Catwalk

by Melody Carlson

  I make a face. “Okay, I won’t ask you to go into details since I’d probably just get jealous. But I’m glad you’re enjoying school.”

  “When do you think you’ll come back?”

  I consider this. “To be honest, I don’t know. I’m committed to the show for the time being.”

  “And it’s giving you some great hands-on experience,” Blake injects.

  Lionel eyes Blake, then nods. We talk a bit longer before we go our separate ways. And I can’t help but feel something is amiss between Lionel and me. We used to be such good friends. As Blake drives me home, I try to wrap my head around the whole guy-girl thing, wondering why it’s so tricky balancing out relationships with the opposite sex. Why can’t you have it all?

  “So we’re still on for Valentine’s Day?” Blake asks as he walks me up to our condo.

  “I can’t wait to shine up my bowling shoes,” I tease.

  He laughs. “Well, you might not need them after all.”

  “Oh, right…”

  “And Tony said maybe they would join us.”

  “Maybe?”

  Blake shrugs. “If you think Mollie’s been acting weird lately, I’m thinking it must be contagious because Tony seems different too.”

  “It’s like we’ve offended them somehow,” I tell him. “And I honestly can’t remember doing anything that would’ve started this.” I stifle a yawn as we get to my door. “I must still be on New York time, but thanks for taking me to church tonight. That was great.”

  He gives me a hug and a peck on the cheek, then takes off down the stairs like there’s a fire somewhere. At first I wonder if he’s embarrassed about the kiss…but then I feel relieved that it was simply a peck. I don’t think I’m ready for anything more just yet.

  Mom’s alone in the living room when I come inside. Just sitting on the couch with no lights on. “Are you okay?” I ask when I see her sitting there like a shadow.

  “Just thinking.”

  I sit down next to her. “About what?”

  “Your dad.”

  “Oh.”

  “You know, honey…we didn’t exactly have the greatest marriage.”

  This catches me off guard. “Huh?”

  “Remember how we had our power struggles sometimes? He worked so many hours that I often resented it.”

  I nod. “Oh, yeah, I remember you guys would sometimes argue about housework.”

  She smiles. “Yes. I thought we should share the chores more.”

  “But why are you thinking about this?”

  “I was just thinking that even though it wasn’t a perfect marriage, even though we fought sometimes, I still miss it. I miss your dad immensely. But I miss having that relationship too.”

  “This is really about Jon, isn’t it?”

  She turns and looks at me. “I can tell it’s bothering you, Erin.”

  I bite my lip.

  “And that makes me question everything.”

  “Everything? You mean with Jon?”

  She nods. “Yes. Maybe it is too soon.”

  “But Dad’s been gone more than three years,” I protest, knowing how incongruous this is to my previous emotions. Still, she’s my mom—I want her to be happy.

  “I know…”

  “And you and Jon seem to really like each other.”

  “Yes…but…” She studies me. “You seem to have a problem with it.”

  I wave my hand. “A little, I guess, but that’s just me. You know what a stick-in-the mud I can be sometimes. I’ve never liked change.”

  Mom laughs. “Yes. I still remember when you threw a fit in fifth grade because I tossed your favorite sneakers even though you’d outgrown them.”

  “See,” I tell her with a smile. “I’m just a little resistant to change.”

  “And you’re resistant to Jon too.” She sighs. “Even he could tell.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You can’t help how you feel, Erin.”

  I consider this. Maybe I can’t help how I feel, but I can control how I act. And, when it comes to Jon and Mom, I can tell I’m acting selfishly. “I know I’ve been a total brat about this, Mom. I mean, you obviously like Jon a lot. He obviously likes you. And I’m sure you know exactly what you’re getting into. If you’re really getting into something, that is.”

  She smiles. “Sometimes you just get a sense about someone—you know, early on—and you can tell that the relationship is special, like it’s meant to be…or at least it seems that way.”

  “And if that’s how you feel about Jon, I am totally on board too.”

  “Really?” She looks hopeful.

  “Really.” I let out another yawn. “But now I need to call it a night. I’m exhausted.”

  “Yes, I can tell. I’m surprised Paige is still out. You girls had a long day and a long couple of weeks too. It felt like you were gone for months.”

  I nod and then I hug Mom. “I don’t want you to be alone, Mom. And if you think Jon’s the guy—then I’m happy for you.”

  As I go to bed, I think I really will be happy for her. Maybe not this very minute, but in time. Although I’m resistant to change, I eventually get with the program. Even those times when God has to give me a solid kick in the butt, I usually come along.

  Chapter 18

  “Look at us,” Mom says as the three of us stand in front of the mirror in Paige’s bedroom on Valentine’s Day. Paige has been playing stylist for Mom and me. And now all three of us are dressed and coiffed and ready for our dates.

  Mom is wearing one of the outfits given to me when we visited the Dylan Marceau studio. It’s a strawberry red two-piece suit with tasteful faux-fur trim around the collar and cuffs. “That suit is so perfect for you,” I tell her. “You should just keep it.”

  Paige has on the light blue Rhiannon dress, which looks magical and will be perfect for the ballet performance that she talked Benjamin into taking her to see tonight. Her hair is twisted into a loose updo with tendrils of hair curling down her neck, and she has on dangly crystal earrings. “You look like a fairy princess,” I tell her as she finishes up her makeup.

  “And you look like a movie starlet from the old Hollywood glamour era,” she tells me. But then she holds up the tube of red lipstick again. “Only you still need this.”

  “She’s right,” Mom tells me. “That dress is screaming for red lipstick.”

  So I comply and when I look in the mirror, I know they’re probably right. I have on the same outfit I wore to the Dylan Marceau show and after party—the black and red Valentino. Valentino for Valentine’s Day. Makes sense to me. And yet it’s so not me. Or not the me I used to be. Even so, I must admit it’s pretty cool. Who doesn’t like to look glamorous some of the time?

  I set up my camera to take some timed photos and we all strike poses and ham it up for several shots. “This is too fun,” Mom says. But then the doorbell rings and it turns out to be Jon.

  He compliments all of us on our outfits, but his eyes are fixed on Mom. And he looks slightly nervous, which surprises me because he’s usually pretty cool and in control. But I think it’s sweet that he’s uneasy. Maybe he’s trying to win our approval.

  “Have fun,” Paige calls out.

  “And don’t stay out too late,” I tease.

  Before long, Benjamin comes to pick up Paige. It’s nice to see his face light up when he sees her and I can tell he’s enchanted. “Have fun at the ballet,” I call out as they leave. Benjamin makes a face then grins. “At least I’ll be with the prettiest girl there.”

  Finally, Blake comes to the door and his expression is all I need to know that my outfit is working too. “Wow,” he says as I reach for the red coat. “You look fantastic, Erin.”

  “Overdressed?”

  He shakes his head. “Not at all.”

  “You’re sure I don’t need bowling shoes?”

  He chuckles. “Well, that might be an interesting touch.”

  “Either way you look great,�
� I tell him as I check out his suit. “This is kind of like prom, only better.”

  “Much better,” he says.

  “And Tony and Mollie are coming too?”

  “Meeting us there.”

  But when we get to the restaurant and are seated at our table set for four, Mollie and Tony are nowhere in sight. We wait for about ten minutes, and we can tell our waiter is getting antsy. So Blake calls Tony and asks what’s up. As Blake’s smile fades into a frown, I can guess. They’re not coming.

  Blake closes his phone and shrugs. “Something came up.”

  “Oh.” I try not to feel aggravated as the waiter clears away the now unnecessary place settings. “Why didn’t they call earlier?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, we won’t let it ruin our evening, okay?” I force a smile for Blake’s sake.

  His eyes brighten. “No, we won’t. In fact, I’m glad they didn’t come tonight. Now I can have you all to myself.”

  So we end up having a very nice dinner—dinner for two. Afterward, we take in a movie, followed by ice cream. It’s past midnight by the time he walks me to my door. He gives me one sweet kiss on the lips, thanks me for going out with him, and politely leaves. And I’m thinking this guy is smart—he’s not pushing me, and just like reverse psychology it makes me want to take our relationship up a notch or two.

  To my surprise, I’m the first one home. Not that I thought Paige would be home by now, but for some reason I thought Mom would be. I fully expected to come home and see her here—like that’s what a mom is supposed to do. But instead of obsessing over her absence, simply because she’s out with her boyfriend, I decide to get ready for bed. After all, Paige and I are grown up now. And Mom’s an adult…she can certainly stay out late if she likes.

  But what if she doesn’t come home at all tonight? No, I’m not going to retreat into my old fear—that of losing both parents. But what if she decided to spend the night at Jon’s? In fact, how would I feel if she and Jon have already been spending nights together? With Paige and me off in New York all that time, it might’ve happened. While it might be juvenile, I find this possibility disturbing. Yet people do it all the time.

  Then I replay what Mom told me the other day about how she and Jon are getting more serious. What did that actually mean? What if they decided to live together? How would I react to that? It’s not easy being the only Christian in a family…having different standards, values, convictions.

  It’s nearly one o’clock when I hear someone coming into the house. I tiptoe out to see that it’s Mom. And she’s alone. “You were out pretty late,” I tell her as I go into the kitchen where she’s pouring herself a glass of water.

  “Oh, Erin.” She smiles happily at me. “You’ll never guess.”

  “Guess?” I shake my head. “What do you mean?”

  Then she holds out her hand where I see a fairly large solitaire diamond glittering in the kitchen light. “Jon proposed.”

  “You’re kidding.” I just stare at the ring and try to wrap my head around this. Even though I’m unsure just how to feel, I wrap my arms around Mom and hug her. “Congratulations, Mom.”

  “I’m so happy!”

  “I can see that.”

  “Is Paige home?”

  “Not yet.”

  Mom looks down at her ring and slowly shakes her head as if she’s still trying to take this in too. “I know it must seem like it all happened so quickly…”

  “Yeah, it does seem kind of fast.”

  “But when you know something’s right…and, well, Jon and I aren’t getting any younger.”

  I laugh. “So that’s why he looked so nervous earlier tonight. He had this all planned out.”

  “Valentine’s Day,” Mom sighs. “It was just perfect.”

  As she’s telling me about where he took her and how he asked, Paige comes in and she has to start all over again. But it helps me to hear the story twice—I know it will take awhile before I can fully absorb what this means. Still, I do know that Jon is a great guy. And Mom is happy.

  When I finally go to bed, I realize I am happy for Mom. How could I not be when she’s so over the moon? Oh, sure, it does seem a little fast, but then Mom seems so confident that this is right. Why should I doubt her?

  Even so, I feel troubled as I try to go to sleep, but it’s not about Mom. Mollie has come to mind, and I decide that I’m going to pay her a visit tomorrow. Instead of calling and taking the chance she’ll ignore me, I will go directly to her house. Since it’s a Saturday she’ll probably be home.

  As I’m driving to Mollie’s house on Saturday morning, I realize I need to adjust my attitude yet again. Instead of being angry at her, which I am, I need to be a friend to her. And to do this, I need to pray. I pray that God gives me the right words to say to her—not angry, judgmental words, but encouraging words. I want her to know how much I care about her…how much I love her. To do that, I’ll need God’s help.

  When I get to her house, her mom looks surprised to see me. “Erin, it’s been awhile,” she says as she lets me in. “The only time I see you anymore is on TV.” She laughs like this is funny, but I can hear the jab in her tone and I suspect Mollie’s attitude is infectious. “Mollie’s still in bed,” she says in a tired voice, “but maybe you can wake her up.”

  Of course, that’s easier said than done. After I nudge her a couple times, Mollie opens her eyes and looks at me, then groans and rolls over. I almost wonder if she’s been drinking. Is this a hangover?

  “Come on, Mollie,” I urge. “Time to get up.”

  “I’m tired.”

  “Talk to me now and you can sleep later,” I persist. “Because I’m going to stay here and bug you until you get up.”

  Finally she sits up in her bed and looks at me with angry eyes. “What are you doing here?”

  “I want to talk to you.”

  She shrugs. “So talk.”

  “Why did you and Tony bail on us last night?”

  “We got in a fight.”

  “Oh.” I nod. “I’m sorry. Are you guys okay?”

  She nods back.

  “But Mollie, I need to understand. Why are you treating me like I’m the enemy?” I ask. “Every time I call you, it seems like you either ignore my call, or you hang up, or you’re just grumpy. What did I do to—”

  “Maybe this isn’t about you, Erin.”

  “Huh?”

  “Why do you assume that everything is about you?”

  “Well, I’m talking about our friendship. I have something to do with it. But maybe we’re not friends anymore. Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

  She looks down at her lap.

  “And it would make me sad, but I could handle it, Mollie. I guess I just want to know why. Did I do something to hurt your feel—”

  “There you go again…assuming this is about you.”

  Now I’m really frustrated. I mean, can she even hear herself? I take in a slow breath and try to keep from saying something harsh.

  “No, Erin, you didn’t do anything to hurt my feelings. Not specifically anyway. But you did kind of leave me behind.”

  “I left you behind?”

  “We used to spend time together. Then you sort of abandoned me.”

  “But it feels like you abandoned our friendship,” I reply. “I might’ve been busy with the show, but it’s like you gave up completely. I mean, I’ve been trying to keep in touch as much as I could.”

  She looks at me with teary eyes now. And, for some reason, I suspect there’s something else going on here—something Mollie’s not telling me. But what?

  “We grew apart, Erin. That’s all.”

  “But I don’t see how—”

  “Fine.” She grabs her pillow and clutches it to her stomach. “You want to know what’s really wrong? I’ll tell you.” But then she doesn’t say anything.

  “What is it, Mollie?” I ask as gently as I can. “Talk to me.”

  “I’m pregn
ant.”

  Wow. This feels like it came from out of nowhere and I wonder if I heard her right. “What?” I say quietly.

  “I’m pregnant.” She looks evenly at me, waiting for me to say something.

  I don’t know what to say—how to respond. I want to ask her how this happened, but I already know that answer. And yet I also know that Mollie, like me, had made a commitment not to have sex before marriage. But obviously something had changed. “What are you going to do?”

  She’s running her hand over the pillow. “I’m going to have a baby.”

  “And then?”

  “And then I’m going to be a mommy.” But her voice is kind of flat and emotionless, as if she’s not really feeling this. Or maybe she doesn’t want to feel it. I’m just not sure.

  “Oh.”

  “I know you’re judging me, Erin.”

  “I’m not.” I hold up my hands. “I’m just trying to grasp this. It’s kind of shocking, you know.”

  “It hasn’t been exactly easy for me. I could’ve used a best friend.” She looks at me accusingly.

  I consider this. For someone who could’ve used a best friend, she sure seemed to have been pushing me away. But I don’t say this. “When is the baby due?”

  “Mid-August.” Her features soften a bit.

  “Oh.”

  “And, yes, Tony is the dad.”

  “And he knows?”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  “How’s he dealing with it?”

  “It depends.”

  “On?”

  “On how he’s feeling at the time. Sometimes he says we should just get married and be parents and that everything will be fine.” She sighs.

  “And other times?”

  “Other times he thinks I should give the baby up for adoption.”

  “And what do you think?”

  “I want to keep the baby.” Her voice is full of determination now. “No matter what, I will keep the baby.”

  “Have you told your parents?”

  She shakes her head no.

  And then I hug her and she begins to cry quietly. “I’m still your friend,” I assure her. “I am here for you. You’re going to get through this, Mollie.”

  She wipes her tears on her pillow and nods.