Lily of Love Lane

by Carol Rivers

  She got out her key. This time he went in with her and what shocked him the most, was the smell. It was musty and dark inside. He had to blink as he followed Lily, his eyes unaccustomed to the darkness. Lily turned on the electric light.

  ‘There don’t seem to be no one home,’ he said, looking round. The big Christmas tree stood with its decorations.

  He watched her walk into the drawing room and open the curtains. Light filled the big room, though the musty smell still pervaded.

  ‘Mrs Brewer’s supposed to be here. I’ll look in the kitchen,’ she told him.

  Ben wandered round the hall, wondering what sort of a bloke could pay for all this and not live in it? It was a smart gaff all right, thanks to Lil. But it seemed to him that no matter what had been done to it, the heart and soul was absent. Just like the first day when they’d delivered that bloody aspidistra. He saw its green leaves now, poking out from behind the stairs. He drew his finger and thumb over them. If Mrs Brewer was here, she’d missed the dusting.

  Ben strolled into the drawing room. It was cold and lonely with the curtains drawn to. He shuddered. He didn’t want to leave Lily here. What intentions did this Charles Grey have towards her? He was a gent and a wealthy one at that, but was he all that he made himself out to be?

  Lily appeared, looking like she’d seen a ghost. ‘What’s up, Lil?’

  ‘Mrs Brewer has been and gone. She left me a note. Charles won’t be home till next month.’

  ‘What! February?’

  Lily nodded. ‘She didn’t say why.’

  ‘In that case,’ he shrugged. ‘I’ll take you back home again.’

  ‘No, I’ve got plenty to do.’

  Ben walked towards her. ‘Lil, this is a big place to be in all on your own. If he ain’t living in it, what’s the point of you being here?’

  ‘It’s my job.’

  ‘You’ve had a bereavement,’ he argued gently. ‘You ain’t got over it yet. Come home till he’s back.’

  She pulled away from him. ‘No, I ain’t a kid, Ben.’

  ‘You’re far from that, Lil. But it’s like a tomb in here.’

  She walked to the door. ‘I’ll be all right.’

  He sighed, knowing he wasn’t wanted. But for all its swank, he didn’t like the place. Or perhaps, Ben thought as he reached the doorstep, he didn’t like the bugger who owned it.

  ‘Thank you for everything,’ she said and kissed his cheek. ‘Don’t worry about me. I’ve got lots to keep me busy.’

  He turned his cap in his hand. ‘When will we see you next?’

  ‘I’ll write to Mum and say.’

  ‘Lil?’ He wanted to tell her that any time she needed him, he would be there. But she was holding herself apart and he knew it would probably do more harm than good to express his feelings. He gave her a big smile. ‘Look after yourself, Funny Face.’

  It was a long time since he’d called her that. The years rolled away. There was just her and him, like it used to be. He wanted to take her in his arms and protect her, but he couldn’t. Instead he went down the steps and across the road. Jumping in the car, he made a last breezy salute.

  Soon he was driving towards the city. But his mind was still on Lily. Something was wrong. And he hadn’t been able to find out what.

  Lily walked through the empty, neglected house. It was cold and lonely. From her pocket she took the two letters that Mrs Brewer had left on the table. One was open and addressed to Mrs Brewer. It was a dismissal note. Lily was shocked. Charles had told Mrs Brewer that her services were no longer needed as he wouldn’t return to England until February. The other letter was sealed. It was to her.

  Dated Friday, first of January 1937, there were only a few lines.

  Dear Lily, I am sorry to tell you that I am overseas and won’t return home until February. I would be pleased if you would take care of the house during this time. I have notified Mrs Brewer of my change in plans and have dispensed with her services. My best wishes for the New Year and I look forward to seeing you in due course. Yours, Charles.

  Lily read it again and again, trying to find a personal sentiment in the words. But there was none. Why had he written such a cold letter? It was impersonal, little better than Mrs Brewer’s. Why hadn’t he sent his love or asked if she’d had a good Christmas? Why hadn’t he told her that he missed her?

  Her own letter informing him of her uncle’s death was left unopened on the hall desk. Mrs Brewer had placed it there with several others when she had come to work after Christmas. It must have been a bitter disappointment to find she was dismissed.

  If only Charles was here. He would tell her how much he loved her and everything would be all right again.

  She sat in the drawing room, her thoughts in turmoil. Then, picking up her letter once more, she re-read it. Suddenly a thought came to her. Perhaps Charles had written this for Mrs Brewer’s benefit! The two letters were almost identical. Perhaps he was concerned she would open it. Yes, that must be it!

  She had forgotten how cautious Charles was. It was to be expected that he was discreet when writing. Lily sprang to her feet and hurried upstairs. She would light the fires, clean and cook, filling the house with mouth-watering aromas. There was the Christmas tree to dispose of and she would stock the larder with good, wholesome food.

  When Charles arrived home they would sit by the fire and talk again. Lily shivered in anticipation. As she looked at her bed, she thought of the many nights they had spent there. It wouldn’t be long before they were in each other’s arms once more.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  It was a clear, cold Friday in February. Lily was feeling unwell. She had told Hattie that she wouldn’t mind having a baby. Now she was frightened. Was she expecting?

  Should she see a doctor? But there was only Dr Tapper and she didn’t want him to tell her mother.

  Lily put on her best hat and coat and, taking the short walk to Poplar, caught the bus for Aldgate. As the shops and streets passed by she hoped Hattie wouldn’t mind her calling at her work. But she had to talk to someone.

  Lily alighted from the bus and hurried through the busy streets. Madame Nerys’ was on the first floor of the big, smoke-blackened building where Lily had last visited three years ago.

  Hurrying up the stairs, Lily knocked on the door above the nameplate.

  ‘Come in,’ someone called.

  ‘I’d like to speak to Mrs James,’ Lily said to the typist who sat behind a cluttered desk. Above her there were shelves of pattern books and thick, well-thumbed ledgers. She could hear the rattle of machines in the background. Lily was glad she had put on her best coat and feathered hat as the girl looked her up and down.

  ‘Our manageress is very busy.’

  ‘I won’t keep her long. I’m a friend.’

  ‘Well, I’ll see.’ A few moments later, the girl returned. ‘She’ll be out in a minute.’

  Lily sat on one of the hard wooden chairs. Hattie would have a shock when she saw her. She sat nervously waiting, aware of the curious looks the typist gave her.

  A door opened and Hattie appeared. She wore a buff-coloured dressmaker’s coat and looked very harassed as she slipped off the pincushion on her wrist. ‘Lil! It’s you! Is something wrong?’

  ‘I’m sorry to bother you.’

  ‘It’s no bother. Lil, you don’t look at all well.’

  ‘Can we go outside for a minute?’

  Hattie turned to the typist. ‘Peggy, I’m just stepping out for a second. If Madame Nerys calls, give me a shout will you?’

  When they were alone on the landing, Hattie frowned. ‘What’s all this about, Lil?’

  ‘I wanted to speak to you. You’re the only one I can ask.’

  ‘Why haven’t you been home? You haven’t been home since your uncle’s funeral. We could have gone over to Greenwich together.’

  ‘I know. But I don’t want to see Mum.’

  ‘Why ever not?’

  ‘Hat, I think I’m going to have
a baby.’

  Hattie gripped her arm. ‘You’re not!’

  ‘I don’t know for sure. I wanted to ask you all about it. Me skirts are tight and I’m always feeling sick.’

  ‘Have you had your periods?’

  The door opened sharply. ‘Madame Nerys wants you, Mrs James.’

  ‘Tell her I’m coming, Peggy.’

  When the door shut again, Lily stepped away. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here. I know how busy you get.’

  ‘Lil, I can’t stop now, but me dinner hour is at half past twelve. Sometimes I go to this café round the corner. Can you meet me there?’

  ‘Yes, but I don’t want to be a nuisance.’

  ‘Don’t be daft. You could always sit in the office with Peggy till I’m free?’

  ‘No, thanks. I’ll walk round the shops.’

  ‘See you soon, then. You can’t miss the café. Turn left outside. It’s the only one in the street.’ Reluctantly Hattie left her.

  Lily ran down the stone steps and into the cold, wintery day. She pulled up her collar and as she walked she began to think about Charles and when he would be home. Would he ask her if she’d seen a doctor when she told him about her condition? Perhaps Hattie knew of one who would tell her whether she was having a baby or not.

  Lily was glad to get into the warmth of the small café; it was cosy and filled with office workers. She sat at a table in the corner and ordered a pot of tea. Although she didn’t really feel like drinking it, she went through the motions. When, at half past twelve, Hattie hurried through the door making the bell tinkle out, Lily hugged her fiercely. Her friend looked smart in a coat with a fur collar and her brown hair was curled neatly into a bob.

  ‘Sorry I’m a bit late,’ Hattie gasped as she returned Lily’s embrace.

  ‘You aren’t. I’ve just been sitting here waiting.’

  The waitress came over and Hattie looked at the menu. ‘What do you want to eat, Lil?’

  ‘Nothing, thanks.’

  Hattie ordered two slices of sponge cake and a fresh pot of tea. ‘If you can’t eat it, I can,’ she grinned as she took off her gloves and dropped them in her handbag. ‘You look as though you could do with a square meal, Lil.’

  ‘There’s plenty to eat, I just don’t feel like it.’

  ‘Is Charles back?’ Hattie placed her arms on the table. ‘Ben said he’d gone away.’

  ‘No, he’s still abroad.’

  Hattie glanced around discreetly and lowered her voice. ‘When was your last period?’

  ‘November.’

  ‘So you could be nearly three months?’

  Lily felt weak at the knees as she nodded. ‘Yes. So you think I am?’

  Hattie rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, Lil, you are such an innocent.’

  ‘I thought it might be Uncle Noah and all the upset causing me to stop.’

  ‘I think that’s highly unlikely. If your skirts are tight and you’re sick and you’ve had no periods for three months I would say you are expecting.’

  Lily swallowed. ‘I thought I would be happy about it.’

  ‘I did ask you if you’d discussed it with Charles,’ Hattie said reprovingly.

  ‘I haven’t had chance.’

  ‘What do you think he’ll say when you tell him?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’ Like the proposal she had imagined, Lily had pictured him taking her into his arms and telling her that he couldn’t be happier. Then in the next moment, all her dreams had evaporated as he was no longer around to tell her what she wanted to hear.

  ‘Lil, have you considered . . .’ Hattie’s pencilled eyebrows arched as the waitress arrived with the order. They waited for her to leave before speaking again.

  ‘Considered what?’ Lily asked.

  ‘Well, he might not want a child.’

  ‘Why wouldn’t he?’ Lily gazed into Hattie’s eyes. ‘When he makes love to me, he tells me how much he cares for me.’

  ‘Yes, but has he told you he’ll stand by you if you get pregnant?’

  ‘Not in so many words,’ Lily was too embarrassed to say that Charles had not yet told her he loved her. ‘We get too carried away to say much.’ Lily blushed.

  Hattie sat gazing into her face. ‘Lil, he might not want it. Or ask you to get rid of it.’

  Lily gasped. ‘He would never do that.’

  ‘Maybe not.’ Hattie poured the tea and stuck the fork in her hand. ‘Come on, I want to see you eat that.’

  ‘I’m not hungry.’

  ‘It’s only a small slice.’

  Lily tasted a little. Her stomach heaved.

  ‘Do you feel ill?’ Hattie’s expression was now worried.

  Lily nodded.

  ‘I don’t think there’s much doubt you’re expecting.’

  Tears shone in Lily’s eyes. She brushed them quickly away. For a while they sat there and then Hattie said gently, ‘Lil, why don’t you come home, just for a few days? It would do you good. Your mum would look after you. And we could talk this over again.’

  ‘I don’t want Mum to know.’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘Because she’d be ashamed of me.’

  Hattie filled up her cup again. ‘No, she wouldn’t.’

  ‘It would kill her.’

  ‘Don’t be so dramatic.’

  ‘You know Mum.’

  ‘She’s got over all that happened to your dad.’

  ‘This is different.’

  Hattie sighed loudly. ‘You’re her daughter, she loves you.’

  But Lily shook her head. ‘How would she explain me having a baby to all her friends?’

  ‘Well, it’s happened before and will happen again. Just because you’re not married, don’t mean to say it’s a crime.’

  ‘But I want to be married!’ Lily exclaimed. ‘I want to be Charles’ wife. I know I could make him happy.’

  Hattie was silent again. When a tear trickled down Lily’s cheek, she said quickly, ‘Lil, remember that aristocratic girl that we made the wedding dress for?’

  Lily nodded.

  ‘Well, they had money, like your gent. Her family sent her off to have the baby and no one ever knew any different. Perhaps you could go off with Charles. He goes away a lot, don’t he? And if he marries you, as you say he will, then there’s no reason for anyone else to know, is there?’

  Lily looked into her friend’s face. It was a wonderful idea. Of course, that’s what Charles would suggest, as he had more than enough money to solve the problem.

  ‘That girl was married to her fiancé in our wedding dress,’ said Hattie with a smile. ‘Don’t you remember how we said that wealth and position changed everything?’

  Lily smiled too. ‘Oh, yes. I’d forgotten.’

  ‘So you see, it’s not all doom and gloom.’

  Lily clutched Hattie’s hand. ‘I was in a panic because Charles isn’t home.’

  ‘All the same, I think you should see the doctor.’

  ‘Dr Tapper might tell me mum.’

  ‘You’ll have to sooner or later.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘If you ask him, he won’t say nothing I’m sure.’

  Lily nodded. ‘Perhaps you’re right.’

  ‘Now, eat the rest of that cake.’ Hattie’s eyes twinkled. ‘Or I’ll shoot you.’

  Lily did as she was told. She even drank her tea. She was happy again. Charles would take care of everything. Why had she doubted him? She loved him so much. And she knew he loved her.

  As they said goodbye, Hattie told Lily to keep in touch. ‘If you can’t come home, then send me a letter.’

  ‘Yes, I will.’

  ‘I wonder what you’ll look like fat?’

  Both girls broke into laughter. The cold February wind blew across them as they stood outside. Talking to Hattie had made her see things more clearly.

  ‘You won’t tell Reube, will you?’

  ‘Not if you don’t want me to.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘And, Li
l, make sure you eat properly. You’re eating for two now.’

  Lily felt better as she caught the bus to Poplar. But should she stop at the doctor’s now? Could Dr Tapper be trusted to keep her secret?

  There was only one way to find out.

  Lily sat staring at the many coloured bottles in Dr Tapper’s consultation room. She had seen them many times over the years. Red, purple, green and yellow. Linctus of all kinds. One of them especially she was familiar with. It was what Dr Tapper gave to her father for his cough. It cost sixpence a bottle and didn’t do much good. But in the end, as they had all discovered, it was better than a drug.

  Dr Tapper finished writing on the paper. His grey head came up slowly and his bushy grey eyebrows seemed to cover his eyes. Lily’s heart was racing. After his gentle examination and writing down the dates of her last period, he had told her to take a seat. There had been a long and painful silence. Lily was desperate to know his verdict.

  ‘By my reckoning, Lily, you are three months gone.’

  Lily felt relief on the one hand and terror on the other. ‘So I’m having a baby?’

  ‘Yes, my dear, you are.’

  Lily’s mind was whirling. Now she knew for sure she would be able to tell Charles. They would decide what to do together.

  ‘I would like to see you again next month.’ He paused. ‘Will the father stand by you?’

  Lily clenched her hands together. ‘I haven’t told him yet.’

  ‘Have you any plans for the future? Your mother, I take it, doesn’t know?’

  Lily sat upright. ‘You won’t tell her, will you?’

  ‘Lily, you are a grown woman now. Your business is entirely your own. But of course . . . these things cannot be hidden for ever.’

  Lily relaxed again. ‘I’ll have to think about it all. Will the sickness go?’

  ‘Yes, it should very soon. My advice to you is to take things easy when you can. Now, how are you feeling in yourself?’

  Lily smiled. ‘Very well.’

  ‘That’s good. After losing your uncle at Christmas, I’m glad to hear you are recovering. And, as the months pass, I would like to see you regularly. Closer to your confinement date in August, we will arrange for you to see the midwife.’