happened to them if he took it further, but he wasn’t about to cross that line.

  The night before he flew in, Timothy asked her what she’d had planned for weekend. He was only referring to their everyday activities. Chastity on the other hand, went to where he wouldn’t have dreamed of … to the conversation of their nighttime activities.

  Originally, he figured he’d wait to see what pace she set. He planned on letting her make the first move and see how it went, but Chastity made it clear that she thought sex would complicate things. Since she didn’t want to mess anything up by getting physical, he felt honor bound to keep it that way, especially in light of her mother’s history. So, instead the entire weekend they connected on a mental and emotional plane, talking about their backgrounds and families; the good, bad, and ugly.

  Of course, that led to Chastity’s story as edited as she could make it. When she finished—he didn’t pull back like she thought he would. He didn’t overcompensate by trying to comfort her either. He simply told her how rough it must have been for her and asked more questions.

  Timothy was so completely unexpected. He was like a gust of fresh air, exhilarating and soothing. What gave her the most peace is that he didn’t make her feel like a freak, although she secretly was afraid he would. He just simply listened and wanted to know more. He was genuinely interested in what made her – her, and she got more attached to him for it. He wasn’t afraid to tread water with her history, which scored more points for him in her book.

  They spent their weekend shopping in Laguna, having picnics and taking lazy strolls on the beach. They finally had their overdue walk in the sand … the one that they both wanted from day one. At night, they ate romantic dinners and cuddled through movies. Not that cuddling lasted long, but Timothy continued to gently put on the brakes.

  “Got to stick to the ground rules,” he’d pant and then slow them both down.

  Chastity’s insides churned when she felt his breath on her neck. She knew she would have given in if he hadn’t taken the choice out of her hands.

  She thanked God that he was strong enough for both of them, because all she really wanted was too slip her hands down his pants and encourage him further…but she didn’t.

  Although he knew he could have taken her to bed, he wasn’t about to do something she’d regret later. This was too important to screw up. If all he wanted was to get laid, he could call his paralegal for that. Chastity was someone he wanted to wait for. The first time they made love; he’d make sure they both ready.

  Now here it was, the morning he was set to leave, and she was already missing him. In just a few hours, he would pack up his things to head back home. Who knew when they’d see each other again and she wanted to have something to remember him by … something to replay in her mind and heart.

  As the morning slowly inched through her windows, it gave her enough light to find her way into the living room. She tiptoed, like she’d played in her head so many times that night and slipped in next to him.

  Timothy heard her ankles crack as she walked in the room. He’d only been asleep about an hour, when he heard her sneaking across the floor. He waited until he felt her slide into bed, before he rolled over to pull her in. She fit perfectly in his arms.

  He drew her close, put his nose in her hair, and breathed in.

  “Mmmm,” he moaned. She smelled of lavender shampoo and sweet soap.

  Chastity lifted her chin and softly brushed her lips across his. She rolled on top of him, wanting to have a part of him with her before he left.

  As she felt his hot skin through her nightgown, a full-fledged fire was working its way through her body. She wanted to feel every inch of his skin with no boundaries.

  She arched her back, and pressed her hips to his, as she inched up her nightie. She needed to feel him inside her.

  Timothy set off like a spark and had to fight the urge to tear her clothes off.

  How much is one man supposed to take?

  As she lifted her nightie, he ran his hands
along her lace panties, which were paper-thin. He knew it would only take a second to tear them off and slip inside. He gritted his teeth at the thought of rolling her over, and dipping inside to the sweetness waiting for him. Timothy was rock hard and ready to explode.

  Although he was wanted nothing more than to make love to her, he also made a promise … one that he couldn’t break.

  “You’re killing me here. I want you so bad,” he whispered in her ear, as he rubbed her writhing body.

  She wiggled in expectation, not able to wait much longer, as she was aching inside.

  “Please … I need you inside me.”

  “Chastity,” he said in a low growl. “We set ground rules … not just you. I promised I’d take it slow.”

  “Do you not want me?” Chastity slowed and pulled up on her elbows. He saw the doubt in her eyes, and laughed.

  “Are you freaking’ kidding me?” He said loudly. “Do you feel this?” He brought her hand down to feel how just much he wanted her.

  Chastity’s eyebrow shot up. “Yeah, I guess that was a stupid question.”

  “Yeah, it was.” He leaned up and kissed her sweetly on the lips. “You know I care about you a lot. I want you more than you’d ever know, but when we decide to go there it won’t be out of wondering when we’ll see each other again.” He gently pushed the hair back from her eyes. “It’ll be because we’ve both agreed that it’s time.”

  She closed her eyes and dropped her forehead to his. As her heartbeat slowed, she slowly rolled off of him.

  “Come here - you.” He wrapped his arm around her to spoon. “Lets just lay here and do what we should have done last night … sleep. I missed having you in my arms, and I have to get a plane in few more hours.”

  As she relaxed into him, her heart was aching. She wasn’t ready for this weekend to be over, and was kicking herself for scheduling Venice for so soon after her return trip home.

  All she could think about is what almost happened and how badly she wanted it. Chastity had so much respect for the man holding her. It meant a lot to her that he wanted her … not just for sex. She cuddled closer and was glad they had at least the next few hours to spend together.

  Chapter 46

  As she lay on the sofa bed, Chastity pulled the sheets up around her and hugged Timothy’s pillow tight. She closed her eyes in memory of this morning, as his hands explored every inch of her, wishing they’d had more time. She buried her head in his pillow, which smelled of fresh linens and cologne.

  When Timothy left, he did so with promise of visiting her in Venice. Chastity’s heart filled with hope, thinking about spending time with him in one of the most romantic places on earth. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but couldn’t wait for whatever it brought.

  Needing to clear her head, she got up to check her mailbox. She reached inside, muttering, “How many credit card applications can one person get?”

  She shuffled through threw her mail, and stopped short when saw a large manila envelope, with her uncle’s return address. Her heart melted for the second time that day.

  Now that her mom was gone, she didn’t receive personal letters and seeing the return address from Oklahoma was a welcome surprise. Jesse’s small handwriting, scrawled across the front, read, ‘do not bend’.

  I wonder if it’s more pictures. She jogged back inside, anxious to open it up.

  Tossing the junk mail on her desk, she plopped down in her papasan chair and tore open the envelope. Inside was a letter, and smaller legal envelope. She pulled her uncle’s letter out first.

  Dear Chastity,

  Thank you for the drawings you left Alex. You are all he talks about now, and we can’t to see you again. Maybe once you get back from your trip, you could schedule some time here?

  I wish I could say that this was just a letter because I was thinking of you. Although I do have you on my mind most days, this letter has dual purpose.

  After I found out about you, I contacted my brother in efforts to discourage him from trying to find you. I felt such rage that he had it in him to hurt your mother … and you, by chasing you two all those years. All I could think of was to drop the bomb that I knew where you were.

  I wanted to have that power over him, like he had over someone’s life. I wanted to taunt him by withholding any information on you … to drive him crazy. I admit that it wasn’t the right way to handle it, but it was how I coped with my anger. It wasn’t necessarily right, but I felt it necessary. It also was about intimidating him enough to stop looking for you. I told him I was protecting you from him.

  I’ve learned so much about you after having you in my life. And though, I know you want nothing to do with my brother … I also know you’ve struggled with how much your mom kept from you throughout your life.

  I don’t want to be someone else who has been keeping something from you. You’ve had enough of that already haven’t you? I’ve had this letter, which is enclosed … and a few more, that John has written you. He’s been sending them in care of my address since you and I first met.

  After struggling for a few weeks on how to deal with this, I’ve decided to send at least one to you. It’s the first of many I have here. I won’t send the rest unless you ask for them. If you read the first and feel the need to finish all of them, I’ll send them on.

  I hope you’re not upset with me. I figure - worst-case scenario, you could just keep it … unopened and have the peace that I was honest with you. I’m in no way encouraging you to make peace with him. I’m only passing this letter on to its owner. Do with it what you want.

  Love to you,

  Uncle Jesse

  Her hand shook as she reached inside to pull out the second envelope. She rolled it around a few times, before setting it in her lap. Although light, the pressure of what was inside made her feel like the circulation was being cut off from her legs. Chastity lightly touched the scrawled handwriting on the front, but immediately jerked back, as if she’d been shocked by any lasting impression from the writer. She felt violated that he was even writing her name ... or that he even knew what it was.

  She quickly tossed it to the table next to her. All these years of yearning for a father … only to find him and wish he never existed.

  Yet without him, I wouldn’t be here either. She squeezed her eyes tight. No, Chastity! No empathy for him.

  But how could she ignore her curiosity? What did he have to say to her? How was she supposed to feel? Was he as vile as she knew him to be? Why did he take a chance on writing? Did she risk finding out?

  The only way she could handle these combative emotions was to shut everything down, but knew shutting her feelings off, like a faucet, wasn’t the answer.

  As the pressure inside built, she knew if she didn’t make a decision – she might reach a breaking point. The only way to defeat this was to face it head on. She picked the envelope back up and tapped it on the table, contemplating.

  Is it anger that I still feel? Or is it fear of finding him human once I read his letter?

  She closed her eyes again and leaned her head back. Mom, what am I supposed to do? It’s just a piece of paper. It’s not him … he won’t even know if I open it.

  She opened her eyes and looked around, as if Kylie was in the room and said, “No, but you will, and so would I. Opening this letter would be a betrayal to your memory.”

  With so many conflicting thoughts tumbling through her mind, she couldn’t deny her curiosity of the contents of her father’s … John’s letter. The one constant that she was certain of - was that she didn’t have to do anything right now.

  She jumped up, crossed the room and stashed the letter inside her purse, tucking it down deep in the side pocket. Before zipping it shut indefinitely, she noticed the post-mark.

  Saratoga, California … one month ago.

  Her jaw dropped. He’s closer than I thought.

  Chastity’s legs gave out as she read the return address. She closed her eyes and squatted on
the floor, next to her purse.

  “Breath Chastity,” she told herself, as placed her hand on the wall to stand up. With him this close, it was definite incentive to get on a plane and get as far away as possible.

  She looked to her mom’s picture, on the wall. Now I know what you felt. I understand why you ran.

  She gathered herself and walked over to pick up her uncle’s letter, knowing it must have been a hard decision to forward John’s letter to her. Her uncle gave her the gift of honesty, as unsettling as the news was itself … the thought behind it was generous.

  Seeing that he was someone she could count on made her grateful for his presence in her life. He took a chance sending her the letter, and the only thing she really felt like doing was calling him to thank him.

  Chapter 47

  Chastity was ready to go. She’d checked all her baggage, and said her goodbyes to Anne at the passenger drop off area. The only thing left was to call Timothy, to hear his voice.

  He was quickly becoming a large part of her life. He was someone, who gave her security … and not just because he was there during the aftermath of her mother’s passing … but because he fit perfectly into her life and her heart.

  Most of her loved this about him, but a small part of her was so scared to acknowledge how much she needed him. She’d never needed anyone before. With him so far away, doubts sometimes would plague her in the middle of the night, or in moments like these, where she had plenty of time to think.

  What if this feeling goes away? What if we don’t make it? What if he doesn’t feel the same way?

  She knew if Anne heard her, she’d give her a good smack. So she tried her best to let go of the ‘what ifs’.

  Just enjoy today and let tomorrow take care of itself.

  She’d been trying to focus on each day instead of worrying about the future or the past, but due to her upbringing she still kept too much focus on what had been or what will be instead of staying in the here and now. Timothy was someone she wanted to savor, and with him in her life, being in the moment was something she was learning to enjoy.