by Claire Adams
"Give me your hand," I instructed. Her fingers closed around the box as she opened her eyes.
"What's this for?" she asked.
Something that reminds you of me whenever you look at it, I thought. That would sound better than having to tell her what it really was: a going away present. I didn't want her to think she was getting it because I wanted to butter her up before I made her upset. I don't know, maybe the more I told myself that, the more it would sound like the truth.
"I just thought you'd like it," I said instead. She opened the box and I watched her face break into a smile when she saw the necklace. "Oh my God, Roman, are we celebrating something?"
"No celebration, I thought it would look good on you. Put it on." She took it out and undid the little clasp at the back. I helped her fasten it around her neck.
"Thank you; it's so pretty," she said, touching the stone.
"I'm glad you like it."
"Now I wish I had something for you," she said. Time – that was what I needed from her. I didn't need a present. Or maybe she could tell me how the fuck to say what I needed to say without completely wrecking what we had together.
"Think of it as an early birthday present," I said lightly. She was going to be twenty-one early next month and honestly, I wasn't going to be there then to give it to her on her real birthday... But right now, when she was happy and we were spending what had to be one of the last times we were going to get to be together like this, it wasn't the right time for that announcement.
"I love it," she said happily.
"I should have gotten it engraved or something," I said, gently touching the stone.
"And a matching one for yourself."
"I don't think pink's my color," I joked.
"Your initials on the back of this and mine on the back of yours, so you're always thinking of me when you have it on you," she said softly. "At school...work...in battle."
"In battle?" I scoffed. She shrugged slightly.
"You know, if you ever got deployed."
"Not everyone gets sent to a combat zone when they're deployed," I told her.
"But do you think you will?" she asked.
"I don't know. Nobody knows. You just go where they send you."
"That's crazy," she said, shaking her head. I shrugged.
"That's the price of freedom," I said flatly.
"That doesn't change how fucked up it is," she insisted. "I don't know what I'd do if you ended up going over there."
"Going over there is kind of the whole point," I tried to say light-heartedly. She sounded like she was getting upset.
"I know, but I mean, what if something happened to you?" She didn't go into detail, but she didn't have to. I got it. Something happening was anything happening. Losing a leg, or an arm, or my life... The first two were probably a little worse than the last one. I mean, if you die, then you're dead, you don't have to remember what happened to you every day from your wheelchair because you can't walk anymore.
"A lot of guys come back just fine," I said. "Not every vet gets blown up."
"You can't go to a war zone and be just fine. That has to change a person," she said, sighing.
Well, shit. I shut up. I couldn't tell her. What the hell was I about to say? Well, lucky you, Ronnie, guess who got their warning order and has to leave in ten days? I had known for a couple weeks now, and it still wasn't the right time to tell her.
It wasn't like it would blindside her or anything, she knew I was in the army. Right at the end of the semester with finals coming up, I didn't want her to have to worry about this shit, too – because she would worry. And, not a normal kind of worry, either. That was who she was.
She could obsess about things sometimes. She was already worried about something happening to me, and we hadn't even discussed me going anywhere yet. I would have to tell her eventually – there was no way I could just ghost her – but right before finals was the wrong time to do it. She had to concentrate on getting through the semester. We both did. After that, I'd figure it out.
"I knew that when I enlisted," I said soberly.
"Are you scared?"
"No," I said shaking my head. "Right now? I'm more afraid of finals than that."
"There's a chance you'll never have to go over there, though, right?" she asked.
"Yeah, there is."
"I hope you never do," she said, looking down at the blanket.
"Damn, Ronnie. Shooting down my military career before it even begins?"
"I support you. I just hope you never have to put your life in danger."
"I could die walking out of my apartment tomorrow morning."
"That's not the same thing. You do that every day, and you're not getting shot at while you do it."
"Wow, Ronnie. Tell me how you really feel," I said jokingly, leaning back on my elbows.
"No, it's not like that."
"I'm hurt," I said, putting a hand over my chest dramatically.
"I'm just worried. I don't want those assholes to take you away from me." She came closer, lying on her side to look at me.
"I don't want them to do that, either. They can't keep me forever if I do end up going. I have to come back," I said.
"What am I supposed to do when you're gone?"
"Mail me pictures of your tits," I suggested. She giggled and wrinkled her nose.
"So you can pass them around to all your buddies?"
"So I can remember what's waiting for me when I get home," I said. Fuck, I thought, realizing it. She would have to wait for me. I wasn't even sure when the hell I would be back. Less than a year? Three years? Longer than that?
"I'm always happy to see you. You don't have to leave to make me appreciate it when we're together," she said quietly like she was talking to herself. I didn't know how much she had thought about what would happen if I went overseas. She put her hand over the one I had on my chest. Her smooth, slim fingers laced through mine. "I love you," she said.
"Aren't you glad you cut class with me now?" I asked. She giggled and leaned over to kiss me. Her lips pressed against mine softly, innocent…at least at first. I held the back of her neck and ran my tongue along her lips to get her to let me in. I wanted more. She sighed as her lips parted. I deepened the kiss, rolling us over so I was on top of her.
I loved her too, and I was going to show her how much I did.
Chapter Two
Veronica
I just had to wear jeans today, didn't I?
I quickly kicked my shoes off to let Roman strip them all the way off down my legs. I shuddered as he ran his big, warm hands up my calves and thighs. He pulled me forward suddenly before burying his face between my legs. I felt his breath against my pussy as he pulled my panties to the side. My eyes shut and head fell back in ecstasy. His tongue parted my lower lips and grazed my clitoris. His stubble rasped against my smoothly shaved mound and inner thighs.
I wanted to lay back and let him work me over, but I wanted to watch him at the same time. His lips and tongue feasting on me drove me wild. I felt myself gush as he sucked my clit. He rewarded me with a satisfied moan at the taste of my essence. His fingers teased my opening, sliding in far enough for my lips to stretch around them, but not enough to fill me.
I whimpered as he had his way with me. My orgasm threatened to break before ebbing every time he withdrew his fingers. Slow, sensual, delicious torture.
"Roman," I moaned. My hand fisted a handful of his thick, dark hair. It had gotten a little longer than usual since his last haircut. His other arm was clamped over my hips, keeping me still.
My breath quickened, feeling his fingers plunge into me, deep. His hand was so much bigger than mine, it just made me hungry for what I knew was coming next. He finger fucked me fast, tonguing my clit relentlessly. I bit back my scream, letting it out in quiet moans and cries.
He went faster, sensing I was close. I bit my lip, feeling a shooting spasm finally send me over the edge. I muffled my cry the best I could, trying
to press my legs together against Roman's strong hand that was holding me open to him. I bucked my hips as he licked me, almost to overstimulation. I fell limp, and he stopped, chuckling quietly to himself. Satisfaction ran like electric pulses from my core through my whole body.
He pushed the bottom of my hoodie up, planting a small kiss below my navel. Another under my bra strap. Another one, this one on my chest after unzipping my hoodie to expose my bare skin. Another on my neck, then my jawline. Finally, my lips. His taste was mingled with mine. His softly probing tongue gentle again after the assault on my tender flesh. His jeans were stiff against my bare thighs, but barely concealed the evidence of his own arousal.
"Let me suck your cock," I whispered, briefly breaking our kiss. I wanted to please him. I wanted to pleasure him the way he had me. His dark blue eyes looked almost stormy with desire. The strain of his lust pulled against his features. His brows furrowed, hooding his eyes, and his jaw clenched, flexing the powerful muscles under his stubble-shadowed cheeks.
"I want to fuck you," he said, almost reverently. His voice was hoarse, choked with longing. I wanted him, too. He unsnapped his jeans, and I watched him unsheathe his dick between our bodies. He was so big, his foreskin barely covered the head of his dick when he was soft. He was engorged and shiny with precum already.
Heat merged in my abdomen, and I ached with anticipation. He kissed me fiercely, settling comfortably between my legs. I moaned into it as he pushed slowly and smoothly until every inch of him was buried inside me.
Everything felt still and perfect. It didn't matter that we were outside, that he was fully clothed and I couldn't feel his big, powerful muscles flexing as he fucked me. It mattered that I could feel him, there was nothing between us. Gentle, shallow rocking turned into steady, deep thrusts. Fast, then slow; deep, then teasingly shallow – I was putty in his hands. I surrendered completely to him. He knew how to make me scream, moan, cry. His body caging mine, swollen and erect inside my most private space, felt right. It said in actions, sweat, and movement what we felt for each other in our hearts.
His thrusts turned wild, almost savage, fucking me with everything he had. My walls throbbed and fluttered around him when my second orgasm overcame me. I threw my head back with a shudder. He kissed my neck, teeth stinging my skin as he hurtled towards completion and then came forcefully inside me. The thrusts slowed before he came to a stop.
Our eyes met, and I felt it as clearly as if the words had just left his lips. I love you. I reflexively touched him, my fingers tracing over his soft, full mouth, the uneven bridge of his nose that he had broken once playing football. His high, hard cheekbone and stubbled jaw. He took my hand and kissed it softly. Gently, he eased out of me and rolled onto his back next to me on the blanket.
I sat up, shuffling down the blanket for my panties and jeans. We were back again. In our daze, the clearing in the woods had become secluded and private. It was like I had stopped feeling the wind and sun on my skin when we had been fucking; like they disappeared. I took my hoodie off and threw it over the closed picnic basket before going back to him. He held his arm out to me and embraced me into his hard chest.
"What are you doing this weekend?" I asked him, after a few moments of comfortable silence. He sighed slightly.
"Besides studying? Not much. Why?"
"I'm going to see my parents, and I want you to come with me."
"Cheryl and Rob," he said, "how have they been?"
"Good. I just thought maybe a change of scenery would help just before finals next week. They haven't seen you in a while, either."
"Hm. I don't know, babe," he said.
"Are you busy?"
"I'll see what I have going on," he said. That was weird. He sounded a little tired, distracted, or sort of stressed. Finals were coming up so I got it, but he had never said no to coming home with me before.
My parents were fans of his, and he liked them, too. We had spent a lot of weekends home with them. They had never let us to sleep in the same room at their house, but they were my parents, they weren't stupid. After almost three years of bringing the same guy home to them, they knew better than to think the two of us weren't intimate.
"Maybe during the summer?" I said hopefully. He grunted quietly, which I figured was a yes. I knew how it was with his summer training. I would understand if he wanted to spend as much time as possible at home and not with my folks. His training was starting a couple weeks into June, so he would hardly even have three weeks free before he had to report back.
It wasn't that important. I didn't want to push him. We had already had to cancel vacation plans; he had a lot on his plate as an athlete, I got it. My parents would get it, too. If things were really busy, I'd just bring him round for dinner or something when he had time. It could wait.
Chapter Three
Roman
Well, that was fucking easy. I didn't want to think that just in case I ended up actually failing, but I was optimistic…even though it didn't matter. Marketing and Organization was my last final, and maybe the A I was pretty sure I was getting in the test would mean something one day.
I joined the slow-moving stream of students leaving the classroom. Veronica was leaning against the wall watching the crowd, looking for me. I waved, getting her attention. She walked over to me with her hands full, a tall coffee cup in each. She said hi, handing one over to me. I took it gratefully, kissing her.
"How was it?" she asked as we started moving through the hall.
"Good. We're done," I said, brightly as I could. She had stayed on campus to wait for me, but she had already had her last paper in the morning. I was glad that she had because I needed to talk to her. Well, I had been glad about it before – now that we actually had time to talk and I would have to do it, not so much. I couldn't stall because we had to study anymore. The semester was over, and that meant time was up.
"You wanna come over tonight? Celebrate?" she asked.
"I kind of wanted to stay home. I've been pretty wiped out lately."
"Is everything okay?" she asked after a short pause.
"What? Yeah, everything's great."
"You've been different this past week." I took a sip of my coffee. I hated lying to her. I fucking hated lying to her.
"Yeah?" I asked distractedly.
"Like, I don't know...more distant than usual," she said. I could hear how sad she was about it in her voice. If she thought I hadn't been honest with her lately, she would be right.
"It was just the stress; you know, finals and stuff. No big deal," I said flippantly.
"You've had finals before," she pointed out. "It's never gotten to you like this." I wanted to tell her to drop it, just shut up because this wasn't the way that I wanted to tell her. We had been together for years, why the fuck had I ever thought I could try to hide something like this from her and think she wouldn't catch on? I was cracking and she could tell. I couldn't hide it from her anymore. I couldn't keep lying. The jig was up anyway but I fucking owed it to her at this point. It had to stop.
"I know. You're right," I admitted.
"I was just worried," she said. Good going, I thought, that was exactly what you never wanted her to have to do.
"Don't be. Listen. How about you come to my apartment with me?"
"It'll be nice to spend some time together when we aren't worried about class," she agreed. I had done some pretty shitty stuff in my life, but I was already sure this was about to take the cake. We walked to the parking lot together, her doing most of the talking. It was hard to pay attention while I tried to remember where the hell I had left my warning order. She had her car today, so she just followed me.
I let her walk into my apartment ahead of me when we got there, almost a hundred percent sure I had left the order in my room. Maybe it was a better idea to bring it out and let her read it herself. That way we could talk about it and she'd know exactly why I had been so distant, why I didn't want to see her parents and why we weren't going to Mo
ntana this summer. Yeah, no. Not going to happen. I knew what I had to do.
She dropped her backpack and sat on the couch, lying out on her back. She was here so often she had clothes in my closet. The only reason we weren't living together was she had a roommate, a nursing student in our year, and they had moved into the apartment together as freshmen. She didn't want to back out of the lease and ditch her.
That and the fact that since I was enlisted in the US Armed Forces, I could get a warning order to deploy basically whenever they felt like they needed me, and I didn't want a situation where that happened and she would be trapped in a lease alone… Basically what would be happening now if we did live together.
"Thank God that's finally over," she said.
It's now or never, I thought. You have to do it and you have to do it now. You bitch out and she has to hear it from Tiffany or your dad, and that would only make it worse. Just fucking do it now and you can leave knowing that you did the right thing by her.
"We need to talk, Ron," I said.
"What is it?" she asked, sitting up on the couch. Her eyes were round, and she looked so innocent and unassuming. It was almost enough for me to back out and tell her it was nothing. That I just wanted to tell her that I loved her, or hell, wanted to tell her the truth even. Just tell her I was leaving in three days and it was driving me crazy thinking I'd be leaving her behind. She was worried about what would happen to me when I was deployed? I was worried too.
But I had made the decision to enlist myself. I had been eighteen when I did it – we hadn't even met yet. I had chosen it knowing I would have to deal with the consequences. She hadn't. She didn't have to deal with not knowing what was happening to me while I was gone, whether I'd ever come back, whether I'd be the same person she knew when I did. I couldn't make her wait, and I couldn't make her worry. That wasn't my call, and she didn't deserve it.