Chat Love
Page 8
Bothered, I roll my eyes and finish sending my e-mail to Danni. Looking at the clock, I notice that the show will be starting soon. I get up and walk past him, heading in the direction of the stage. To my surprise, he follows, falling into step beside me.
“Is that why you came over to my desk, Jackson: to remind me about my lack of flowers? I thought you might at least have something important to talk about.”
I turn to look at him, and notice his piercing blue eyes staring back at me.
“Of course not, I just wanted to tell you that you did a good job booking Meghan Moore and Steven Black. It’s going to be great for the show.”
I stop, turning to face him. “What?” I ask, not sure if I heard him correctly. Jackson rarely compliments anyone, including the women he wants to sleep with. He pauses when he sees my facial expression.
Laughing, he says, “Now don’t let what I said go to your pretty little head. There’s only room for so many inflated egos in this office.”
I forget about the other compliment as soon as I hear him refer to me as “pretty.” For a moment, we just stand there, looking at each other curiously. A second later, the moment passes and his expression turns to realization as he clears his throat.
“I mean, your head is prettier than your dress,” he says awkwardly.
I stare at him, confused, and he shakes his head and walks away quickly. I look down at my dress, suddenly self-conscious. I like this dress; it’s covered in a pattern of scattered purple, blue, and silver hearts. Did he just tell me that he thinks it’s ugly? It never fails—as soon as I think Jackson is being nice, his asshole side appears again to prove me wrong.
I continue walking in the direction of the stage and bump into Skyler, who is wearing a beautiful diamond necklace with a heart-shaped charm, probably a gift from her fiancé.
“Hey, Lu; you look adorable today. I like your dress,” she says with a smile.
Her compliment puts me at ease a bit after my recent bout of Jackson-induced frustration. I smile, putting my hand in front of my eyes and pretending I can’t see.
“I’m sorry, but you’ll have to repeat that. I’m too blinded by that shiny thing around your neck to hear what you just said.” Laughing and dropping my hands, I add, “Your necklace is stunning.”
Her smile widens and she thanks me politely. “Dave gave it to me this morning. He told me he wants everyone to know that I have his heart.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, wanting to roll my eyes at the corniness of Dave’s comment, but resisting because of the obvious happiness on my friend’s face.
Instead, I just reply, “You are a very lucky woman.”
“You could be lucky too,” she reminds me, wagging a finger. “You just have to be willing to look.” She loops her arm in mine and we continue walking toward the stage. “So I heard that you finally joined Chat Love. Met any cuties yet?”
I shake my head. “No, I haven’t had time.” She gives me a look of disapproval, most likely preparing a speech about being willing to take risks, so I quickly add, “But I’m already planning to spend all day tomorrow on Chat Love making connections.”
She nods her head in approval. “Good, because it does take time, but if you’re willing to put in the effort I think you’ll be happy with the results. What picture did you use? Can I look at your profile?”
I wave my hand in dismissal. “I used one from when I was in college, back when I had blonde hair.”
She stops walking, and looks at me as if I’m crazy. “Why would you do that? You don’t have blonde hair.”
I continue walking. “Look, I just don’t want anyone I know finding out I’m using the site.” She gives me another look of disapproval and I try to lighten the mood by saying, “I look very hot in the picture, though. You would approve.” As we walk onto the stage I ask her, “Can we please not talk about this again? I don’t want anyone else at work to know.”
“Sure,” she replies. “But you do realize that pretty much everyone here has at least tried online dating once, right? It’s not a crime, you know.”
I see Jackson walking toward us, Caitlin following close on his heels like a little puppy. I whisper to her, “Yes, I know, but I’d rather keep it private. I have my reasons. Please?” She rolls her eyes and nods her head, agreeing to keep her mouth shut.
“I am so ready for this day to be over so we can go out tonight,” Caitlin whines to Jackson, who is paying her little attention. “I’m craving a cosmo. Oh, and they’re pink, so they even go with Valentine’s Day,” she exclaims, as if she’s made some revolutionary discovery.
I close my eyes, trying to drown out her grating voice in an attempt to stifle my bad mood. I open my eyes and see Jackson standing in front of me, staring intently at his BlackBerry, while Caitlin, clad in a tiny pink dress, buzzes around him. Trying to get his attention, she bites her pink glossy lips and asks, “Jackson, are you coming out with everyone later?”
He lifts his head, finally looking at her. “Yeah, I could use a few beers.” He turns to Skyler and I. “Will you ladies be joining us?” I can tell that Caitlin is hurt by his lack of interest.
Caitlin quickly jumps in, answering for us. “Well, Skyler is engaged, so I’m sure she’ll be spending the night with her man, but Lucia, you’re still single, right? You probably don’t have any plans with anybody special.” Her eyes reveal a glimmer of pride at having embarrassed me in front of Jackson.
I clear my throat. “Right, yeah. I’ll be there.” I decide to give a jab of my own. Sweetly, I ask, “But, Caitlin, are you even old enough to drink? You seem a little young.” Playing stupid never felt so good.
Caitlin laughs loudly and cuts me a glare. “Lucia, you’re so funny! I’m twenty-one, the perfect age. I’m old enough to have fun, but still young enough to have time left to find my future Valentine.” She cocks an eyebrow smugly, and it takes all I have to resist the urge to smack her.
Sensing my discomfort, Skyler chimes in, “I’ll be there, too, and Dave will be joining us later.”
Caitlin laughs. “Good, I’m glad. Dave is one fine man. You’d better watch out, Skyler, or I might just try to steal him.” She winks playfully.
“I’m not worried,” Skyler mutters under her breath, a polite smile plastered on her face. She asks Caitlin to go find Patrick so we can start the show. As Caitlin walks away, she makes a point to sway her hips.
I hear Jackson clear his throat and I look up to see him staring at me intently, making me feel uncomfortable. He turns to Skyler and asks her to go check something with the camera crew, leaving just the two of us alone on the stage.
He looks back at me and asks, “Lucia, could you please go get Meghan and Steven?” I nod and turn in the direction of the dressing room when I feel him grab my arm, making me stop. I turn around and see him holding a chocolate, heart-shaped lollipop. “Here,” he says, thrusting the lollipop in my direction. “Every woman should get chocolate on Valentine’s Day.” I take the chocolate, confused, and open my mouth to thank him, but he abruptly turns and walks away.
A few minutes later I’m standing next to Jackson and Skyler, watching Patrick interview Meghan Moore and Steven Black. They are sitting next to each other on a red love seat, holding hands, smiling, and joyfully answering all of Patrick questions. The show is nearing its end, and Patrick has time for one final question.
Choosing carefully, Patrick asks, “It’s obvious that the two of you are in love. I’m going to ask the question that every single person in our audience wants the answer to: How do you know that you’ve found the right person?”
Steven and Meghan look at each other and smile. Steven simply says, “Because I’m a better person thanks to her; she makes me a better person.”
Meghan blushes and turns her head away, her long, dark hair swinging behind her. Her chocolate–colored eyes sparkle, and I can sense authentic happiness in her smile.
Patrick smiles and asks, “And just how do you find love?”
I turn to Skyler and see tears falling from her eyes. I glance at Jackson and see him staring at me, but he quickly averts his gaze when our eyes meet. Perplexed, I turn my attention back to a crying Skyler, who is now dabbing at her cheeks with a tissue.
I rub her back in an attempt to be comforting and she leans over, whispering, “I know exactly how they feel. I finally found my love, and it’s the best feeling in the world.”
After spending the day drinking a variety of liquors, I’m feeling light-headed and relaxed. After the show wrapped, a group of people from work headed to a bar near the studio to have our own Valentine’s Day celebration. For the past hour, I have been sitting with Skyler, listening to her talk about her perfect relationship with Dave, which only makes me want to drink more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m truly happy for Skyler. But for a single person, talking about love, marriage, and relationships on Valentine’s Day is about as enjoyable as stubbing your toe.
To make matters worse, I keep catching Jackson staring at me, which is making me feel all hot and bothered. He’s spent most of his time talking to some of the crew members and drinking beer, with Caitlin flittering about by his side. She’s been laughing at his every joke, touching his arm lovingly, and leaning in to whisper things in his ear—not that it bothers me or anything. I’m tipsy enough that Caitlin and Jackson could have sex on the bar right now and it wouldn’t bother me one bit.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to see a smiling Dave. “Hey, Lucia,” he says, giving me a hug. “Happy early Valentine’s Day.”
I grimace theatrically, “Please don’t remind me.”
He chuckles and leans in to kiss Skyler gently. “Now who’s this little lady, drinking without me?”
Skyler giggles and whispers something into his ear, which causes a sly grin to spread across his face. I turn away to give them some privacy and am surprised to come face-to-face with Jackson, who is suddenly standing next to me.
He looks at Skyler and Dave and asks, “So is Skyler pretty smashed?” He flashes a sexy grin, chuckling at whatever shenanigans are occurring behind me.
I turn back to the happy couple and see Skyler’s hand on Dave’s ass. Laughing, I look at Jackson and answer, “Yeah, just a little. Luckily, Dave is her fiancé, so he’ll take good care of her.”
“And what about you? Who’s going to take care of you?” Jackson asks.
His question hits me harder than it should and I look up at the ceiling, trying to will my eyes to dry up. Between the alcohol, the holiday, and my growing depression, the innocent question seems hurtful.
Jackson cups my chin gently and looks me in the eye. “Hey, I just meant who is going to make sure you get home safely?”
I pull away from his grasp and wipe a runaway tear. “I know. It’s just the alcohol; it makes me a bit more emotional than usual. “
Jackson narrows his eyes at me, trying to figure something out, but then the bartender interrupts us and he orders two shots of tequila.
Skyler hugs me from behind. “Hey, do you mind if Dave and I leave? I mean, I’m sure you’re sick of hearing about my wedding plans, but I can definitely stay here with you if you want me to.”
I shake my head. “Don’t be silly, Sky. Go enjoy your night.”
As she hugs me, she whispers into my ear, “I guarantee I will be enjoying my night tonight. I have a sexy man waiting for me and I bought edible panties and everything. Happy Valentine’s Day to me!”
“Sky, I really don’t need to hear the details, but have fun.”
As I watch the giddy couple leave, I feel someone nudging my side. I turn and see that it’s Jackson, clutching a full shot glass in each hand.
“I saw you taking tequila shots before with Skyler, so I thought that maybe you should have one with me, too. It might make you feel better.”
“Who says I need to feel better?” I retort.
He chuckles, “Everyone could always feel a bit better.” He hands me my shot, grabs my free wrist, and licks the inside of it slowly, never breaking our gaze. He then shakes some salt onto the wet spot and hands me a lime. I am mesmerized by his eyes and the feel of his touch. I watch carefully as he prepares his wrist in the same way and puts the shot to his mouth, nodding for me to do the same. We stare into each other’s eyes as we simultaneously down our shots. I quickly lick my wrist and feel the burn of the tequila as it slides down to my stomach, causing me to arch my back ever so slightly and fueling the fire building inside me. I quickly suck on my lime while I watch Jackson places his lips around his wedge, sucking out the lime juice,
Jackson removes the lime from his mouth and places it in his empty shot glass, staring at me. “How do you feel?” he asks.
I immediately blurt out, “Hot.” I blush as I hear him chuckle. “I mean, the tequila burns my throat, and it’s warm in here…” my voice trails off as Jackson takes a step closer
“Does the burn feel good?” His warm breath brushes my ear, making me shiver.
“Yes, very,” I whisper. If I turn my head just slightly to the right, my lips will be on his. I decide to make a move, and as I begin to turn my head I hear a familiar high-pitched voice.
“Jackson,” Caitlin whines, “I want to do a shot! Come and take a shot with me!”
We both turn in the direction of the voice and see Caitlin—clearly drunk—leaning against the bar and batting her lashes sloppily. Jackson and I take a step away from one another, both thinking about what almost happened.
He clears his throat, “What do you want, doll?”
Caitlin moves her finger to her cleavage, lightly toying with the top of her dress and drawing attention to her breasts. She licks her lips and says in a low voice, “I want a blowjob,” she says, referring to a humorously named shot on the menu.
Jackson snaps his fingers, getting the bartender’s attention. “Hey, mate, can I have three blowjobs?”
I shake my head and try my best to be rational. I know that if I stay any longer, something will probably happen with Jackson, and I don’t want to be just another notch on his bedpost. Plus, it appears that Caitlin is determined to get Jackson into her bed.
“Just two shots,” I say, a little too loudly, my nerves steadying. “Thank you, bartender.”
Jackson turns to me with a look of confusion on his face. I grab my coat and purse. “I’m going to go home. You guys have a good night,” I say as I turn and walk away.
I know that I have to leave and go home so that nothing will happen that I might later regret. But before I make it out the door, someone has grabbed my arm. I whip around and come face to face with Jackson, his blue eyes staring me down.
“Hey, why are you leaving?” he asks.
I bite my lip and close my eyes, trying my best to appear aloof. “Honestly?” He nods his head, still holding onto my arm. “OK, I’ll be honest. Jackson, I know that if I stay, there’s a good chance that something will happen between us.”
His lip curls up just slightly. “Would it be bad if something were to happen?”
“Jackson, you know that it wouldn’t be a good idea. We can hardly stand each other at work and—”
He cuts me off, “And we’re not at work now.” He steps closer, “There’s nothing wrong with us having our fun when we’re not working.”
As much as I am yearning for his touch, I know that I don’t want that kind of relationship again. I have to focus on moving forward, not taking steps backward. I want a real relationship and spending a night with Jackson would be a mistake.
“I think that’s a bad idea.” I look past Jackson and see Caitlin glaring at us, holding the shots they had just ordered. “Anyway, I think Caitlin is waiting for you, so I’m just going to go home now and you can get back to her.”
Jackson licks his lips. “What if I don�
�t want you to go home? What if I want you to stay here with me?”
I shake my head, “Jackson, it’s just the booze talking. This stupid holiday doesn’t help, with the way it puts pressure on people.”
Jackson laughs deeply and I feel insulted. He notices my hurt expression and apologizes. “I’m sorry, Lucia, but to me, Valentine’s Day is just another day.”
I pull my arm from his grasp, “Well it isn’t to me. I’m sick of feeling the way I do. Today, the way Steven and Meghan were looking at each other, I want that, not this!”
“You believe that bullshit?”
I cross my arms. “Bullshit? You think love is bullshit? You would.”
He runs his hand through his hair. “Not exactly, but I do think that it’s overrated. And I also think that Steven Black and Meghan Moore were acting today.”
“Well, I disagree. I think love is real and I want the kind of love that they have. The same kind that Skyler and Dave have. I’m sorry that you feel the way you do, because you’ll just end up alone. And that’s where we’re different, Jackson: I don’t want to be alone.”
I see anger flash in his eyes as he growls, “You don’t know me, Lucia. I’m rarely alone. I have a different bird in my bed every other night.”
“And I’m not going to be just another one of your birds,” I shoot back angrily.
“Jackson, come here! I want to do this shot already!” We both turn to see a petulant Caitlin, attempting to look seductive in spite of her drunken wobbliness.
Jackson turns to me with his eyebrow raised. “See, I won’t be alone. I’ve got Caitlin to keep me company.”
“You are such a pig.” I turn and walk out the door. As I wait for a taxi my heart aches, leading me to wonder if I had truly wanted to spend the night with Jackson, or if I had just wanted somebody to sleep with.
Am I so lonely that I’m willing to settle for anybody? I know that I’m attracted to Jackson, but maybe it’s just a physical attraction, and nothing more. As I climb into a cab, questions buzzing in my mind like bees, I know one thing for certain: I deserve better than lust; I deserve love.