by Elena Aitken
Her mom squeezed her thigh. “It’ll be okay.”
Morgan nodded. “I know.” But nothing felt as if it would be okay again. Or at least, nothing felt as if it would be the same. She rested her head against the window and pretended to sleep for the four-hour drive.
She must have actually fallen asleep because when Morgan opened her eyes again, they were pulling into a parking lot she didn’t recognize. Her mom smiled and babbled on about health checkups and other stuff that Morgan knew was complete and total bullshit. She didn’t know why they were there, but she had a pretty good idea and she was going to find out.
As soon as they were seated in the waiting room, Morgan asked outright. “Why are we here?” Her mom opened her mouth, but Morgan stopped her before she could continue. “Please don’t lie to me, Mom. I think after everything that’s happened, I can handle a little bit of truth, don’t you?”
Her mom squeezed her eyes shut and dipped her head. Finally she nodded and looked up. “Yes,” she said. “I think you can. And you’re right, Morgan. I shouldn’t lie to you. I think I struggle sometimes with how much is okay to tell you.”
Morgan nodded. “I’m not a kid anymore. Not really.”
“I know.” Cam smiled and took her hand. “Your dad just wanted some tests done before we signed our divorce papers.”
Morgan let that sink in. She wasn’t a fool, and she’d watched enough late-night television to know what kind of tests her mom was talking about. “Okay,” she said after a minute. “But it’s kind of a big waste of everyone’s time, isn’t it?”
Her mom shot her a look, obviously surprised that she wasn’t upset. “I sure think so.”
Morgan nodded. “Me too. After all, I have his eyes.”
“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry all of this is happening.” Her mom took her hand and Morgan could tell she was trying not to cry.
To her surprise, Morgan didn’t feel sad about it the way she should have upon discovering that her father wanted a paternity test. Shouldn’t she be upset? Or hurt? Or…something?
“It’s okay, Mom. Really. I guess just with everything that’s happened, this doesn’t seem so important.” She shrugged. “You know, in the big picture, it’s not a big deal.”
Her mom shook her head and smiled. “Sometimes you really surprise me, Morgan.” Her mom squeezed her hand in hers. “You really are growing up. That was a really mature thing to say.”
Morgan dropped her head and stared at her hands.
“None of this is fair to you, Morgan,” her mom said. “I’m so sorry. I wish things could be different. But it’ll be over soon and then you and your dad can…”
Her mom trailed off and Morgan didn’t bother trying to finish the statement, because she didn’t know how either.
Evan had some vacation days banked up, and no better time to use them. He couldn’t even think straight after everything that had gone down with Morgan and Cam, so he did the only thing he could think of. He went fishing.
For two days straight, he got up at dawn, went to the river, and walked mile after mile, chucking line and thinking.
Fishing never failed to sort out his thoughts, but after the second day, his feet hurt, his arm was sore, and he still didn’t have anything sorted out.
Morgan wasn’t his. He’d known that. Of course he did. He still couldn’t believe he’d even asked her. It just slipped out.
Maybe it was because of the heightened emotion of the night, or maybe it was just wishful thinking, but he’d never intended to ask Cam such a thing.
He’d known in his heart all along that she wasn’t his but still, it was funny how you could convince yourself of something just because you wanted it to be true.
And he did.
That was the part he couldn’t sort out in his head. He’d somehow allowed himself to believe that there was a chance that Morgan could be his daughter and he’d liked it. How different would life have been if Morgan was his?
Would he have joined the army? The police force? It was impossible to know. What would it have changed now if Cam had told him that she was his daughter?
Is that what she’d meant? Morgan wasn’t his, so he was free to go to college, move away and chase his dreams?
If he closed his eyes, Evan could still see the pain on Cam’s face as she’d said those words to him. Which, if he was honest with himself, was the real reason why he’d barely slept in days.
Dammit.
Being alone with his thoughts on the river wasn’t helping, so looking for a change of pace to at least keep his mind busy, Evan decided he might as well tackle the to-do list over at his mom’s place. He still called her every few days, but it had been a few weeks since he’d popped in. It was past time to put in an appearance. He stopped at the hardware store to pick up a can of stain for the fence boards and was unloading his supplies into the driveway when his mother returned from the grocery store.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in.”
“Hi, Mom.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek and took her bags from her. “I thought I’d get to that fence you need stained. If that’s okay with you?”
“Of course.” She led the way up the walk into the old house and the kitchen that hadn’t changed since Evan was a kid. “You know I always like to see you. And it’s been awhile.” She looked at him sideways and raised her eyebrow.
He loved his mother, but sometimes it was exhausting to be the only child of a widowed mother. “Sorry I haven’t been around much. I’ve been busy, Mom.”
“With Cam Riley?” She poured him a glass of iced tea and set it on the table, an invitation to sit.
Evan nodded and took a sip of the tea. “Yeah. She moved back to town.”
“And you’ve been busy with her again?”
There was something in his mother’s voice. He set the glass down and looked at her.
“What are you trying to say?”
Lorraine shrugged. “I’m just saying that you’ve been busy with her. At least that’s what I assume. I don’t know, since you haven’t been by to see me.”
“Don’t guilt me, Mom.” He shook his head and took a deep drink of the tea. “That’s bullshit.”
“Don’t use that language with me.”
He ignored her comment. “I thought you liked Cam,” he said instead. “Why do you care if we’ve been seeing each other again? I thought you’d like that.” Evan actually did think his mom would have liked to see him dating Cam again. They’d always gotten along so well. His mom welcomed Cam like her own daughter: having her for dinner, helping in the garden, and even shopping together sometimes. It seemed strange for that to be any different now.
“I like Cam well enough,” his mom said. “I just don’t think it’s the right time for you to be dating anyone right now. I thought you had plans? And now that you’ve been accepted to school…” Lorraine shook her head. “It’s not really the right time to start up with someone now, is it? You need your freedom. Nothing to tie you down.”
Evan almost choked on his drink. “What did you say?”
Lorraine paused with a can of mushroom soup in her hand. “Pardon?”
“I asked you what you just said.” He put his drink down, and pushed the glass away as if it held some offensive substance. “About being tied down.”
His mom turned around slowly, still holding the can. “I just said that at this time of your life, it’s fortunate that you’re not tied down with responsibilities. It gives you a certain amount of—”
“What were your exact words?”
Lorraine shook her head and laughed. “I don’t remember, Evan. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does.”
And it did. Because he’d just heard the exact same thing out of Cam’s mouth.
“Mom?” He narrowed his eyes as a thought popped into his head. “Have you seen Cam since she’s been back in town?”
It was slight, and he might have missed it had he not been watching closely, but his mom flinched.
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br /> “Mom?”
“I might have run into her outside of Daisy’s the other day.” Lorraine turned her back and resumed putting her groceries away.
He was on his feet and next to her in the next beat. “And what did you say to her?”
She blinked up at him but didn’t answer the question.
“Mom?” Evan took the can she was holding and placed it deliberately on the counter. “Tell me what you said to her.”
Lorraine sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. “I might have mentioned that it wasn’t a good time for you to get involved with anyone.”
Evan felt as though he’d been punched in the gut. He swallowed hard. “Did you tell her that I needed my freedom?”
“Yes.” She nodded readily. “You’ve just been accepted to college, Evan. It’s not a good time for you to be tied down.”
Tied down.
There it was again.
He took a step backward. Cam’s voice rang in his ears: “Leave. Just like before.”
Just. Like. Before.
The room spun and he needed to sit. Somehow he made it to the table, where he put his head on the chipped Formica. What had happened years ago? He hadn’t told Cam he was joining the army—that was a bad decision, but he’d always intended to come home and ask her to marry him the first chance he got. When he had something to offer her. When he was worthy of her. But she’d been gone. His mother told him that when she’d stopped by the house, she was so angry with him for leaving that she never wanted to see him again. She was going to start over on the coast without him.
He’d been so heartbroken at the time, he’d never questioned his mom’s story. Especially when he found out Cam was pregnant and getting married. He’d assumed it was true. Why wouldn’t he have?
“Mom?” He shook his head. “What did you tell Cam?”
She sighed, clearly exasperated with the conversation. “Evan Anderson, I just finished telling you what I said. I don’t know what—”
“No,” he interrupted. “Years ago. When I left to join up. You told me Cam came by the house.” He lifted his head and stared at her, watching her eyes. “What did you say to her?”
“Evan.” She shook her head and waved her hand in an effort to dismiss him. “How can I be expected to remember what I said all those years ago?”
“Try.”
It must have been the ice in his voice, because she stopped fussing and froze to the spot.
In an instant, the stubbornness drained from her small body. Her voice was small, almost pleading with him when she spoke again. “Evan. It’s not…”
“Tell me, Mom. What did you say?”
His mother aged at least ten years in front of him. She shook her head from side to side, but finally opened her mouth to speak. “I told her you didn’t love her and that’s why you’d left.”
The breath rushed from his lungs. “You told her what?”
“You have to understand, Evan. I was just trying to do what was best for you.” She spoke quickly, her hands wringing and twisting together. “You were young and you were finally going to get your life on track. I didn’t want to take a chance that you would throw it all away for a girl. You had a chance to finally make something out of your life.”
“How could you?”
“You don’t know what it was like for me,” she cried. “I was alone. A single mom with no one to help me. I worked two jobs, Evan. All I ever wanted was for you to grow up and be okay. And then finally…you had a chance, Evan. I wasn’t going to let you waste it. Not for a girl.”
“I was doing it all for her, Mom. For us.”
He took another moment to let everything he’d just learned absorb. Around him, he was vaguely aware that his mother was prattling on about how she’d only done what she’d done for him and for his future, but he was no longer listening. Everything that had played out over the last sixteen years didn’t have to. None of it should have happened.
But he didn’t blame his mom. Sure, he was angry. And he probably would be for a while. But it wasn’t her fault. If he’d been upfront with Cam from the beginning, and told her exactly what she meant to him and what he was willing to do for her—for them—none of it would have happened. It was his fault.
It had always been his fault.
Finally, Evan stood and pushed the chair back.
“Evan. Don’t go,” his mother pleaded. “Not like this. Please.”
He shook his head in response and walked to the door.
“But what about school?” She hurled the question at him. “Don’t you understand? Don’t you see? What about your dreams, Evan?”
He turned slowly and looked at his mother with a mixture of sadness and pity for her that she might never understand. “Cam is my dream, Mom. She always has been.”
And it was about time she knew it, too.
The exam had only taken a few minutes. Especially when Cam explained to the doctor that there was no need for any pretense. Morgan knew why they were there and she was fully cooperative.
After the blood was drawn, Cam took Morgan to a cafe across the street. The technician had told them they’d have the results in a few hours, but Cam didn’t need them. She knew who Morgan’s father was. She always had.
“You okay, sweetie?” Cam put their drinks on the table and slid into the seat across from her daughter. Morgan’s phone, still not powered on, sat in front of her. “You still haven’t turned your phone on.”
Morgan shrugged in response. “I’m not sure I want to.”
“Who are you avoiding?”
“Everyone.” She sighed and added, “Jess. Trent. Dad.”
“That’s everyone.” Morgan’s lip twitched up into a little smile and Cam considered it a win. “Jess is probably still grounded,” Cam said. “And she’s probably just as scared to face reality as you.” Everything she said was true. Cam had called Shelby the day before and they’d had a long talk about both their daughters, who were good kids, but had made some bad choices. She tried not to think of Evan telling her that exact thing. “And Trent…I’m sure he wants to talk to you, too.”
Cam had to swallow hard. She still wasn’t sure how she felt about Morgan dating, but everything she’d learned about Trent Butterfield in the last few days was pretty good. And he had come by the apartment more than once in an effort to see Morgan, so as far as boys went, he probably wasn’t too bad. “As for your dad…” Cam had a lot less advice to give on that particular subject matter. Instead, she reached over and squeezed Morgan’s hand. “You guys will sort it out. I know you will. Things are just confusing for him right now with the divorce and the new baby and…” She paused to collect herself. It didn’t get any easier talking about Ryan and his new life, but as Morgan’s mother it was her job to make it as okay as she could.
“It’s okay, Mom.” Morgan released her hand and picked up her hot chocolate. “I think I’ve decided to tell him how I feel.”
“Really?”
Morgan laughed. “Don’t sound so surprised. Aren’t you always telling me it’s not good to bottle up my feelings?”
“I do.” Cam sat back, surprised. “I just didn’t think you were listening.”
Morgan shrugged. “Sometimes.”
Cam grinned and stirred sugar into her coffee. They sat in silence for a few minutes and it was Morgan who spoke next.
“I’m okay with it, Mom. Timber Creek, I mean. It’s all right.”
Cam looked up. “It’s all right?”
“Yup.” She nodded. “I mean, I know it hasn’t been easy and I just…I just wanted you to know. I’m good with it. I think I’ll like living there. And I promise to try not to screw up again.”
“You promise to try?” Cam laughed. “I guess that’s all a mom can really ask for, hey, kiddo?” Cam caught herself and added, “Sorry. I know you don’t really like it when I call you that.”
Morgan grinned over the edge of her mug. “Actually, I don’t mind.”
Cam thought her
face might split from the smile she wore. She blew her daughter a kiss. “I love you.”
“I know.” Her daughter winked and added, “I love you too, Mom.”
She didn’t want to make a big deal of it, but it had been far too long since Cam had heard those words from her daughter. She looked down into her cup so Morgan wouldn’t notice the unshed tears in her eyes.
“Is it okay with you if I sit out there and turn my phone on?” Morgan pointed to the deck off the back of the cafe. “I think I’m…well, I’m going to see if…”
“It’s fine.”
Morgan took her mug and her phone, and pushed out through the glass doors into the spring sunshine. Cam watched her for a minute and then turned back to her own drink. She glanced at her phone to check the time. Her lawyer was going to call her as soon as the results were in so she could sign the papers and put all of this behind her. Then maybe she could move on.
Whatever that looked like.
She couldn’t think about it. Not yet. Just as she had for the last few days, Cam pushed thoughts of Evan and his hurtful words from her head. One thing at a time. She’d deal with that later.
Cam was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn’t notice the man standing over her until he spoke. “Is it all right if I sit down?”
Her head shot up and a million objections came to mind, but the look on his face stopped her. She glanced outside to see Morgan engrossed in her phone before she looked back to her soon-to-be ex-husband.
“What are you doing here?”
“Can I sit?” he asked again.
She had a feeling that whatever he wanted to say, he wasn’t going to leave until he said it. She nodded and wrapped her hands around her mug, more to keep from reaching out and hitting him than anything else.
His actions were jerky and slow, as if he were incredibly uncomfortable. Good, she thought.
“I know this is…well, it’s a lot of things,” he said. “I saw your car outside and I just took a chance that you…” He took a breath and started over again. “I wanted to apologize, Cam.”
Of all the things she expected to hear, an apology wasn’t one of them.