My Forever

by J. L. Perry

  We sit down and talk with her for about an hour before telling her we need to leave. She thanks us for coming to see her and asks us to come back again. I tell her that we will, and I mean it. She has nobody else now that Chris is gone. I thought that, maybe next time, I can bring the baby with me. I know Chris’ mum would like that. Chris always told me how his mother had pestered him to marry again and give her grandchildren. So I know she likes kids.

  Before we leave the nursing home, I speak with the nurse. “Would you mind if I organised Chris’ funeral?” I ask. I know his mother is in no position to do it, and I want it to be special—something to commemorate his life. I’d gone to his father’s funeral five years ago, and I want to have them buried together.

  The nurse says it is a good idea. So I inform her that after all the arrangements are made, I will call them and give them all the information. I know his mother would want to attend.

  We arrive back at the hospital and there is still no change. My angel is also still asleep. My mum tells me that I am looking better, then kisses me on the cheek. “Your father and I are going home for a while. I will come back and check on you later tonight.”

  “Thank you, mum.”

  “You don’t have to thank me, son,” she replies. “I am your mother, and I will always be here for you when you need me. You know how much we love Brooke, and I absolutely adored spending time with my beautiful granddaughter. She is such a sweet little baby.” I smile. I think it is my first genuine smile in three days. She is a sweet little thing, just like her mother.

  I walk back into the room. My heart is heavy when I look over at my beautiful wife. I bend down and gently kiss her nose, stroking her cheek. Seeing her like this is so hard, and I am missing her. I want to hold her so bad.

  The baby is sleeping, so I gently pick her up. I need to hold her. I sit back down next to Brooke’s bed, cradling my daughter in my arms.

  ****

  The next week drags on. With each passing day, I am thankful that Brooke is still with us. My family has been coming to the hospital every day. They bring me food, and visit with Brooke while I rest. I’ve hardly slept or eaten in the last ten days. I can already feel it taking its toll on me. I know everyone is worried about me, but I am finding it incredibly hard to function without Brooke by my side. She is my rock, my happy place, my air, my everything.

  Even though I have my beautiful daughter now, living without Brooke’s love sucks. It is almost too much to bear.

  Chris’ funeral was two days ago. Laying him to rest was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My mother, father, Jill, and I picked up Chris’ mother from the nursing home and took her with us. Brooke’s father met us at the cemetery

  His mom was having a good day that day, as far as her memory was concerned. It was devastating to see her breakdown. It broke my heart when she hugged the coffin and wept. I wasn’t coping well that day, either, but my dad had come through for both of us. He was very supportive, and was showing that he really did have a heart. My mum had been great, too, but she always was. Michelle had stayed at the hospital with Brooke and my daughter, for which I was grateful because there was no way I could leave her there by herself.

  Thankfully, by the time we had taken Chris’ mother back to the nursing home, she had forgotten where we’d been. She was smiling when we dropped her off, like she didn’t have a care in the world. At times like this, having dementia is a plus. I would have found it very hard to leave her otherwise. I promised her that I would be back to visit soon. I was going to make it my mission to come as often I could. I know Chris would have wanted that. I purchased the plot next to Chris’ father so they could be together. Chris’ parents were his only family.

  He was married twenty years ago, before he left the army. Chris confided in me once that his wife had left him for another man. They had only been married for four years, and never had any children. He explained that he wasn’t interested in getting remarried, and was happy being single. He threw himself into his work and was a great driver. He didn’t have any other commitments and was always available when I needed him. I am sure he got lonely sometimes, but he always seemed happy to me. I will miss him tremendously.

  Angel is thriving. She’s put on weight and is even cuter, if that is possible. I’m allowed to take her home if I want, but I’m not ready for that yet. It is supposed to be the three of us going home together. Thankfully, I had my angel with me because she was keeping me sane. Everybody tells me what a content baby she is. She hardly ever cries and sleeps well. I thought all babies slept well, but obviously not.

  The doctor is going to do some more scans on Brooke’s brain later today. He’d done a few over the past week, and the swelling has gone down a little each time. If he is happy after today’s scan, he’s going to bring her out of her coma. He warns me again that she may have suffered permanent brain damage in the accident, but they won’t be able to tell until she wakes up.

  In my heart, I hope she’ll be okay but, honestly, I will take her any way I can get her. My love for her is unconditional and knows no bounds. I just miss her so much and I want her back. Living without my soul mate is too fucking hard.

  I sit outside the room with my family while the doctor takes Brooke away for another CT scan. Michelle brought Lara and Craig with her today. Lara has been busting to meet her new little cousin. After a quick cuddle with the baby, Craig will take Lara home. We all agree that she is too young to see Brooke right now. Maybe once she is out of her coma, she can come back to see her.

  Once they both leave, Michelle sits next to me. She rubs my back and tells me that everything will be fine. I desperately want to believe her. I don’t know if she is trying to convince me or herself because she is missing Brooke just as much as I am. They spent every day together at the studio, and are very close. While Brooke has been in the hospital, Michelle’s been looking after everything. She tells me that she cancelled the end-of-year concert. We both know that Brooke wouldn’t want to miss it because she has worked hard all year for that one night. I put my hand on Michelle’s knee and give it a small squeeze.

  “Thanks for everything, sis,” I say. “It means a lot that you care so much for Brooke.” Her eyes fill with tears so I put my arm around her and hold her tight.

  I haven’t been into the office since the accident. Claire is giving me daily updates and has been wonderful like usual. I am going to give her a raise when I finally get back there. She already has a great salary, but she deserves more. Everyone has been great. It’s times like this that you realise how much everyone cares.

  The doctor is gone way too long for my comfort and I am starting to get anxious. I start running my hands through my hair, pacing the corridor outside Brooke’s room.

  Finally, the doctor comes back with Brooke. The nurse pushes her back into the room, while the doctor comes over to us. “How did the tests go?” I ask hopefully.

  He smiles at me and asks me to take a seat. “The scan went well,” he says. “The swelling has gone down considerably since her last scan. I couldn’t find any evidence of permanent damage to her brain, but we won’t be 100% sure until she wakes up. I’m going to bring her out of her coma soon, and also take her off of life support. Hopefully all will go well, but I will be monitoring her closely for the next few hours. She won’t wake up right away. Your wife may stay in the coma for hours or even days after I give her the medication to bring her out of it. But once she is awake, we will know the full extent of damage to her brain, if any.”

  “That’s great news,” I reply and shake his hand. “Thank you for everything.” It was the most hope I had in the last ten days. I know she isn’t out of the woods yet, but she is healing, at least.

  The doctor stands and tells me that he is going back into the room to take Brooke off life support. “I will come and get you soon so you can come and sit with her.” I thank him again before he turns and walks back towards Brooke’s room.

  My mum comes over and gives
me a hug. “She has made it this far, son,” she says with a smile. “I am sure she is going to be fine.”

  I am really hoping she will be, but I can’t help but feel a little nervous. I pick up my little girl and hug her. “You will finally get to meet your mummy soon,” I whisper and kiss her sweet little cheeks.

  Michelle comes and takes her from me. “Let me change her and get her looking all pretty,” she says. She already looks pretty, but I let her take her anyway. Michelle had brought over a lot of the clothes that Brooke and I had purchased for the baby. Everything was big on her at first because she was so tiny, but they are starting to fit well now.

  My mother had also gone out and bought a lot of pink things for her. Most of the clothes Brooke and I had bought were either lemon or white. I’m glad she has some pink clothes now because she looks so sweet in pink.

  When the doctor is done, he comes out to get me. “She is breathing well on her own now,” he says positively. “I will be back to check her soon. If there’s any change, press the CALL button next to her bed.”

  When I walk back into the room, it is a relief to see the tube has been taken out of her throat. A lot of the wires have been removed, as well. She still has her IV in and a heart monitor clipped to her finger, but that is it. She looks better already. A lot of the colour has come back into her face, and she actually looks peaceful.

  I finally get to kiss her beautiful lips again. I brush her lips softly with a kiss, and tell her I love her. As I sit down on a chair beside her bed, I stroke her hair, leaning my head against hers.

  The doctor keeps coming back in to check on her. He says all her vitals are good, and we will just have to wait for her to wake up. The waiting is killing me. I look at my watch. It has been ten days, seventeen hours since the accident. I would like to say that I’m not counting but, obviously, I am. Every minute I am without her is hard.

  Later that afternoon, my parents and sister leave. They ask me to call them as soon as she wakes up. Brooke’s father is the only one that stays. He usually spends the afternoons and nights at the hospital, then goes home to sleep during the day. They are letting the two of us stay in the room at night. My uncle sits up with her while I try to sleep. They are letting me shower at the hospital, too, which is good. After the one day that I’d gone home with my father, I haven’t left Brooke’s side.

  I have given Jill the last week off. There is no point in her being at the penthouse because I haven’t been going home. She is still upset about Chris’ death. It was evident at his funeral when she broke down. They had become close over the years.

  There is still no change in Brooke. I left her father to sit with her for a while because I need to stretch my legs. I head down to the cafeteria to grab us both a coffee. He asks me to leave the baby with him. You can really tell he is enjoying being a grandfather. The love he has for her is written all over his face every time he holds her or even looks at her.

  It is about 7:00 p.m. and still nothing. I am sitting next to the bed, holding her hand. Her father is sitting in the corner of the room, holding my angel. I’d just given her a bottle so she is asleep.

  I pull Brooke’s hand up to my mouth and gently kiss it. I’m not sure if I am imagining it or not, but I think I feel her grip tighten around my hand. I stand up and look down at her. Her eyes are still closed. I lean down and kiss her softly on the lips, and her lips turn up slightly.

  Is she trying to smile?

  “Baby, wake up,” I plead. I hear her groan. I know I’m not imagining it now. She is waking up!

  “Baby, can you hear me?” I ask, my heart thumping in my chest. As I look down at her, I am silently willing her to open her eyes. They open slightly, then close again.

  “She’s waking up,” I say with a smile as I look over at her father. He quickly stands up and puts the baby back in her little bed, then walks over to us.

  I run the back of my hand gently down the side of her face. “Brooke, baby,” I say. “Can you hear me?”

  She opens her eyes again. “Logan,” she says in a voice so quiet, I barely hear it.

  “Oh, baby,” I breathe out. “Thank god.” I put my head down next to hers. I feel a lump rise in my throat.

  “Where am I?” she asks. Her voice is still soft, and she licks her lips. I look up at her again. She is looking at me with her beautiful brown eyes.

  Boy, I have missed those eyes.

  “You’re in the hospital,” I reply. She tries to sit up, but lets out a groan and a small cry of pain.

  “Don’t move, baby,” I say, then turn to my uncle. “Go and get the nurse…quickly.” She tries to say something else.

  “Shhh,” I say, stroking her face. “You were in an accident, but everything is going to be okay.” I lean down and kiss her forehead.

  The doctor comes into the room, the nurse not far behind. I stand back so they can look at her. Brooke is still holding my hand, and she won’t let go. I can tell she is still very weak. I pull her hand up to my mouth and kiss it.

  “I will just be over here,” I assure her. “I am not going anywhere. I promise.” She lets go of my hand and gives me a small smile. I take a few steps back so the doctor can get closer.

  My uncle comes over and wraps his arms around me. “Thank god,” he says, a huge smile on his face. I can tell he is choked up and trying hard to keep his emotions in check.

  I look at him and return the smile. Fuck, I am so happy and relieved. Relieved she is awake, relieved she knows who I am. I was so worried when the doctor said she might have some permanent brain damage and might not remember me.

  “I am going to go outside and call your parents,” he says. “I will come back in and see her soon. I will give you and the baby some time with her first.” I thank him as he walks out. The huge smile on his face tells me he is just as relieved and happy as I am.

  I stand there and watch as the doctor checks her over. He asks her if she is in any pain, and she nods. “I will give you something to help with the pain,” he says. I hear her ask for a drink, as she puts her right hand up to her throat. She is really finding it hard to swallow and talk.

  “You have had a tube down your throat,” the doctor explains. “It was helping you breathe. Your throat will be tender for a few days. I’m sure your mouth is very dry, as well, so the nurse will get you some water.”

  The nurse and doctor leave the room so I make my way to the other side of the bed. I gently pick up her left hand, which has plaster on it. When she looks down at the plaster, she looks shocked. “What happened to me? I needed help breathing?” she quietly asks, tears forming in her eyes.

  “You were in an accident,” I explain, “but you are alright now.” She is staring up at me with her big brown eyes. She looks pale and frightened.

  “Can you remember anything?” I ask. She shakes her head slightly, then closes her eyes, like she is trying to remember something.

  All of a sudden, she opens her eyes and looks panicked. “The baby,” she says, reaching down to touch her stomach. She still has a small bump there, but nothing like what she had before. I notice a tear fall down her face so I quickly wipe it away.

  “It’s okay, baby,” I assure her. “Hold on a minute. There is someone who is dying to meet you.” I walk over the corner of the room where my angel is sleeping, and pick her up.

  Once I am back beside Brooke’s bed, I gently place our daughter beside her mother. “Congratulations, Mrs. Cavanagh,” I whisper with a smile. “I would like to introduce you to your daughter.” She looks at her, then back at me. She looks shocked. Then she brings her right hand up so she can touch the tiny little face. She is still asleep, but she looks so cute with her sweet little face and chubby little cheeks. She is wearing a little pink outfit with a matching pink hat and booties.

  I look down at Brooke as she stares at our daughter. “She is beautiful,” she whispers, the tears falling down her face. As I lean down to kiss her, I feel the tears run down my face, as well. This is what I ha
d missed the day my angel was born. I am glad that I am finally getting to share the birth of our beautiful daughter with her.

  “She is beautiful, just like her mummy,” I whisper, as I stroke her face. Brooke looks up at me and smiles.

  God, I have missed that smile.

  “Oh, I’ve missed you so much, baby,” I say. “I am so glad you came back to me.”

  She is looking a bit overwhelmed, and I know this is a lot for her take in. “I can’t remember anything. Have I been in the hospital long?”

  “Just rest, baby,” I say. “We can talk about all this later.” I’m not ready to tell her about Chris so the fewer questions she asks, the better. She needs to recover from her injuries before I give her a shock like that. She loved Chris and I know she will take his death hard.

  “When you are ready,” I say, trying to change the subject, “we will need to name our little girl. She hasn’t had a name since she was born. I have been calling her Angel. I wanted to wait for you so we could name her together.”

  Before she has a chance to answer, the doctor and nurse come back into the room. I picked the baby up off the bed and take a step back to give them some room. As I look down at Brooke, I notice she is smiling at me. I smile back. She is so beautiful. The relief I feel that she is awake and alright is overwhelming.

  The nurse raises her bed a bit so she can have a drink. She lets out a small groan, while holding her left side. Thankfully, the doctor gives her some pain medication.

  “Get some rest,” he says. “I will be back to check on you later. If all is well in the morning, we will move you out of the ICU.”

  CHAPTER

  EIGHT

  Brooke

  When I wake up, I have no idea where I am. My body is sore and my head feels like it has been beaten with a sledgehammer. Actually, my whole left side feels like it has been hit by a bus. When Logan tells me I have been in an accident, I am shocked. After closing my eyes and willing my brain to remember something, anything, I come up with nothing. The last thing I can remember is being at the penthouse.