Rough Love

by Laura Morgan

  “He’s leaving the club for good. Moving away to live on a farm or some shit like that. Had enough, or so he says. Ever since your sister died he hasn’t been the same…”

  “None of us have,” I replied, putting my hands on his chest to silently ask him to back off, and I was surprised when he did. Oscar then actually walked me out, no messing and no more taunts. He did, however, take one last opportunity to rile me before letting me walk back across the street to my thankfully sincere cabbie.

  “Don’t ever come back here, Dahlia. You’re not safe at the clubhouse, no matter what you think Liev will do to protect you. He couldn’t save her and he won’t save you,” he said, making me wonder again if perhaps Dita’s death wasn’t quite the accident I’d been lead to believe.

  ***

  When I got home, Tobin was back and he immediately ushered me to one side, his brows pulled tight.

  “Where have you been?” he demanded, and while I hated lying to him, I knew I had to.

  “I went to college for a while. What’s the matter?”

  “You hadn’t told me you were going out today, Dahl. I at least thought you might send me a message to let me know you wouldn’t be here when I got back. Even Jemma didn’t know where you were when usually she’d be there with you…”

  “Oh, so you felt the need to get my friend involved rather than trust me?” I replied angrily, my guilt making me come across madder than I’d intended. I didn’t want Tobin snooping on me, but hated that he actually had a good reason to. I’d disappeared for the day and hadn’t answered my calls or texts until I was long gone from the Red Reaper’s clubhouse, when usually I was reliably contactable.

  Tobin was understandably shocked by my outburst and I saw what was unmistakably rage flash across his face. He then stormed away, swearing loudly to himself before disappearing out one of the back doors.

  I went to follow, but was intercepted by my brother Bradley. I made to step round him, but he continued to block me.

  “No matter what you promised me about him not having hurt you, Dahlia, you’re not going out there. I’ve seen him rage and do not want you anywhere near him if he’s kicking off,” he instructed. It reminded me of the conversation we’d had months before when I’d had to reassure him that Tobin hadn’t been physical with me. He too had seen things that hadn’t made sense about Tobin and Dita’s relationship, but his assumptions had been wrong. Well, mostly wrong, if Dita’s diary was to be believed regarding the night when Tobin had slapped her across the face.

  Nodding in understanding, I turned and wandered off in the opposite direction, where I was given two options on where to go—upstairs, or into the busy living area with the others. Not feeling much like company, I went up to my room, where I laid on the bed and stared up at the ceiling while a million thoughts buzzed through my head. I didn’t want to add another worry to my already full plate, so decided to make things right with Tobin. He didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of my stress when it wasn’t him causing it. I grabbed my mobile phone and sent him a quick text, figuring he could reply or ignore it as he saw fit.

  I’m sorry I flew off the handle. I’m upstairs whenever you want to talk.

  I then sat back again and resumed my overthinking.

  At some point over the few minutes that’d followed, I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was an hour later and roasting hot in my bedroom so I pulled off my cardigan and padded into the en-suite to brush my teeth. They felt rough and dry, like I’d been asleep for longer, so I ducked my head and brushed away, not paying attention to my reflection in the mirror until I’d cleaned up and thought I’d best check my makeup hadn’t smudged. That was when I noticed the bruises on the tops of my arms. They were exactly where Oscar had held me tightly at his clubhouse and were clearly in the shape of handprints.

  I cursed him and stormed back into the bedroom so I could cover back up, which was when I came face-to-face with Tobin. He was clearly drunk and was swaying slightly, watching me with a blank expression. His eyes were red with the drink and I didn’t like the air he’d carried in with him. He seemed indifferent to me, rather than madly in love like we’d been thus far. I couldn’t tell if he was about to forgive me or shout at me, and realised when he saw the bruises that I might never find out his initial reasons for having come to me.

  “We’re over, Dahlia,” he groaned, shaking his head wildly as though trying to force some awful thought away. “I’m not doing this again.”

  “Doing what?” I exclaimed as I reached up and tried to touch his face. Tobin pulled away from me, storming over to the chest of drawers where he began throwing his things out onto the floor. “What have I done wrong, Tobin?” I shrieked, and hated how desperate my voice sounded.

  “I should’ve known you’d be the same. I opened my heart to you and now all you do is keep secrets, just like Dita did. You disappear on me and turn up with bruises all over you, and ones I know I didn’t put there. Who’s had their hands on you, Dahlia? Who’ve you been fucking behind my back, like she did?” Still swaying, Tobin watched me with a sad look before he crumpled in a heap on the bed.

  “I’m not fucking anyone, I promise,” I tried to tell him, but Tobin refused to listen. He shook his head, staring at the floor. He needed more truth from me, not more lies, so I decided to reveal at least a little bit of what I’d been hiding. For the sake of our relationship and his trust in me, I had to come clean. “I went looking for someone I thought might give me some answers, but all I found were dead ends. That’s where I was today, and where someone grabbed me by the arm.” I showed him the bruise and put my hand over the mark to show where Oscar had gripped me a little too tightly. “I hadn’t realised it’d bruised until just now, but that’s the only one, I promise. No others and certainly nothing I’d want to hide from you.”

  I sank to my knees before him and was glad when Tobin didn’t pull away from my touch this time. “There are things I’m not ready to share with you yet, but I will when the time is right. You can either give me the benefit of the doubt, or you can walk away, but please trust me when I say I’m not cheating on you. I never have and never will.”

  “Then show me,” he answered, making me think he meant by making love there and then, but it appeared Tobin had other ideas. “I want to see your phone and laptop. I wanna read your messages.”

  No matter his suffering, I wasn’t going to allow Tobin to invade my privacy, not that he’d really find anything as the evidence was all on Dita’s laptop, but for the sake of my self-respect, I still shook my head no.

  “That’s not how this works,” I replied as I pulled away and climbed to my feet. With a heavy heart, I then packed a bag and grabbed my phone and its charger from the nightstand. After yanking on my cardigan, I then left without another word to Tobin, who was still sat on the bed, staring at the floor in a daze.

  Downstairs, I tried to be invisible as I crept over to where Nico was chatting with our father. I needed some space from Tobin but knew that both he and my dad wouldn’t let me go just anywhere. “Do you have a minute?” I asked Nico once the conversation reached a lull, and my big brother turned to me, as though shocked to find me there. I guessed I’d blended in a little too well.

  “What’s up?” he asked, his eyes roving my face, taking me in. Nico could tell something was going on with me, and I was glad when he took my hand and led me from the room without making a fuss or letting on to any of the others.

  Out in the garden, he sat me down on one of the benches and put an arm across my shoulders. “What happened?”

  “Tobin and I had a fight,” I answered with a shaky voice. I’d been bottling it all up, but was actually feeling kinda heartbroken. I was sad that we’d fought, but also terrified of him forcing me to reveal all or else lose him forever. I wanted things to go back to how they’d been before, when we were freshly in love and nothing could touch us.

  Yes, Dita had cheated on him, but Tobin had been unfaithful as well. He wasn’t innocent
in their breakdown, so couldn’t take it out on me a year down the line. “Can I come and stay at yours?” I then asked him.

  Nico nodded and pulled his mobile phone from his jacket pocket. I then watched as he dialled his fiancée and gave her the lowdown. I could hear her response from where I was sitting, that of course I was welcome, and I smiled. I always knew I could count on Jodie. She would help get me through our argument with a clear head. Mine and Tobin’s first, and hopefully not last, fight.

  Jodie came to collect me and I left with her straight away, no fussing or making a scene about it. At Nico’s request, we didn’t say a word to any of the others inside, not even our father. We both knew he would demand to know everything and then probably still wouldn’t let me walk away, not even if I begged. No matter me knowing he hadn’t sent Calvin after Dita with the awful punishment in mind, I knew he might still go as far as punishing me for potentially ruining things between us. He had this fixation that his VP had to be with one of his daughters, hence his weird and old fashioned actions the first night we’d been at the new clubhouse, and I wouldn’t put it past him to do the same as he’d done the last time. If Dad took Tobin off to get him laid elsewhere, I knew I’d never forgive him. This wasn’t like with Dita. I hadn’t done anything behind Tobin’s back and would stand my ground, even if it meant we were over.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I explained as much as I could to Jodie, leaving out the parts about Liev, Calvin and of course, Nico’s part in all of the chaos. All I told her was how I’d been digging into Dita’s past and had uncovered some awful truths about her final days. Jodie seemed to know more than she said too, protecting Dita’s memory or perhaps herself, I couldn’t be sure. Either way, we each said only what we felt we could, and then I explained the horrible conversation Tobin and I had had in the bedroom.

  “I couldn’t believe it when he just said we were over without any explanation why. Who does that? One wrong move and then you’re done?”

  “Oh believe me, it’ll happen time and again, Dahlia,” Jodie replied with a kind smile. “This is your first fight and it’s going to feel like the end of the world. Like you’ll never come back from it, but you will. We all have these moments where you think you’ve passed the point of no return. When you’re so angry with them you can’t fathom everything being back to how it was before. But then, all of a sudden, your anger fades, as will his. The pair of you just need to let the dust settle and then talk. You’ll see.”

  I couldn’t imagine either one of us simply backing off and things going back to how they were. With the threat of leaving me, Tobin had also delivered a chilling reminder that I was disposable. Temporary. Not a member of the club or an official old lady. Just another girl clinging onto the Black Knights Motorbike Club because she loved one of the members and was related to a handful of the others.

  “Do you think Dad would let me move out on my own, like Nico did?” I then asked and I indicated to their shared flat. It hadn’t always been Jodie’s too. Nico had bought it and had lived there for almost two years before inviting her to move in with him, and part of me wondered if I might be able to do the same. Even if I had to go into the same block of upmarket apartments, I would. At least then I’d be away from the club and out from under my dad’s nose. I could run my design business and make a life for myself without him controlling me.

  The sheer idea made me smile again, thinking that even if Tobin and I were done, there were still other passions in my life and it brought me comfort to know I was more than just another old lady in the making. I had aspirations and dreams. I was ambitious and ready to fight for the life I wanted for myself, with or without Tobin by my side.

  “Dahlia,” Jodie’s soft voice broke my reverie, and I turned to peer into her soft blue eyes. “He won’t ever let you go. You see that, don’t you? Please tell me you’re aware just how much your father dictates your life?”

  “Don’t say that,” I retorted, feeling a flush of anger hit me in the gut. “He’s already backed off and agreed to let me live with Tobin. He’s seen for himself how well I can cope and that I’m a woman now, not a child anymore.”

  “I hope you’re right,” she replied dejectedly. Jodie ran her hand down my hair and across my shoulder, and I could tell she was trying to bite her tongue. To not say the things she truly wanted to.

  “What is it?” I had to know.

  “I just hope this strong and determined woman doesn’t get locked away again, that’s all,” she told me, and I knew it was a lie. There had been more she’d wanted to say, but evidently felt she couldn’t. Jodie seemed timid at that moment, as though scared. Of Nico or of our father, I couldn’t be sure, but I didn’t want to put her under any more stress given her condition, so didn’t pry. We simply sat in silence for a little while before I made my excuses and went to bed in their spare room.

  At four in the morning, I awoke to hear voices coming from across the other side of the flat. Opening the door, I peered down the hall and listened hard, hoping to figure out what was happening without having to actually head towards the living room to find out.

  There was the sound of glass breaking and at first I feared for Jodie’s safety, wondering if perhaps Nico had come back and was acting out for some reason.

  “Fuck, man,” I then heard my brother say relatively calmly. “What happened?”

  “Your bloody table is wonky,” I heard Tobin’s slurred reply. I froze. Nico had to have told him I was hiding out at his place and invited him back, but why? I thought we’d have a little bit more time to let the dust settle after our fight and then talk again the following day. Not that Tobin would follow me to the place I’d run to so I could get away from him.

  “What the fuck is he doing here?” I demanded as I stalked into the living room, pointing at Tobin. Both men froze in shock, their eyes boring into me. “Did you tell him what you said to me?” I then asked Tobin.

  “Yeah, he did,” my brother replied for him. “And he told me how stupid he was for demanding shit from you. How he was sorry that he treated you so badly and how he wished he hadn’t let you walk away.”

  I glowered at Tobin, tears pricking at my eyes.

  “Is that true?” I mumbled, wrapping my arms around myself protectively.

  “Yeah, Dahl. Of course it’s true.” He then downed one of the shots lined up before him on Nico’s coffee table. “I’m not here to fight or to drag you back to your dad’s. I’m here to tell you I’m sorry for not trusting you, and that I won’t do it again.” Another shot disappeared down his throat and then Tobin finally turned his gaze up to meet mine. His pale blue eyes were even more bloodshot and he looked exhausted, but I wasn’t going to let him off that easily.

  “Good, but don’t think for a minute you’re forgiven, just like that.” I turned and walked to the doorway. “We’ll talk properly tomorrow when you’ve sobered up.”

  “Looks like you’ll be sleeping on the sofa tonight, buddy,” I heard Nico tease as I then disappeared out of sight.

  “Yep,” Tobin replied with a small laugh. “But at least she didn’t kick me out, so that’s a good start.”

  ***

  I hardly slept after my late night wakeup, but I didn’t mind the sleeplessness as it gave me time to think and mull things over. I knew it wouldn’t be all that hard to forgive Tobin, and wanted our fight to be over, but at the same time I also wanted to keep my independence. Yes, I was going behind his back and doing things I perhaps shouldn’t be, but Nico deserved to have his secrets kept and I wasn’t about to ruin both his life and his future by outing him and Calvin. There was also Liev. He deserved the chance to move on and I vowed to leave him be. I’d find another way to get rid of Calvin that didn’t involve a painful outcome for my family and friends. There had to be another way. I decided I had to leave things where they were until a way out of the mess presented itself. It wasn’t doing me any good dwelling on the past or putting myself in danger, and it certainly wasn’t bringing Di
ta any justice. The best way to avenge her was for me to live my life and be happy. There was a man who loved me that I loved back, and I was determined to get us back on track again, no matter the sacrifices I might have to make to get us there.

  I let Nico and Tobin sleep late, figuring it was best they sleep off as much of the booze they’d put away as possible. Jodie had gotten up and gone to work by the time I decided to get up and I left the bedroom just long enough to grab some breakfast and put on a fresh pot of coffee. Then, with my brew and bagel in hand, I crept back into the bedroom past the guys fast asleep on the sofas.

  It was noon by the time they’d roused, and I’d put the time to use making a plan for what I wanted for my future. In my small notebook, I’d prioritised the main people and responsibilities in my life, as well as the aspirations I had for the future. Seeing it in black and white helped me to focus and when Tobin knocked on the door, showered and dressed, I knew he was well and truly the man on the top of that list.

  “I want you to marry me, Dahlia,” he said as he came over the threshold and closed the door behind him. Tobin then fell to his knees and peered up at me, looking lost. “I can’t live without you and I certainly cannot imagine a future where you’re not my wife. I’ll do whatever you say to make things right.”

  “You can start by apologising,” I answered, crossing my arms.

  “I’m sorry,” he admitted. “I accused you of something I had no proof of and then tried to invade your privacy and belittle you. I’ll never do it again.”

  “Good,” I told him, letting go of my hurt feelings at last. It felt good to release my grip of it and his words warmed me from the inside out. Tobin knew exactly what he’d done wrong without me having to prompt or push him. We had our future back, and I was suddenly incredibly aware of the words he’d first spoken to me. “Do you really want to marry me?”