The Loss of Love and Truth

by R Kenneth Donaldson

  “You can call anytime, I have an answering machine. So, if I’m not there, you can leave the information on the machine.”

  And that’s exactly what he’s going to do. Thank science for caller ID. When his ass calls, if he calls, I’ll just let the machine pick it up.

  “I hate talking into those things. They’re so impersonal,” he says slyly.

  “Sorry, it’s either that or take your chances of catching me,” I say with a smirk and a twitch of my eyebrows.

  “Well, I’ve never had a problem with catching what I want.”

  I look at him as he smiles at me.

  “Oh, no you didn’t,” I say to myself. “Let me go ahead and nip this in the bud now, before I have this boy strung out.”

  Almost as if Marcus was reading my mind, he quickly interrupts:

  “Trevor, we’re going to be late. It was great meeting you, Arnold and we’ll see you on Saturday.” Marcus says as he grips my arm. On the way out the door he said.

  “I know you were about to let him have it.”

  “Damn right. He was getting a little bit too cocky, just because I gave him the digits.” “Would you stop it, Trevor. Why are you acting like this? The boy is interested in you and was trying to put his Mac on.”

  “I know. I need to lighten up. It’s just that I don’t need this to interfere with my work.” “Trevor, the boy’s only a security guard. What harm can he do? More like what harm do you want him to do?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Come on, Trevor. I can tell you like him. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be going through all these changes.”

  “I’ll admit he’s cute. But so are puppies and babies.”

  “Well, he ain’t no puppy and he damn sure ain’t nobody’s baby. Just lighten up and see what the boy has to say.”

  “I’ll see. I ain’t makin’ no promises.”

  We both decided on the diner I met John at earlier. For the next two hours Marcus caught me up on the trials and tribulations he calls his life. Starting with his relationship with Isaac.

  “Yeah, chile. The bitch calls my house and tells me to leave her man alone.” “What!! You’re lying.”

  “If I’m lying I’m flying and my name ain’t Superman.” “So what did you say?”

  “I calmly told her that if Isaac wanted to leave, he’s more than free to do it. I said I didn’t have the man tied up, at least not since last night and, Trevor, she gagged. She said.

  ‘What?! My man don’t do that.’ I said ‘Girlfriend, I ain’t got no reason to lie to you.

  Your man is about as freaky as the Jacksons”

  “What did Isaac have to say?”

  “Of course his sorry ass lied about it. He told me he hasn’t slept with her in over two years. Come to find out, he was over there last month, layin it on her. I told him I didn’t care if he fucked her, but he didn’t have to lie about it.”

  “So, what’s the verdict, are you gonna keep him?”

  “Chile, I don’t know. The verdict’s still out. I’m not gonna lie, he hurt me. But, I mean, I still love him. It just kills me that I’m going through the same drama as some of these women out there. Dealing with the same no good motherfuckers. I thought about flippin’ the script a couple times.”

  “Not you!!” I said laughing.

  “You damn right not me. I been that route and it was like bumpin’ pussies. I just don’t understand, Trevor, I thought the man was happy with me. I don’t know what more to do.”

  “Marcus, please. It’s not you who needs to do more. Isaac needs to prove he’s worthy of you now. He’s the one that fucked up. And no matter how happy or unhappy Isaac can be, his little dick will always want something different. It has nothing to do with how much you love him. It has everything to do with how much he loves you. Because if he loves you enough, I don’t care how much his little friend starts talking to him, he wouldn’t want to see you hurt. And that should be more of an incentive not to go and sleep around.”

  “You know what? You’re right. He needs to prove that he’s worthy of me. Even after that, I don’t know if I want his sorry ass anymore anyway. Enough about me, so how are you doing? How was the dinner party? Was it scandalous?”

  “Damn near it. Did I tell you Kasha showed up?”

  “Oh no you didn’t. Okay, start from the beginning and don’t leave anything out.” In about twenty minutes, I gave Marcus the complete story.

  “Now see, I shoulda been there. I bet Ms. Kasha will think twice before she crosses Minna again..,” Marcus said laughing.

  “Sho’ you right. Listen, Marcus, it’s gettin’ late. I need to be moseying on home. So should you. I don’t want to hear about how you overslept. You hear me?”

  “Alright, alright, I’ll be there on time with bells on.” “Marcus, keep the bells at home please.”

  Of course Marcus wasn’t ready when I showed up at his apartment. I told him I would pick him up at a quarter to nine. And here it was already 9:00 and he was just getting out the shower.

  “Marcus, I swear boy, you’d be late for your own wedding.”

  “That’s okay. They can’t start the ceremony without the bride anyway.”

  We finally made it to Mitchell’s apartment building around 9:45 and Mrs. Urbans was sitting in her silver Lexus waiting on us. I quickly jumped out the jeep and walked over to her car.

  “Margaret, I am so sorry. I was waiting on my friend Marcus and he overslept.” “That’s okay, baby, it gave me a chance to listen to my gospel tape.” She said.

  The three of us walked silently through the gate to the front lawn of the apartment complex. We walked inside the large lobby and went straight for the elevators. The ancient elevator car took forever to reach the lobby area. By the time we finally reached the fourteenth floor we were all just glad to finally be out of the car.

  I pulled out my copy of the keys to Mitchell’s apartment and started to insert it in the lock. I placed the key into the lock and was about to turn it when the door slowly opened from my touch. I looked at Mrs. Urbans and Marcus and pointed them back away from the door. I quickly pulled out Honey from my back holster and whispered…

  “Stay back. I’ll let you know if it’s okay to come in.”

  I inched the door a little further and stuck closely to it. Holding Honey with both hands in front of me, I walked in slowly. The place was a wreck. Clothes, paper, garbage and other items littered the floor. All the furniture was turned over.

  I walked through the hallway and into the bedroom. The bedroom was in the same condition as the living room, in total disarray. Whatever they were looking for must have been extremely important. After giving a quick look through, I went to the front door to let the Marcus and Mrs. Urbans in.

  “Whoever did this is gone,” I said motioning them in.

  “Oh my goodness,” Margaret said as she walked through the door. “Who would do this?” Marcus asked.

  “I have no idea, but whoever it was, he or she was looking for something important.”

  It takes us about six hours to get everything in some sort of order. And making a few trips up and down the stairs we were able to get everything packed.

  We were just about finished when Marcus walks up to me with a shoe box.

  “What do you want me to do with this?” he asks. “What’s in it?”

  “Some love letters you gave him.”

  I quickly grabbed the box from Marcus and opened it. I took the first letter and began to read it.

  Baby, I miss you so much. I long for the time when we can be together. I don’t know how long I can wait until you end it with Trevor. But I suppose I’ll just have to try.

  I can’t help but remember the day we shared at the beach and I’ll never forget that night, watching you cook dinner naked in the kitchen and then in the bedroom.

  I had to put the letter down as tears start to roll down my face. “These aren’t my letters,” I said trying to fight back the tears.

  Marcus g
rabbed the box from me as I walked to the bathroom. I turn the water on in the sink and splash my face with it. Marcus walks in behind me.

  “Trevor, I’m sorry I didn’t know.”

  “Don’t sweat it, Marcus. It’s not your fault I was in love with an asshole. Look, let’s get the rest of this shit out of here and go home. I need a drink.”

  “Sure, whatever you say. But look what I found in the bottom of the box.”

  Marcus hands me a picture. Mitchell was at some party with a group of people. What caught my eye though was who Mitchell had his arm around. I couldn’t tell right off who it was because the guy had his head turned slightly. But after I looked at it closely, there was no denying the features.

  I then grabbed the box of letters from Marcus and picked out the letters. I looked at the end of each letter and they were all signed I love you, R.J. I looked at Marcus.

  “Well, I’ll be damned,” I said. “What, what is it?”

  “I’ll tell you later. Grab the other stuff and let’s get outta here. I need to do a little snooping.”

  Chapter Ten

  Later on that night around 11:30 the phone rings. Figuring it was probably Arnold, I looked at the caller ID box. The box read “unrecognized caller”, so I picked up the phone, since I didn’t know who the caller was.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “Hi, is this Trevor?” the deep voice asked. “Yes. Who’s calling?”

  “It’s Arnold. Did I wake you?”

  “No, I’m just doing some paper work. What’s up?”

  “I was just calling to give you the directions to the party on Saturday. You guys are still coming aren’t you?”

  “As far as I know. Unless something drastic happens.”

  “Well, let me get on my knees and start praying now.” He said teasingly. “So, I take it you’re off duty.” I say trying to change the subject.

  “Yep. I was just sitting here listening to some jazz when you ran across my mind. So, I decided to give you a shout out.”

  “I see. So a young buck like you likes jazz, huh? That’s unusual.”

  “Why is that so unusual? Were you expecting me to be listening to some hip-hop?” “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I love hip-hop. But, I also love other things and jazz happens to be one of them.”

  “May I ask you a question?” I asked. “Depends on the question.”

  “What made you think that I was, you know, down with the cause? I mean I didn’t give you any reason to think that I was interested or anything. I pride myself on being very discreet.”

  He laughed. “I know, I know. Let me ease your fears. It wasn’t you. It was me. When I first saw you come through the doors, I was like Damn, this brother’s fine. I had to say something. I mean the worse thing you could’ve said to me was to get the hell out of your face. So, when you replied the way you did, I kind of got my answer.”

  “I see. Do you normally do that?”

  “If you mean, do I normally pick up guys where I work, no, I don’t. But, like I said, I would’ve kicked myself if I didn’t say anything.” “So you’re just a bold thing aren’t you?”

  “I’d like to think so, and on that note, may I ask you a question?”

  “Sure.”

  “Are you seeing anyone?”

  “Why?” I asked. And what surprised me most was that I caught myself smiling.

  “I was just wondering if there is a lucky brother in your life. If not, I thought maybe if you were accepting applications.”

  “Whoa, hold up. This is only our first conversation. Give a brother some breathing room.”

  “Yo, I’m sorry. It’s just when I see something I like, I try to work my way in getting it.” “First off, Arnold, I don’t know if anyone has told you, but people aren’t property. You can’t just obtain me. Now, if you play your cards right, we’ll see. There’s alot I don’t know about you. God knows there’s a helluva lot you don’t know about me.”

  “True dat, true dat. Tell you what Trevor, let me start off right. What’s your last name?” “Morrows and yours?”

  “Johnson. Now we got that out the way, would it be possible to see you Sunday after the party?”

  “I don’t know yet. I’ll let you know.”

  “That’s fair. Well, it’s getting late, so I’ll leave you with the hopes of seeing you tomorrow.”

  “Maybe. Goodnight Arnold Johnson.”

  “Goodnight, Trevor Morrows. Hope you have sweet dreams. I know I will.”

  I hung up the phone softly. “Lawd, give me strength,” I say out loud. Two minutes later the phone rings again.

  “You forgot to give me the directions, huh?” I say into the receiver. “Trevor Morrows, please.” the familiar coarse voice said.

  “This is Trevor, I’m sorry I thought you were someone… “ I started.

  The voice interrupted.”! don’t give a fuck. You must think we’re playing.” “Who is this?”

  “This is your final warning. You better stay away and mind your business before you or someone else winds up like your buddies.”

  “If you think I’m going to be affected by your threats, think again.”

  “No, you better think again. It’ll be a real shame if something were to happen to your family because you can’t keep your nose where it don’t belong.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I yell into the receiver. “Take a wild guess,” the voice said, and then the line went dead.

  I quickly tried dialing star sixty-nine. But when I did the automated operator just informed me that the call was out of the area.

  I sit back on my leather sofa, dumbfounded. This shit was getting out of hand.

  I got up and slowly walked into the kitchen trying to piece together what just happened. This was the second threatening phone call I’ve gotten about this stupid shit. Whoever it was must think I’m getting too close for comfort. But, in reality all I have are my suspicions. What I didn’t understand though was that if I was getting closer, why wasn’t my life in danger? He didn’t threaten my life, just my family. It seemed only logical that if a murderer killed two people for being too involved, a third won’t make much of difference.

  I was at a brick wall. I couldn’t decipher anything else about it. One thing I did know, it couldn’t be John. John maybe many things, but he’s not stupid. No fool in their right mind would want to threaten me after I had already confronted them with my suspicions. All it would prove that I was right about him. It had to be someone else that I had not thought about.

  I poured myself a glass of wine and walked back in the living room and sat on the sofa. I opened the box of letters I took from Mitchell’s apartment and started to leaf through them. I hesitated a little before starting to read the first letter. The letter was dated a few months before I met Mitchell. I put the letter down and picked up the glass of wine. I sit back with it and start to daze up at the ceiling.

  I met Mitchell at a party Marcus threw for his birthday. I had just walked in to the apartment and kissed Marcus on his cheek when a deep voice from behind startled me.

  “Can I have one of those kisses?” the voice asked.

  I quickly reached over to the table where Marcus had a bowl of Hershey’s Kisses and picked one up. I turned around and handed it to Mitchell.

  “Here you go,” I said smiling. “Oh, it’s like that,” he said.

  “It’s like that,” I said, matter of factly.

  Marcus looks at the both of us and shook his head. “Trevor, this is Mitchell. He’s a friend of Isaac’s. Mitchell, this is Trevor.”

  Mitchell shook my hand and held it longer than was necessary.

  “May I have my hand back?” I asked. “And if I said no?”

  “Doesn’t matter,” I said, snatching my hand away.

  I walked into the living room where the rest of the party was taking place and Mitchell followed.

  “Hold up, Brown-skin.” he said after me.

&
nbsp; “Brown-skin? That’s not my name,” I snapped.

  “I was just teasin’, brother. Why you got to be so tense? Chill.” “Why you got to disrespect me like that? And I’m already chilled.”

  “Yo, I’m sorry. Let me start over. Can I talk to you a little or is your boyfriend around?”

  “If you‘re asking me if I have a lover, I don’t. As far as you talking, hey conversation’s free.”

  Mitchell and I talked for awhile and we pretty much clicked. The party was getting crowded so he asked if I wanted to go outside to continue talking. I consented and we spent the rest of the evening just talking. At that time I was thrilled to just be able to talk with someone without every other word being about sex and without him looking at me as if he wanted to eat me up right then and there.

  I shook my head and came back to reality. “I shoulda’ left his stupid ass alone way back then.” I say out loud. I went back into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of wine and took it back with me into the living room. It was going to be a long night and I needed all the strength I could get.

  I picked up the box of letters again and started to read them one by one. With each letter I read, I became more and more upset. It was obvious that whoever this R.J. was, he was in love with Mitchell and they were together for some time. After the feeling of depression set through I became angry. Angry because most of these letters were written while Mitchell and I were supposedly together. I felt like a goddamned fool. How could I be so oblivious to the fact that while he was sleeping with me, he was sleeping with someone else. Since day one that son of a bitch was fucking around with this guy.

  As I finished the third letter, I picked up the box and realized that it was heavier than it should’ve been. I emptied the box on the sofa and out came a video tape. I picked it up and looked at it. Part of me knew what was contained on the tape and didn’t want to look at it, but the other part was too curious not to.

  I popped the tape in the VCR and turned on the television. After only five minutes of viewing, I immediately turned it off. What I saw, literally turned my stomach. Mitchell and Richard Jamesway, my old police captain, were fucking. If I needed any proof who R.J. is, here it was. I could barely believe what I saw. The expressions of passion on Mitchell face were the same he shared with me. This was more than I could take.