No Regrets (No Regrets #1)

by Aimee Noalane

  Wait. Was that you I saw walking down our street? I’m so fucking confused right now… I hate that you’re doing this to us, Oliver. IT HURTS.

  How could you go see Stephan and Kylie, but not me?

  Let’s disregard my mom for a second, because she’s one of the last people I want to talk about right now. I am way beyond pissed off at her...

  Let’s talk about our friends. My friends. You do understand that Kylie will tell me everything even though you ask her not to, right?

  This isn’t fair Oliver.

  What have I done? Just tell me, so I know how to make things right.

  And if you don’t want me in your life anymore, just tell me. That way I’ll know and stop trying...

  Abby.

  Moving On

  Abbygail

  Five months–five long months without–hearing anything from him. Five months is nothing compared to sixteen years, but it’s enough to break my heart. I can’t say I want to give up on our friendship because...well I can’t. But the one thing I will do is stop waiting on him to love me because who am I kidding; I’m not getting anything back anyway.

  February 19 2010

  Dear Oliver,

  I’m still mad at you, but you’re my friend and friends don’t give up on each other when things get tough, so this is me trying. Again.

  I miss you. How are you? How’s school? Did you like the Christmas gift? I know it was a bit cheesy, but I figured it would be something you’d like.

  How’s your mom? Can you tell her I miss her please?

  I try to take as much news as I can from my mom, but she’s being pretty scarce about anything that concerns you two ever since I threw a fit at her for not telling me she was having lunch with you at Rington’s.

  In case you were wondering, I’m doing okay. Between school, homework and babysitting, my days are pretty busy. My mom even agreed to let me take my driver’s licence exam, so I’m pretty stoked.

  Zack and Adalynn are dating now, not that I care much. The only thing that pleases me by the news it is the fact that he’ll finally get off my back about going out with him. He’s the only one who was against respecting that stupid rule of yours, yet he was the only one I wish stuck with it. At least Stephan managed to get him off my back... finally.

  Oh yeah I almost forgot to tell you... do you remember Chase? His parents bought your house. Anyway, he asked me out. Turns out the Langton threat doesn’t work on newcomers. So ha, ha!

  Anyway, he wanted to take me to the Valentine ’s Day dance at school, but since I had already agreed to go with Tyler, I said no. But I’m pretty sure he’ll try again. I’m pretty excited about it. He’s pretty sweet. We’ve been hanging out a lot more since Christmas. I even stay over and have dinner with him a couple of times a week when he comes back from basketball practice. He’s a bit older than us though. He’s finishing high school this year. Anyway, like I said he’s pretty cool. I like him, and I’m pretty sure you’d like him to. He said he can’t wait to meet you, so maybe next time you come home we could go out together. I really like him Oliver...

  So I know I’ve asked you this before, but I don’t care if I repeat myself. Are you still mad at me? Why aren’t you giving me any news Oliver? It’s been five months already...

  Is it because you’re too busy?

  Is it because you don’t care?

  I miss you. I miss us.

  Just... give me something. Please!

  I love you

  Abby

  xxx

  Me, Without You

  Abbygail

  “He’s a prick.” I complained to Chase as we made our way to my regular lunch table. I took a look outside as I walked through the doors of our smelly cafeteria. The wind was blowing snow in every possible direction. I was glad to be inside, the storm looked horrible and I could only hope it would be over by the time school was out.

  “Who’s a prick?” Kylie asked.

  “Camdon.”

  “The gym teacher isn’t a prick, Abs,” Zoey interjected. “He’s hot. It excuses his harsh behavior.”

  “It does not,” I replied. “And just to make myself clear, he was hot. Now he’s just a stupid teacher that wants us to do lay-ups until our legs aren’t able to carry us anymore. Plus,” I whined. “They’re never good enough according to him.”

  “Maybe you’re just not doing them right,” Stephan teased.

  “Maybe you should just shut up,” I fired back.

  Chase chuckled and kissed my cheek. “How about I give you private lessons after school tomorrow?”

  “Why would I want private lessons? Playing basketball requires using a ball. I hate balls.”

  Stephan burst out laughing. “You hate balls? Okay, now I have to ask: what type of balls are you talking about exactly?”

  “You’re an idiot. And I’m going to hate your balls if you don’t stop mocking me.”

  “You can hate my balls all you want, babe, but I need to remind you that you need them to kick your ass during our training sessions.”

  “Right... now please remind me, why do I not hate them already?” I smiled evilly at Stephan and he grinned. I turned back to Chase who leaned in for another kiss. Chase was always over-affectionate when we were around my friends. “So, about those private lessons?”

  “Yeah?” he mumbled against my jaw.

  I pulled back slightly to look at his hazel eyes. “Will you guarantee me an A?”

  He rolled his eyes at me and returned to kissing my neck. “What I’ll guarantee, Abby, is fun, body contact, sweat and a lot of kissing.”

  “Well I don’t know, Chase,” I teased. “I was really hoping for an A.”

  He slapped my ass and took a seat beside Tyler who was eying us quietly. I met his stare. I had no idea what was eating him up, but I wasn’t going to let myself be intimidated by him.

  “So have any of you thought about what we should get Oliver for his birthday?” I asked still standing at the head of the table.

  “Again with Oliver… really, Abby? I mean come on, isn’t this story over already?”

  I frowned at Zoey, not quite understanding where her attitude had come from.

  “Get a clue, Abs. He isn’t calling you, he isn’t sending you gifts, and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t even written to you once. He came back for Christmas and didn’t even stop by to say hi. For crying out loud, he’s gone, Abs...”

  “Enough, Zoey,” Stephan responded before I had a chance to reply.

  “Come on, Steph, you have to agree with me on this.” She looked back to me. “Sweetie, you need to get over him and move on.”

  “Zoey, I said that’s enough.”

  “You have a boyfriend now.” she continued ignoring Stephan’s demand. “How does Chase feel about your never ending love for super-hot Oliver?”

  I pulled my eyes away from Zoey and saw Chase’s questioning stare. As if things couldn’t be more humiliating...

  He has lunch with us once a week and this conversation has to happen today? Why is she doing this to me?

  “Zoey, Oliver is my friend. And for some reason, there’s a concept you can’t seem to grasp about friendship. People that care for each other, they stick up for each other. Friends are supposed to support one another, regardless of time, distance, or anger.”

  She flinched under my harsh tone.

  “And maybe you’re right. Things between him and I have changed. And maybe at some point throughout our friendship my feelings for him have evolved, but you have no say in them and you have no right to judge them. Whatever I feel or have felt for Oliver has nothing to do with you. It’s between us.”

  “But he’s gone, Abby.”

  “Don’t you think I fucking know? I do. Trust me. It hurts every time I think about it. But here’s something you don’t know. Even if he’s gone, I still love him. I will always love him. He might live across the country, but he’s still my best friend and I will stop trying to be his friend the day he tells me to stop a
nd to back off.” I could feel the tears wanting to fall. The fear of him telling me he wanted to end our friendship always threatened to tear me apart. “But do you know what I don’t get? Why do you even care?”

  “I care because I’m worried. You’ve been miserable for six months, Abby. I just want what’s best for you.”

  “If you want what’s best for me, Zoey, then back the fuck off. This is my life. Let me live it the way I want.”

  “Abby.” I looked up to Ava calling my name. She had a saddened expression on her face. Ava hated when Zoey and I argued, but it was when I noticed Chase walking out the cafeteria that I realized what she was trying to tell me.

  “This is your fault,” I snapped at Zoey angrily.

  “Don’t blame this on me,” she countered. “You’re the one that’s in love with a guy but dating another.”

  “Fuck you.”

  I stormed out of the cafeteria looking for Chase. Luckily for me, he hadn’t gotten very far: he was sitting on the wooden bench outside. It was still pretty windy, but at least the snow-fall had died down a little. I picked up my coat from my locker and went out to join him.

  “Hey,” I offered, stepping outside. I felt the shivers running down my spine, though I wasn’t sure which storm I was mostly afraid to confront. “Can we talk?”

  He motioned me to take a seat by his side.

  “Chase –”

  “You never told me you were in love with him.” I tried to reply but he cut me off immediately. “I had my doubts, though. There’s always something in your eyes when you talk about him. It’s like they change color or something. I guess part of me didn’t want to believe that you were in love with him as well.”

  “As well? What are you talking about?”

  He let out a low sarcastic laugh. “That’s not quite the answer I was looking for.”

  “Chase,” I stuttered.

  “I guess the rumors were right on both parts.”

  “What rumors?” I replied defensively.

  “Abby, Oliver has the whole male student body under order that they are not to date you.”

  “It’s a stupid joke, Chase. You don’t know him. You don’t know us. Oliver and I have been friends ever since we’ve been in diapers He did it to protect me from getting hurt.”

  “He did it because he’s in love with you.”

  “Oliver is not in love with me.” I fired back.

  “Really? It’s funny how everyone that saw you walkout on him at the homecoming dance didn’t seem to share the same opinion on the matter. And let’s not forget about Adalynn’ saying that she saw you two pretty hot and heavy in the girl’s locker room.”

  I did hear Adalynn talk about her walking in on us, but I never truly paid attention to what she had to say, and I never gave her the satisfaction of reacting to any of her blabbing. Adalynn’s jealousy toward my relationship with Oliver was old news, but now that Chase had brought it up, I was starting to wonder if she really had seen what had happened between Oliver and me.

  “If it isn't love, what is it?”

  “I–” I teared up. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about that night ever since I confronted Oliver about it. I didn’t know how it happened, nor did I know why. “I don’t know.”

  “Then maybe you should ask him.”

  I fucking tried that already...

  “Do you love him?”

  “I moved on.”

  “That wasn’t my question.”

  “Chase. I don’t know. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  “Just answer the damn question, Abbygail. It isn’t that hard of a question.” His voice softened. “I like you, Abby. I really like you but–”

  “I like you too. Please don’t turn this into something it’s not.”

  He stood. “Then answer the question. Are you or are you not still in love with him?”

  I looked at the ground unable to give him the answer he wanted to hear. He stepped closer to me and lifted my head to meet his eyes and wiped my overflowing tears.

  “Abby, I want this to work, but the fact that you are unable to answer me should be a clue for you. I don’t think you worked through whatever feelings you had or have for this guy.” He exhaled loudly. “I don’t want to be your rebound guy, Abs. I want to be the guy. Please let me know when you figure this out. Okay?”

  I nodded and watched Chase walk away from me with his hands in his pockets until all I could see was the shadow of his back behind the wall of blowing snow.

  Oliver

  Abby was right. Celebrating my birthday without my best friend for the first time in my life was beyond weird. It wasn’t bad; it just wasn’t what it was supposed to be. My evening started with a trip to the tattoo parlor with my mother: she and I had gotten into a discussion about my birthday gift at least three weeks before, and I always came back with the same response. All I wanted was a tattoo. That was it. I even told her I would pay for it. All she needed to do was to come to the parlour with me and give the guy her authorization since I wasn’t of age. I was ecstatic when she agreed.

  The tattoo I chose was huge, and the hours I spent with my back to the table while I got it, hurt like hell. But it was a different kind of pain, a comforting pain. When I stepped off his station, I saw the result, and I concluded that the suffering I had gone through was totally worth it. My mother on the other hand didn’t agree. When she came back to pick me up a few hours later and saw the art on my chest, she flipped. She was angry with my decision and made sure I understood that I would spend my life regretting my lack of judgement.

  She knew nothing.

  I got dressed and as I took a last look at my reflection in the mirror, I knew that this guy’s designs on my body would be one of many. I loved the experience and the artist’s work. Eighteen isn’t that far, I’ll be back soon enough.

  After a night out with my friends I came back and found Abby’s letter sitting on my pillow. I smiled. I liked how she always found a way for me to receive her letters whenever I needed them the most. It might not have been perfect, because perfect would have been finding her sitting on my pillow, but it definitely made up for her absence.

  I opened the thick letter and pulled out a leather bracelet. Abby had a fascination about working with leather. She started the whole thing after coming back from a day at the flea market with my mom and had continued with her passion ever since. As I paid attention to every carved detail and design, I noticed how talented she’d become over the last few months.

  I wrapped the bracelet around my wrist; it fit perfectly and I loved it.

  March 3 2010

  Hey Oliver,

  If I calculated things right, you’re 17 now. Happy birthday!!! How does it feel to still be younger than me by 4 months? Ha! I was right, this will never get old!

  I hope you like your gift. It’s not exactly what I wanted it to be, but things got out of hand at school last Friday and, well, some of us aren’t really on speaking terms right now. By some of us, I mean Zoey and me. Also, Tyler. For some reason he won’t talk to me either, though I’m not quite sure what ran up his ass, and honestly I don’t really care. Well, not enough to ask...

  Anyway, you’ll be proud, I was so pissed off at Zoey and everything else about my crappy life that I left school, and I skipped an entire afternoon of class for the first time of my life. My mother on the other hand is pretty pissed off at me. I’m grounded–obviously.

  Ever had a week where your whole life feels like it’s falling to pieces? Because that’s how mine is going right now... although according to Zoey, it’s been the story of my last six months. She says I’m too hung up on you and that if I meant anything to you, you would have written back or come to see me during the holidays. She wants me to move on and disregard our friendship as if it was nothing. She doesn’t get it... but what’s worse is that she threw her fit right in the middle of the cafeteria, in front of all our friends and Chase, who by the way has lunch with me once a week.

&
nbsp; I don’t get it. How can she think like that? How can she possibly believe that I’ll just disregard sixteen years of friendship as if it was nothing?

  But then a part of me keeps wondering if maybe she’s right...

  Everything is screwed up.

  I screwed up.

  I’m pretty sure Chase and I are over.

  I must have the crappiest dating record on earth. I’m seventeen years old and I finally have a boyfriend, but end up ruining it within two weeks because of Zoey’s big mouth.

  Oliver, I’d give anything to hear your voice, or have you hold my hand right now. I miss how you always find a way to make me laugh when I’m pissed off, or how you’re able to make me think and see things more clearly. I miss you, Oliver. More than you could possibly believe.

  Could you just please call, or write, or text, or something?

  Please?

  Abby

  xxx

  I don’t know what I yelled that had my mother shouting my name from her bedroom across the house, but when she opened the door she was clearly bothered by my demeanor. I looked at the time and winced, it was past midnight.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Are you okay? What’s the matter with you?”

  “Nothing. I’m sorry,” I replied both regretful and angry.

  “How was your night?”

  “It was great, until ten minutes ago.”

  She frowned and looked at Abby’s letter that was sitting at my feet. She took a step closer and noticed the leather bracelet on my wrist.

  “It’s pretty. Did she make it?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Wow. She’s getting pretty good at this, isn’t she? So, how is our dear Abbygail?”

  I took the bracelet off and threw it at the end of the bed. “She has a new boyfriend.”

  “I see.” She picked up Abby’s gift and placed it nicely on my dresser. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No.”

  She exhaled. “So tell me Oliver. How’s your tattoo this evening?”

  It was as if she knew the whole thing would be blowing up in my face sooner rather than later and enjoyed rubbing it in my face.