by Joan Fleming
‘Dad, if we don’t stop talking like this, I’m the one who’ll need the man-sized tissues. I’ll call you again soon to let you know how things develop.’
In their suburban home, the Ballantynes sat hand-in-hand on the sofa in their living room.
‘Well, that’s that,’ Moira said. ‘How did I do?’
Fred leaned over and kissed his wife.
‘You were brilliant. A star. An Oscar-winning performance. But I don’t think for a moment you fooled your daughter. She knows perfectly well how difficult this has been for you – for both of us – but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want it to influence her relationship with us. And that’s as much as we can ask for.’
‘It’s strange, though, Fred. I feel better about the whole thing now than when Anna first said she wanted to meet her birth mother. We’ve always known it could – and probably would – happen, but now she’s found her, and it looks as if they’re going to get along fine, I’m so relieved.’
‘You’re right, Moira. This is the best possible outcome. We may even have the chance to meet Janet ourselves. Who knows?’ Fred said.
‘One step at a time, Fred. We don’t want to start rushing things at this point.’
CHAPTER 36
Anna rose early after a restless night. She kept waking up, tingling with excitement, her mind full of the events of the previous day. After all the heartache of recent weeks, her birth mother was no longer someone she had to conjure up from her imagination but a real, live flesh-and-blood person.
Her quest couldn’t have had a better outcome. And as she had begun to understand the customs and traditions of this island, she fully understood Janet’s dilemma and the reasons she gave her baby up for adoption.
With all these thoughts still tumbling around in her mind, she decided to go for an early morning walk. Perhaps that would help to settle her. She was painfully aware that she must make some progress with her commission, and hoped the clear air would free her mind sufficiently to allow her to concentrate.
The dew was still on the ground as she set off over the moor. Even though it was early, she had missed what had probably been a glorious sunrise – the sky was clear, the sun shining with the promise of a bright warm day. She could hear birdsong, but was unable to identify the species. If she lived on the island, she would no doubt learn to differentiate one bird’s call from another’s.
With the music of the birds ringing in her ears, she returned to the cottage – to work.
Although vaguely aware of the warm glow her experience of the previous day had created in her, Anna had succeeded in clearing her mind sufficiently to concentrate on her work. She was deeply immersed in her topic, when, without warning, Finn presented himself at the door of Benview.
‘Morning, Anna. The weather looks more settled today – would you like to make that trip up to Calgary Bay?’
‘That’s so kind of you, Finn, but I’m working right now, and I have things to do this afternoon. It would really be better to have a whole day available for Calgary, wouldn’t it?’ Anna didn’t specify the things she had to attend to, but she knew she needed time to herself.
She enjoyed Finn’s company – the more she saw of him, the more she liked him – but now wasn’t the moment to indulge herself in a pleasurable day out.
She almost changed her mind when she saw the disappointment that registered on Finn’s face. He reminded her of a small boy, unable to mask his feelings. Yet at the same time, when he put his arms around her, they were not the arms of a boy; his embrace left her in no doubt that he was a man. A man she was finding increasingly attractive, and she felt sure that attraction was mutual.
Finn didn’t give up easily.
‘If you were free for about an hour, I could take you on a wee adventure that would provide you with some more information for your project. What would you say to that?’ There was a mischievous gleam in his eyes, and Anna suspected he would persist until she agreed to go.
‘Okay, then. You’ve talked me into it,’ she said, smiling at him.
He grabbed her by the shoulders and planted a kiss on her brow.
‘Great,’ he said. ‘No need to waste any time. I have a flask of coffee in the car, and a tin of biscuits. Humble fare, but enough for a short trip.’
Anna was sure he was hassling her to make sure she didn’t have any second thoughts.
‘And bring your camera. I can carry it in my rucksack. And you’ll need sturdy shoes for where we’re going,’ he said. ‘By the way, how’s the ankle?’
‘Oh, it’s back to normal, thanks. Where are we going, Finn? Why so mysterious?’
‘It’s a surprise,’ he said.
‘A pleasant one, I hope.’
‘I’m sure you’ll love it.’
Shortly afterwards, the pair were in Finn’s van, heading for Fionnphort.
‘So, you’ve learned a lot about these islands, haven’t you?’ Anna asked.
‘Yes. Having fallen in love with Mull, I’ve wanted to spend as much time as I could here ever since.’
‘I thought you said you lived in Glasgow?’
‘I have a share of a house there. My pal, Petra, and I bought it between us. She lives there all the time and we take in students during term time. That helps to pay the mortgage.’
‘Are you and Petra...?’
‘Romantically involved?’ Finn finished her question, and laughed. ‘No, not at all. We get on well together, so the arrangement works.’ He cleared his throat before glancing briefly towards her. ‘Why do you ask?’ he said. ‘Would that make a difference to you?’
Anna didn’t have to reply to Finn’s question because at that moment a dog ran out in front of their car and they screeched to an emergency stop.
‘Damn!’ Finn muttered, jumping out of the van. Anna followed him, and they found Bess lying there, dazed, but apparently unhurt.
The dog gave them both a soulful look before getting to her feet, but then she recognised Finn and began to wag her tail, nuzzling up to him.
‘You daft dog,’ Finn said. ‘You’ll get yourself killed if you’re not more careful. What were you doing? Chasing rabbits?’ He stroked the dog, pressing her body here and there to see if there was any reaction, but all seemed well. When he walked back to the driver’s side, Bess trotted behind him and Finn opened the door for her to jump in.
‘Is she a regular traveller in your van?’ Anna asked, smiling.
‘Only when she feels like it,’ Finn said. ‘She has a mind of her own, this dog.’
Once they’d parked in the small car park, they set off over the moorland, heading towards the cliffs that led down to the sea. The breeze from the water was cool, but not too strong, carrying with it the salty tang of the shoreline. As they walked, they could see the ferryboat making for Iona, with only the occasional whitecap on the waves.
‘The wind’s due to strengthen later,’ Finn said. ‘This is the best time of day for our adventure.’
‘I wish you’d tell me where we’re going,’ Anna said. ‘And stop teasing me.’
‘All in good time,’ he said. ‘But it’s starting to get a bit treacherous underfoot now, so I think it would be a good idea to hold my hand.’
He stretched out his hand in invitation. Anna was about to demur, to insist she could manage on her own, but once again his charming slightly crooked smile won her over. She couldn’t quite make up her mind if he was mocking her, but she had no will to resist. The firmness of his hand was welcome as they made their way down towards Fionnphort Beach. From above, they could see the contours of the shoreline, and how the deep curve ended in the pale golden sand of the small, sheltered bay. The sun was high enough in the sky to catch the sand which sparkled in the sunlight as if it contained millions of tiny diamonds.
A scrabbling noise behind them turned out to be Bess, who seemed able to negotiate the slippery rocks without any problems.
‘Bess knows this coast so well,’ Finn said.
‘No a
fter-effects of her bump with the car?’ Anna asked.
‘No, she’s as surefooted as ever.’
They reached a point where the terrain was flatter, and Finn released her hand in order to take off his backpack and pull out Anna’s camera.
‘How good is the flash on your camera?’ Finn asked.
‘I can set it for any conditions I want,’ Anna said.
‘Where we’re going, it will be very dark. I have a torch, so you will have enough light to alter the settings.’
‘Oh, this sounds really exciting,’ Anna said. ‘A bit scary, too.’
‘You’ll be fine as long as you hold on to me,’ Finn said, his face breaking into a smile at the prospect.
After clambering over more rocks, they reached a sandy cove near to Tormore pier, where Finn led her to the mouth of a cave hidden amongst the rocks.
‘This is Uamh na Marbh, which means The Cave of the Dead. It’s said that this was the place where the coffins of ancient Scots kings were kept in stormy weather when they were on their way to be buried on Iona.’ Finn watched her face closely. If it was to monitor her reaction, he was not disappointed.
‘Wow!’ Anna said. ‘I didn’t even know this place existed.’
‘They say it could also have been used for coffins heading for a Druid initiation in Fingal’s Cave.’
‘That brings me out in goosebumps, Finn. Can we go inside?’
‘Yes, but there’s not much room.’
‘Just enough for a coffin.’ Anna shivered.
‘Anna, you won’t faint on me again, will you?’
She laughed. ‘No, Finn. It is a bit eerie, though.’
‘Would you rather not go in?’
‘Oh no. I’m going in. I might never be back here.’
A look of concern crossed Finn’s face. ‘Are you leaving the island soon?’
‘Not in the next day or two,’ Anna said, thinking of the unfinished business she still had with Janet. ‘But I can’t stay on indefinitely.’ Although that could be an attractive idea, she added inwardly.
Finn went in first, to check out the cave.
‘It’s fine. On you go, Anna. Shout if you need me – I’ll be right here.’
It could have been any cave on a rocky shoreline, but knowing how it had been used all those years ago, made Anna shiver. The Cave of the Dead – it could be haunted by the ghosts of Kings… or Lords.
She jumped as she felt something soft brush her leg, crying out in fear. Turning her torch down with a shaking hand, she was relieved to see that it was Bess, who had joined her in the cave.
‘Oh, Bess. You gave me such a fright,’ she said.
‘Anna!’ called Finn. ‘Anna, are you all right?’
‘Yes, Finn. It’s only Bess who’s decided to join me. I’m coming out now.’
Anna couldn’t keep the smile off her face on the short journey back from Fionnphort to Benview.
‘So, how was that?’ Finn asked.
‘You know full well,’ Anna said. ‘That was a wonderful experience. What a discovery. Thank you so much for taking me there, Finn. I think I’ll have some great pictures. And some great copy.’
They pulled up outside Benview.
‘Finn, there’s something I need to sort out with you.’
‘Go ahead.’
‘You remember you told me you make a living here as a tourist guide?’
‘Yes,’ he said slowly, eyeing her intently.
‘Well… I can’t go on using your services.’ Although this had been worrying her for a few days now, she couldn’t find the exact words to make her point.
Finn’s shoulders drooped. He stared straight through the windscreen as he answered her.
‘Is that how you see our outings?’ His voice was cold. ‘As my services? Haven’t you enjoyed them?’
Anna immediately became flustered, tripping over her words as she spoke.
‘No… yes. Finn, I’ve really enjoyed them. It’s been great spending time with you, but…’
This was coming out all wrong. The message she was sending was not what she intended.
‘Fine,’ Finn said. ‘I won’t trouble you any more.’
‘Oh, Finn. That’s not what I meant.’
At that point, Finn’s mobile rang.
‘Excuse me,’ he said dismissively. ‘I must take this.’
It was not the wind that made Anna shiver as she got out of the van. It was the chill in Finn’s voice.
CHAPTER 37
Anna’s first thoughts on waking the following morning were of Finn. She couldn’t understand why she had offended him so much. Surely he recognised that she had been thinking of him? That she was concerned about the time he was spending with her when he could have been showing groups round the island?
Her heart felt heavy when she thought about the relationship they had been building; she had probably spoiled that for good. She had been looking forward to seeing more of Finn for as long as she stayed on the island, but the barrier between them now would probably be insurmountable.
Anna hated to feel beholden to anyone. Roddie had warned her once or twice that her stiff pride in her independent spirit would get her into trouble one day. ‘Why can’t you simply accept and say thank you?’ he would say.
How Anna wished she had done precisely that after her outing to The Cave of the Dead.
Once she had tidied up after breakfast, Anna prepared to do some work on her project. When she discovered that there was no internet signal, however, she realised she would have to think of something else. She should really take advantage of her time on the island to explore further.
Until now, she’d had the offer of transport from various people – George, Elsa, Finn – so had made no arrangements to drive the car which was parked outside Benview. Kirsty had said she could use it, but Anna was unsure if she needed extra insurance. At the very least, she would have to contact Kirsty to let her know her plans. She rummaged through the papers on the table – a pile which was growing higher by the day – to find Kirsty’s phone number, but then she remembered she had it in the memory of her mobile.
As she picked up her phone, it started to ring and vibrate, and she almost dropped it. Finn? Would it be Finn, who was ringing to make his peace? No. It was George.
‘Morning, Anna. How are you today?’
‘Fine, thanks, George. I was about to phone Kirsty to check if I can use the car outside.’
‘Kirsty’s car? You’ve no need to do that, Anna. Not while I’m around. Or Finn. Where are you planning to go in Kirsty’s car?’
‘I haven’t decided yet. I wanted to be sure I had transport first,’ Anna said.
‘Well, I have an invitation – with transport – for this afternoon. Janet would like you to visit her in her own home, and I shall happily drive you there. And back.’
Instantly, Anna’s spirits rose. She put the incident with Finn to the back of her mind, and readily accepted the invitation.
‘That would be lovely, George. I’d like to see Janet again; I still have questions I’d like to ask her.’
‘I’m sure you have, Anna. If I call for you about one-thirty, would that suit?’
‘I’ll be ready and waiting. Thank you.’
Anna was now familiar with the journey from Benview along the road to Craignure. Recognising various landmarks made her feel less like a visitor and more like someone who belonged. She even knew when to expect the expertly constructed peat stacks, and where to see the single white foxglove in a clump of blooms in every shade of pink to purple she could imagine. It stood like a proud foreigner in a strange land, announcing its presence to anyone who took the trouble to look. Beyond the verges were fields of bog cotton, little blobs of white which looked deceptively fragile, yet clung on, braving the winds that blew across this part of the island.
When they arrived at Heather Cottage, Janet’s home, Anna sat for a moment, looking at the grey stone building with its small windows on either side of the open front door
. One of the windows was open, and a brightly-coloured curtain escaped, flapping in the wind. There was smoke rising from a chimney on the steeply sloping grey-tiled roof with its two dormer windows,
Anna had no warning of the surge of feeling, almost a pain that flooded through her as she realised that she had been here when she was a partly-formed baby in her mother’s womb. She swallowed hard, succeeding in stemming the tears which were forming behind her eyes.
George had given her a moment to register the cottage, before he came round to open the passenger door of his car.
‘Are you ready, Anna?’ he said softly. ‘Take your time. No hurry.’
‘Yes, thanks, George,’ she said, easing herself out of the car.
George held onto her arm while she steadied herself, took a deep breath, then walked into the cottage. The door immediately to her left led into the living room, where Janet stood, her arms opened wide in welcome.
‘You came,’ Janet said.
‘Did you think I wouldn’t?’ Anna asked.
‘I wasn’t sure.’
George had disappeared through a door on the back wall of the room, and Anna could hear the noise of a tap running and the snap of what she took to be a kettle lid. Tea. In any situation fraught with emotion, a cup of tea would always ease the tension levels.
The two women sat down on either side of the hearth, where the fire glowed, smoking a little, filling the room with the earthy smell of burning peat.
‘I saw the peat stack outside,’ Anna said, clutching at a topic to relieve the awkwardness between them. ‘Where do they come from?’
‘From the peat bogs nearby,’ Janet said. ‘I’m lucky I have people who help me to cut them, then stack them.’
‘Do the peats have to be stacked in a certain way?’
‘Yes. They’re still wet when they’re cut, and they dry in the wind. If you examine the stack, you’ll see there are gaps to let the wind through.’