When We Left

by Elena Aitken

  “All good. And don’t worry about cleaning up.” He smiled at her. “Your mom cooked, so I’ll handle the dishes. You have fun and say hi to Jess for me.” He winked at her and she almost laughed. Instead, Morgan shook her head, gave her mom a quick hug, and got out of there before her mom changed her mind.

  “I’m sorry about Morgan.” Cam took the sudsy plate from him, rinsed and dried it before putting it away and reaching for another. It was nice having someone to do dishes with her. Someone besides a moody teenager that was. “I don’t know what’s going on with her lately.”

  “She’s a teenager.”

  “Oh, don’t I know it. It’s so hard some days.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be to raise a daughter. You’re like some kind of superhero.” A really cute superhero, he thought. Cam always looked good, but that night, there was something different about her. It was as if for the first time she seemed relaxed and comfortable around him. He’d caught a glimpse of it when they’d gone out for dinner, but this was different.

  Her long blonde hair was pulled up in a ponytail that reminded him of an eighteen-year-old version of herself. She had a little makeup on—not that she needed it; she never had—but the light pink slicked on her lips made them look even more kissable than normal. Instead of the t-shirt he usually saw her in, she was wearing a silky red blouse that was unbuttoned just enough to show off a hint of cleavage.

  “Right.” She laughed. “I guess my cape is at the cleaner’s right now.”

  Evan put the dishrag down and reached for her hand as she spun around to take the next plate from him. “Seriously,” he said when her eyes locked on his. They were wide in surprise that he was touching her. Truthfully, he was surprised too. But ever since they’d held hands across the table at the restaurant, he’d wanted to touch her so badly it burned inside him. This time, holding her hand wasn’t going to be enough. He pulled her close until she was pressed up against his chest.

  “You are the most amazing woman I know,” he finished his sentence. “And you definitely don’t need a cape to prove it. You’re doing an amazing job with her.”

  She shook her head, but didn’t pull away. “I don’t know about that. Some days I can hardly keep my head above water with her.”

  “Amazing,” he repeated. “Really.”

  He stroked his soapy finger down her cheek, leaving a tiny trail of bubbles on her skin. “Cam, I know there’s a lot…it’s been a long…”

  Screw it.

  Unwilling to continue the game of trying to justify his actions, Evan took the chance he’d been wanting to take almost since the moment she rolled back into town. His hand slipped under her chin and he lowered his lips to hers.

  The taste of her was familiar but new at the same time. Her soft lips yielded the way he’d known they would and a small sound slipped from her. Taking a chance, Evan deepened the kiss, his other hand coming up to cup the back of her head.

  Kissing her was everything.

  It had been sixteen years, but their lips remembered each other immediately. Nothing had ever felt so right.

  Finally, when Evan pulled away a little, he was shy and a little unsure, which was ridiculous. But when he saw the small smile on Cam’s lips, he knew it was okay. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”

  “Over a decade?”

  He nodded, not bothering to deny it. “I’ve missed you, Cam. More than I even knew.”

  “I’ve missed you, too. But…I need to ask you something.”

  He took a step back, needing the distance to keep from pulling her back into his arms. “Anything.”

  Her eyes clouded and she glanced down at her hands before looking up again. “I won’t get involved with anyone who’s in a relationship,” she said quickly. “I’ve been on the receiving end of that, and I just can’t do it.”

  Confused, Evan stepped forward and tried to reach for her hand, but she pulled it away. “Relationship?” he shook his head and tried to make sense of what Cam was saying. “I told you, Cam, I’m not dating anyone. I’d never do that.”

  She stared directly into his eyes. “Stephanie?”

  What had she heard? A million possible scenarios flew through his head, but there was only one thing to tell her. The truth.

  “We’ve dated on and off,” he said. “But it’s been off for a while. We’re not together, Cam. It’s never been serious with Steph. At least not for me. She knows that.”

  Whether she chose to accept that or not was a different question. But Evan had always been upfront with Stephanie about who and what they were to each other. And serious had never been part of the conversation.

  “You’re sure?” She took a tiny step toward him. “Because I can’t be part of anything that will hurt another person. Not intentionally.” Her eyes were so big, so open, so full of emotion, it took all his restraint to keep from kissing away all her worries.

  But first, he needed to be sure she understood him. “I know,” Evan said. “And please believe me when I tell you that I’d never put you in that position, or anyone else. I’m not that guy, Cam. It’s just you. It’s always been you.”

  “I believe you.” The concern on her face melted into a soft smile and he knew it was true. “There’s just one more thing I need you to know.”

  Evan waited.

  “Things are kind of complicated right now.”

  He knew that. He nodded.

  “With Morgan and the divorce and…I just don’t know if I can…”

  “Hey.” He held her cheek until she looked at him. “I’m not asking for anything more than you can give. I just know that this…us…it’s…well, I’m not going to pretend that it’s any small thing.” He remembered what Ben had said. “Because you and I are anything but small, Cam.”

  This time she kissed him, and there wasn’t anything soft about it. Her kiss was laced with years of built-up emotion. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her. His hands traveled the length of her back, up her neck and into her hair. Gently, Evan tugged her ponytail and let her hair cascade in soft waves around her shoulders.

  They lost themselves in each other and even Evan was surprised when he realized he’d backed her up until they were pressed against the wall. He couldn’t get enough of her. Touching her through her clothes wasn’t going to satisfy him. He wanted to feel her skin on his, feel the heat of her body on his, the connection he’d missed for so long.

  He pulled away. “Cam, I—”

  “I do, too.” She answered his unspoken question and it was all he needed. Complicated or not, they both knew what they wanted. Evan bent and scooped her up easily in his arms. He looked down at her face, flushed with the heat of their kiss, her chest heaving and straining against his, and he almost came completely undone.

  He took a few steps out of the kitchen, then stopped, unsure.

  “The couch,” she said. “I don’t have a bed.” Her voice was laced with an apology, but none was needed. She was in his arms, and as far as Evan was concerned, it didn’t matter where they were—that was the only place he needed her.

  He kissed her again and crossed the room, putting her down as gently as possible before losing himself totally and completely in Cam Riley, just the way he had all those years ago.

  Cam lay tangled in Evan’s arms, staring up at the water-stained ceiling of her tiny apartment with a million questions going through her head. She hadn’t intended to sleep with Evan, not really. But the second his lips touched hers, it just felt so right.

  She laughed a little at herself and the childish romanticism of it all.

  “What’s so funny?” Evan shifted a little bit so he could look at her.

  “Nothing.” She snuggled closer into him. “I was just thinking how silly I was.”

  “Silly?” It was Evan’s turn to chuckle. “Sweetheart, what we just did was anything but silly.”

  “I know.” She squeezed her eyes shut and trie
d to decide whether she could confide in him what she was thinking. Decision made, she said, “It’s just that I wasn’t really planning on that happening tonight. That’s not why I invited you here.”

  “I’m okay with it.”

  “I’m sure.” She grinned. “What I’m trying to say is…” Cam hesitated, unsure how to put her feelings into words. “It just felt right. Does that make sense?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Just being with you…it was…”

  “Like home.” It wasn’t a question, but it didn’t need to be because Evan was exactly right.

  “Yes.” She sat up and looked down into his eyes. “And I laughed because it’s kind of hokey, don’t you think?”

  “It may be hokey.” He reached up and stroked her arm. “But it’s true. I feel the same way.” Evan pushed up to a sitting position and pulled her onto his lap. “And that’s all that matters.”

  She let him hold her, his hand drawing circles on her back, because it was exactly what she needed and her body craved Evan’s touch with an intensity she didn’t know she was capable of. But despite her happiness, something still troubled Cam. Morgan’s earlier unanswered question rang through her head. Why did you break up?

  They’d still never talked about it.

  At the risk of shattering the moment, Cam had to know. “What happened, Evan?”

  His hand stilled. “What?”

  She pulled back. “What happened? Why did you leave me?”

  His face twisted in pain. “Sweetheart, I didn’t leave you.”

  “You did.”

  “No.” He reached for her again. “I left myself.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “You deserved the world, Cam. You still do.” She shook her head, but she didn’t say anything. “And I couldn’t give it to you. I was just a small-town kid with a chip on his shoulder and a bad attitude. I wasn’t going to amount to anything. Not ever.”

  “That’s not true. You did—”

  “The only reason I made anything of myself was because I made a choice. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but it was the only option I had.”

  “I don’t understand.” Evan shifted her off his lap, wrapped a blanket around her and stood. She watched while he tugged on his jeans and moved to the kitchen to get her a glass of water. He didn’t sit down again, but instead started pacing, and talking.

  “Do you remember when Tommy and I got busted vandalizing the wall behind the general store? It was right before graduation.”

  She did remember. For a while, there’d been a rumor that Evan and Tommy would be charged and wouldn’t be able to attend graduation. Or worse, jail. Evan was already eighteen, and Tommy was just shy by a few months. In the end, Tommy never went to the graduation celebrations, and to Cam’s knowledge, may not have actually graduated. But to Cam’s relief, Evan was permitted to go and somehow managed to earn his diploma. He’d never spoken about it. Not even to her.

  When she nodded, Evan continued. “Judge Stewart saved my life that night.”

  “Judge Stewart? The same Judge Stewart who gave Morgan community service?”

  “The one and only.” Evan nodded. “Obviously it was a long time ago. But he saved my life. And I don’t mean physically, but in every other way.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand why he chose me to try to make a difference with, but I’ll be forever grateful that he did. Tommy and I were caught red-handed. Literally. The paint we used was red.” He grinned a little, but there was no humor in his words. “There was no denying what we’d done and Judge Stewart had every reason to ship us both off to juvie. Hell, I probably would have. We were little shits who caused nothing but trouble. Instead, he did something I never saw coming.”

  “What’s that?” She was shocked to hear what was coming out of Evan’s mouth because he’d never told her any of it. They’d been closer than two people could be, and yet, he’d never shared this with her. Cam couldn’t pretend it didn’t sting a bit, but she wanted to hear the rest.

  “He gave us a choice. He could charge us, which for me would have meant jail time, or…we could change our lives. We had to make a choice, right then, on the spot. I’ll never forget that night. He’d never once said anything about all the shit we got into. He never tried to lecture us or tell us we could do better—nothing. But the judge looked straight into my eyes and told me that this was my moment. I could make a change for the better. Enlist in the army and learn a thing or two about life, and what it was all about, or…keep doing what I was doing. Which would mean, no more leniency. He told me that I was better than the way I was behaving. I could have more. I could have a wife and kids, and a respectable job, and it wasn’t too late for me to have everything I wanted. As long as I made the choice.”

  “Wow.” It seemed like a dramatic understatement, but it was all Cam could think of to say. “So you chose.”

  Evan nodded. “I chose. And just like I promised Judge Stewart, the day after graduation, I enlisted.”

  Pain, fresh and hot as if Cam were experiencing that day all over again, seared through her. “But you didn’t say good-bye,” she whispered. “You didn’t tell me.” Tears dripped down her face as she remembered how it felt to stand on his mother’s porch and hear that he was gone and not coming back. That he’d left her. Without so much as a word. “You just left.”

  Evan dropped to his knees in front of her and grabbed her hands. “I had to,” he said. “I was afraid I wouldn’t go if I told you. I knew you’d be hurt and I couldn’t bear to see it in your face, so I chickened out and left. But the first time I got leave, I came to tell you what I’d done and that I’d done it all for you. For us. Because you deserved better than what I could give you. You deserved the life you wanted. The career, the house, the kids. Everything. And I was finally in a position where I’d be able to give it to you. But…”

  “I was gone.”

  He nodded. “Christy told me you’d gone to Portland and met a guy and—”

  A sob ripped through her, cutting him off. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight. “It doesn’t matter anymore. None of it does. Because you’re back, and I’m here and we’re together. It doesn’t matter.”

  But it did matter. Their whole life could have been different, if only… Everything could have been different.

  Chapter Eleven

  The next few days passed in a blur of happiness unlike any that Cam had felt in years. It amazed her how easily Evan had slipped back into her life. As if he’d never left at all. But he had, and the other night, talking about the real reason why they’d broken up, was the only dark spot on what was otherwise a very bright new beginning.

  After Evan told her his story about what had gone down all those years ago, they’d made love again and cuddled together on the couch, catching up on the last few years. She’d told him all about her years in Portland and shown him photos of Morgan as a baby. He’d spoken about his time in the army, and how once he was discharged, he hadn’t quite known what to do, so he’d joined the police academy and come back to Timber Creek to give back the way Judge Stewart had done for him all those years ago.

  The only thing they hadn’t discussed was how when Cam had gone to his house the day after graduation, it was his mother, a woman she’d cared about, who’d shattered her heart completely. Lorraine Anderson had come to the door, a cup of coffee in her hand, and Cam could still remember the way her mouth had pressed into a thin, hard line when Cam asked for Evan.

  “He’s gone, honey.” Her voice held none of her usual kindness. “Left this morning.”

  “Gone?” Her voice shook, but still Cam hadn’t realized what she was hearing. “Where did he go?”

  “Wouldn’t say.” Lorraine took a long sip of her coffee before speaking again. “But one thing is for sure. He’s not coming back. Not for you, at any rate.”

  “Did he say that?”

  “Not in so many words, honey. But I know my son. As much as you
loved him, it wasn’t the same for him. He needed to spread his wings. High school’s over. It’s time to grow up.”

  Cam didn’t remember much after that. Somehow she’d made it home and fallen into her bed, where she’d cried for days until her parents made her get up and go to Portland with them. They were still hoping there was a chance she might register for college, even though she’d put it off because not only was she not sure what to take in school, she mostly wasn’t willing to leave Evan. With the recent developments in her relationship, her parents had a renewed hope that she’d attend classes, or at the very least, enjoy a little vacation to take her mind off of things.

  She went.

  Met Ryan. And that was it.

  She didn’t tell Evan any of that; it hadn’t felt like the right time and besides, what would it change? They were together again, and that’s all that mattered. Despite the fact that Cam told him she wasn’t looking for anything serious, and that her life was complicated, that didn’t seem to matter. Not to either of them. Besides, there’d been no talk of the future or what was going to come next. As far as Cam was concerned, that was perfect.

  Cam examined herself one more time and last minute, decided to pull her ponytail out and wear her hair down. She brushed it out quickly, put a slick of lip gloss on and was about to rush out of her apartment for her afternoon shift when her cell phone rang.

  She glanced at the caller ID and her stomach flipped just the way it always did when she saw her daughter’s face on the screen. “Morgan?” She answered as cheerily as possible. “What’s going on? Shouldn’t you be in class?”

  “I have a problem.”

  Cam’s stomach tightened in a knot but she refused to panic. There hadn’t been any major issues with Morgan in a few days. Maybe this was finally a turnaround. “A problem? What’s going on?”

  “I forgot my science binder in my room.”

  “That’s the problem?” Relief washed through her and Cam almost laughed at how worried she’d been. “That doesn’t sound like a problem.”