Cooper By The Gross (All 144 Cooper Stories In One Volume)

by Bill Bernico

  “Oh, Elliott,” Gloria said, “I don’t know about that. It could be pretty traumatic for Matt to see his dog die.”

  “I think I should at least ask him and see how he feels about it,” I said.

  Gloria hesitated for a moment, licked her lips and nodded. “All right,” she said. “Ask him.”

  I rubbed Gloria’s shoulder and headed back toward Matt’s bedroom. On the way I stopped to pet Daisy again. I knelt at her side and stroked her head. She turned her head, licked my hand once and then laid her head down on the carpet again. I laid my hand on her chest as it heaved for the last time and she went still. I bent over and hugged Daisy one more time. “Goodbye, girl,” I said.

  I got to my feet again and turned to see Gloria looking in from the kitchen. I shook my head and she turned away, sobbing. I knocked on Matt’s bedroom door and opened it a crack. “Matt,” I said, “Can I come in? I’d like to talk to you for a while.” Several minutes later the two of us walked out into the living room to be near Daisy.

  Matt bent down and started to reach his hand out and then withdrew it and turned away. “Dad,” he said, his voice quivering.

  “I guess we won’t have to take her in, son,” I said. “Daisy knew it was time to go and did this one more thing for us. She’s not hurting anymore.”

  Matt’s chest convulsed with the effort of trying to hold back his tears. When he was able to catch his breath he said, “Can we bury her in our yard?”

  I exchanged a quick glance with Gloria, who nodded once. I turned back to Matt. “That sounds like a good idea. She belongs near us.”

  At that moment Olivia woke up from her nap and walked into the living room, rubbing her eyes and carrying her favorite blanket. She walked past the dog on the floor and said, “Hi Daisy,” and kept walking. She stopped in the middle of the room and looked me in the eye before switching her gaze to her mother in the kitchen. She could probably tell something wasn’t right by the looks on our faces. She turned to Matt and had to have noticed how red his eyes were. “What’s the matter?” she said and then turned toward Daisy. She dropped to her knees and began to pet the dog’s stomach when she noticed how still Daisy was. She stood up quickly and backed up a couple of steps. She dropped her blanket and ran toward Gloria.

  Gloria turned to me. “Don’t you have to be at the office?” she said.

  “I’m sure Bud can watch the place until I get there,” I said. “We have a funeral to do.”

  I left Gloria and the kids inside while I wrapped Daisy in an old blanket and carried her out to the back yard. I went to the garage and found my shovel. I dug a hole alongside the garage and walked back to the house. I could see Gloria through the kitchen window and caught her eye. She nodded and disappeared from view. A moment later she appeared at the graveside with the kids, clutching their hands.

  I turned to Matt. “Matt, would you help me lower Daisy into her grave, please?” I said and extended my hand out to Matt. Matt and I each took a corner of the blanket and gently lowered Daisy down into the hole. When she came to rest on the bottom, I flipped my two corners of the blanket over Daisy’s body. Matt did the same with his end and then stepped back. “Thank you, Matt.” I said. “Would you like to say anything about Daisy?”

  Matt just shook his head and looked at the ground. I knew what he must be thinking at this moment, but I also understood how hard it would be for him to say it in front of the rest of us, so I let it go and turned to my daughter. “How about you, Olivia? Did you want to say anything?”

  Olivia let go Gloria’s hand and took one step toward me. She turned to look back at her mom. “Go ahead, Olivia,” Gloria told her.

  Olivia looked into the grave and said, “Daisy was our dog. But mostly she was Matt’s dog, and I got to play with her, too, except I didn’t have to clean up after her.”

  I stifled a laugh and bit my lip.

  Olivia continued. “Once Daisy ate my doll’s head off and mom said she didn’t mean it. That was okay, ‘cause it was one of the dolls I didn’t play with too much anyway. Goodbye, Daisy,” she said and just as suddenly she was finished and returned to Gloria’s side.

  That must have prompted Matt to work up the courage to want to contribute to the ceremony. He stepped up, folded his hands in front of him and said, “Daisy was my best friend since I was six. She used to walk me to school and then go home again. And when I came out after school, Daisy was there waiting for me. I’m going to miss her a lot.” He turned and stood next to me. I laid one hand on his shoulder and pulled him close to me.

  I looked down at him and softly said, “Good job, Matt. Daisy would have liked that.” I started to grab my shovel and then asked Matt if he’d like to help. He declined and walked back into the house alone. Gloria and Olivia followed, leaving me to fill the hole. A few minutes later I patted the mound with the back of my shovel and said my own silent goodbyes to Daisy before retiring to the house to join my grieving family.

  When I got to work Bud was standing at the window, looking down onto Hollywood Boulevard. He turned around when he heard the office door open. “Good morning, Elliott,” he said. “Everything all right at home?”

  “That was a rough one,” I said.

  “Daisy?” Bud said.

  I nodded. “At least she died in our home with us around her,” I said. “I would have hated to take her to the vet for that shot.”

  “I know how hard that can be,” Bud said. “Our dog, Sunny, died three years ago. She was a Golden Retriever that we got as a puppy so, yeah, I know first-hand how gut wrenching these things are.”

  “Thanks, Bud,” I said. “I really have to get my head into my work so I can put this all behind me. Have we got anything on the horizon? Anything at all?”

  “Just one call this morning,” Bud said. “Some guy named Jack Walsh.”

  “That name rings a bell,” I said. “Do you know what this guy does for a living?”

  “Sorry,” Bud said. “I was only on the phone with him for less than a minute.”

  “Well, what did he want?” I said.

  “He wouldn’t tell me,” Bud said, “But he’s coming here this morning to talk to you.”

  “Here?” I said. “At the office?”

  Bud nodded. “Yeah,” he said, “I told him he could stop by. That was all right, wasn’t it, Elliott?”

  “Sure,” I said. “It’s something, anyway. Anything else going on?”

  “I’m afraid that’s it,” Bud said. “Listen, if you don’t need me anymore, this was supposed to be my day off until you called. All right if I go on home?”

  “Sure,” I said. “Sorry to break up your day.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Bud said and left the office without another word.

  I sat behind my desk with my chair facing the street. A minute later I could see Bud walking east on the boulevard. He crossed the street at the corner and disappeared into the coffee shop. Traffic was light today and I got lost in a daydream about what this street must have looked like during Grandpa Matt’s heyday in the later forties. He probably sat right where I’m sitting and looked at this same scene. Maybe he wondered what the area looked like during the turn of the century.

  I spun around in my chair and tried to think about anything except how much I was missing Daisy already, but she kept creeping into my thoughts. The outer office door opened and closed, giving me time to straighten up in my chair and compose myself. Someone knocked on the inner office door and I invited them in. My guest was a man about my own age, in his mid thirties. He wore khaki slacks and a light blue polo shirt. His hair was cropped short and he looked like someone more at ease on a golf course.

  “Good morning,” I said, approaching the man with my hand extended.

  “Good morning,” he said. “Mr. Cooper?”

  I agreed I was.

  “Jack Walsh,” he said. “Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.

  I gestured toward my client’s chair, inviting him to make himself comf
ortable. I sat behind my desk and tried to see some shred of recognition in his face. “Have we met before?” I said.

  “I don’t think so,” Walsh said.

  “Your name is a familiar one,” I said.

  “I was thinking the same about you,” Walsh said.

  “What do you do, Mr. Walsh?” I said. “Maybe we crossed paths on your job.”

  “You never know,” Walsh said. “I teach forensics at U.C.L.A. Maybe you took a class from me.”

  I shook my head. “No,” I said. “That’s not it.” I thought for a moment and then snapped my fingers. “There was a medical examiner here years ago named Walsh. If I’m not mistaken, his name was Jack, too.”

  Walsh nodded. “He was my grandfather,” Walsh said.

  “Well Jack’s replacement is a guy named Andy Reynolds,” I said. “And he’s creeping up on retirement age himself. In fact, I think he’s past retirement age but he keeps hanging in there. Wouldn’t it be ironic if you ended up in that position?”

  “Not likely,” Walsh said. “I’ve almost got tenure where I am. I wouldn’t want to do anything to screw that up. But you couldn’t have known grandpa. He’s been dead for more than forty years, before you were born. I’ve never even met him. Dad told me all I know about the man.”

  “No,” I said. “I never met him either, but I remember my grandfather, Matt, talking about him.”

  “Matt Cooper,” Walsh said. “That’s why your name sounded familiar to me. So you’re related to Matt, huh? Then I take it your father was Clay.”

  “That’s right,” I said. “Did you know Dad?”

  “Just by reputation,” Walsh said. “Small world, isn’t it?”

  “It certainly is,” I agreed. “So, what is it I can do for you today, Mr. Walsh?”

  Walsh shifted in his seat. “Before we get into the reason for my visit,” he said, “I need to stress how important it is that this stay in the strictest of confidence.”

  “Absolutely,” I said. “What we talk about here doesn’t leave this room.”

  Walsh sighed. “My problem is connected with the country club where I’m a member,” Walsh said. “I’m sure they wouldn’t want any publicity about this, but I need to do something, and I need to be discreet for their sake. Bad publicity would not be good for either me or the country club.”

  “What kind of problem are you having, Mr. Walsh?” I said.

  “Well,” he said, “I can’t prove it yet, but someone there has been taking things from my locker. Last week it was a pair of driving gloves. I mean, gloves I use for driving my car, not using my driver on the range. Yesterday an expensive pair of sunglasses disappeared from my locker while I was out on the course. And this morning again.”

  “What did they take this morning?” I said.

  “A bag of golf tees,” Walsh said. “I know it doesn’t sound like the crime of the century, but it’s the idea that someone is helping themselves to my possessions. It’s unnerving to think my private space is being violated while I’m golfing. Is there anything you can do about it without bringing attention to the country club?”

  I thought about it for a moment and offered, “I do specialize, somewhat, in surveillance, Mr. Walsh,” I said. “I have the latest in miniature camera equipment and I could set up a couple of cameras to cover your locker and see who’s paying you a visit while you’re not there. No one will have to know about it except you and me.”

  “That sounds like the perfect solution,” Walsh said. “How soon could you handle my case?”

  “I don’t think they’d let me into the country club since I’m not a member,” I said. “But I could go in accompanied by you as your guest. That would get me access to the locker room and I could look it over and determine the best places to hide the cameras. When are you supposed to golf next?”

  “Tomorrow morning,” Walsh said. “At six-thirty. I always play nine before I go to work.”

  “Perfect,” I said. “Can you get me in there this afternoon?”

  “Whenever is convenient for you, Mr. Cooper.” Walsh said.

  “And can I ask a favor?” I said.

  “Sure,” Walsh said.

  “We’re about the same age,” I said, “Do you mind if I call you Jack and you can call me Elliott? Mister makes us sound like we’re old.”

  Jack laughed. “I know what you mean, Elliott,” he said. “Whenever one of my students calls me Mr. Walsh I get the overwhelming urge to turn around and see if my dad’s standing behind me.” He stood now and said, “Would you be available right now to come with me to the country club? Everybody should be out on the links by now and the locker room will be empty.”

  “Would you like to ride with me in the van, Jack?” I said.

  “Thanks,” Jack said, “But I have to leave after we’re done there so you can just follow me.”

  “Let’s go,” I said, and pulled the key ring from my pocket. I locked the office and walked with Jack to the elevator. He drove slow enough to allow me to stay with him in traffic. We found two empty spaces in the country club parking lot and I followed Jack inside, carrying my case with the portable surveillance equipment in it. No one stopped us or prevented me from entering the locker room.

  I set my case down on one of the wooden benches and walked around the room, looking for inconspicuous places to set the tiny cameras so I could cover Jack’s locker from every angle. I turned to Jack. “Would you stay at the door and make sure to tell me if anyone comes this way?” I said. “Wouldn’t want anyone else to know about these cameras.”

  “Sure, Elliott,” Jack said, and walked around the corner to stand in the doorway.

  I wanted him to watch for anyone coming, but I also wanted him out of the room so even he wouldn’t know where the cameras were situated. It would be better if he could tell anyone after the fact that he didn’t know where they were, if it came to that. I found three great places for the cameras where they wouldn’t be noticed and got them up and running in just a few minutes. I checked the small monitor screen in my pocket to make sure the cameras were centered on the locker. I made a few last minute adjustments and packed up my case. Jack was still keeping watch at the door when I approached.

  “That’s it,” I said. “We can go now.”

  “That was quick,” Jack said. “You got the camera set up in that little time?”

  I nodded, keeping the fact that I had not one, but three cameras in place. “There’s not much to the installation,” I said, “But it’s very effective. We’d better get out of here before someone comes along questioning why I’m here. What time did you say you were teeing off tomorrow?”

  “Six-thirty,” Jack said. “I’ll probably be finished dressing in the locker room by six-twenty or so. So any time after that is when you can expect something to happen, if it’s going to.”

  “Did you leave something small in the locker for our friend to take?” I said.

  “Another pair of sunglasses,” Jack said. “They’re just inexpensive knock-offs, but he won’t know that. The whole point is to catch him in the act. Maybe I can even get my things back.”

  “First things first,” I said as the two of us left the locker room and headed back to the parking lot. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said.

  “Huh?” Jack said.

  “What I meant was I’ll see you, but you won’t see me,” I told him. “I’ll be parked in the country club parking lot in my van, monitoring your locker.”

  “Oh, yeah,” Jack said. “Good luck, Elliott.” He drove out of the lot and I followed him to the first intersection. Jack turned right and I turned left, back toward the office.

  I resisted the urge to stop at the city humane society to look at puppies. I wasn’t sure enough time had passed for Matt or Olivia to try to accept a substitute for Daisy yet. But I had to admit that I missed Daisy now more than ever.

  I spent the rest of the afternoon catching up on my client database entries, reading the paper and calling home to check on Glo
ria and the kids. School was starting next Monday and Gloria would be coming back to work with me in our investigations business. She was anxious to get back into the swing of things after six years at home with the kids. No one else called all afternoon and I decided to knock off early today. Gloria was just starting to prepare dinner when I walked in and surprised her.

  “What are you doing home already?” she said.

  “Slow day,” I said. “I have nothing else going until early tomorrow morning so I thought I’d spend a little quality time with my family. Where are the kids?”

  “Matt’s at the park with his friends, playing baseball,” Gloria said. “And Olivia is next door playing with Sandy. She took a few of her dolls with her, so I imagine they’re having a tea party.”

  “Even better,” I said, wrapping my arms around Gloria’s waist.

  She turned around, her hands covered in flour. “Normally I’d jump at a chance like this,” she said, holding her white powdery hands in front of me, “But…”

  I let her go and leaned in for a quick kiss instead. “Guess I’ll watch a little television,” I said, retiring to the living room. I called back to the kitchen, “Did I tell you I’m going on a surveillance job early tomorrow morning at the country club?”

  Gloria turned toward me. “No,” she said, “I don’t think you mentioned that. What’s happening there?”

  I filled her in about Jack Walsh and his problem with theft from his locker. I explained how I’d set up three cameras to catch the thief if and when he struck again.

  “What about privacy issues?” she said.

  “How’s that?” I said.

  “Don’t guys get undressed in the locker room?” Gloria said.

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “Won’t they complain about cameras in the locker room?” she said.

  I hadn’t considered that before. “I don’t think it’ll be a problem,” I said. “They’re all focused on one locker in particular.”

  “I hope not,” Gloria said. “We wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of an invasion of privacy lawsuit.”

  “I should be in and out of there in a day or two at the most,” I said. “No one will ever know they were ever there.”