Ryker (The Ride #4)

by Megan O'Brien

  “I know, honey.” He smiled. “Go on.”

  I nodded, pushing through the bar doors and out into the frigid night air. Just as I was moving to my side of the car, the sound of a motorcycle tore through the night.

  Oh God, please, please don’t let that be him. Please don’t let it be him, I silently chanted, squeezing my eyes shut with my forehead pressed to the side of the car.

  I risked a glance up when the sound of the motor cut. My heart stopped, then restarted at a chaotic pace when I confirmed what I’d already known. I’d always been attuned to him—it was no different now.

  If it were possible, he’d gotten even more handsome. He’d been a great-looking boy, but he was a heartbreakingly gorgeous man.

  Ryker swung off his bike with a fluidity that countered his formidable frame. He swept his dark brown hair back from his face, leaving it perfectly tousled as his green eyes moved from me to my dad. As always, my heart pounded at the sight of him. My body reacted to him as it always had—if anything, my response had grown more intense over time.

  “What’s going on?” he demanded, his eyes narrowed on Pete, who was struggling to get my dad over to the car. His confused expression grew exasperated. “Again?” he muttered incredulously.

  “What do you mean, again?” I asked, confused, as I watched him walk over to help Pete.

  “Before you got back into town, Ry came a few times to help get Mike home,” Pete explained.

  “Would you shut up?” Ryker demanded, obviously not pleased that Pete had shared that information.

  Pete looked over at him, surprised. “Sorry, dude,” he muttered. They continued to shuffle my dad to the car, lowering him in carefully and making sure he didn’t hit his head.

  I felt my cheeks burn with shame that my dad was so drunk he couldn’t get himself in the car and that this wasn’t the first time either of them had seen this.

  “Thanks,” I managed, unable to look at either of them. “I’ll try to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

  “Hey, Pipe, not your fault,” Pete replied easily, and I was very grateful for his kindness.

  My eyes drifted to Ryker; I couldn’t help it. I felt hungry for the mere sight of him. The loss of him was like a living thing, which had continued to grow over time. He seemed content to watch me starve.

  When it was clear he didn’t plan on speaking to me—no surprise there—I got in the car and drove away, feeling his startling eyes track my every move.

  I heard the rumble of the bike start up behind me. He wouldn’t, would he? I sat up straighter, staring incredulously into the rearview mirror. He was following me home.

  His bike growled to a stop as I pulled into the driveway.

  I sighed and looked briefly over at my dad, who was passed out cold.

  Great.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, confused, as I got out of the car and moved to the passenger side.

  “You gonna carry him inside yourself?” Ry countered, raising a brow expectantly.

  “That’s the plan.” I nodded, stubbornly.

  He chuckled without humor. “Shit. I’m kinda tempted to stand here and watch you try to do that, but I’d rather not see you break your neck,” he shot back with a glint in his eye.

  “After everything, you think this is hard?” I murmured, my eyes looking off to the side before forcing myself to look at him straight on in muted challenge.

  Any trace of humor left his face in a flash. “No, I don’t imagine it is,” he responded quietly, moving closer and stooping low to hoist my dad up. He grunted at my dad’s dead weight as he half pulled, half carried him inside.

  I would have never been able to do that, but I wasn’t about to say so.

  I let the dogs out of the car and they followed Ryker with a familiarity that made me wonder how often he’d been here.

  He deposited my dad on the couch in lieu of carrying him upstairs. “Night, Mike,” he said quietly, putting a blanket over my father in a gesture so kind and tender. For a second I got a glimpse at my old Ryker and my heart lurched with longing.

  “Wait,” I called, when he’d reached the door and pulled it open.

  He looked over his shoulder, his expression cool. “What, Pipe? I’m kind of in a hurry—got someone waiting on me.”

  I winced. I didn’t doubt that was true; I also didn’t want to think about it.

  “Thank you for taking care of my dad,” I murmured, clasping my hands in front of me in an effort not to fidget.

  “Somebody had to,” he shot back.

  I felt like he’d physically struck me, his words harsh and unexpected. “I had no idea it was this bad!” I growled, incensed at his insinuation. I pointed a finger at him angrily. “You know I would have been here.” I ground out the last part as the tears welled.

  For the briefest of moments his expression softened before the hard look was back on his face.

  “Yeah well, don’t let him choke or anything,” he grunted, as he stalked out the door.

  “Please, Ry, I can’t stand that you hate me so much,” I burst out, the tears falling freely now, as I followed him outside onto the driveway.

  “I don’t hate you, go back inside,” he ordered, his back still to me.

  “No.” I shook my head adamantly. “I know I left all those years ago, but I also never shut you out. You’re the one who would never answer my calls after I left. You avoided me every time I was back home. Now I’m going through the hardest time of my life and you’re treating me like this?” I demanded, wiping at my eyes, my movements jerky as I lost any semblance of control.

  He spun to face me, his chest heaving. “You fucking left me!” he roared, turning the full force of his hurt and anger on me. His eyes raged with it as he glared down at me.

  I reeled back, his outburst taking me by surprise before I recovered, meeting his heated gaze with a hurt and anger all my own. “I left because I loved you so goddamned much!” I cried. “I still do.” I rasped the words before I could stop myself, and they hung between us in the cool night air.

  “That makes no fucking sense,” he grated out.

  I hung my head, trying to get my breathing under control. I wanted to lay it all out for him, I was desperate for him to understand, but he wouldn’t hear me—not now.

  He stooped low, his face mere inches from mine as he pointed a finger in my face. “You made the decision to walk away. You can’t expect to come back and have me pick up the pieces for you.”

  “I don’t expect that,” I managed to say over the huge lump in my throat. “You’ve made it perfectly clear over the years that you don’t want me in your life. Your silence spoke volumes,” I rasped. I looked up at him, meeting his anger and torment head on, needing to get the words out. “Regardless of how your feelings changed—mine never did.”

  “Fuck this, I can’t deal with this bullshit,” he growled, stalking to his bike and shooting off down my street in a whir of motion and sound.

  I stood in the driveway for a long time after he left, letting the tears fall freely, a sense of loss washing over me so acute, it was nearly crippling. I’d lost him years ago but it still felt so fresh, the wounds just as ugly as they lay open against so many others.

  I needed to close them. But I knew closing them would mean letting him go and despite what he may think, I’d never been able to do that—truth was, I didn’t want to.

  Chapter 3

  Sometime in the early morning hours my dad had made his way up to his room, where he remained holed up with the shades pulled. I hadn’t seen them open since I’d been home. I’d checked on him a few times before leaving him be.

  “All right then, plan B,” Ettie had stated bizarrely when I’d told her there was no way in Hell I was going anywhere near Ryker that evening, which meant there was no chance I was going to the club for a BBQ.

  “Plan B?” I asked in confusion.

  “The girls are all going for drinks.”

  I sighed. “Ettie, I don’t
want you guys changing your plans for me. And I’m not sure I should leave my dad.” I fretted.

  “Pipe, you’ve been home almost a month; all you’ve done is work and take care of him. You need to have some form of a life and if you won’t make that happen, I will,” she replied firmly. “Meet us at Jupiter in an hour,” she ordered, hanging up before I could argue further.

  I stared at the phone in shock for a moment before feeling a smile ghost across my lips. Ettie had always been a spitfire. Despite my reservations, I knew if I didn’t show up, she’d come to me. Might as well give in.

  I surveyed myself in the mirror as I finished getting ready. Jupiter was casual, but because this was the first time I’d gone out since being back in town, I paid extra attention to my look.

  After a few years in Los Angeles, I liked to think I’d somewhat perfected the bohemian-rock-chick look.

  I eyed my blue jeans, vintage tee and chunky necklace with satisfaction. My ankle boots and leather jacket would finish the look. I’d lost weight in the last year and I needed to put some pounds back on to fill the outfit out the way I’d prefer to. For now it would have to do.

  I left my long sandy-blonde hair down and wild, my hazel eyes framed with light makeup.

  “Dad?” I asked quietly, tapping on his bedroom door. “I’m going out for a little while. Will you be okay?”

  “Yes, honey,” his muffled, tired-sounding voice replied. “Have fun.”

  I winced, feeling bad for leaving him. Not that I could do much from outside the door. I squared my shoulders against the guilt and headed downstairs to my car.

  I wouldn’t be of any use to him if I drowned right along with him.

  On the short drive over I realized I was nervous to meet up with the girls. Aside from Jill, their men were all in the MC and they were a tight crew. More like a family. I knew Ettie and Connie well, had met Jill more than once at day care, but I still felt a bit like an outsider despite having been born and raised in Hawthorne.

  Ettie waved to me from a table filled with women when I walked into Jupiter. “Hey.” She smiled warmly when I reached the table and looked at the seriously beautiful faces that stared back at me.

  “Hi.” I smiled back, feeling almost shy.

  “So glad you came out.” Jill rose to give me a quick hug. “Finally,” she teased.

  “Hi, girl.” Connie grinned, rising to hug me as well. “You look fucking rockin’!”

  “Hi, I’m Scarlet,” the gorgeous redhead I’d seen around town greeted with a wave and a smile.

  “I’m Sophie,” the brunette spoke up. “I see why Ry blushes over you.” She winked.

  Huh? I had no idea what she meant by that. All Ryker had done was scowl at me.

  “These two are knocked up so we’ll have to have some drinks for them.” Connie smiled, quirking her thumb to Scarlet and Sophie.

  “Congrats.” I smiled.

  “You’ll meet Kat another time. She just had a baby so she’s at home,” Ettie put in.

  Well, it looked like the Knights had become seriously domesticated since I’d been gone.

  We ordered a few beers and settled into easy conversation. I realized after an hour or so that I was actually having fun.

  “I’m so sorry about your mom,” Connie offered, reaching across the table to squeeze my hand.

  “Me too.” I sighed.

  “Piper’s mother was so amazing.” Ettie smiled fondly. “She was like June Cleaver, I swear. I didn’t know mothers like that existed in real life. She always had fresh-baked cookies when we studied there after school. But she was cool too. She always supported Piper and she was a really good listener,” she continued, before pausing to look at me. “Sorry, is it okay to talk about her?” she asked in a rush.

  I smiled warmly. “You know what? It’s great, actually.” I nodded. “My dad just… can’t. And she should be remembered. She was awesome.” I nodded, realizing how surprisingly comforting it was to talk about her with this group of women.

  “Cancer?” Sophie asked quietly.

  I nodded. “The first time she was diagnosed, I was in high school. She beat it back over the course of a year or so. We thought she was in remission. When it came back the second time, I was living in L.A. She was gone so quickly...” I swallowed hard, unable to continue.

  “I lost my mother too,” Scarlet offered. “My dad was completely destroyed for a while.”

  “What did you do?” I asked, hungry for advice. I was at a loss most of the time.

  “I was a lot younger than you when she died,” Scarlet replied. “And our circumstances were different. For my dad, his MC pulled him out of it. I certainly couldn’t.”

  I grimaced. “Well I’m having a hell of a time saving him even now,” I admitted.

  “It’s not your responsibility.” She shook her head. “He has to find his own way—as do you. All I can say is that it’s important to remember her and to talk about her. Sweeping it under the rug just makes it fester,” she supplied, taking a sip of her sparkling water.

  “True,” I agreed. “Thanks.”

  “Anytime.” She nodded. “Now for lighter topics,” she announced with a wink.

  It was after another round that Connie groaned. “Well ladies, we got two hours out of them.”

  I swiveled my head to look toward the entrance, watching as several gorgeous men came striding toward us. They all wore their leather cuts, the Knights MC insignia bold and bright against the leather.

  When my gaze fell to Ryker, I found his green eyes boring into mine. My face flamed and my heart began to pound. What was he doing here? He had to know I’d be here.

  “Hi, baby,” Wes greeted, leaning down to kiss his wife, Connie. “Just came to check on things.”

  She rolled her eyes with a smile. “Nobody’s bothering us,” she replied. “But you can pee a circle around the table if it makes you feel better.”

  I stifled a laugh, loving her sass.

  “Cole and Ax want you ladies home,” he informed Scarlet and Sophie, whose husbands were clearly done having their wives out of sight.

  “It’s the pregnancy police,” Sophie complained.

  “I’m just the messenger.” He shrugged. “Hi, Piper, good to see you.” He nodded in my direction.

  “You too,” I replied, avoiding looking at Ryker with everything I was worth.

  Ryker had always been a gorgeous boy, but he was a man now—a devastatingly handsome one. As always, his green eyes seemed to shine, lined with thick dark lashes. His jaw was outlined with dark whiskers and his hair was beautifully mussed, as though he’d just rolled out of bed.

  The ladies around me rose, gathering their coats, signaling the night coming to a close. I gathered my jacket, threw it on and accepted the hugs I was given.

  “Want to come over for dinner this week?” Scarlet asked. “We’re having a few people over,” she added.

  My eyes shot involuntarily in Ryker’s direction. Clearly she didn’t miss the look on my face.

  “I can keep Ryker in the garage, if it means you’ll come.” She winked. I appreciated her making light of a seriously sad situation.

  I laughed. “I’ll think about it,” I agreed.

  “I’ll take you home.” Ryker’s deep voice cut in as he eyed me intently.

  I saw Scarlet’s brows rise as Ettie and Connie shared a look.

  I looked around, honestly believing that he couldn’t be addressing me. “You can’t be serious,” I sputtered, when it was clear that he did in fact have bigger balls than I’d thought.

  Big balls and a short memory. Did he not recall us screaming at each other just last night?

  “Come on, I brought an extra helmet. You’ve had a few drinks. I’m taking you home,” he answered, undeterred by my response.

  I made a concerted effort to stop my mouth from hanging open in surprise at this odd change of direction. “I’ve had two beers, I’m fine,” I protested.

  “One too many, let’s go,” he shot
back, crossing his arms as though it made no difference to him how long we stood there arguing about it.

  “Since when are you concerned with responsible drinking?” I asked.

  “Since it’s you,” he replied, before his jaw clenched as though he wished he could take back the words.

  Okay, I was seriously confused. I felt my brow wrinkle as I processed his statement.

  I heard a few throats clear around us and one muffled giggle. My cheeks flamed as I was reminded of our audience.

  “I’ll walk,” I announced, my chin held high as I strode out of the brewery and into the cold.

  My heart was pounding with adrenaline as I left my car where it was and walked briskly toward home. It wasn’t far and I was too worked up to drive.

  I heard his boots on the pavement behind me. “Go away,” I groaned.

  “Gonna see you home,” his calm voice returned. I spun to face him.

  “What, so you can yell at me some more? Make me feel more like shit than I already do?” I demanded.

  “Not tryin’ to do that.” He shook his head. “Not sure what the hell I’m doin’,” he added wearily.

  What the hell was I supposed to do with that?

  We walked in silence through the frigid air as I pulled my leather jacket tighter around me, grateful I’d thought to bring a scarf.

  “Why didn’t you come to see me when she died?” His voice was quiet but tense, as though something extraordinary hinged on my answer.

  I turned to him, my steps halting in the middle of the sidewalk. “I did.”

  His brow wrinkled as he stared down at me in confusion. “What?”

  I swallowed hard against the painful memory, but it was still glaringly fresh. I’d sought him out, needing him above all others, like he was air for me to breathe. “I didn’t think you’d answer if I called. You hadn’t taken a call from me in so long. So I went to your place.” I winced before continuing. “You were… occupied,” I managed. “I could hear you from the hall.”

  He visibly blanched. “Christ.” His hand scrubbed roughly over his face as he looked anywhere but at me, seeming to search for words. I knew exactly what was passing through his head. He was worried it would look like he didn’t care, that he wasn’t grieving if he was screwing his brains out right after my mother died. But I didn’t think that, not even close. I knew better. “I loved her too,” he told me finally.