Fear Is Louder Than Words: Her stalker taught her fear. Her suspicions taught her terror.

by Linda S. Glaz

  He smiled. “Would you like some iced tea?” Her nod prompted him to pour a glass. “I have a great many clients, but as with all of you, unless they give me permission, I don’t allow their privacy to be invaded. You understand. Governor Granger and I are friends.”

  Brooke grinned knowingly. “Of course, Dr. Reinholdt.” She accepted the glass and immediately drew the bottom across her forehead. “Seems like I’m hot all the time.”

  He could see it in her eyes. While her desire was obviously for a baby boy with intelligent blue eyes like Trevor Granger, she had said she hoped it would be a girl for her husband.

  He scanned a report, glanced over the top of his reading glasses. “Brooke, I’d like to repeat your sonogram from last week.”

  “Is something wrong?”

  He sensed the tea burrowing into her stomach like a parasitic strand of fear.

  “No, no. I couldn’t make out certain details. Would you mind?”

  “No. Not at all.” She sat straighter and placed the glass on the desk in front of her. And he saw it in her eyes. The fear. The bad news. The “sorry your baby’s not well” look that they all got as soon as he needed a test redone. In this instance, she had plenty to worry about.

  CHAPTER 47

  ROCHELLE HAD BEEN WAITING an hour for the shuttle to take her from the airport.

  Her phone again. A low, intimate whistle caused her to drop the phone. She juggled it, caught the case firmly in her hands, and pressed the phone against her ear.

  “You looked fine. I’ll say that.”

  Her heart stopped. Her head twisted back and forth, soaking in the entire waiting area, looking for a monster. “I looked fine?”

  “In your gown. And those silver slippers. Just like a princess.”

  “How did you get my number? And how did you see me?” She had now changed the number three times since Christmas. People stared.

  “I have ways.”

  “Who are you?”

  “That hurts. I would think you’d know me by now.”

  She slouched in the seat to avoid drawing further attention. Her heart started racing and her face warmed with what? Anger? Well, she had a right to be angry. How dare he!

  “I can’t believe you forgot the sound of my voice already, Princess.”

  “You listen to me. I’ve allowed you—”

  “You haven’t allowed anything. I take what I want.”

  “Well, you can’t take it from me anymore.” She ended the call.

  CHAPTER 48

  ERIK EASED BACK IN his chair, took the time to appreciate what he’d achieved. Luxury surrounded him from his hand-polished desk to the imported marble in the foyer. And no one topped what he had been able to bring about at the clinic.

  He went over the labs a second time. Just what he was afraid of. Brooke had been given the protocol for males. How could Tessa have allowed this to happen?

  Angry and frustrated, he headed for the ultrasound room where Tessa waited with Brooke. None of the monetary rewards meant a thing if word ever got out his clinic had made a mistake of this caliber.

  He stood in the doorway, observed Brooke sitting in the chair. Fear decorated her face like a frightful Halloween mask. She shouldn’t be in this situation. If this baby delivered, she’d get Halloween, all right.

  In a few minutes, Erik had her settled on the table. He pulled the container of gel from the warmer. “Here we go.”

  “The sheet scratches.” Brooke’s abdomen swelled under the thin cotton covering as she squirmed. “I can’t seem to get comfortable.”

  Her nervousness did bring out fatherly feelings, but pity solved nothing. If she wanted answers, she needed to be still. But he couldn’t say that. He never allowed himself the freedom to say what he’d really like to these hormone-laden incubators.

  He held the bottle aloft. “This should be warm, but I have to be honest. It won’t be.” He chuckled. “The gel is always cold no matter that we use a warmer. Sorry, my dear.”

  Lightning struck and she jumped.

  He shifted the ultrasound head against her again. “It’s all right. Just a storm. Be as still as you can, please.” He donned his best reassuring smile and patted her arm. An attitude that had become second nature.

  Brooke’s gaze darted around the room, resting first on the ultrasound equipment, then the ceiling, walls, and eventually Tessa Borland. “Sorry, I’m a little jumpy after all.”

  “No need for that.” He flipped the monitor. “Here, Tessa.”

  “I see,” she answered.

  Brooke stretched as far to the side as the table would allow. “Could I see?”

  He’d have to allow it. This was her baby, after all.

  “Please. What do you see?”

  Erik exhaled in a huff. “I’d rather we talk in my office.”

  “Now!” Brooke propped herself on her elbow. “Dr. Reinholdt, what is wrong with my baby?”

  Tessa fiddled with the machine and then he tugged the screen around reluctantly. “I’m sorry, Brooke. There’s no heartbeat.”

  After a few seconds, Brooke came around. She appeared weak and small as she scrunched under the white thermal blanket. Toes that were painted bright pink stuck out the end of the cover. Ugly toes. For their sakes, Erik hoped the husband’s genes were more dominant for toes.

  He wiped her forehead with a cool cloth. “There now. Good to have you back with us.”

  “You’re sure? About the baby, I mean.”

  He sucked back his lip then blew out a breath. “I’m sorry for the unfortunate news.”

  “Unfortunate? What happened to my baby in there?” She eased against the pillow, and the moisture from the glass trickled over her fingers like tears.

  “Brooke, you saw for yourself. There was no heartbeat. Your baby is gone. I am truly sorry.” He offered her the box of tissues. “We don’t always know what has happened. Nature and trauma often go hand in hand.”

  “This can’t be happening. There must a mistake. Bobby and I planned this baby from the start. And now you say my baby’s dead? No. No, no, no! I’ve done everything you asked of me. I’ve taken all the supplements, don’t drink, don’t smoke. Don’t do anything I’m not supposed to. What happened to my baby?”

  “I wish I could tell you, my dear.”

  “My whole life has been bad news.”

  She rambled on about her life changing when she met her husband, good grades, ability to focus. Nothing that really made sense. Nothing except the part about babies.

  “We want this baby. This is our perfect family. Our dream.”

  Erik wiped sweat from his forehead, the stiffly starched hankie not mopping much moisture. Did the perspiration make him look guilty? He dabbed harder. “That was the reason Ms. Borland thought I should show the video to you. She felt it would be difficult for you to accept. This is so regrettable.”

  Brooke remained lying down, stunned and numb, tissues crumpled in her hands.

  Erik nudged her hand. “Are you all right?”

  “The baby did flips just last night. Can’t you do some other test?”

  “Brooke. Your baby is gone.” Erik ran his fingers through his eyebrow in a plucking motion and gave his head a slight shake. “I think we should schedule a D and E immediately.”

  “What?”

  “Put simply, we dilate and remove the dead tissue.”

  “The baby.”

  He gave her hand a light squeeze. “There is no baby, Brooke. Not any longer. It’s probably been dead for some time. You may have experienced what you thought were movements, maybe even gas cramps, but I have no doubt your baby’s been dead for a few days at least. It wasn’t as large as we would have expected either. Now, if your husband comes soon enough, we could do the procedure around four or five.”

  “You called my husband?”

  “Of course, when you … well. I can do the procedure right here at the surgi-center. No need to go to a hospital. Stay here where you have friends and people you know
will take extra care of you. This is just a minor setback in your plans.”

  “A setback?”

  He put a hand in what he hoped was a reassuring manner over her wrist. “I meant no harm. Nor did I intend to trivialize the situation, but you are capable of becoming pregnant again in a few months. I’m simply looking out for your health, first and foremost, now the baby’s no longer a viable consideration.”

  She leaned all the way back, squeezed her eyes shut. “The book of nursery rhymes.”

  He stopped and grasped her hand tighter. “The what?”

  “Gwen Kirnan bought the book for the baby. She’s my mother-in-law. The book’s still wrapped in plastic on the nightstand waiting for one of us to read the stories.” Tears dribbled from her eyes. She placed a hand on her stomach. “There! Feel that.”

  He reached for her abdomen and kneaded the swelling, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. There’s nothing there, Brooke. You’re feeling phantom movements. They’re all in your head, my dear.”

  Her sobs continued. “But I’m so sure.”

  “I wouldn’t even suggest such a procedure unless I was completely convinced. There is no heartbeat. My dear, this is for your health now. This is your decision, but I strongly recommend for your welfare that we complete the D and E right away. You risk infection if we don’t go ahead. And that could mean…”

  “What?”

  “It could mean no chance for babies in the future. It’s vital we do this right away.”

  Brooke gazed around the room, her eyes blank. “I need time alone to make this decision.” She reached down again and stroked the swollen belly. “This is nothing but a tomb now.”

  “Forgive my bluntness, but Brooke, the sooner we deal with the reality, the better. For your well-being.”

  She rose up on her side, trembling and sweating, and looked out the window. She daubed at her eyes, but the tears wouldn’t stop. Craning her neck, she leaned toward the window and let out a moan that surprised him. Wind rattled the pane.

  “People are walking around like they have no idea my baby just died. Don’t they know?” Spinning back toward Erik she added, “The snow is so beautiful, look at it come down.”

  Erik stood to his feet and cleared his throat. With a gentle nudge, he eased her back against her pillows. “Have a drink, but just a sip. I’ll call Ms. Borland back in or Ms. Peters if you’d like. Would you like to have one of the ladies come sit with you?”

  He supported her head as she gulped the dribble like a withered sponge. “Sorry, I was so thirsty.”

  “No more. Nothing more by mouth.”

  Brooke wiped her tears on the palm of her hand. “You’re right, of course.” Then she squeezed her hands until her nails bit tender skin. “Please tell me when my husband arrives.”

  Erik pressed a button above her bed and spoke in hushed tones. “Could you send Caroline in, please?” Then he turned his attention back to Brooke. “Now that you are clear in your mind, I must advise you to stay as calm as possible. Caroline will provide you with Valium to help you relax. I promise you’ll be comfortable. And as soon as your husband arrives, we will all three discuss the procedure in detail.”

  Her lips curled in, and she reached for another tissue. She blew her nose. “Can you tell me? Is it, I mean, was it a boy or a girl?”

  He raised his brow. “Why do you want to—”

  “Know? Just curious,” she said.

  “A girl.”

  CHAPTER 49

  CAROLINE PLUCKED AT THE chart in her hands. That same nervous plucking motion that made Erik want to fire her. “Is this procedure absolutely necessary for the mother’s well-being?”

  He took in the weepy eyes. “Absolutely. And according to the ultrasound, as often is the case, the baby was terribly malformed. Being a nurse, you understand nature.”

  “Yes, it usually takes care of its own mistakes. And occasionally not.”

  Blah. Blah. Blah. Move on, Caroline. You aren’t helping the mother with this melodrama.

  Her features warped from the tension, Caroline raised another option. Her hands now pecked away at a piece of fuzz on the back of her sleeve. How painstakingly she searched for the words. “But … can’t she simply wait for the fetus to abort on its own?”

  More pecking. He should reach out and crush her nervous fingers.

  Instead, he groaned and looked in the other direction. What did she do, sleep through her obstetric rotation? This wasn’t helping matters one bit. As much as the women adored Caroline Peters, he would have to speak with Tessa about replacing her. Caroline pushed all the wrong buttons on his emotional coat today. But he donned the fatherly smile and removed her hand from her sleeve as gently as he could. “Always an option, but that choice puts the mother at a higher risk, particularly with a baby so far along. No. This is best for both of them. Find Tessa and send her in.”

  She sighed, downtrodden. “Certainly, Dr. Reinholdt.”

  “And, Caroline?”

  “Yes, sir?”

  “Please be diplomatic. Splash cold water on your face. Discretion dear—discretion. You are a professional and you’ll learn with time how to behave like one. But try.”

  “Of course, Dr. Reinholdt. I wouldn’t do anything to upset Ms. Kirnan. She’s always been so kind and then—”

  “Caroline.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Within minutes, Tessa straggled in with a steaming mug of Erik’s favorite coffee and three almond biscotti, but she stopped short in the doorway. He couldn’t miss the morphing expression on her face. “Tessa, this could have been a perfect baby girl. Perfect in every sense of the word. But this screwup left it … well, you saw the actual sonogram.”

  With the tray still in her hands, she hurried across the floor. “Here, Erik. Drink your coffee. You’ve had a rough day. This’ll help you calm down.”

  She had no idea how rough. “Tessa, I don’t have the slightest idea how this blunder happened, but Ms. Kirnan shouldn’t be losing her baby. We can’t afford to make mistakes. Our reputation is on the line with each and every birth. Our business is word-of-mouth. Losing babies is not an option.”

  His hand shook with anger. The coffee sloshed across his desk and onto his lap, and he jumped up.

  Tessa grabbed a handful of tissues from his desk. “Here. I’ll take care of the mess.” She leaned over and began sopping up the coffee. “Calm down, Erik.”

  Pacing the floor like a prisoner awaiting his death walk, he didn’t care that the coffee continued to slop over the edges. She acted as if she could handle every situation, but she couldn’t. She was proving that by her recent mistakes. “Can you handle this situation?”

  “Absolutely. Why would you question my ability?” She followed him around with the tissues and a wastebasket.

  Setting down the cup at last, he tapped his finger in front of her. “I expect you to. And Tessa, with no more problems. We can’t afford any more problems.”

  Was he the only one intelligent enough for this work?

  #

  Erik tried to ignore Bobby Kirnan’s shocked expression and extended his hand. “Mr. Kirnan, we’ll only be half an hour or so. This procedure doesn’t take long. If you’ll wait here, I’ll send Tessa or Caroline to let you know when we’re done. Better yet, I’ll come out and speak with you the minute we’re finished.”

  “Finished,” the man mumbled.

  “She won’t be put completely under, only a light sedative to relax her. Did you want to see her again?”

  “No. We said all we had to say.”

  Erik shook his head and sighed. “You sit down, have a coffee.” He clasped Bobby’s hand in both of his.

  “Thank you, Dr. Reinholdt. I’m, I—uh. I’ll be here.”

  The man agonized over each word in such a way, Erik was embarrassed for him. Man up, he wanted to shout. But a part of him actually sympathized with Brooke’s husband. Before the night was over, Bobby would have lost a child, just as Erik had a few years ago.
<
br />   Erik looked over his shoulder as he entered the birthing section. Once in the surgical suite, he finished his preliminary exam and turned to Tessa. “We should be able get the tissue out intact.”

  She cocked her head toward the foot of the O.R. gurney. “And?”

  “I’d like to inspect the remains. Aren’t you interested what may have gone wrong?”

  “No. Let’s get this over with.” Her face flamed red, and her fingers strummed nervously over the instruments.

  In minutes, he delivered the baby.

  Drew in a sharp breath.

  Tessa clasped a hand over her chest, her eyes opened wide in horror.

  “Erik! It’s still moving!”

  CHAPTER 50

  ERIK WALKED BOBBY KIRNAN into the recovery area as thunder rolled overhead, repeating the noise he’d heard all afternoon.

  Brooke opened her eyes with the sound. “My head aches.”

  Erik watched as Kirnan rubbed her arm through the sheet. His smile was forced. “Baby, you okay?”

  Her eyes closed again. He folded her hand reassuringly in his as if it were meant to say “You all right?”

  But she lifted her head, opened her eyes once again, and looked at him. “Yeah, Bobby. Wonderful, thanks. I just lost our baby. How do you think I am?”

  His face fell. “I only meant … are you feeling better, honey? Can I get you anything?”

  “Sure, Bobby. Get my baby back, all right?”

  Erik stepped forward. “Brooke, I know it’s not what you want to hear at the moment, but as I told you before, you’re going to be able to have a fine, healthy baby in no time at all. And remember, I’m right here for you. Anything you need.”

  Her eyes sought her husband’s face. “My baby … our baby—”

  “I know, honey, I know. I wish I understood what went wrong.”

  She inhaled sharply and pushed his hand away. “You’re blaming me, aren’t you? I must have done something wrong, is that it? Don’t you understand? This wasn’t my fault.” She drew in another deep breath as if she could recover from this and be whole again.