Toxic (Desired Affliction Book 1)

by Harms,C. A.

  I looked up at Kole, Radley, and Megan, oddly feeling relieved that I no longer had secrets to hide.

  “My mom called me a slut before she stormed out of the hospital room, leaving me there to fend for myself. She was so lost in her own form of depression and sadness that I was only getting in the way. She kicked me out over it all without even asking for an explanation.” I no longer cried. I’d already accepted that my mother was heartless.

  “Depression makes you do crazed things. One minute you’re thinking of ways you can make things better because you want a different kind of life. But then something small takes place, something that most would just brush off and move on from, but I couldn’t. I would let it affect me and then the next thing I knew I would be spiraling out of control.”

  Kole surprised me by taking a step forward and kneeling to the floor in front of me.

  I watched as he lifted his hands and went to reach out for me but suddenly stopped and lowered them. You could see the indecisiveness in his features.

  “I know you think you asked for it, but you couldn’t be more wrong,” he whispered. His voice was strained as he continued to speak. “Nobody deserves to go through the things you’ve faced. And nothing you said in the last ten minutes makes you weak or pathetic. It just proves how strong you are.”

  “But I’m not,” I argued, only to have him move in closer and this time reach out to take my hands.

  “You are,” he said.

  “I let him take everything from me, without a fight. I just forgot the girl I used to be and became the one I am now.” Those tears I thought I was done shedding returned. “I’ve made so many bad choices since that moment.”

  “We all make bad choices, sweetheart, believe me. I’ve made my fair share.” He still held my hands in his as he stared back at me. I forgot we were not alone, because in that moment it was only Kole I saw.

  “It’s time to take back your life, Lex, time to stop letting him win.” The moment a tear escaped and began running down my cheek, Kole reached up and caught it with his thumb. “I’m not going anywhere, and nothing you shared today changes that because I know that sweet, generous girl I knew long ago is still in there. And I’m gonna help you find her.”

  I was emotionally exhausted.

  The fight in me had faded and in its place was a girl who wanted to be free from all the heartache inside.

  I just wanted to live again, but I had no idea how.

  “Let me help you, please,” he whispered. “You can trust me, because I would never hurt you and in no way will I allow anyone else to hurt you either.”

  I believed him.

  I could see the determination and dedication in his eyes. And I didn’t fear him; in fact I found myself only wanting to bring him closer. Without any further hesitation I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him, letting him take hold of me, keeping me close.

  “Just let me in,” he whispered against my ear. “Let me be here for you.”

  I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but at this point something had to change. I had to stop this self-destruction and take back my life.

  It was time.

  Chapter 21

  Kole

  A fire burned inside me like a raging inferno.

  I wanted to hop on the first plane to California and find Matt. I wanted to take his life and destroy it the way he had done to Lexi.

  But right then, with her wrapped in my arms, was where I needed to be.

  She let me in.

  She wasn’t pushing me away and running in the opposite direction. Instead she held onto me like I was her lifeline.

  Hours had passed since she bared her soul to us, and now she was fast asleep, her arms still holding me securely.

  We were both tucked into her tiny fucking bed, barely room to breathe for fear of falling out but never in my life had I been more unwilling to move.

  I didn’t give a shit about my own comfort at this point; I just wanted her to know I was there.

  If the tight grip was any indication that she still felt my presence while she was asleep, then in no way would I take that from her.

  I’d handle Matt when the time came.

  That sick fuck would pay for what he put her through. He would know how it felt to have your life flipped upside down and then torn from you without control.

  I remained very still as Lexi’s head rested on my chest. I was afraid any small movement would wake her.

  I listened quietly to the sound of her breathing, a peaceful rhythm.

  I felt so protective of Lexi. I still had not figured out if it was related to that little girl who had looked up to me all those years ago or the woman she had become. I just knew that I was willing to do whatever I had to do to make sure no one hurt her again.

  Tucking my chin closer to my chest, I looked toward the beautiful girl who appeared to be sleeping peacefully on my chest and lifted my hand up to brush away a loose hair that had fallen over her face. Only instead of releasing it, I twisted it around my finger, enjoying the silky feeling of it against me.

  I could smell the coconut scent of her shampoo as I continued to move her hair around my finger.

  I was so lost in the moment that I had not noticed she woke until I felt her pulling away from me. “Where are you going?” I asked as I released her hair.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you. I’m sure you’re uncomfortable.” She was looking up at me timidly.

  The last thing I wanted was for her to move.

  “I wasn’t uncomfortable. It was actually kind of perfect, until you decided to move.” I grinned down at her when she shied away, trying to hide her own smile.

  I wasn’t sure what she was thinking, but I waited for her to respond. Just when I thought I freaked her out she surprised me. “Do you mind staying here all night? It’s actually comforting to have you here.”

  She was propped up using her elbow against the mattress at my side to support her upper body. “I think that’s why I slept so soundly,” she confessed.

  I curled my arm around her waist and pulled her body back against mine, our faces now only inches apart. The urge to kiss her was powerful, almost irresistible.

  “I’m not leaving,” I said, involuntarily looking toward her lips. “You know you can trust me right?”

  She nodded her head without hesitation and relief filled my chest.

  “I won’t hurt you,” I assured her.

  “I know,” she replied.

  I had broken through that wall she’d built, and never before had I felt the sense of accomplishment that gave me.

  “Thank you, for everything.” She curled in closer and I could feel her breath on my cheek.

  I shouldn’t have been thinking of pulling her closer and kissing her, but I couldn’t stop my mind from going there.

  I wanted her to feel what it felt like to be kissed by a guy who cared as much as I did. I wanted to show her that not everyone could take without giving back.

  I was at a loss for words though.

  I was scared of pushing her away after it took so much to get her to let me in.

  “You’re a good guy, Kole.” Her words pulled me back from the inner battle I was having with myself. “I just hope you realize what kind of mess you’re dealing with when it comes to me.”

  “I’m willing to suffer through it.” I licked my lips and she laughed softly. “You’re worth it, Lex.”

  And I meant it.

  I watched her throat bob as she swallowed nervously.

  Had Radley and Megan not chosen to go back to the house, I knew this conversation would not be happening, so I was taking advantage of being alone. That, in itself, showed how much she trusted me.

  “You might change your mind,” she replied, still smiling.

  She seemed more relaxed the longer we talked, so I chose to keep it going for as long as I could. I wanted her to know that nothing would keep me from being exactly where I was.

  “I know what I want,” I
assured her, and her eyes widened just a bit. Maybe I had taken it too far.

  “Why would you want me?” she asked. “You could have a simple girl without all the baggage I have.”

  “Simple is overrated,” I told her and she tilted her head to the side, smiling. “Plus I’m sorta crushing on you and all that comes with. I’m not intimidated by your past; it’s all part of the woman I can’t stop thinking about.”

  “You’re kind of amazing, Kole Hartman.” She moved in just a little closer and my heartrate picked up.

  “And so are you, Lexi Warren,” I said in response, just before I got that kiss I fantasized about only moments ago, only it was Lexi who led.

  I let her take from me what she needed and in turn I got exactly what I hoped for.

  I was given her trust.

  That kind of gift from Lexi was huge.

  Chapter 22

  Lexi

  I kissed Kole.

  I kissed Kole a lot.

  And I loved the way it made me feel.

  He was never pushy, striving for more. He was content just lying together kissing, like a couple of young kids just learning to experience the feelings of attraction.

  He had no idea by him offering me such a small gesture, he was giving me back a big part of what I had lost over the last year.

  He was so unbelievably patient and kind to me.

  It almost felt surreal.

  I also regained my best friend, and the odd feeling that had developed between Radley and I had faded. He no longer looked at me with sympathy. He instead offered the kind of support I needed to keep my head held high.

  I knew I had a long road ahead of me, but because of their dedication to helping me keep my head above water, I felt like I might just be able to heal.

  I was sitting on the lawn just outside Henderson Hall, completely engrossed in the paper I was writing, when a shadow cast over my paper.

  I turned enough to look back over my shoulder, fully expecting to come face to face with Megan or maybe even Kole, but found the blonde bimbo from the carwash standing behind me.

  And she wore a smile on her face.

  “Hey, Lori is it?” she asked.

  I fought the urge to spout off some line about her fake ass blonde hair and remained silent, just looking up at her, unamused by her presence.

  “Anyway,” she said waving her hand out as if my name wasn’t even important in reference to what she had to say. “I just wanted to say I was sorry about the day at the carwash. I just thought warning you of Kole and his track record of hooking up was the right thing to do.”

  And here we go.

  “And why do you feel the need to once again bother me with your petty nonsense?” I asked turning my head back to my paper.

  I’d hoped she’d get the hint and just decide to walk away, but she went a little further and actually sat down on the grass next to me.

  I had one of those “what in the holy fuck” moments when I looked over at her and just stared.

  “Kole isn’t the settling down type,” she said with a shrug.

  It was at that moment my phone rang and I looked away from this weird girl to dig in my bag.

  Kole’s name flashing across the screen gave me a strange flutter in my stomach, the same feeling I got every time over the last week when he was near.

  I didn’t miss the fact that slut bomb leaned in closer to see the screen of my phone. I secretly loved the idea that she could see it was Kole calling.

  I swiped my finger across the screen and lifted my phone to my ear. “Hey you,” I said with a smile.

  It was a reaction I found myself having often and on most days it was related to something involving Kole.

  “What are you up too?” he asked.

  And again that flutter took over my stomach at the sound of his voice. I could almost visualize that sly grin of his.

  “Oh, nothing important,” I said as I looked up to find the freak still close, watching me. “In fact your phone call kind of saved me.”

  The girl arched a brow in confusion as if she was part of this conversation and needed me to somehow explain to her what it was Kole and I were talking about.

  It was becoming one of those single white female moments and I wondered if I should fear her. She was slightly insane.

  “Why is Hope sitting with you?” I laughed involuntarily at the tone his voice took when asking that question. But that laughter only lasted a few seconds when I registered his actual question.

  I began looking around at the open ground around me when my eyes fell upon his broad form stalking toward me with a purpose. His expression was hardened, and you could tell he was unimpressed.

  “But Kole, she was just warning me of your frivolous ways,” I said innocently, trying to make him smile but it did not even faze him. He took the phone from his ear, yet never hit the end button as he came to a stop next to us.

  “Why the fuck are you here, Hope?” He was irritated, yet I found it all funny.

  Hope looked shocked. Fearful, maybe. And I was loving every second of it.

  Here she thought she was rescuing me, but she was the one who needed rescuing. But she wasn’t gonna find it from me; I was enjoying the show.

  “I just wanted Lori to know I wanted no hard feelings between the two of us.” Apparently my name had just been changed to Lori.

  Kole looked at me for the first time since he stopped walking and wrinkled his eyebrows.

  “I’m Lori,” I said, waving up at him. Offering a smile, but what I really wanted to do was laugh.

  And he did too.

  I could see the smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

  “Hey Lori,” he replied, as if he was just meeting me for the first time.

  And I could no longer hold back my laughter. Within seconds Kole was also laughing. She sat there looking at us with a puzzled expression.

  “You need to go,” Kole said to her.

  “But…” she began to argue but he stopped her.

  “No, you really need to just go.” He waved her off as he sat down on the grass facing me with one leg stretched out on each side of me. “My girlfriend and I would like to be alone,” he added, and his comment even threw me off a bit.

  Hope’s mouth fell open in shock and within seconds she stood up and jerked her bag up before turning around and storming away.

  “Girlfriend, huh?”

  “Is that okay?” he asked, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to my lips before I could answer.

  When he pulled back I could only nod in response.

  As if I could have actually told him no.

  Chapter 23

  Kole

  Spending time with Lexi had become an everyday thing. Something I relied on, looked forward too.

  I enjoyed even the simplest of things when we were together. I hadn’t remembered being this content before with just talking to someone, even when I was with Miley.

  But now looking back on those times, I don’t truly know if what I felt for Miley was love or infatuation. At the time I thought she was it for me. But she was also the first real girlfriend I ever had.

  But Lexi—she was different.

  She was more.

  “Where’s your girl?” Marshall asked as I lowered the keg to the floor.

  Whenever someone mentioned Lexi as being my girl I couldn’t help but smile.

  “She’ll be here later. She and Megan are getting ready and then heading over,” I told him as I left the room to retrieve the second keg.

  Tonight was our annual Halloween costume party at the fraternity. Everyone came dressed up.

  It would be the first party Lexi and I would attend as a couple. It would also be the first party she attended since she shared her past. I vowed to make this one different than all the others because I refused to let the aspect of it all scare her.

  ***

  My mouth went completely dry, and I swore with the way my heart was beating it would beat out of my chest.
<
br />   The moment Lexi walked in everything else faded. I’d been mid-conversation with a few of my fraternity brothers and the moment I looked up and found her standing in the entry way—I swear I couldn’t even remember what the fuck we were even talking about.

  She was dressed as an angel, and let me tell you there were a lot of angels at the party. But she looked gorgeous. Most girls went for the trashy, slutty version. Tight shorts, skimpy tops, those that barely covered more than most swimsuits, but not Lex.

  She wore a pair of form-fitting capris, showing off her long thin legs and that perfect round ass of hers. They were low rise, which did nothing to hide her flat, toned stomach but showed enough to highlight the belly ring against her tan skin. It shimmered in the light as she turned to the side laughing at something Megan said to her.

  She also wore a white tank top that hugged her in all the right places. I knew I wasn’t the only guy Lexi had gained the attention of.

  Somehow she had mounted a pair of white wings to her back, which stuck up just enough to be seen over each of her shoulders.

  The halo was mixed in with the hair she had piled on top of her head. Dark wavy curls hung from all directions.

  She was a fucking knock out.

  I moved in her direction and she looked up just as I circled my arm around her waist and pulled her body flush against mine. “Hey beautiful,” I whispered, causing her to blush.

  “Hi,” she said in return just before I pressed my lips to hers.

  It may have been me staking my claim.

  Well, yeah, it was definitely me claiming what was mine.

  I was momentarily lost, forgetting we were in the center of the room. I’m sure we were attracting an audience.

  I pulled back and her eyes remained closed for a few seconds before slowly opening and a smile stretched out over her lips.

  “Great costume,” I told her, leaning back just enough to give her another look. “Amazing costume,” I corrected myself, licking my lower lip and tasting her cherry lip gloss.