A Woman In Love: Book Four (The Woman I Love Series 4)

by G S Binkley

  “I’ve known my daughter longer than I have you but I can tell with Lacy and even with you something’s… not right.” Lynn wrapped her arm around the woman her daughter pledged her life to and smiled. “Whatever it is I know you two can work it out.”

  “Did she say anything… about me?”

  “No. She needs you.” Lynn pulled Gage closer. “So be there for her. I think you know what I’m talking about.”

  Gage did know exactly what her mother-in-law was referring to and the blonde so much wanted to open the floodgate and unleash all of the pent up dark memories from her past but fear was the key that held them in check. “Okay.” The blonde walked slowly toward the house. She stopped to kiss each of her children goodbye and told them she loved them. Gage nearly broke into tears when even Derek hugged her back, squeezing tightly and proclaimed he loved her too.

  Dani wanted to assure her mother that she wasn’t going to go to any parties without Lacy knowing about it and that they only went to a movie. Gage consoled the young girl when she let her know that her mother knew Dani had never lied to them. And I never will. Reluctantly, Dani climbed in their grandmother’s car with the rest of her siblings.

  Stella kissed her daughter on the cheek and whispered. “You are the strongest person I know.” She kissed Gage again then added. “Besides Lacy that is.”

  That made Gage smile. “That she is.” I only pray she’s strong enough to love me even after she knows the truth about me. In that moment, Gage steeled her will to demand entrance to all of her buried past and open the curtain for Lacy to see everything about her.

  *************************

  Lacy paced across the floor finding some comfort in Gage’s writing room. Several times she slid her hand lovingly over her partner’s leather chair. Wishing that Gage were home, Lacy looked up when David walked in.

  “Your mom and Stella just left with the kids.” David announced.

  “Good.” Lacy crossed her arms, pacing the floor like a wild caged animal. “I don’t want them to see me like this.” At first Lacy refused to accept her mother’s plans because she desperately wanted to ensure that Dani was okay. After hearing her mother tell Stella about that Drake character, she went into emotional overload. When her mother heard the strain in her voice, Lynn announced she was coming right over. Stella and her mother insisted on taking the kids for a few days. The frantic mother finally agreed when Lynn pointed out how shaken her daughter was at the moment. “Did you see Gage?”

  “No. Her car’s outside but…” Lacy rushed past him but he stopped her. “Wait a minute.”

  “What?” Lacy practically shouted. “I need to see Gage.” The determined woman had every intention of scarfing up her partner and going over to her mother’s house.

  Turning the shaken woman toward him, David tried to calm her. “Take a few deep breaths first. Okay?”

  Wanting to collect her thoughts, Lacy reluctantly did as instructed.

  “Why don’t we sit down over here?” David steered her toward the couch but Lacy refused.

  Instead, she compromised by leaned up against Gage’s desk.

  It was David’s turn to pace. “Lacy, I know this isn’t the right time but…”

  “David? What is it?” His fidgeting temporarily took her mind off of her own troubles. But she was losing patience with him fast.

  He stopped directly in front of her. “What should I do about Hayston?”

  Lacy just glared at him. I can’t believe this.

  David wrongly thought that by getting Lacy to help him with Hayston, he could take some burden off the already over stressed woman. “Really. I could use your advice.”

  Exhaling a frustrated breath, Lacy lit into him. “I am so fucking fed up with having to deal with your problems when I have problems of my own. Derek acting out. Lots of help you’ve been there. And some oversexed man

  stalking my daughter and her friends. Then Gage won’t…” Lacy grabbed his arm when he turned away, forcing him to face her. “David, stop drinking so much. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get a job and for heaven’s sake…”

  “You could help with the job part.” David insisted, standing straighter. “If you only took that role in Ted Connolly’s new movie.”

  Neither David nor Lacy saw Gage at the cracked door.

  “I already told you. I turned it down.” She forced herself to steady her overwrought nerves.

  “It’s because of Gage. She’s selfish, right? And you are putting her feelings first like always.” David truly didn’t want his talented ex-wife to give up her lucrative career.

  “Oh, David. Come here.” Lacy wrapped her arms around the man she had once loved. Shaking her head against his, she said calmly. “You are amazing.”

  Seeing Lacy embrace David was the blonde’s undoing. From the center of her core like an erupting volcano that refused to stay contained, Gage shook as tremors of emotional fragments overflowed unrelenting through her shattering veneer. She could no longer function yet somehow her feet did as they had done many years ago, running as fast as they could in order to get away from the haunting scene that had just played out before her.

  Holding him close, Lacy’s whispered words spewed pure venom, countering his accusation. “So fucking amazing that you think you’re always right. Yes, it’s because of Gage that I want a life more than just making movies. It’s because of Gage that my life is now complete and even at my worst… even now with everything going on… I am the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. And, yes, it’s because of Gage that I am free to be me, do what I want, when I want and how I want. And Gage is everything I want.” An evil smile formed on Lacy’s face before she finished. “And it’s because of Gage and the mean words you’ve spoken about her that I’m going to do this.” Lacy cocked her leg back and kneed him.

  “Oh fuck Lacy.” Grabbing his crotch, David fell down. “Was that necessary?”

  Slapping her hands together, Lacy grinned. “Apparently.” She deliberately headed toward the door but turned briefly and ordered. “Pack your bags and go home, David. Now!”

  With the slamming of the door, the man was still on the floor, squirming with pain. “I’m gonna need a minute.” He moaned loudly.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When Lacy entered their bedroom, Gage looked up with scared green eyes. Quickly turning away, the nervous blonde fidgeted with some clothes in her hands before she determinedly marched to the closet and pulled out a travel bag.

  Confused and exceptionally concerned, Lacy demanded. “What are you doing?”

  Gage refused to look at Lacy as she stuffed a shirt into the bag. Torn as what to do, the blonde paced back and forth wanting to speak but unable to find the words. A million turbulent thoughts bombarded her mind vacillating over staying or leaving. The blonde chanced a hastily look toward Lacy before heading to the dresser.

  “Gage.” Lacy chased after her anxious partner. Grabbing Gage’s shoulder, Lacy yanked her around and pulled the bag from the blonde’s hand. Lacy tossed it behind her. “What’s going on?”

  Breathing heavily, Gage’s green eyes looked everywhere except at her partner. Backing away, the blonde tried to pull loose. “I… I…” Gage glanced around Lacy, trying to see where her bag landed. She pushed past the upset dark haired woman, picked up the bag and threw it on the bed.

  Drawing in a deep breath, Lacy saw Gage stuff a pillow in her bag. It was obvious the blonde wasn’t paying any attention to what she was doing. Lacy stepped up next to Gage. “I don’t think you need that.” Lacy retrieved the pillow and threw it on the bed but it fell off the other side. When Gage jolted across the bed, Lacy grabbed her. “Oh, no, you don’t.” Lacy flipped the blonde over, effectively holding Gage in place. “Now you’re going to talk to me.”

  Gage refused to meet her partner’s concerned eyes.

  Brimming with such emotional upheaval, Lacy demanded. “Gage, talk to me. Damn it.”

  The blonde’s breath quickened when Gage foug
ht against Lacy’s hold. “Why?” Gage nearly screamed.

  “Because this can’t go on any longer.” Lacy held the twisting blonde by her wrists. “We need to talk and this time I’m not letting you go until we do.”

  “Why?” Gage insisted again. “What the fuck difference does it make?”

  Shocked, Lacy leaned back but she was still perched over Gage. “What difference does it make?” She repeated softly. “I don’t matter to you anymore? We don’t matter? Is that what you’re saying?”

  Green eyes squinted. “You lied to me.”

  “I lied to you? You lied to me.” Lacy accused her lover.

  “You want me to leave? Is that it?” Gage pushed up against Lacy. “Well, that’s what I was doing until you stopped me.”

  Lacy let the blonde up and watched Gage begin to pace the room again, running her hands through her short hair. “Is that what you want? I mean so little to you? The kids… that you would leave us?”

  Gage was so close to opening up and taking that final step by revealing her past to Lacy but that all changed when she saw the woman she loved embrace David. There wasn’t one rational thought in the overwrought blonde’s head at the moment. “You want him? Go ahead. Then you can accept that part in the movie that you so…” Gage glared at Lacy. “…conveniently forgot to tell me they offered to you.”

  “The same way you so conveniently forgot to tell me about your ex-lover Gail?” Lacy shot back. “I know I asked you about that and don’t you dare deny it.”

  “There are some things a person fights to forget.” Gage mumbled, glancing at the door then she searched for something, anything to grab hold of but instead paced the room. “Ohgrrrr… damn it.”

  Trying desperately to collect herself, Lacy fought against the angry words fighting to lash out against her partner in retaliation for the times Gage retreated when Lacy needed her most.

  Scrambling off the bed, Lacy confronted Gage. “I’m not going to let you leave.” Lacy pressed Gage’s face between her hands. “It’s time to stop running.”

  But that’s exactly what Gage wanted to do. However, the determined touch of her lover’s hands held the blonde in place. Gage sucked in several deep breaths as if building up a head of steam, waiting to be unleashed against an onslaught of dark memories that flooded against the long held gate. In a small voice, Gage simply acquiesced. “Fine.” Gage knew that the only chance she had of holding on to what she treasured most, Lacy and their children, then she would have to let go. Let go of every fucking thing that happened in my fucking life.

  Lacy gently caressed her lover’s face. “Do you want to sit on the bed… with me?”

  Shaking her head, the blonde eased away from her partner. Breathing hard, she summoned every wonderful memory she had shared with Lacy as an anchor to steady her resolve.

  Sensing Gage needed some space, Lacy backed away and calmly sat on the edge of the bed. Though she had the foresight to place herself in a position between Gage and the door. “Will you tell me now?”

  Rifling her hand though her hair, Gage stretched her neck and closed her eyes as if to say a silent prayer. The immediate future popped into the blonde’s head and she was sure once Lacy knew about her, Gage would be left alone. Like I’ve been most of my life. Facing away from Lacy, Gage admitted. “You deserve to know. And I won’t blame you if… you want me to leave after…”

  Lacy jumped off the bed, embracing her lover from behind. “I will never leave you.” The dark haired woman whispered then brushed her lips against Gage’s head. She could feel the blonde trembling. Lacy wanted desperately to continue to hold Gage but knew her lover expressed herself best when she was moving. It was the same when Gage was coming up with ideas for her stories. She was constantly on the move, walking around, pacing the room until the idea percolated out. Hugging Gage tightly once more, Lacy stepped back. “Go ahead.”

  It seemed like hours before Gage turned around and faced Lacy. “You want to know why I backed away when Derek started acting out?” The blonde asked and Lacy nodded. “Because I am Derek. That was me years ago.” Unfocused green eyes stared off into space recalling a very unhappy memory.

  “Gage, sweetheart, I know we have problems with Derek but we can work them out… together. They’re not that major. Don’t you think?” Lacy assured her lover.

  “Oh, I started out innocently, too. Just little things just like Derek… that turned into a nightmare.” Gage started to turn away but instead chose to remain facing Lacy. “That’s why I’m the last person to help Derek.”

  “You’re wrong.” Lacy insisted, nervously grinding her hands together. “I think you’re exactly the person to help him.”

  “Lacy, you don’t know.” Gage began pacing through the room again. “Like I said in the beginning it was small things. Cussing. Playing tricks on the other kids or the foster parents. You know hiding things. Doing things to scare the other kids.” A dark memory crashed against the forefront of her mind. “Did I tell you about Johnnie?” Lacy recognized the name of her partner’s childhood friend, Gage laughed. “Not everything.” I’ve kept so much from you.

  “Will you tell me now?” Lacy coaxed her reluctant lover.

  Nodding, Gage leaned against the dresser. “He was… my best friend. I remember the first time I scared him.” Gage chuckled, relieving some of the tension. “I told you about that.”

  “Gage, sweetheart, what happened wasn’t so bad. My brothers and I

  tried to scare each other all the time and sometimes it doesn’t turn out the way we planned.” She briefly recalled the cave incident.

  Sadly, Gage revealed. “That was the first time I ran.”

  Lacy walked over to Gage and rubbed her arm. “They sent you away, didn’t they?”

  “And Johnnie, too. We didn’t get to see each other until a few years later. By then we were… fourteen, fifteen. And hell raisers.” Gage glanced at Lacy. “We smoked a little… drank a lot.” The blonde squeezed Lacy’s arm then moved away, needing some distance as she prepared to tell the rest of the story. “We got into all sorts of trouble. Fighting, stealing. At first, it was a pack of cigarettes, beer, food… things like that then it… well, got worse.”

  “Gage, I can’t say I understand completely but considering the kind of life you had, I’m not surprised you had problems.” Lacy wanted to be as understanding as she possible could but she had to admit that her childhood was much different.

  “With Derek, Lacy.” Gage took a quick breath when she started to explain the connection between her and their son. “When our foster parents… anybody told me I couldn’t do something. Well, that made me want to do it all the more. It was my little way of being free from them. It just pushed me further away. Not that we were close but… I began hating them, resenting them.”

  “And that’s why you distanced yourself from Derek. You thought he would want to do whatever it was even more and end up hating you.” Lacy surmised. She could never believe that would ever be the case but knew that was what weighed heavily on her partner’s mind.

  “After the things I did, who was I to try and tell him what to do?”

  “His parent.” Lacy stared directly at Gage.

  “Yes, but…”

  “Gage, I know you had a hard childhood and I wish things would have been different for you but… Derek has us, parents that love him and would do anything for him.”

  “That’s not true, Lacy. I didn’t.” Gage took full responsibility for her failure as a parent.

  Shaking her head, Lacy marched over to Gage. “You have shown our little boy so much love and dedication. You, Gage…” Lacy lifted the blonde’s head so she could look into Gage’s green eyes. “When Derek was shy and afraid, you were the one that got through to him. Not me and certainly not David. It was you.” Lacy wrapped her arms around Gage. “We are so lucky to have you.”

  Gage welcomed the embrace but felt she didn’t deserve it. “There’s more.”

  “Okay.” Lacy backed
up and assured her partner. “But it won’t change the way I… we feel about you.”

  Gage had her doubts as she proceeded. “Johnnie and I pretty much lived on the streets by that time. We ran away from every home they put us in. We were our own little gang. Nobody messed with us. We each had a knife but… we liked to use our hands. We fought a lot.” Gage paused as if to consider whether she should proceed.

  “I’m here. Go on, sweetheart.” Again, Lacy struggled to stay in place, allowing Gage the room she needed.

  “We needed some money and… there was this little store.” Gage ran a hand through her hair, dropping it down to scratch her neck. “We waited till just the clerk was inside. I figured we go in and demand the money or beat him up. Maybe brandish a knife just to let him know we meant business…” Gage chanced a glance at Lacy. “Like we had before when we needed money.”

  Lacy shifted on the edge of the bed but offered her partner a reassuring smile.

  “We went in, demanded the money. Johnnie was behind me watching for anybody coming in. I flashed my knife. The clerk just stood there for a minute and I thought he had froze but… all of a sudden I got this bad feeling. Then out of nowhere there was this shotgun in my face.” The blonde’s body squirmed a bit as she remembered the details. “From that point, it was all a blur and I wanted Johnnie and me to get out of there as fast as we could. And I swear to God I don’t even remember hearing the shot but…” Gage swallowed hard. “The clerk… his eyes just stared off in space and that’s when I saw the blood.”

  Lacy’s hands covered her face in shock. “Gage.” Lacy raced toward her lover but Gage pushed her away, not wanting any sympathy from her partner that she knew she didn’t deserve.

  “Johnnie had a gun. I didn’t know it.” In her mind, Gage was reliving the horror of moment. “There was bleeding all over the place and I… when I turned around Johnnie was covered with blood, too. Both of them must have fired their weapons at the same time.”

  Lacy stood firm, holding an unwavering small smile on her face to ensure her partner knew she would always be there for Gage. But the blonde refused to look at Lacy.