Personal Foul

by Hayley Faiman

  “Jessa,” I whisper against her lips.

  I pull out of her, and lie on my back, next to her. She rolls over and curls into my side, her lips bushing the underside of my jaw before she rests her head on my shoulder.

  “I can’t believe I let you do that to me with your parents awake and downstairs,” she murmurs.

  I can’t stop myself from chuckling at her words and pull her closer to me, my body shaking with laughter

  “You came twice, too. I’m thinking you didn’t mind too much that I fucked you with them in the house.”

  “Cole, they hate me,” she whispers.

  I drag my fingers up her spine to twist in her hair and pull her neck back, forcing her eyes on mine. “They don’t know you yet, Jessa. They were surprised, and tomorrow my mom will be more open to getting to know you. My dad already likes you, because he knows you make me happy. Don’t worry about my sister. She’s a downright unhappy bitch.”

  “That’s not nice. She loves you,” she whispers as my fingers flex in her hair and tighten, tugging at her scalp.

  “Yeah, Caitlyn loves me but she doesn’t like me,” I laugh. “Because she loves me, she’ll eventually let her bullshit go and get to know you. She’ll like you when she does,” I grunt.

  “You’re such a good man, Cole. I don’t deserve you,” she murmurs.

  I chuckle and shake my head, but I don’t respond. She can think what she wants, but I know the truth.

  She traces her fingers along my bottom lip before she speaks again. “I wasn’t his, I never was. My heart was never his, because it’s always been waiting for you.”

  Closing my eyes, I let her words soak in, going so deep that they imbed into my fucking bones. My sweet baby, and she doesn’t even realize that I’m the fucking lucky one, not her.

  JESSA

  MY EYELIDS FLUTTER open before I rollover and reach for Cole. His side of the bed is empty, as usual, and I turn toward my nightstand and grab my phone, noting that it’s eight in the morning, which means he left about an hour ago.

  Sitting up, I move the hair out of my face with a sigh as the events from the evening before come back to me. I groan with the realization that Cole’s family is downstairs, and I’ll have to see them without Cole at my back.

  Shit.

  Slipping out of bed, I make my way to the bathroom and take care of business. I throw my hair up in a high ponytail, and slip a bra on under Cole’s t-shirt, that I wore to bed. Then I find a pair of sleep shorts and tug those on just as my phone buzzes on the bed.

  Cole: Morning baby. Parents can fend for themselves. They know their way around. See you soon for class.

  I grin at his message. Then I shoot one back to him immediately.

  Good morning lover.

  Cole: Don’t start, or I’ll have to fuck you against my desk again.

  I giggle, almost able to hear the words he’s typed growled into my ear. I make my way downstairs, my head tipped typing my reply.

  Sounds like fun. When do we do that again?

  I’m watching the little three dotted bubble as Cole types his response when I hear a throat clear at the kitchen table. My head flies up and I see Loretta sitting there a cup of coffee in her hand and her eyes on me. She doesn’t look angry or suspicious, or anything really, except contemplative.

  My phone buzzes, and I look down at Cole’s response.

  Cole: Be here at ten.

  I quickly type okay. Turning my screen off, I walk over to the coffee maker to pour a cup, then reach for the sugar before I go to the fridge for some milk. All the while, I can feel Loretta’s eyes watching me.

  “Good morning,” I whisper as I try to keep myself busy.

  “Why don’t you come and sit with me, Jessa,” she asks. My spine stiffens.

  Woodenly, I turn and walk over to her, sitting in the chair across from hers, my legs bouncing with nervousness and my eyes trained on my cup of light brown liquid. She hums but doesn’t speak right away.

  “Marshall’s is out for a run, and Caitlyn won’t wake up anytime soon. It’s just us girls right now, and I’d like to learn a little bit about this girl that my son is suddenly, instantly, head-over-heels in love with,” she says.

  Her tone is soft and gentle, but I don’t miss some of her words and their meanings. Instantly and head-over-heels. She doesn’t believe we’re real, or at least, that I am.

  “What would you like to know?” I ask, lifting my eyes to hers.

  “Anything you wish to tell me, whatever it is,” she shrugs.

  I look into her eyes and notice that they’ve softened. She smiles and I don’t know why but I suddenly feel at ease here with her.

  I think about what I could tell her, and nothing, absolutely nothing, can make me look better in her eyes, only worse. My entire life is like a nightmare for meet the parents.

  I decide to suck it up. I want her to like me, however, there’s nothing I can do about my past. My life is what it is, and it’s unchangeable.

  “I’m from Grant, Nebraska,” I start off and she nods, giving me a small smile—an effort to encourage me, I’m sure. “My mother was a teenage parent. She left one day when I was at school. I was fifteen, and she didn’t come back.” Cole’s mother’s smile slips slightly, but the sadness that appears in her eyes hurts my heart.

  “Have you seen her since?” she asks, her voice soft, just like Cole’s when he’s being gentle with me.

  I suck in a breath, shaking my head, before I continue. “I was dating a boy I’d known my whole life. His name is Trent. His parents knew that I would be sent to a different town into a foster home, so they took me in. Trent is a gifted football player. When he was offered a football scholarship here, I applied for my own academic ones. I was accepted, as was he,” I explain.

  “But what glitters isn’t always gold?” she asks, as though she knows more than I’m letting on.

  “Trent made it clear from the moment that I moved in with his family that I owed him everything. His mother was adamant about me helping him; and when she said that, she meant doing all of his classwork to ensure he wasn’t kicked from the team for academic probation. I would have stayed with him forever,” I whisper.

  “But you met Cole?” she asks.

  Nodding my head, I lift my eyes. “Trent isn’t the nicest person, but he was getting worse. I never planned on meeting Cole; then we started our affair, and I never planned on it becoming more than a one-time thing. But Trent, he started wanting me to do things that I wasn’t comfortable with, and he didn’t care how I felt about them. I knew that I couldn’t stay, and Cole found out that he was using performance enhancing drugs, and he offered me help and protection.”

  “So, you’re with my boy because he’s protecting you?” she asks, her guard that had slipped skyrocketing back up.

  I take a sip of my coffee and furrow my brows. “I had already broken it off with Trent before I found out about the drugs,” I admit. “Though Cole offers me protection in various forms of ways, that’s not why I’m with him.”

  “Why are you with him?” she asks.

  I bite my bottom lip and lift my eyes to meet her green ones. “I love him more than I thought it was possible to love another person,” I whisper.

  Loretta’s eyes fill with tears. “I’ve always wanted that for him,” she whispers as she reaches for my hand, giving it a squeeze. “I want to believe you, but you’re so young.”

  I nod in understanding. “I do love him. I’ve never had someone love me, not really. I didn’t know what it felt like to really love another person. It feels like I’m going to burst; like there’s so much happiness inside of me that I’m going to explode. Like nothing else on earth can penetrate our little bubble,” I whisper.

  “Jessa,” she whispers as a tear falls down her cheek. “That’s all I needed to hear, sweetheart.”

  The door bursts open and she starts to wipe her cheeks quickly as Cole’s father walks through the kitchen, his eyes shifting from Loretta to
me. He sighs and drops his head, his body wet from sweat.

  “Why’re you cryin’?” he asks, Loretta on a sigh.

  She waves her hand. “Jessa and I were just getting to know each other. We’re women, we get emotional.”

  He grunts before he walks past me, grabbing onto my ponytail and giving it a gentle tug as he walks over to the fridge and grabs a bottle of cold water.

  My cheeks heat at his simple affectionate tug. Jim was always kind to me, but the Keller’s were not affectionate, not even a little bit.

  “Well, how about I make breakfast for everyone. Cole said he wanted to go out to dinner tonight together, but you need fuel before your classes,” Loretta states as she jumps up from the table.

  “Oh, no, you don’t need to go to any trouble,” I say, holding out my hand.

  Marshall chuckles. “Sweetheart, you better just let her take care of you. She’s a mama, it’s what she does,” he shrugs. My face heats again, but for a different reason.

  “Marshall,” she hisses.

  Shaking my head, I tell her that it’s okay. “What’d I say?” he asks.

  “My mom abandoned me when I was fifteen, but she wasn’t much of a mom,” I shrug.

  His brows tug together and his mouth turns down in a frown before he speaks. “Any mom who leaves her baby ain’t fit to be a mom. You’re better off without someone like that,” he grunts.

  Tipping my head back, I lift the corner of my mouth in a smile. “You’re right,” I nod.

  “Know I am, babe. I had a mom who left, too,” he shrugs. “Found her years later, still living in her own misery. All the shit I thought I missed from not having a mama of my own didn’t mean all that much. I figure she would have made my life just, as miserable, as she made her own.”

  I stand without thinking and launch myself into his chest, throwing my arms around his middle and hugging him tightly. He’s sweaty and smelly, but comforting all at the same time, especially when his arms come around and he holds me back. We stand hugging each other until I hear Loretta hiccup. I break our connection and take a step back.

  “I-I’m so—”

  “Don’t you tell me you’re sorry, Jessa,” he rumbles.

  “Okay, enough. I need to cook,” Loretta announces. “Go take a shower, Marshall.”

  “I need to get ready for school, too,” I whisper.

  “Breakfast will be ready and waiting by the time you’re finished,” Loretta sings as I hurry up the stairs.

  I lock myself inside of the bedroom and I sit down on the bed, my head swimming with what just happened. All that just happened. I made a connection with both of Cole’s parents, and they weren’t small—they were huge. I don’t know if his sister will ever like me, but I feel less uneasy around his mom and dad. That’s what is the most important thing.

  Hurrying, I shower and dress before I grab my books and bag for the day. Then I start down the stairs, but I freeze when I hear Caitlyn’s voice carry up toward me.

  “I don’t trust her,” she hisses.

  “Caitlyn, your brother loves her. You need to give her a chance. You might find that she’s a nice girl,” Loretta says in a hushed tone.

  Caitlyn snorts. “I might find that she’s just that, a girl. It’s disgusting, mom.”

  Cole’s fathers voice practically vibrates through the house, and I end up with my back against the wall by the time he’s finished.

  “Listen here, Caitlyn, and listen fucking good. Your brother is a grown ass man. You are not in charge of his life, just like your mother and I aren’t in charge of it. He does something you don’t like, and guess what? It doesn’t fucking have a goddamn thing to do with you. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Never has. Jessa is a nice girl. You give her a chance or you don’t, I don’t give a fuck. But when you’re in your brother’s house, you will respect her. He loves her and she loves him.”

  “She has daddy issues and love’s having a guy old enough to be her daddy taking care of her,” Caitlyn mutters.

  I hear what sounds like a hand slapping down on the counter hard, and then Marshall speaks again.

  “You know what, Caitlyn? Not every woman has been treated like a princess her entire goddamn life. Not every woman can live at home with her parents because she’s too goddamn scared to live life out on her own.

  “Not every woman has the luxury of a loving family at her back, helping her grow. Keep your smart assed comments and judgments to your fucking self. Jessa has had a hard fucking life. If your brother loves her and wants to help her, then so fucking be it,” he announces.

  My breath hitches at his words, and I close my eyes and count to ten, hoping to calm myself down enough that I won’t burst into tears.

  “Daddy,” Caitlyn whimpers.

  “No, you put it out there and maybe you need to see what real life is all about. It’s not always about a loving mom and dad, or a big brother who always takes your back. Sometimes life is fucking cruel, and it’s ugly, and it’s downright not goddamn fair. Especially when some people are born in shit, and didn’t do a thing to get there.”

  I decide I can’t take anymore, not of Caitlyn’s judgments, or Marshall’s compassion and understanding. None of it. I finish walking down the stairs, a little louder than before, and they immediately stop talking as I enter the kitchen.

  “Breakfast is just about ready. I made eggs, pancakes, and bacon. I hope that’s okay?” Loretta cheerfully announces.

  “Sounds delicious,” I state with a nod and a smile.

  I catch Marshall’s assessing gaze and he nods. I open my mouth to say something but I don’t know what it’s going to be. Marshall shakes his head. “Needed to be said,” he murmurs his eyes shifting from me to Caitlyn. “Caitlyn, I hope that you’ve heard what I have to say on the matter. It’s done now.”

  Caitlyn nods and I watch as she wipes tears from beneath her eyes. I feel badly for her, and the tension in the room is so thick that you could cut it with a knife.

  We eat practically in silence, Caitlyn staring daggers at me. I thank Loretta at least five times during the meal, complimenting her cooking skills over and over because it is that good.

  Once I’m finished I head over to the fridge and grab the water pitcher, pouring myself a glass before I have to leave. It tastes better than it did last night, but it still isn’t perfect. I make a mental note to talk to Cole about it, maybe it’s just time for a new replacement filter.

  “When are your classes today?” Loretta asks once I’m finishing my water.

  “I have to leave around ten, and then I should be back home around two or so. I need to go by the store, so maybe I can borrow Cole’s pickup after my last class,” I say.

  “You don’t have your own car?” Caitlyn asks, her mouth in a straight line and her eyes narrowed on me.

  Shaking my head, I tell her no, and nothing else. She doesn’t deserve any explanations from me about anything.

  “Oh, hush. Marshall and I will head on down to the grocers, stock you up,” Loretta states.

  “I couldn’t let you…”

  “Now, Jessa, don’t take that away from Loretta. She loves stocking Cole up anytime she’s in town. She doesn’t get to take care of him much now that he’s a man,” he grumbles.

  I nod with a small smile, liking that his mother wants to take care of him. “Okay, then I’ll be back around two.”

  “See you then. Have a wonderful day,” Loretta announces.

  I wave at the Bronson bunch as I walk out of the back door and make my way toward Cole’s office. A tingle slides through my legs as I think about what awaits me, as though we weren’t together last night. Though, I don’t know if I’ll ever get enough of his hands, lips, and cock on and inside of me.

  I’m really early. I need to see Cole, after everything that happened with his family, I just need to feel him wrapped around me. Walking toward campus, alone, feels odd. I haven’t been by myself, outside, in so long that I can’t help but look over my shoulder every
few minutes. I’m being overly paranoid—I know. It’s broad daylight, nothing is going to happen to me.

  My stomach turns and I press my hand to it as my feet stumble slightly. When my head starts to ache as well, I press my hand against my forehead. My legs start to feel like jello. Then I feel as though I’m not in control of my own actions and every move I make feels sluggish. I reach out to grab ahold of the metal post that’s on my left, I think it’s a speed limit sign but my eyes can’t focus.

  “Told you I would ruin your fucking life,” a voice sneers before everything goes black.

  COLE

  I STARE AT my office door, waiting for Jessa, who should be arriving any second. The media has been informed, along with University of Oregon athletic department, and another letter sent to the head coach.

  The shit storm is about to begin. I wish my parents would have picked a different week to show up, but maybe it’s for the best. I can talk to my dad tonight about everything at dinner. My parent’s need to know what’s going to happen within the next few days.

  My office door opens, and I lift my eyes, frozen when I realize that it’s not Jessa but Brittany standing at my doorway. Christ. It’s return of the past this week. First Jessa’s mother, now Brittany. What’s next? Is Larissa going to strut through my door unannounced as well?

  “Can we talk? You won’t return my texts. I need to speak to you,” she says, her voice just above a whisper.

  I know that this is part of her game. Come in soft and sweet after she’s been fucking crazy.

  “Leave the door open,” I grunt.

  She shakes her head and starts to close it behind her. “It’s private, Cole.”

  “You close that door, I call security,” I state. Her head rears back as though I’ve hit her.

  She pouts as she tips her head to the side. “I miss you,” she whispers.

  “I told you I met someone else. I did. She’s living with me, Britt. I’m sorry it didn’t work out between us, but I’m with Jessa now.”