Cooper By The Gross (All 144 Cooper Stories In One Volume)

by Bill Bernico

  “Clear as mud,” I said.

  Elliott gave me a look that said he didn’t believe me.

  “Dean?” I said, turning to my best friend. “Could I ask you for a favor?”

  “Anything, pal,” he said. “What is it you’d like from me?”

  “Just shoot me now, would you?” I said. “Put me out of my misery and let’s get this thing over with.”

  Dean reached into his coat and laid his hand on the butt of his revolver. He winked at me and then withdrew his hand again. “I think I’ll have to pass on that request, Clay,” Dean said. “My captain frowns on his lieutenants committing murder.”

  “Mercy killing,” I said. “It’s not murder if I ask you to do it, is it?”

  “At least you still have your sense of humor,” Elliott said.

  There was a long lull in the conversation and then I said, “So whatever happened with that Bellamy character?”

  Dean pulled a notepad from his pocket, flipped it open to the last few pages and read to me. “Lester Bellamy, 41, from Van Nuys originally. Last known address…”

  “You can skip all that preliminary crap,” I said. “Get to the good stuff.”

  Dean flipped another page over and continued. “Ballistics matched up the slugs from the first two shooting victims to Bellamy’s revolver. We couldn’t match up the third, since it went all the way through his head and disintegrated against a brick wall. Chances are all three were connected, though.”

  “How so?” I said.

  “They sent Bellamy up for a liquor store holdup seven years ago,” Dean said. “The three victims, Edgar Polton, Bradley ‘Brick’ Thurman and Henry Mancini were all in on that holdup but only Bellamy and Polton got caught. Thurman and Mancini got away clean. Well, almost clean, considering how they ended up. The district attorney cut Polton a deal and he turned state’s evidence on Bellamy for immunity and he walked.”

  “Well when did Bellamy get out?” I said.

  “About two months ago,” Dean said. “Just about the time of the first killing. Bellamy’s been a busy boy, hunting down the other two and exacting his revenge.”

  “So it wasn’t a vigilante, like we originally suspected,” Elliott said. “Just four pillars of society getting thinned out of the herd. All in all, I’d say this whole episode has a happy ending, wouldn’t you, Dad?”

  “Yeah, that’s great,” I said. I couldn’t smile, despite the fact that the world was a better place without Polton, Bellamy, Thurman and Mancini in it. My heart was still aching for Gloria and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.

  “Thanks for your help,” Dean said. “Both of you, I mean it.”

  “Our bill will be in the mail to you in the morning,” I said. “Any chance of a bonus?”

  “You mean like a box of donuts?” Dean said.

  “Skip the donuts,” Elliott said. “The doctor’s got you on a strict diet for the next six months. You’re going to have to forget about fried foods, fatty foods, most sweets and carbs. You’re going to have to drop thirty pounds and take a few inches off your waistline.”

  I scrunched up my face at the thought of carrots and salads and low calorie meals. Diet soda and heart healthy food would make up the lion’s share of my intake for the next six months and the thought of that was almost enough to make me want to eat something else—my gun.

  “We’re going to get out of here and let you rest some more,” Elliott said. “I’m going to get that same woman I used before to stay with you while I’m at work. We’ll get through this thing all right if you’ll just cooperate and do what the doctor tells you.”

  “All right, all right,” I said. “I’ll do it. Are you happy now?”

  Elliott and Dean both smiled. “Very,” Elliott said. “I’ll look in on you again tomorrow. The doctor says I can take you home on Friday.”

  “We’ll see you later, Clay,” Dean said, as he and Elliott left the room.

  I laid my head to one side and looked at the heart monitor machine. It beeped out a steady rhythm and I thought how boring that was. I lifted my hand, the one that Gloria had been rubbing, and held it to my nose. The aroma of her perfume filled my nose and erotic thoughts rushed into my head. The heart monitor’s beeping rate increased slightly and I had to lay my hand back down at my side. I could beat this, I thought, if only I could keep Gloria out of my thoughts.

  Friday morning came and so did Elliott. He showed up at my door pushing a wheel chair. I was already out of bed, dressed and sitting in the chair next to the bed.

  “You ready to go home?” Elliott said.

  “I am,” I said, rising from the chair and turning around to sit in the wheelchair. I really didn’t need it to get around, but hospital policy insisted that I at least ride it to their front door. After that I was on my own. Elliott opened the passenger side door of his car and I slid in. Elliott returned the wheelchair to the lobby and slid in behind the wheel of his Toyota. As we rode toward my house, I turned the car radio on and began pressing the preset buttons. I stopped when I recognized Andy Williams’ velvet voice singing Moon River. I stopped pressing buttons and sat back to listen.

  “Now that Mancini could write,” I said, enjoying the music.

  Elliott brought me home and walked with me into my living room. Mrs. Chandler, the woman who’d stayed with me during my last recuperation, was waiting for us.

  “Well, Mr. Cooper,” she said when she saw me. “I understand we’ll be spending some more time together.”

  “Sounds like it,” I said.

  “You understand, of course, that this means I’ll have a chance to win back some of the money to you took from me,” she said.

  “You took her money?” Elliott said.

  Mrs. Chandler nodded and pulled a notepad from her purse. “Pinochle,” she said. “This card shark still has a hundred and sixty of my pennies and I want a chance to win them back.”

  Elliott suppressed a laugh and then looked at me. “I didn’t know you played pinochle,” he said. “I thought you were strictly a poker man.”

  “I didn’t even know how to play it until she taught me,” I said, gesturing toward Mrs. Chandler. I turned back to Elliott. “Can you stay a while?”

  “I don’t think so, Dad,” Elliott said. “I have to get back to the office. Gloria’s waiting for me. I think we may have another case to follow up on. I’ll let you know how it goes.”

  “Say hi to her for me,” I said, getting a mental picture of Gloria.

  “I will,” Elliott said. “Catch you later, Dad.”

  As Elliott drove off I could hear the sounds of shuffling cards coming from the dining room table and I knew I was in for some serious pinochle.

  Somebody just shoot me, I thought.

  Elliott parked in the lot behind his building and rode the elevator to the third floor. Down at the end of the hall he could see a woman standing outside his office. As he got closer, he recognized Gloria Campbell. She looked a little impatient.

  “What are you doing standing out here?” Elliott said.

  Gloria shrugged and spread her hands. “No key, remember?” she said. “I gave mine back to you after I left last time.”

  “Oh yeah,” Elliott said. “I’m sorry, I forgot.” He opened the office door, hung up his jacket and fished his key ring out of the pocket. He pulled the extra office key off the ring and handed it to Gloria. “Here you go. Welcome back. You ready to get back to work?”

  “You bet,” Gloria said. “I need something to keep my mind off the last few months.”

  “Pretty boring just sitting home every day, wasn’t it,” Elliott said.

  “Something like that,” Gloria said, sitting at Clay’s desk and almost being able to feel his presence.

  64 - Reese’s Peace

  “Gloria,” I said as I settled into the chair behind my desk, “How about if we spend your first morning back here just talking for a while?”

  “Sure, Elliott,” Gloria said, leaving her chair and sitting ac
ross from my desk. “Is there anything in particular you’d like to talk about?”

  I shook my head. “Not really,” I said. “I just thought we could kind of get reacquainted and just talk a little about the business, if you don’t mind.”

  “I don’t mind,” Gloria said, crossing one leg over the other. “Go ahead; tell me what’s on your mind.”

  I shrugged and spread my hands. “Oh, I don’t know,” I said, stalling for time. “Let’s take a little thing like coming in here in the morning. Although we both start out with the best of intentions as far as getting here on time, sometimes things happen that prevent either one of us from being able to do that.”

  “I know what you mean,” Gloria said. “Like this morning, I wanted to be in the office a few minutes before our regular start time, but I didn’t have a key. And then you came along and let me in a few minutes past nine.”

  I pointed at Gloria. “Now see,” I said. “That’s kind of what I’m talking about here; you bringing it to my attention that I was a minute or too late this morning. I knew I was going to be late and I also forgot that you didn’t have a key, so I was thinking you’d already be here to answer the phone or whatever else needed to be done.”

  “Yes?” Gloria said, looking puzzled. “So what point are you trying to make here?”

  “Well,” I said. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m not crazy about feeling like a school kid sneaking into class late and getting the fish eye from the teacher, in this case, you. On the other hand, if you happen to come in a minute or two late and I’m already here, I won’t question you, either. How does that sound?”

  “I never knew it bothered you so much,” Gloria said. “I was just playing with your head, but if you’d rather not hear it, I understand. Is there anything else bothering you?”

  “That’s it for now,” I said. “If I think of something else, we can go over it then. I think it’ll make for a more pleasant workplace if we both just respect each other’s boundaries, don’t you?”

  “I can live with that,” Gloria said, rising from my client’s chair and returning to her desk.

  “So there’ll be no more staring at the invisible, imaginary wristwatch when I come in?” I said.

  Gloria mimed unbuckling the invisible watch from her wrist and pretended to hold it over her wastebasket before opening her thumb and forefinger. “There,” she said. “It’s in the garbage. No more watch.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “You know, Elliott,” Gloria said. “I get the feeling you don’t much care for women in general, or am I just imagining that?”

  I gave Gloria a sideways look and said, “I like my women like I like my coffee. And I don’t like coffee.”

  “Oooookay,” Gloria said, stretching out the word and giving me a strange look.

  “And no,” I said quickly, “I’m not gay, in case that was going through your mind. I just have never found Miss Right yet. I’ve occasionally found Miss Right Now, but that doesn’t count.”

  I could tell Gloria was becoming uncomfortable with this conversation. She moved on. “So, what are we looking at for today?”

  I flipped my desk calendar over to today’s date. “I have to see a woman this morning who thinks she might like to use our services,” I said. “Can you manage by yourself for an hour or so?”

  “Sure,” Gloria said. “This routine is old hat to me. It feels like I’d never left.”

  “Great,” I said. “If this turns into anything I may be able to use your help.”

  “That would be nice,” Gloria said. “I need something exciting to get my juices flowing again. And Elliott?”

  “Huh?”

  “Thanks.”

  “For what?”

  “For bringing me back here,” Gloria said, smiling. “I’ve really missed it these past few months.”

  “Thank you for coming back,” I said. “You realize Dad may be out for at least six months this time?”

  “Yes,” Gloria said. “How’s he doing?”

  “Better,” I said. “I’ve given him strict orders not to exert himself or get himself excited. He’s like a stubborn little kid and still thinks he can do all the things he used to.”

  “You’re probably right,” Gloria said.

  “Probably?” I said. “You know, I asked him what he was doing when he had this last heart attack and he made up some lame story about lifting something heavy in the garage.”

  “And you don’t think he was?” Gloria said.

  I shook my head. “When he left the twelfth precinct that night I got the distinct impression that he was late for a date. He kept looking at his watch.”

  “A date?” Gloria said. “Clay was involved with someone?”

  “It would seem so,” I said. “He wouldn’t tell me, or anyone else, for that matter, who she was. I just hope he has the good sense to stay away from her. A guy his age shouldn’t get that excited. It could kill him.”

  “So I’ve heard,” Gloria said. “And you say you still don’t know who she is?”

  “He’s not talking,” I said. “And now that I think of it, it’s not important enough to get him all worked up trying to get it out of him. But I tell you, if I find out who the woman is, I’m going to have to have a talk with her about leaving Dad alone for his own good.”

  “I think that’s best for him, too,” Gloria said. She wanted to change the subject. “So what time do you have to meet with this potential client?”

  “Ten-thirty,” I said. “She’s up in Burbank, so I’d better leave here around ten or so. Meanwhile, would you do something for me?”

  “Sure, Elliott,” Gloria said.

  I walked over to my filing cabinet and pulled out several dozen file folders and laid them on Gloria’s desk. “Would you go through these case files and enter them into our database? I’ve been neglecting these for too long. Once they’re in, I plan on keeping it up to date by putting in each case as we finish it.”

  Gloria looked at the pile and then at me. “I guess I could do that for you,” she said.

  I could tell by the look on Gloria’s face that she considered this menial labor. “I’ll help you with them when I get back, okay?”

  “Okay,” Gloria said, opening the first file and clicking on the database icon on her screen. “And one more thing before you leave, Elliott. Would you give me a key for the office just in case something comes up while you’re gone? Besides, I’ll need one anyway for tomorrow and every other day.”

  I pulled the extra office key off my ring and laid in on Gloria’s desk. I left the office just before ten and caught the Hollywood Freeway north and exited onto Magnolia Boulevard. I took that west to Colfax Avenue. My appointment lived three doors from the corner, just walking distance to the donut shop and across the street from a Thai Restaurant. I was ten minutes early for my appointment but it was way too early for any Thai food. Donuts, however, were perfect any time of day so I parked in their parking lot. I reasoned that even after I’d finished my snack, that I could just leave the car there and walk over to the apartment building down the block.

  I finished my donut and milk with two minutes to spare and headed back up Magnolia to the apartment building. I pressed the buzzer to the apartment I wanted and a voice came over the intercom.

  “Yes?” a woman’s voice said.

  “Good morning,” I said. “Elliott Cooper from Cooper Investigations.”

  “Oh yes,” the woman said. “I’ve been expecting you.”

  Another buzzer sounded and the door latch snicked open. I walked into a lobby of sorts and found the right apartment. I knocked on the door and was asked inside. The woman quickly closed the door behind me.

  “Mr. Cooper,” she said, gesturing toward her sofa. “My name is Marie Reese. Won’t you have a seat?”

  Marie stood over me as I sat. “Can I get you something to drink, Mr. Cooper?” she said.

  I waved her off. “No thank you, Miss Reese,” I said.

&
nbsp; “Mrs. Reese,” Marie said, correcting me.

  “Well, Mrs. Reese,” I said. “How can I help you today? You didn’t want to tell me anything on the phone. I take it your problem would be of a confidential nature.”

  Marie sat across from me in an easy chair. She leaned toward me, her elbows on her knees. “Yes, it is,” she said. “I’d like you to look into my husband’s affairs.”

  “Oh,” I said. “You suspect him of cheating on you?”

  “Not likely,” Marie said. “He’s been dead for two months. No, what I’d like you to check on is what he was working on just before his death. You see, Mr. Cooper, Gordon was a private investigator not unlike yourself. He would never discuss his work with me, so I have no idea where you would even start looking.”

  “Was there something in particular that you want to know about his work?” I said.

  “Mr. Cooper,” Marie began. “Gordon had been in the investigation business for only a few months before he died. He should never have gotten into that kind of work, but he was miserable at his last job and he thought being a private eye would offer him a little excitement in his life.”

  I licked my lips and shifted in my seat. “What did he do before he began in the investigation business?” I said.

  Marie shook her head. “Gordon sold insurance, and he hated every minute of it. Many a time he’d told me if he didn’t get out that line of work that he was going to open a vein. I agreed to his mid-life career change just to keep him happy, but look where it got him.”

  “Just where did it get him?” I said.

  “It got him killed,” Marie said. “Shortly after he began on what was only his second case, someone shot him to death. So you see, Mr. Cooper, he’d have been better off sticking with the insurance job. He might not have been happy, but he’d still be alive. I want you to look into what happened to Gordon, if you would.”

  “Haven’t the police looked into his death?” I said.

  “Oh, yes,” Marie said. “They stayed with it for over a month but they told me that they had absolutely no leads and before long the case didn’t seem too important to them anymore. They said they had a dozen other homicides to solve and that they’d do what they could for me, but you and I both know what that means. They’d given up.”