by Nikki Chase
“Wait, I don't think that's fair,” Zeke protests.
“How is it not fair? As soon as things get real, you bail. Now that you think you might lose me, you want me more than ever. But soon you'll take back your own words.”
“I swear I won't. I’ll prove you wrong,” Zeke says, his expression serious.
“I don't know if I can risk being right. I don't want to go back with you and be happy for a short while, only to later realize it has all been a lie.”
“Ali, I swear I’ve never lied to you.”
“Ever?”
“Ever.”
I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. “Remember when you told me you were going to move to New Haven to be with me?”
“I meant that, at the time. And then Joanne got sick, like I told you. And I couldn’t do that, even though I was dying to see you.”
“Okay,” I say
I shouldn’t look him in the eye—it’ll only make me weak. Instead, I glance around at the living room, which is all cold glass and hard steel, just like the rest of the mansion. Just like the way I should be.
“Then what about when you said the fake marriage was for your business?” I ask. “You said it was so you could close a business deal, but yesterday you told me it was all about Joanne.”
“Well, technically, you were the one who suggested that it would be good for my business, and I agreed,” Zeke says slowly, hopefully because he’s realizing how flimsy that excuse sounds.
“You simply didn’t correct me, so it doesn’t count as a lie?”
“You weren’t wrong.”
“Okay. Then what’s this business deal that I was supposed to help you with?”
“I never said it was a business deal.” Now it’s Zeke’s turn to avoid my stare. Maybe I’m getting closer to the truth now, finally.
“Then what kind of a deal is it? And what does it have to do with Joanne?” I ask. There are still so many questions swimming around in my brain, but I hold myself back.
There is time. Zeke is here and it doesn’t seem like he’s leaving any time soon. For once, there is time for us to work things out.
Zeke takes a deep breath and meets my gaze. “I’ve been thinking about how to say this to you in a way that makes you see what it’s like from my perspective. I haven’t quite come up with the right words to say. But this is something I should’ve told you a long time ago, so I’m just going to say it.”
I stare at him without saying a word. Waiting. It’s his turn to make a move now.
“You’ve seen how sick Joanne is,” Zeke begins.
I nod, still remaining silent.
“Joanne has a baby. Brody. Trevor’s baby. But he never got to see his boy.”
I begin to connect the dots in my mind.
Trevor and Joanne—they were married and they had a baby together. Then, Trevor died—because of me. And Joanne got sick.
Poor little guy. He’s still a baby, but he has already lost his dad, and now he’s about to lose his mom, too.
“So where’s this baby now? Who’s taking care of him?” I ask.
“Trevor’s sister, Sherry.”
Okay. So the baby is not completely alone. He still has family.
Zeke watches me as I think, like he’s trying to make sure I understand the story so far before he continues, like he’s deciding which details to reveal next.
“So… What does that have to do with our marriage, and why do we have to have a baby?” I ask.
“I want to be the one to raise Brody,” Zeke says.
“Is Sherry not taking good care of him?”
“As far as I can tell, she’s doing well in that department. She already has two kids and they’re still alive, so I can assume that she’s not a horrible parent. The only thing is, she hasn’t been taking him to see Joanne much. But that’s not the point. I want to raise him because he’s my family, too.”
“You think you can do a better job than a mom who already has two kids?” I ask.
“That’s pretty much what Joanne said to me.” Zeke pauses after giving me his short answer, but he keeps his eyes on me.
“So… You want to get married and have a baby… So you’ll have better chances of getting Brody?” I ask, saying my words slowly, realizing how crazy they sound.
“That’s the deal I needed to close,” Zeke admits.
“You know that’s completely crazy, right?” I ask, still coming to grips with Zeke’s confession.
“On the surface,” he says. “But Sherry hates Joanne. She thinks Joanne could’ve stopped Trevor from doing stupid shit. I can just see her feeding Brody some hateful lies about Joanne as he grows up. I don’t want him to grow up hating her.”
I try to put myself in Joanne’s position.
She’s sick and dying. She has a baby she barely sees, and she probably knows all these things about Sherry, too.
She knows her son is going to hate her, but there’s nothing she can do about it. At least the boy gets to grow up healthy with family.
Joanne is sacrificing herself for her boy’s well-being.
My heart clenches. It’s a difficult position to be in, for sure.
“Yeah,” Zeke says when he notices the change in my expression. “I offered to take him in, but Joanne said it would be too big a burden. I’d have to change my life too much. At least Sherry already has the right environment for raising kids.”
“So you thought, if you got married and had a baby…”
“Yeah. I thought it would convince Joanne. I’d already be raising a kid myself, so I wouldn’t be doing it just for her.”
“But you still would be doing it just for her, in reality,” I say.
“Yeah,” he says softly. There’s sadness and regret in his dark eyes. “Sorry, Ali. I know I’m using you and it’s not right.”
“Has Joanne agreed to give Brody to you?” I ask.
“Yeah. She just did. Yesterday.”
“When you went to the hospital yesterday?”
“Yeah, after I saw you at home.” He looks out the window at the green trees and grass outside. “The, uh, the hospital called me at work and they told me to come right away because Joanne… She … Her condition worsened and they were afraid she might… I’m her next of kin and I have her power of attorney, so I had to be there in case there were some difficult decisions to make.”
Zeke turns to look at me, his eyes dark and stormy. “That’s why I was home yesterday. I had to get some documents. And I was frustrated because I couldn’t find them. I’m sorry I was impatient with you.”
“That’s okay,” I say, to my own surprise. I didn’t expect to forgive him this easily.
But under the circumstances… I don’t think I can blame him for not being on his best behavior.
Zeke clasps his hands together and leans forward. Looking at me with eyes that pierce through all my defenses, he says, “Ali, I know I haven’t been treating you right. I have my reasons, but I know they don’t excuse the way I’ve been acting. And this may be too much to ask, but would you please come home with me?”
“I forgive you. And I’ll visit Joanne with you as many times as you want me to, because I think you’re doing a good thing for her,” I say.
Zeke’s eyes light up, and suddenly it feels too tight in my chest. I know what I’m about to say next will hurt him. But it has to be said.
“But just because I forgive you, doesn’t mean I want to live with you again. I don’t know if that’s a good decision for me,” I say. “And now that Joanne has agreed to your plan, you probably don’t need a baby anymore anyway.”
“I’m sorry, Ali,” Zeke repeats. “I should’ve told you the truth from the beginning. I see that now. But when you came to my office and I made you the offer, you didn’t even know Joanne existed. You wouldn’t have seen things the way you do now. I didn’t have much time. I knew Joanne could… She could be gone at any time. I needed to convince you, and we hadn’t met for years. I didn’t know how
to get you to agree to my crazy plan.”
“You’re right. I wouldn’t have agreed to it,” I admit. “But like I said, I forgive you. I just don’t know if I can trust you.”
“That’s fair,” Zeke says in a voice heavy with regret.
The way he looks at me makes my heart pang with pain. It makes me want to give him yet another chance.
But haven’t I already given him enough opportunities to make things right? Each time I give us a try, I get hurt, and it only gets worse with every subsequent try.
The first time he broke my heart, I just locked myself in my dorm room for weeks.
This second time, I was willing to become a divorced single mom, just for a chance to spend some time with him.
I can’t even imagine how things are going to get worse from here, but I know they will.
If Zeke breaks my heart for a third time, I might not be able to recover.
What if it happens years from now, when I don’t even have Seth to help me? What if I’m too old and exhausted to try to find happiness again?
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“What for?” Zeke asks.
“I don’t know. Because I’m hurting you and it’s making me feel bad? Because I can’t give you what you want?”
“I didn’t even know what I want before you came along.” Zeke chuckles wryly. “All I knew was, Joanne is my only family and we have to stick together. Now I know what I want. I just can’t have it.”
“What changed?” I ask.
I wanted to end this quickly, but my resolve is crumbling. I have questions—questions that only Zeke can answer.
The last time he left me, he didn’t give me any explanation and all the damn questions kept me up at night and distracted me during the day. Curiosity is getting the better of me, and I’m letting it.
“I never knew what I wanted for my life. Every decision in my life has been driven by need. I needed to help support Joanne, so I stayed here instead of following you. I needed money, so I built a business. I needed to get custody of Brody, so I did everything I could to get that. I never actually sat down and considered what I wanted for the future.”
“And now you have?’
“Now I have,” Zeke says, gazing at me with sad, vulnerable eyes. Longing eyes.
Instinctively, I know what he wants. But I need him to say it.
“So what do you want your future to be like?”
“Ideally?” Zeke asks.
“Yeah.”
“Ideally, I want to raise Brody with you. He’ll grow up with our kid—or kids—and they’ll be siblings. We’ll have our own little family—or big family—and we’ll do all the family things I never got to do when I was growing up.”
Keeping his sad gaze on me, Zeke’s expression takes on a dreamy quality, like he’s here, but his mind is somewhere else.
He says, “I’ll come home after work and you’ll be there with the kids. I’ll order takeout because the kids have been so out of control that you haven’t had a chance to even think about dinner. Or we can all go out to eat—but maybe it’ll be too hard to wrangle all of them into the car.” Zeke pauses and smiles. “I’ll have to get a new car, obviously. On weekends, we’ll take them to the park and let them climb the monkey bars while we lie on the grass. Then, maybe we’ll all get some ice creams before going home.”
“That…. That sounds idyllic,” I say.
“Doesn’t it?” Zeke asks with a small, tired smile.
He looks like he hasn’t slept in a while. The sudden emergency with Joanne yesterday must’ve sapped his energy, too.
Based on everything he has told me about his life after I moved away for college, it sounds like he’s been fielding one crisis after another.
And I can’t deny that I may have also played a part in making things more complicated for him, without even realizing it.
If I hadn’t leaked the location of Trevor Whitley’s hideout, he wouldn’t have been killed.
Without the grief and the stress, maybe Joanne wouldn’t have gotten sick—who knows?
Even if she still would’ve fallen ill, Zeke wouldn’t have to take care of her on his own, because Trevor would still be around.
Maybe I’m being too hard on Zeke.
Or maybe I’m just inventing excuses so I can give myself permission to go for what I want.
But maybe I don’t need any reason. Maybe love is enough reason. Maybe it’s okay to risk everything I have, for a chance to gain everything I’ve ever wanted.
“Zeke, I want that life, too,” I blurt out.
Ali
This is taking forever.
For the past two hours, I’ve been trying to get us out of Seth’s mansion so we can go home to Zeke’s apartment.
I haven’t even unpacked my luggage since I got here last night, so it should be a matter of getting my bag and taking off.
Zeke has even cleaned himself up pretty well. Luckily, Seth didn’t hit him too hard, so except for some bruises and little cuts, he’s fine.
But Seth is not making it easy.
After a half-hearted apology for having punched Zeke, he said he couldn’t let us leave without at least sharing a meal together. So now I’m sitting at the long-ass dining table, watching Seth give Zeke the third degree.
I keep hoping the baby, who’s taking a nap in the nursery right now, would wake up and start crying. Maybe that would end this painful dinner. Or maybe that’s wishful thinking—Alice would probably rush away to breastfeed the baby, but Seth would just stay at the table and continue the interrogation.
He was content to leave me alone last night because I’d seemed too distraught and he felt bad for me, I guess.
But he doesn’t have such charitable feelings toward Zeke, so he’s been asking question after intrusive question. So far, he has asked Zeke about what he does for a living, where he lives in the city, how long we’ve known each other, and how we first met.
“So, Zeke,” Seth says from his seat at the head of the table. He’s clearly faking his smile. “Alejandra called me the other day and she told me she’s married. Is she married to you?”
“Yes. I’m sorry you couldn’t make it. The invite must’ve gotten lost in the mail,” Zeke says, in a tone so overly casual it’s obvious he’s deliberately talking like that to annoy Seth.
“Sorry, Seth. It was all very last minute. It was more like an elopement than a wedding,” I say, trying to save the situation.
Zeke turns to face me and raises a questioning eyebrow.
I recognize that look. He’d better not say anything about the lavish wedding by the sea, or about the long guest list.
I give Zeke a warning glance before turning my attention back to Seth. I’m sure Seth has noticed the little look that we shared, but he says nothing. He just stares creepily at Zeke while he slices through his steak.
“This beef is amazing, Alice. This is going to sound clichéd, but it melts in my mouth.” I say, trying to change the subject.
“Thank you,” she says, giving me a grateful look. Obviously, I’m not the only one bothered by the tension between the two men at the table. Alice adds, “I can’t take all the credit, though. We actually got this shipped in from Japan. It’s called Matsusaka beef, and it’s famous for its high fat content.”
“Wow, from Japan? How long did it take to get here?” I ask, feigning interest.
“Not as long as I expected. It’s actually really interesting. They have the whole process figured out, from packaging, to…” Alice drones on, going through enough details about meat importation to fill an entire book.
I nod, trying to seem enthusiastic. Normally, I’d space out whenever Seth or Alice starts talking about food. But right now, I’d happily listen, if it means an end to Seth’s questioning.
But of course, I have no such luck.
After talking in painfully minute detail about how she prepared the meat, Alice finally runs out of things to say about it.
Before I can ask
a question about whether the cows in Japan actually get massaged daily, Seth opens his mouth.
“So you two—” Seth says as his gaze flicks between Zeke and me, “—you’ve known each other for ten years. But I never heard you mention Zeke before today, Alejandra.”
“Ouch, that stings,” Zeke says. “Why didn’t you ever talk about me, Ali?”
I glare at Zeke. He’s so not helping right now.
Turning to Seth, I say, “Yeah, we lost contact for a few years. We met again through mutual friends when I moved to the city, and we immediately hit it off.”
“Sounds like a pretty quick process,” Seth says, obviously still suspicious.
“Yeah, well, we used to date when we were younger, so we weren’t exactly starting from zero,” I say with a sweet smile plastered on my face.
I know he still thinks this is a weird story, but I’m sticking with it. No way am I going to tell him about the agreement that Zeke and I made.
Seth asks a few more questions, but I’m quick to answer before Zeke gets to open his mouth.
I wish Seth would stop. He is like a big brother to me normally, but right now he’s more like an embarrassing dad.
Somehow, we manage to finish the meal without any incident.
I hurriedly herd everyone to the front door, where we say our goodbyes.
And finally, Zeke and I are outside, where the night breeze cools my skin and we’re free from Seth’s scrutiny.
“Sorry. I swear I’ve never seen Seth this talkative before,” I say to Zeke.
The wheels of my luggage, which is being pulled by Zeke, drag noisily on the asphalt. The sound drowns out my voice, so Seth and Alice can’t possibly hear me.
Zeke chuckles as he takes my hand and leads me to the car. “It’s cool. I can tell it’s because he cares about you.”
Ali
“How do you know this shortcut?” I ask as Zeke turns the car into a small side street.