Cooper By The Gross (All 144 Cooper Stories In One Volume)

by Bill Bernico

  “What do you mean, you’re going to miss her?” I said. “Couldn’t you take her home with you for a pet?”

  “Don’t think the thought hasn’t crossed my mind a thousand times,” Adam said.

  “What’s stopping you?” I said.

  “Can you believe it?” he said. “My wife is allergic to dogs. And she must have passed that gene down to our kids. They’re allergic, too. I don’t know what we’re going to do if we can’t find Daisy a good home.” He looked away and a moment later I saw him glance back at me.

  “So that’s the secret Eric was holding back from me,” I said.

  Adam nodded shyly. “We were both hoping that once you saw both sides of Daisy that you might want to take her home. She’d be a great companion for your boy and she’d be a great watch dog. She’d protect your boy with her life.”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I haven’t even spoken to Gloria about this. I couldn’t just spring it on her out of the blue.”

  “At least think about it,” Adam said. “I’ve already made the rounds at the precinct and no one is able to take her. I don’t want her to go to just anyone after today. I want to be sure she’ll have a good home with someone who’ll love her and take care of her and someplace where I could visit her from time to time.”

  I had to admit that Adam had made some valid arguments in favor of my taking Daisy. Sooner or later Matt would wear me down and I’d have to get him a dog. And who knew how another dog would work out? I looked at Daisy and then back at Adam. I nodded. “All right,” I said. “I’ll take her.”

  Adam smiled broadly and quickly knelt next to Daisy. He stroked her head and then wrapped his arms around her. “You hear that, girl?” he told the dog. “You’ve got a home for life. Elliott’s going to take you home with him and you’ll have a little boy to play with.” He released his hug and leaned back, lifting Daisy’s chin. “Now you be a good girl. I’ll come and see you whenever I can.” Adam quickly stood up and turned away from me. His hand went to his face and although I couldn’t see what he was doing, I knew he was wiping his eyes. I quickly looked down and the dog and pretended not to notice. Adam sniffed once and straightened up.

  “We can go back to the station now,” Adam said before opening the back door again. “Daisy, in,” he said and the dog leapt into the car. We drove back to the precinct in relative silence.

  After a small gathering in the locker room, all the patrolmen there said their goodbyes to Daisy. One of them hung a small wooden plaque on the wall in the hallway. On it was a photo of Daisy that had been varnished over, along with her name and the dates of the dog’s service to the department. Adam’s weren’t the only wet eyes in the room. Everyone quickly disbursed and walked away to find a solitary place to dry their eyes.

  Adam walked Daisy to the back door and out into the parking lot. When we got to my van I opened the side door and looked at Adam. Adam pointed to the opening in my van and said, “Daisy, in.” The dog hesitated and looked back at Adam, as if to confirm is intentions. Adam repeated his command. “Daisy, in.” Adam released the leash and Daisy leapt up into the van, quickly turning around to look at Adam. Adam pulled a small plastic bag of dog treats from his pocket and handed it to me.

  “She’s all yours, Elliott,” he said. “I know she’s going to a good home and I want to thank you for that.”

  “I’ll make sure she gets lots of love and attention,” I told him. “And you can stop by anytime you like.” I shook Adam’s hand and watched as he walked back toward the building empty-handed. His shoulders seemed to droop and his walk was slow and deliberate. I closed the van door and walked around to the driver’s door. I got in and started the engine. As I began to drive away, Daisy crawled in between the two front seats and put her front paws on the passenger seat. She watched Adam open the door to the precinct and disappear. She let out a low whimper before settling down between the seats. I patted her head and drove home with the dog at my side.

  On my way home I called the office again and told Bud I needed to stop home for a few minutes before returning to work. He said it was still a bit slow and not to worry about it. Ten minutes later I pulled into my driveway and got out of the van. Before I closed the door, I leaned over and patted Daisy’s head again. “Wait here, girl,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”

  Matt was in school and Gloria was in the kitchen with our youngest child, Olivia, who was sitting in the high chair with her mouth wide open. Gloria was spoon feeding her something green that I was sure I wouldn’t like. She looked up as I entered the kitchen. “What are you doing home this time of day?” she said.

  I kissed her forehead and sat next to her. “Gloria,” I said. “I had to make a decision on something this morning and there was no time to call you, otherwise I would have.”

  “You traded in that van on a car?” she said. “It’s about time. I...”

  “That’s not it,” I said. “Eric called me down to the precinct this morning and said he had a surprise for me.”

  “A surprise,” Gloria said. “I can’t imagine what kind of surprise he could have for you.”

  “Well,” I said, “I can show you better than tell you. Wait right here. I’ll be right back.”

  “Where am I going to go?” Gloria said, spooning more of the disgusting green pulp into Olivia’s eager mouth.

  I returned to the van and opened the side door. Daisy was lying on the carpeting and turned toward me. I grabbed he leash and eased her to her feet. “Daisy, come,” I said. She followed me up the sidewalk and into the house. Gloria was still feeding Olivia and didn’t turn around when I came in with the dog. “Daisy, sit,” I said and the dog sat obediently at my side just as Gloria turned to see who I was talking to.

  Gloria’s eyes got wide when she saw the German Shepherd in her kitchen. There was alarm in her voice as she set the spoon down and placed herself between Olivia and Daisy. “Where did you get that dog?” she said.

  “That’s what Eric was trying to tell me,” I said. “This is Daisy and up until twenty minutes ago was a police dog. Matt’s been after me to get him a dog and believe me, I couldn’t have found him a better one in a million years.”

  “Are you sure she’s safe to have around Olivia?”

  I walked Daisy over to where Gloria sat. “Daisy, kiss,” I said and released my grip on the leash. The dog eased up to Gloria and licked her hand, her tail slowly wagging back and forth. “She’s already trained and knows dozens of commands. We won’t have to spend months trying to get her to do what we want. She already knows how to behave. And she’d be a great watchdog for the house and a guard dog for Matt.”

  Gloria raised her hand and brought it down gently on Daisy’s head, stroking her soft fur. Gloria looked back at me. “As long as you’re sure there’s no danger to the kids,” she said.

  “Daisy’s as gentle as a kitten,” I assured her.

  “You’ll see just how invaluable she can be,” I said. “I can’t wait to show her to Matt when he comes home from school.” I looked at my watch. It was just a few minutes past eleven. Matt wouldn’t be home for more than four hours. I looked back at Gloria. “Well,” I said. “I’d better get back to the office.”

  “Wait a minute,” Gloria said. “You’re going to leave her here?”

  “Is that a problem?” I said.

  Gloria gestured toward Olivia. “I’ll have my hands full with Olivia,” she said. “And I have to go pick up Matt from school. I don’t know about leaving Daisy here by herself until we know that she’ll behave and not tear up the furniture or have an accident in the house.”

  I thought about it for a moment and then offered, “All right. I’ll take her with me to the office and bring her home after five. Don’t say anything to Matt until I get home. I’d like this to be a surprise.”

  Gloria nodded. “Okay,” she said. “I’ll see you both then.”

  I started for the door and then looked back at the dog. “Daisy, come,” I said. She immediate
ly positioned herself at my side. “Daisy, sit.” She sat while I grabbed her collar and opened the door. Before I left, I turned back to Gloria, looked down at the dog again and said, “Daisy, speak.” Daisy gave two short barks and I could tell by the smile on Gloria’s face that Daisy was going to be a perfect fit in this family.

  When I got back to the office, Bud frowned when he saw what was at the end of the leash I was holding. “What?” I said. “You never saw a man walking his dog before?”

  “His dog?” Bud said, “As in this is your dog?”

  I released the leash, pointed at Bud and leaned over to softly give Daisy her order. “Daisy, kiss,” I said. Daisy walked over to where Bud sat and gently licked his hand. “Daisy, come.” Daisy returned to my side. “Daisy, sit.” Daisy sat and I looked to Bud for some sigh of recognition. “She’s fully trained,” I told him. “Daisy was a police dog and now she’s mine.”

  “I figured as much,” Bud said, “But what’s she doing here at the office?”

  “I’ll take her home tonight,” I explained, “But for now Gloria has her hands full with Olivia so I agreed to bring her back with me to the office for now. By tomorrow we’ll be back to normal around here.”

  “Okay,” Bud said. “Just keep her away from my lunch.”

  “Never mind Daisy,” I said. “I’m the one you gotta watch out for, especially if you have anymore of that cheesecake you brought with you last week.”

  “Do I have to lock my lunch in my desk?” Bud said.

  I rolled my eyes at him. “Don’t worry, your lunch is safe. Did I miss anything while I was out?”

  Bud picked up a pink message slip and handed it to me. “This guy called. Said he wanted to talk to you about a job. He wouldn’t tell me what it was all about. Said he’d only talk to you.”

  I read the information on the slip but didn’t recognize the name or the number. I took a seat behind my desk and picked up the phone. I noticed that Daisy had plopped herself down next to my chair and was looking up at me with those big brown eyes. I reached down, patted her head and then dialed the number. A man answered.

  “Could I speak to Ronald Shussler?” I said.

  “This is Ronald Shussler,” he said.

  “Mr. Shussler,” I said, “This is Elliott Cooper returning your call.”

  “Yes, Mr. Cooper,” Shussler said. “Thanks for calling back.”

  “What can I do for you, Mr. Shussler?” I said.

  “It’s a little sensitive, Mr. Cooper,” Shussler said. “Could we meet?”

  Before I could answer, I heard Bud’s phone ringing and then the sound of Bud speaking into it.

  “Where and when would you like to meet, Mr. Shussler?” I said.

  “Could you come to my house?” Shussler said.

  “Sure,” I told him. “Give me the address and tell me when you’d like to meet.”

  Shussler gave me the address and added, “I probably only live fifteen minutes from your office. Could you be here in twenty?”

  “Not a problem,” I said. “I’ll see you soon.” I hung up the phone and looked at Bud, who was just finishing the call he was on.

  “Got a live one,” Bud said. “Over in Pasadena. Should be a simple tail job. If you’re busy I can handle this one myself.”

  “Looks like business is picking up,” I said. “When do you have to leave?”

  “Right now,” Bud said and headed for the door.

  “I’m right behind you,” I said, following him.

  Daisy stood up and let out one short bark as if to say, “Hey, what about me?”

  Bud and I looked at each other and then at Daisy. “What are you going to do about your dog?” Bud said. I thought about it for a moment before Bud added, “Gotta run, pal. Good luck with Daisy.” He disappeared down the hall and had stepped into the elevator before I could say anything.

  I turned back to Daisy and said, “Daisy, come.” The dog trotted over to where I stood and sat at me feet. I reached down and took hold of her leash and started out of the office. “Daisy, heel.” She rode with me to the lobby and out the back door to the parking lot. I slid the van door open and said, “Daisy, in.” Daisy leapt up into the van and I slid the door closed again. I looked at the address I had written down and aimed the van in that direction. It took just thirteen minutes before I found myself parked at the curb in front of Ronald Shussler’s house. I killed the motor and turned back toward Daisy, patting her on the head. “Daisy, stay,” I said and slid out of the van. Daisy remained quiet while I walked up the walk toward the front door.

  I rang the doorbell and a man opened the door and stepped aside. “Mr. Cooper?” he said.

  I told him I was and he invited me inside. “Please, Mr. Cooper,” Shussler said. “Won’t you have a seat?” He gestured toward a leather sofa in the living room and followed me in.

  “So tell me, Mr. Shussler,” I said. “What is this sensitive job you have for me?”

  “It’s my daughter,” Shussler said. “She wandered away and I need to find her before her mother finds out she’s missing.”

  I eyes narrowed. “How old is she, Mr. Shussler?” I said.

  “Jenny is six,” he told me.

  “I’m afraid I don’t understand,” I said. “If she missing why wouldn’t you just call the police?”

  “I can’t do that, Mr. Cooper,” he said. “You see, Jenny’s mother and I are divorced and today is my day with her. If I called the police, Margaret would find out and fix it so I’d lose my visitation rights. Please, Mr. Cooper. I’m desperate. Can you help me?”

  “Think about it, Mr. Shussler,” I said. “I’m just one man and the police have literally hundreds of men at their disposal. They’d be able to find her faster than I could. What’s more important—you keeping your visiting rights or finding Jenny quickly and making sure she’s safe?”

  “I know all that,” Shussler said. “But I’ve got to try. If I couldn’t see Jenny anymore, I don’t know what I’d do. Are you a father, Mr. Cooper?”

  I told him I was.

  “Then you know what it’s like to love someone so much it hurts,” Shussler said.

  I thought about Daisy waiting for me in the van and quickly turned back to Shussler. “I have an idea,” I said. “But I’ll need your help. Do you have an article of clothing that Jenny recently wore?”

  Shussler looked around the room and then got up out of the chair. He left the room and returned a few seconds later holding a small blue dress. “She was wearing this yesterday,” he said. “Does that help?”

  “Let’s find out,” I said and got up off the sofa. “Excuse me for a minute, Mr. Shussler.” I hurried out to the van and slid the side door open. “Daisy, come,” I said, and Daisy got to her feet and came closer to the door. I took hold of her leash and eased her out of the van. Daisy, heel,” I said and she walked alongside of me to the front door. I let myself back inside and found Shussler still holding the blue dress.

  “Mr. Shussler,” I said. “This is Daisy. She used to be a police dog but now she’s mine. Let me have that dress for a second, please.”

  Shussler handed me the dress and I held it under Daisy’s nose. Daisy took in the scents for a few seconds and then looked up at me, excitedly shifting on her feet. She apparently was familiar with this routine and was eager to get back to work. “Daisy, find,” I said, and unclipped her leash from her collar. Daisy rushed to the kitchen door and whimpered. Shussler and I followed her in and opened the door. Daisy hurried outside and began sniffing the ground, walking in small circles before determining the direction she was going to follow.

  “Daisy, find,” I repeated and watched as the former police dog picked up the pace and ran across Shussler’s yard. When she got to the alley, Daisy sniffed the ground some more and started running east up the alley. I tried my best to keep up with her but Ronald Shussler was a bit out of shape and soon fell so far behind that I’d lost sight of him. When I got to the end of the alley that emptied out onto the s
treet I saw Daisy turn north and while she was sniffing the ground, it gave me a chance to catch up to her.

  Daisy sniffed the ground again and let out a single bark before following the scent up the street. I tried to keep up with her as best I could and managed to at least keep her in my line of sight. Half a block ahead Daisy disappeared into the yard of a large white house. I followed her into the yard and noticed that there was some construction going on there. The back yard sported several fresh holes with piles of dirt next to them. Fresh lumber lay around in piles and one backhoe was parked just inside the yard. Daisy kept sniffing and running around the yard before stopping at the edge of one of the holes. She looked down into the hole and barked several times.

  I hurried up to the edge of the hole and peered in. It was approximately four feet deep and only the width of the backhoe’s scoop. Sitting at the bottom of the hole was a little girl with brown hair. She was crying and when she looked up and saw me and the dog she stood, trying to reach out to me.

  At that moment Ron Shussler caught up to me and looked down into the hole. “Jenny,” he said in an excited voice before reaching down and taking hold of her hands. He pulled her to the surface, looked her over and then hugged her. “What are you doing here? You know you’re not supposed to leave the yard.”

  Jenny started crying again. “I’m sorry, Daddy,” Jenny said. “Did you see the kitten?”

  Shussler looked at me. I shrugged. “What kitten?” he said.

  “It ran into the yard and I lost it,” Jenny said.

  “It must be someone else’s kitten,” Shussler told his daughter. “Just look at your dress. I have to get you home and get you cleaned up before your mother sees you.” Shussler walked back toward his house, holding Jenny’s hand. I clipped Daisy’s leash back onto her collar and followed Shussler.

  When we got back into the house Shussler turned to me. “I don’t know how to thank you, Mr. Cooper,” he said.

  “I’m just glad we were able to find Jenny before she got seriously hurt,” I said. “Would you like to pay me by check or cash?”