Fire Always Burns

by Lakes, Krista

  "Creamer is in the fridge. Want some eggs?" Audrey asked as she handed me a hot mug. I took a big sip, the bitter liquid filling my mouth. I nodded again and Audrey cracked two more eggs into a pan. I leaned back against the sink, watching her bustle around the kitchen. It reminded me of when I was little and I would spend the night. Audrey would make a special breakfast the next day and my dad would come over and we would all eat together. I had pretended that we were a family then, that Audrey was my mom and Andrew my brother and we were all going to live happily ever after. I missed that childhood optimism.

  "I heard you had a falling out with Luke," she peered at me over her coffee cup. I sighed and nodded. News travels fast in a small town. Britney and Eli had already sent Andrew and me text messages letting us know exactly what they thought. I didn't mean to hurt any of them. I wished I could have at least told them myself. Audrey's lips pinched to the side as she thought for a moment before speaking. "But I also heard that you and Andrew are now an item."

  I stared into my cup, trying to find answers in the dark liquid. She blew gently on her coffee and took a sip before continuing.

  "I always thought you and Andrew would end up together. I'm honestly surprised it took this long. Don't you worry though, Luke will come around. Britney and Eli too. You've all been thick as thieves for as long as I can remember. Everything will work out, I have no doubt."

  "Luke's never been this angry with me before. I didn't mean to hurt him, I really didn't." I looked up at her, Audrey's eyes full of understanding. "If you see him, will you tell him I'm sorry?"

  "I'll tell him. But if he is anything like his father it won't matter. He will have to forgive you in his own time," she said focusing her attention on the eggs. I felt my shoulders droop as I realized she was right. This wasn't something that was going to be easily fixed. Luke felt like we betrayed him by breaking a promise. It didn't matter what kind of promise, just that we had broken it. My world felt suddenly very fragile.

  "You ever do something you wish you hadn't?" I asked playing with the handle on my mug.

  "We all have something we regret doing. It doesn't make us bad people. We're just human. We make mistakes. Living with those mistakes makes us who we are. Luke will forgive you in time, Holly. Promise," she said with a smile. She watched me for a moment, then added, "You didn't mean just this thing with Luke, did you?"

  I shook my head from side to side. I didn't intend on her seeing through me that easily. Andrew's mother was the last person who should know my secrets.

  "Do you want to tell me?" She asked quietly, setting her plate down. I shook my head. "I won't pry then. I know about the promise you all made not to date one another. You made it in high school and you all have changed so much since then. Perhaps it is time for the promise to grow up too. I know you are certainly different than when you left. If you ever do want to talk though, you know where I am," she said with a smile.

  She glanced down at her watch and made a face. "I've got to get to work. Will you let Andrew know I'll be home late? I'll see you later," she said putting her cup in the sink. She grabbed her purse and tiptoed out the front door, waving to me from the driveway.

  I stood in the weak morning sunshine of the window, sipping my coffee for a long time after she left. If I stood very still, I could pretend that I was just a ray of light; just a beam of energy that didn't have fights, worries, or mistakes. I could pretend life was simple.

  "When did you wake up?" Andrew whispered into my ear, wrapping his arms around my waist. I hadn't heard him get up, but he felt good behind me.

  "A while ago. I didn't realize how uncomfortable that couch is. I remember it being a better sleeping spot," I answered as I leaned into him. He felt solid behind me, comforting and secure.

  "I think that's because you were a lot shorter then," he said softly into my hair. He kissed my head and held me against him, letting the sunlight stream over both of us. "What are you doing for dinner tomorrow?"

  "Nothing special. I get off at three, why?" He felt so warm and strong.

  "I'd like to make you dinner."

  "Seriously? I didn't know you could cook," I smiled, liking the idea of him in the kitchen. He would look cute in an apron.

  "I know my way around the kitchen. I've been practicing," he nuzzled his chin into my hair. "So you'll come?"

  "Of course. Wild horses wouldn't keep me away."

  "Excellent," he said. I could feel him smiling behind me. I wondered what he was up to.

  I rubbed my shoulder, the stress of being the town pariah catching up with me. He moved his fingers to rub me there, and I leaned into his touch. "Oh, that feels so good," I said, my eyes closing.

  He rubbed for a few moments, before pulling the hair from my ear. "I know the best remedy for tense muscles," he said.

  "Oh yeah? What?" I said, ready to believe whatever he said.

  "Hot water," he said. He sniffed the air a little bit. "Plus, you need a shower before work, Stinky!"

  I turned to face him and looked into his eyes. I leaned in and kissed him gently, then pulled away and smiled. I nodded. He grinned from ear to ear and took my hand, leading me to his bedroom.

  His bedroom hadn't changed much since grade school when I spent the night a few times. Plain walls, an X-Men poster over his bed, and the connecting bathroom. It was a little disorganized, but I didn't judge him for it. It was still much better than some other guys' bedrooms I'd been in. He sat me down on his bed, then went into the bathroom. I heard the water start.

  Just as I was thinking about whether I should be concerned, Andrew came out of the bathroom. He was wearing nothing but boxer shorts, and I quickly checked out his body. Lifting boxes and doing inventory had given him strong arms and broad shoulders, but I could tell he worked out at the gym as well. His pectoral muscles were well defined, and I found my eyes drawn to them. I hadn't seen him without a shirt on since we went swimming our senior year of high school, and the years had been kind to his body.

  "Well, what are you waiting for? I only have so much hot water!" he said.

  I smiled and pulled my shirt off. I stood up and pulled my socks off, then worked my jeans off. His eyes were on me the whole time, enjoying what he was seeing. I blushed and hesitated for a moment before pulling my bra off. My breasts were a little on the small size but perky, and I had always liked the way they looked.

  As the bra dropped to the floor, I swear I could see Andrew's eyes dilate. I smiled. No man had ever complained about their size, anyway. I walked into the bathroom, wearing nothing but my panties. I leaned into the shower to check the water's temperature, then slid my panties off. I knew his eyes were on my naked body, but without turning around, I stepped into the water and drew the curtain.

  A moment later, Andrew entered in behind me. I assumed his boxers were off, but I didn't bother looking down to make sure. He reached past me, his chest pressing against my back as he removed the shower head from the bracket.

  With his right hand, Andrew searched for the tense spots in my shoulders and back, while his left hand manipulated the shower head to massage those spots. He had the shower head on a pulsating stream, and every splash of water melted my tension away.

  I leaned back into Andrew, and realized I had grown too comfortable. His erection poked me in my backside, and I tensed up immediately. He must have sensed exactly what happened, because he whispered in my ear, "Shh, if you just ignore him, he'll go away."

  I giggled and relaxed a little more, and he continued to massage. I reached down and grabbed onto his cock, rubbing back and forth gently. He moved in closer, and I could hear his heavy breathing in my ear. The shower aimed down towards my breasts while he ran his right hand up my side. His hand eventually ending up cupping my right breast, pulling me even closer into his body.

  I turned my head around and kissed him, and he grinded into my body a little more. My other hand went through his hair, pulling him into the kiss.

  He pulled away from the kiss. "I al
most forgot the most important part of relieving your tension."

  I froze. Would I have to tell him that I wasn't ready? Would I just let him take me, right here in the shower? I closed my eyes, waiting for his next response. He handed me the shower head, then pulled away from my grasp. I looked at him quizzically. He grabbed his shampoo.

  "I'm not sure if you wanted to smell manly all day, but nothing will put you in a better mood than getting your hair washed," he said with a smile.

  I laughed. I couldn't believe a man existed who would shower with me just to make me clean without also using my body. I let the water run through my hair while he put some shampoo in his hands. As his fingers ran through my hair, all the way to the ends, the little pulls sent shivers through my body. With every movement of his fingers through my hair, I could feel myself falling more and more in love with him. As he rubbed his nails over the top of my head, I felt like I was right where I needed to be.

  "Rinse, please," he said, and I let the water run through my hair while his fingers still tended to my scalp. It was the closest I had ever felt to a man. His dick rubbed against me a few more times, but I felt like my entire essence was concentrated within my hair and his fingers.

  He stopped rubbing and I longed for his fingers more. He grabbed the shower head from me and put it back up in its bracket, then smelled my hair. As he breathed out, I felt his breath tickle my ear, and I shivered again.

  "I was wrong, you don't smell manly. You smell like roses and lilac," he said.

  I giggled again. "Andrew?" I leaned into him, drawing strength off of him. He murmured a yes into my hair.

  "Kiss me. Make me forget for a little while," I said softly, turning to face him. He stared at me, his blue eyes dark today. He reached forward and cupped my cheek in his hand, gently pulling me towards him. His lips were soft against mine. His cock, fully engorged, rested against my belly. A hunger filled me.

  As rivulets of water ran down our bodies, I began to kiss down his chest. His pecs felt great to kiss, and I continued to move downward. As I moved down to my knees, he seemed to realize what was going on.

  "Hey, Holly, not right now. You have to get to work, remember?" he said.

  What a gentleman, I thought, but I wondered if he really meant it. I stuck my tongue out, licking the end of his rod. He grabbed my chin and made me face upward, looking up at him as he frowned slightly at me and shook his head. The shower water splashed in my eyes, and I looked down to rub them. He laughed a little, then grabbed my arms and helped me to stand. He gave me a kiss, which I returned eagerly.

  "You don't have to do that for me. Can't a man just wash a woman's hair without demanding payment?" he asked, a wry smile on his face.

  I smiled and agreed with him, realizing that, before today, I had never met a real man in my life.

  Chapter 10

  Planes flew overhead, dropping red smoke to combat the black rising from the forest. Trees went up, burning like torches, lighting the sky. Thick black smoke rose, cutting into the blue sky like an evil sword, the sky losing ground the murky haze. The flames screamed and grew larger, trying to reach the sun. Ash rained down from the sky like rain, settling like soft snow on the burnt ground.

  "Holly, you're the short shift so you're on restock. Aisle three," my boss called out to me as I walked in the store. I grinned as I hung my coat in the break-room and clocked in. I didn't particularly like restock, but I hadn't been able to get that stupid grin off my face since I met Andrew at the library.

  I felt like I was keeping a wonderful secret. Like a kid who knows that they got their friend a perfect birthday present, I just wanted to spill the beans to everyone. I wanted to shout it on the street that Andrew Miller and I were a couple. Every time I thought about Andrew, I felt my body explode with happiness. Nothing, not even restock, was going to bring me down today.

  I put my apron on and headed towards a mass of shopping carts filled with soup cans, ready to be shelved. It didn't take long for me to find a rhythm, my mind on Andrew, and I filled the shelves quickly.

  "Hey Gorgeous," Andrew's voice whispered in my ear. I turned with a smile, wondering if my thoughts had called him to me. He grabbed my waist, and kissed me. I kissed him back, wanting more before remembering I was at work. I broke away, glancing around, nervous someone might see us.

  "You are going to get me in trouble," I hissed, but I couldn't get the smile off my face. "I'm supposed to be working!"

  He let me go, and pretended to look at the canned soup. "I just couldn't stay away. Working, huh? What kind of soup would you recommend then?"

  I giggled, and kept stacking, "You are incorrigible. But I like it. I recommend the chicken noodle."

  "Mmm, chicken noodle, good for the soul. I know something else good for the soul," he grinned wickedly as he tried to catch me again. I wiggled just out of his reach, poking my head out of the aisle and looking around.

  "You are going to get us caught! My manager is one aisle over," I whispered, trying to frown at him. He put his hands up in mock defeat, leaning against his cart.

  "Fine, I'll let you be. For now," he said as he looked me up and down. "I just can't help it. It's like this has just been bottled up inside of me for so long I can't contain it."

  "Me too. I get off in an hour. You want to meet up?" I asked as I started stacking the cans again.

  "Hell yes," he whispered, his eyes burning into me. I bit my lip and focused on the cans, trying not to admire the way his arms bulged in his shirt. "I'm so glad you are back. I missed you around here. You still haven't told me why you quit school, you know."

  "It's not very interesting," I answered coyly, trying to hide how painful it was for me to remember. "Besides, a girl needs her secrets." He grinned, his eyes absorbing me.

  "I want to know all your secrets. I want to know all of you," he said huskily. I could feel my temperature rising the closer he got to me. If we weren't in a public place...

  "Excuse me, Holly- do you know where the prenatal vitamins are?" A female voice interrupted. I looked up to see Louise Fletcher at the end of the aisle with a basket on her arm. She looked exhausted.

  "Sure, they're over by the pharmacy against the wall next to the cold medicines. I think we have ones with fish oil too. Do you want me to show you?" I asked, slipping back into work mode.

  "No, I think I can find them. Thanks." She smiled meekly and headed towards the pharmacy. Something about her was different than I remembered. Had she put on weight?

  "I can't believe that girl," Andrew said as I picked up a can and put it on the shelf. I turned to see a look of disgust on his face.

  "What do you mean? Louise has always been a little weird, but she's nice enough."

  "You haven't heard? She's pregnant. She got knocked up by Jimmy Haskins at a party a couple of months ago," he crossed his arms and leaned back against the shelf. "I mean, I heard rumors about her in high school, but seriously? How could she be that stupid? Birth control is pretty easy these days."

  I felt the wind knock out of me like I had been punched in the stomach. "Maybe it was an accident. Accidents happen. That doesn't make her a bad person," I said carefully.

  "No, it makes her stupid. She wasn't even sure it was Jimmy until he told her it was. She got so trashed at a party that she was flinging herself at anything with a dick. This isn't the first time she couldn't remember who she was with. I can't stand girls like her," he said with a grimace. "I could never be with someone like that."

  I glanced back at him and wanted to run. His handsome face held such contempt and disgust. I felt the floor fall out from beneath me. If he knew what I had done...

  "I'm glad you're not like that, Holly," he made a disgusted noise. He turned back towards me, sudden concern in his voice. "You alright? You look a little pale."

  "I'm fine. I just don't feel very good. I think my lunch isn't agreeing with me," I lied as I kept putting cans up on the shelf, trying to keep my hands steady.

  "I'm sorry. Can I do
anything?" he asked, putting his hands on my hips. I felt disgusted with myself, unworthy of his touch.

  "No, I think I just need a nap, maybe some fluids or something," I said. I couldn't look at him. If that was what he thought of sweet Louise, what would he think of me if he knew my secret?

  "Do you want me to go get your manager? I mean, you don't look good at all," Andrew said, his face full of concern. "You look like you might hurl at any second."

  "Yeah, I think I should just go home," I said quickly. He nodded and went to find my manager. I walked slowly to the break room, my guts twisting up inside of me. I had wanted to tell Andrew everything, but I couldn't tell him now. I couldn't tell him why I was back in Conifer without losing him.

  "He says you can go on home. Do you want me to drive you?" Andrew asked as I came out with my coat. I shook my head, and smiled half-heartedly.

  "I'll be fine. I'll see you later though, okay?" I didn't wait for him to answer as I headed to the door, passing Louise on my way out. She smiled at me, her eyes sad with a defeat she didn't know we shared.

  ▪▪▪

  I lay in bed, my stomach rolling. Andrew had texted me twice to make sure I had gotten home and to see if I needed anything. I needed a new me. I needed my past to change or at least a way to forget it. I closed my eyes, the last year of my life haunting me.

  I woke up, the room unfamiliar. My stomach felt awful and my head buzzed like a it was full of bees. A masculine arm lay draped across my stomach, the owner snoring softly into his pillow. I didn't remember his name, but it didn't matter. He had bought me the drinks and I seemed to remember thinking he was cute. But that could have been the guy two nights ago.

  I carefully slipped out from under his arm, moving slowly- more to keep my stomach contents down than fear of waking him. His place was a mess- dirty underwear, empty bowls, pizza boxes, and beer cans littered the floor. I found my skirt tossed in a corner, a dark stain on the hem. Were we drinking red wine? I couldn't remember, but I slid the skirt on anyway and searched for the rest of my clothes.