Edge of the Past

by Jennifer Comeaux

“I’d want to be part of her life.”

  There was no hesitation in Sergei’s response. He’d apparently moved from shock to certainty in a short period of time. I wished I could do the same, but I was stuck in amazement at the turn of events.

  “She do not know I am her mother,” Elena choked. “My father think it best–”

  “Your father!” Sergei exclaimed. “You’re still letting him control your life?”

  “No, he is gone now!”

  Sergei’s face froze. “He’s…?”

  Elena settled her chin and spoke quieter, “He suffer illness long time. He pass away six months ago.”

  Sergei slowly rubbed his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.”

  I opened my mouth to add my condolences but decided Elena probably wouldn’t hear me. She was singularly focused on Sergei, and Sergei looked only at her. I felt like an even more distant observer.

  “I do not tell Liza she is mine,” Elena said. “It is not right for her now.”

  “I know it will be hard for her, but she should know the truth,” Sergei said.

  “It give her so much confusion.” Elena shook her head. “How can I tell her everything is lies?”

  “Don’t you want her to know who you really are?”

  “I take care of her as mother. That is enough.”

  “I don’t think you really believe that. You were robbed of all those years just like I was. We can make this right.”

  Elena covered her face with her hands. “I cannot think what is right.”

  My head spun from the emotional exchange. Things were happening too fast. Someone needed to slow down the runaway train of confessions and demands.

  I touched Sergei’s forearm. “Can we talk for a minute?”

  Sergei kept his eyes on Elena for a moment before he moved down the sidewalk with me, leaving Elena sniffling to herself. I placed my hands on both sides of Sergei’s face, caressing his prickly stubble with my thumbs.

  “We don’t have to make any big decisions right now,” I said.

  “We’re only here for two more days,” he said. “There’s no time to take it slow. I can’t go home without resolving this.”

  “I don’t know that Elena will agree to resolve anything.”

  “I need Liza to know who I am. I can’t just leave without…” He shot an anxious look toward the rink.

  My hands slid down the front of his jacket. “If you go to her now, then you have to leave her in two days. This is going to be such a shock for her. Maybe it would better to wait.”

  “I’ve lost nine years already. I don’t want to lose another day.”

  I sighed in exasperation. Sergei sounded so certain he was ready to be a father, but he hadn’t even asked how I felt about it. He was caught up in emotion and not thinking. Somehow, I had to make him understand the consequences of what he was suggesting.

  “It sounds like Liza has been through a ton of changes in the past year with her parents dying, then moving to a different country… Adding another huge change might not be a good idea.”

  “But this would be a good change. She’d have parents again.”

  Excited optimism filled his voice, and the hope in his eyes was so pure. I couldn’t imagine what he must be feeling. But I knew what I was feeling – fear. Fear that our future was about to change in a massive way.

  “Sergei,” Elena called.

  He looked up over the top of my head, and I turned to see Elena approach. She dabbed at her eyes and asked, “Why you ask me to do this? Why this is so important to you?”

  Sergei paused and wet his lips. “I’ve never stopped thinking about what happened to our child. I’ve always wanted to know if they had a good family–“

  “Liza have everything,” Elena interrupted. “I give her everything she needs. Best tutor, best coach… When my cousins pass away, my father help me bring Liza here and make sure she have good life.”

  “How did they die?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

  Elena’s eyes misted over again. “Terrible car accident. When we receive phone call, I do not believe it. They take Liza as baby and give her good home. They let me see her.”

  “So, she’s always known you as her cousin,” I said.

  “It is good she know me so when I bring her to Russia, she is not with stranger.”

  “You’ve been in contact with her all these years and you couldn’t let me know?” Sergei asked. “You couldn’t call me and tell me she was okay?”

  “If I tell you, you want to see her and my father not allow it. You know I do not cross him.”

  “Of course. He always had to keep me away,” Sergei said, his words as biting as the cold stinging my face.

  I reached for his arm and gave it a squeeze. He looked down at the frozen ground, closing his eyes. We stood motionless until Sergei slowly lifted his head.

  “I don’t want to fight. I just don’t know what else to do except to beg of you to please talk to Liza.” He took a deep breath. “Lena, please. All I want is to get to know her, to show her she has someone else she can call family.”

  Elena set her glistening eyes on Sergei. “Do you try to take her from me?”

  “No. I would never do that. She needs both of us.”

  “You promise?” she spoke louder. “You swear that?”

  “Yes. You could always trust me. I know it’s been a long time, but that hasn’t changed.”

  They stared at each other, and my throat tightened as I witnessed a flicker of the connection between them. The connection of all those years, partnering on the ice and loving each other off it. Their time apart hadn’t completely erased it.

  “Okay,” Elena whispered. “I try. I try tonight to tell her.”

  “Thank you,” Sergei said hoarsely. “We’re here only a couple more days, so I’d like to see her as soon as I can.”

  “I tell you good time to come. I do not know how she take this.” Elena pulled a tissue from her purse and patted the corners of her eyes. “I go inside. Liza may look for me.”

  “Let me give you my phone number so you can reach me,” Sergei said.

  Elena took out her cell phone and tapped in the digits. Sergei asked for hers, and she hesitated before relaying them.

  “Are you living in your father’s house?” Sergei asked.

  “Yes. It is good place for Liza and me. It is home.” She emphasized the last word, seemingly as a reminder to Sergei in case he thought of breaking his promise.

  Elena hurried inside, and I expelled a long breath. Sergei turned to me, and we stood in silence for a minute.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked.

  I’m thinking we should’ve discussed this before you set it all in motion. I’m thinking the more I’m around Elena, the more uncomfortable I am.

  “Em?”

  I looked up into Sergei’s thoughtful gaze and remembered how emotional he’d been when we talked about his past. He wouldn’t be making such rash decisions if they didn’t come from his heart. I had to try to understand how he felt. He needed my support more than ever.

  “I think you should prepare yourself for Liza’s reaction,” I said. “When Elena gives her the news, she might not be open to seeing you right now. I just want you to be ready for that.”

  “I hope Elena tells her it wasn’t our choice to give her away.”

  “I doubt she’s going to tell her that her grandfather was the one who orchestrated it all. But hopefully she’ll explain it was out of your control.”

  Sergei brought me into his arms and buried his face in my hair. “Thank you for being so understanding. You are amazing.”

  I held onto him, willing myself to ignore my swirling emotions and to look at the situation objectively. Sergei had been given such a wonderful gift. We’d always conquered challenges together, and we’d do the same here. I had to stand strong by Sergei’s side because who knew what was going to happen once Liza found out the truth.

  Chapter Six


  “Are you ready for this?” I asked Sergei as we walked hand in hand up to his parents’ door.

  “Are you ready?” He squeezed my palm. “Your mom’s not going to be happy you weren’t honest with her.”

  “I don’t think that’s going to be her biggest issue with all this.”

  Sergei knocked on the door, and Anna opened it with a smile and kisses for both of us. My parents sat in the tiny living room, drinking more Kvass. Dad had his big camera bag in his lap, ready to play tourist.

  “You have good visit with Elena?” Anna asked.

  “Yes,” Sergei said. “It was very… surprising.”

  “How’s that?” Mom asked.

  Sergei started to answer but was distracted by Max emerging from the kitchen. “You don’t have work today, Papa?” he asked in Russian.

  “I worked all night. I’m about to sleep.”

  Oh, man. I hadn’t planned on Max being there. His attitude wasn’t what we needed in this conversation.

  “Can you sit with us a few minutes?” Sergei asked in Russian and then switched to English. “There’s something I need to tell everyone. About our visit with Elena.”

  Mom set her drink on a coaster on the small side table and braced her hands on the arms of her chair. Sergei and I took deliberate steps toward the sofa while Anna brought two chairs from the dining table into the living room.

  Sergei leaned forward and pressed his hands together, taking a moment before he looked up at my parents. “There was more to my split with Elena than we’ve told you. Elena’s father didn’t break up our partnership just because he didn’t want us involved. He sent her away because she was pregnant.”

  Mom’s mouth opened, and there was a pause before she emitted, “Huh!” I glanced at Max, and he’d folded his arms tightly across his chest.

  Sergei continued, “I apologize for not telling you the truth, but it’s something I thought should stay in the past.”

  I rubbed Sergei’s shoulder, and Mom raised her chin as she peered at me. “So, you’ve known all along.”

  It amazed me how even though I was an adult, one disapproving look from Mom could still make me squirm. “I didn’t know when you first asked me about it. I told you everything Sergei had told me at that point.”

  “He lied to you?”

  “At first, yes, and we went through a really rough time because of it, but that’s long behind us.”

  “The reason I’m telling you now is because of what we learned when we saw Elena.” Sergei stopped and glanced at me. “Her cousin that lived in the States adopted the baby, but she and her husband died last year in a car accident, and Elena is raising our daughter now.”

  “Daughter?” Anna squeaked. “It is girl?”

  Sergei nodded weakly. “Her name is Liza.”

  I thought of the little girl looking at me in wonder as I gave her my autograph. She didn’t know she was about to receive a much bigger surprise.

  “We met her,” I blurted out.

  “You see her?” Anna gasped.

  “Does she know Elena is her mother?” Dad asked.

  “No, but Elena’s going to tell her tonight,” Sergei said. “I really want to talk to Liza before we go home.”

  “Elena has husband?” Max asked in his gravelly voice.

  “She’s divorced,” Sergei replied.

  Max grunted. “Her father likely cause.”

  “He passed away recently,” Sergei said. “I don’t know if he did more damage to Elena’s life before he died.”

  “He damage many life,” Max said.

  Mom held up her hand. “What else did he do? Besides send Elena away?”

  “He threaten to take away Max’s job when he learn Sergei is with Elena,” Anna said. “He has many connections, and he use his money all for no good.”

  “What was he, some kind of Russian mafia?” Mom asked with wide eyes.

  “Something like that,” Sergei muttered.

  “And you knew that and got mixed up with his daughter anyway? What were you thinking?” Mom demanded.

  “Mom.” I gave her a hard stare.

  “I ask this ten year ago,” Max said.

  Mom nodded at him with respect. I should’ve known they’d bond over their disappointment in Sergei.

  “None of that is important now,” Sergei said. “What’s important is Elena letting me into Liza’s life.”

  “What do you want with this child?” Max asked in Russian. “How can you be a father when you are not here?”

  “I can’t go home and pretend she doesn’t exist. I’m not going to ignore the fact that I have a daughter. I’ll find a way to spend time with her.”

  Mom rose and started for the door. “I’d like to speak with you in private, Emily. Please excuse us.”

  Dad stood, too, and I reluctantly followed my parents into the dimly lit hallway. The smell of onions cooking wafted out from another apartment and further turned my flip-flopping stomach.

  “Are you just blindly supporting Sergei in this?” Mom asked. “Do you want this child in your life?”

  I didn’t know what I wanted. I couldn’t deny Sergei a relationship with his daughter, but the thought of Elena in our lives forever twisted my insides.

  “It means so much to him,” I said. “He never thought he’d have this chance.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us the truth when you found out?”

  “Because I know how quick you are to judge. Sergei made a mistake, and he paid dearly for it. He doesn’t need to be punished any more.”

  “As long as you’re certain you’re comfortable with everything,” Dad said. “You don’t want to start your marriage with anything unresolved between you.”

  “I know. This is what Sergei wants and this is what I want.” I nodded, trying to convince myself.

  “You’re incredibly calm about all this,” Mom said. “Or maybe you’re putting up a good front.”

  “Freaking out isn’t going to help the situation.”

  Mom pursed her lips. “I knew from the beginning that getting involved with Sergei would bring you nothing but trouble. Having to hide it from everyone for so long because he’s your coach, that whole fiasco with the skating federation and Ethics Committee, and now this…”

  “Why are you bringing all that up?” The last thing I wanted to think about was how Sergei’s career had almost been ruined when our relationship was exposed.

  “To remind you how much turmoil you’ve had to deal with because of Sergei. Maybe you should think about whether he’s worth–“

  “Don’t even go there.” I opened the door to the apartment, ending the conversation.

  Sergei and his father were now standing, and I caught the end of what sounded like harsh words coming from Max. Sergei walked away from him and stood at my side.

  “Mama, are you still coming with us to Red Square?” he asked.

  She snuck a peek at Max before answering, “Yes, yes.”

  “We should go then.” Sergei scowled at his father.

  Max vanished into the kitchen, and we gathered up our coats and headed out into the light snow. Mom had on her I-want-to-say-something-but-don’t-want-to-start-an-argument face, while Sergei also walked in silence, his eyes filled with thought. This is going to be a fun day of sightseeing.

  Through the slushy snow, we trekked briskly to the nearest subway station. Since everyone in our group was playing the quiet game, I spent the time on the train watching the passengers and dreaming up stories about their lives – anything to avoid thinking about the problems in my own life.

  As usual, Dad took charge of easing the tension, directing Sergei and me to pose for funny pictures in Red Square. Sergei raised me up into the air, and I demonstrated some of my overhead lift positions as Dad photographed us with the multi-colored turrets of St. Basil’s Cathedral in the background. Holding me aloft with one arm, Sergei spun in a circle as if he was rotating on the ice. The other tourists around us applauded, and Sergei brought me down
into his arms. A smile crept across his face. I cupped my hands around his neck and gave him a tender kiss, melting the tiny snowflakes on his lips.

  “I love you,” he said, his breath warm against my mouth.

  I echoed his sentiment but in Russian, and his smile widened. We joined our gloved hands and walked toward the cathedral, taking our time and pointing out various sights for Dad to photograph. Sergei and Anna showed us through St. Basil’s, and Mom’s fascination with churches got her talking as we wandered through the maze-like corridors. She chatted with Anna about the large murals and dark floral-patterned walls. I hoped she’d keep her deeper thoughts to herself and not ruin our precious moment of relaxation.

  We moved on to the Kremlin, which contained two more churches to explore. As we toured the historic buildings, my mind drifted to the future and how I might be visiting Russia more often if Liza became part of our family. Would Elena let Liza come to the Cape to stay with Sergei and me? I might be a stepmother very soon. What did I know about being a mother? I didn’t even know how to be a wife yet.

  My moment of relaxation was gone, clouded by the unsettling questions.

  ****

  The deeper the sun set, the antsier Sergei became waiting to hear from Elena. He and I sat in a small bar downtown, and Sergei picked up his phone from the table more than once, scrolling to Elena’s number. On the latest instance, I covered his hand with mine.

  “She’ll probably just get irritated if you call her first,” I said.

  “I need to know what’s going on,” he said, keeping his left hand on the phone and lifting his drink with his right.

  I caressed the soft skin of his wrist. “She’ll call soon. She will.”

  He nodded but didn’t let go of his cell. I looked up as the door to the bar opened, and a dark-haired woman in a sleek leather coat sauntered into the room with a burly older man. The woman’s cool beauty reminded me of Elena.

  I sipped from my wine glass and watched the couple sit at a nearby table. The woman gave the man a flirtatious smile, and I shifted my eyes from them. I didn’t want to think about Elena ever giving Sergei a look like that.

  Sergei flipped his phone around and around in his hand. “It’s crazy that Liza was living in New York, so close to me all that time. I never thought Ivan would give her to someone in their family. I thought he’d make sure Elena never saw her again.”