William Shakespeare's Tragedy of the Sith's Revenge
Page 1
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Used under authorization.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number: 2014953128
eBook ISBN: 978-1-59474-821-9
Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-59474-808-0
Text by Ian Doescher
Illustrations by Nicolas Delort
Production management by John J. McGurk
Quirk Books
215 Church Street
Philadelphia, PA 19106
quirkbooks.com
v3.1
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Dramatis Personae
Prologue
Act I Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Act II Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Scene 6
Act III Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Act VI Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Scene 6
Scene 7
Act V Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Afterword
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
CHORUS
RUMOR
YODA, a Jedi Master
OBI-WAN KENOBI, a Jedi Knight
ANAKIN SKYWALKER/DARTH VADER, his Jedi apprentice and later a Sith Lord
MACE WINDU and KI-ADI-MUNDI, Jedi Masters
PADMÉ AMIDALA, senator of Naboo
CAPTAIN TYPHO, of Amidala’s guard
BAIL ORGANA, senator of the Republic
R2-D2, C-3PO, R4-P17, and R4-G9, droids
COMMANDER CODY, of the Clone Troopers
TARFFUL and CHEWBACCA, Wookiees of Kashyyyk
TION MEDON, an administrator of Utapau
BOGA, a varactyl lizard of Utapau
CHANCELLOR PALPATINE/DARTH SIDIOUS, a Sith Lord
COUNT DOOKU/DARTH TYRANUS, a Sith
GENERAL GRIEVOUS, droid leader of the Separatist army
MAS AMEDDA, vice chancellor of the Galactic Republic
NUTE GUNRAY, viceroy of the Trade Federation
WAT TAMBOR, SHU MAI, SAN HILL, and POGGLE THE LESSER, members of the Separatist Alliance
SENATORS, PILOTS, GUARDS, DROIDS, MEMBERS OF THE JEDI ORDER, JEDI YOUNGLINGS, CLONE TROOPERS, PLAYERS, and WOOKIEES
PROLOGUE.
Outer space.
Enter CHORUS.
CHORUS
“War!” is the cry that doth through space resound:
The good Republic faces bold attack
From Dooku, he whose evil doth abound.
Yet heroes rise as each side fighteth back.
Droid leader Gen’ral Grievous, he most vile,
Hath enter’d—a new player on the scene.
With movement swift and unexpected guile
He hath made bold to kidnap Palpatine.
Whilst o’er the capital, e’en Coruscant,
The Sep’ratist droid army tries to flee,
Two Jedi are dispatch’d upon a jaunt
To set the hostage Palpatine full free.
In time so long ago begins our play,
In vengeful galaxy far, far away.
[Exit.
SCENE 1.
On the Separatist ship.
Enter CHANCELLOR PALPATINE on balcony, in chains.
PALPATINE
Hung be the heav’ns with black, yield day to night!
The dark shall rise an ’twere a second sun.
The course that I pursue doth run direct
Betwixt these rival factions, which make war
Upon the intrigues I myself have spread.
The game is mine to win when I see fit,
The deck is stack’d to mine advantage strong,
For I have dealt the pack with cunning shrewd.
I have, with care, a house of cards set up,
That may, by merest exhale of my breath
Be toppl’d—each card falling o’er its neighbor.
The king, e’en Yoda, rallies all his troops,
Whilst Anakin doth make off with the queen.
Count Dooku, that black-suited knave, doth serve,
Yet these most regal cards shall soon collapse
Upon the very whim of my firm will.
Yea, Palpatine still holds the ace, and waits
His turn to play the trump and take the trick.
Let these poor Jedi come to render aid;
They shall within my shuffle soon be swept.
[Exit Palpatine.
Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI with R4-P17 and ANAKIN SKYWALKER with R2-D2 in fighters, approaching the Separatist vessel.
OBI-WAN
A mighty battle over Coruscant!
So many ships as though a million here
Did fight above the planet’s atmosphere.
Beset on ev’ry side by combat harsh,
’Tis difficult to tell who wins or loses.
Yet how the skirmish ends is no concern
Of ours, for we a nobler course pursue:
The chancellor to rescue from the grasp
Of Gen’ral Grievous, he of fitting name.
ANAKIN
Good Master Obi-Wan, I see the ship—
The vessel wherein Grievous lays his claim—
It lies directly forward in our path.
Lock on, R2, we shall make our pursuit!
Yet with some caution we must here proceed,
For, lo, the ship is rife with vulture droids.
OBI-WAN
Forsooth, it is a simple-minded man
Who says this mission shall be simple. Fie!
Enter VULTURE DROIDS, attacking the Jedi’s fighters. Enter CLONE TROOPER PILOTS severally.
VULTURES
We swoop, we fly,
Our foes shall die!
OBI-WAN
[into comlink:] Oddball, dost thou attend? Mark well my spot
And form the squad behind whilst I approach.
[Aside:] What odd, eccentric titles these clones have.
TROOPER 1
I come withal, good General Kenobi.
The troops and I upon your will do wait.
Now lock your S foils in attack position.
ANAKIN
The time of mirth and sport begins anon,
For I do love a battle fought in space.
OBI-WAN
Pray, let the vulture droids fly in our midst.
VULTURES
Guard ye in back,
We do attack!
TROOPER 2
E’en now they work me woe, I prithee get
The awful beasties hence, away from me.
ANAKIN
I shall make way to help the trooper.
OBI-WAN
—Nay!
They do their duty; so may we do ours.
VULTURES
We shoot our fire,
You shall expire!
ANAKIN
’Tis missiles they have launch’d with purpose rank.
Pull up, so we the danger may avoid!
OBI-WAN
The fiends have overshot.
ANAKIN
—They do return:
They seek the heat that powers our small ships.
<
br /> OBI-WAN
R4, take thou evasive action, yet
Do not evade thy senses as thou fliest.
Be cautious—make our darting not too rough.
ANAKIN
Surge thou the power units, R2, then
Make ready all our thrusters for reverse.
This is but child’s play—these few missiles are
No match for such a pilot as myself.
Ha, ha! The missiles are confounded, see
How they whirl and explode upon themselves!
R2-D2
Beep, meep, beep, squeak, beep, whistle, whistle, whee!
OBI-WAN
Alas, I am beset by foes’ pursuit—
’Tis my belief this flying is for droids,
For humans have no wings for taking flight.
VULTURES
We board your ship,
We’ll cut, we’ll rip!
OBI-WAN
The beasties are upon me now!
ANAKIN
—I see,
The buzz droids have assail’d your ship. I come!
R4-P17
Blip, bleep, zip, whoop!
OBI-WAN
—Take care, R4, thou hast—
Alack, my noble droid, what have they done?
[The vulture droids rip off R4-P17’s head, destroying him.
They shall shut down all my controls, I fear.
ANAKIN
Steer starboard, such that I may clearly shoot.
I’ll give them recompense for dear R4.
OBI-WAN
Nay, focus on the mission. Get to the
Command ship, there to save the chancellor.
I have but few tricks left unto me here.
VULTURES
Make haste, be done,
And all is won!
ANAKIN
Nay, nay, good Master, mine aim is precise!
[Anakin shoots, killing some vulture droids but also hitting Obi-Wan’s ship.
OBI-WAN
O, in the name of all that’s—cease at once!
Hold thou thy fire, for thou dost give no help.
ANAKIN
Agreed, my Master, mine apologies.
The hands were quick to act, but not the mind.
OBI-WAN
My flight is blind—my cockpit is a fog,
A haze past which I scarce can see mine hand,
Much less the vessel whereunto I fly.
The vulture droids still make their harsh attack—
This is, mayhap, the end of Obi-Wan.
[Anakin pilots his ship next to Obi-Wan’s fighter.
ANAKIN
Move thou still rightward.
OBI-WAN
—Patience, Anakin!
Else thou shalt be the end of both of us.
Away, go hence, there’s nothing thou canst do.
ANAKIN
I shall not part without you, Master, nay!
VULTURES
They stay to fight,
We’ll show our might!
[A vulture droid moves from Obi-Wan’s ship to Anakin’s and takes its place in front of R2-D2.
ANAKIN
Pray finish it, R2, and slay the beast.
OBI-WAN
Be sure, small droid, thou aimest for its eye—
The center of its head, its core, its life.
R2-D2
[aside:] Some droids are made for help, still others war,
Some droids are made for service, some for pain.
Yet these are droids whose only naughty task
Is sheer destruction. Happily I turn
Their tricks on them. Have at you, rotten scrap!
[R2-D2 shocks the droid in its eye, and it falls.
Beep, meep, squeak, whistle, hoo, meep, squeak, beep, beep!
ANAKIN
Well done, my noble droid. Thou didst succeed!
OBI-WAN
Our thanks, R2. Would that thy counterpart,
R4-P17, had been so bold.
Yet now is he another astromech
Who is a casualty of bitter war.
ANAKIN
The general’s command ship lies ahead—
Almost we have attain’d the place we seek.
R2-D2
[aside:] O! They have not yet seen! [To Anakin:] Nee, hoo, nee, squeak!
OBI-WAN
Dost thou not see the shields are still intact?
ANAKIN
Beg pardon, I did miss that small detail.
[Anakin veers to avoid the shield.
I strike upon the generator there!
The shield that was their strength is now their loss.
[The shield dissipates, but a blast door begins to lower, covering the bay.
OBI-WAN
From one snag to another we do fly.
I have a feeling bad about this moment!
ANAKIN
Let us make haste, I’ll warrant we shall make’t!
[Obi-Wan, Anakin, and R2-D2 land inside the command ship just as the blast door closes.
Exeunt other combatants, including vulture droids.
Enter BATTLE DROIDS.
OBI-WAN
I hurtle out, with Jedi acumen:
My ship crash-landed, now I fight on foot.
Come, lightsaber, into my steady hand,
And slay the battle droids who gather ’round.
[Obi-Wan jumps from his ship and begins fighting as Anakin and R2-D2 disembark.
ANAKIN
The vessel down, now I shall rise at once.
R2-D2
[aside:] I come, too, to supply what aid I may.
DROID 1
They do appear—slay them at once, my comrades!
[The battle droids begin shooting at Anakin, who deflects their approach.
ANAKIN
Fall, useless droids, upon my saber’s touch!
OBI-WAN
I had almost forgot how weak they are,
How simple to destroy by Jedi might.
R2, to thy work—find the chancellor!
R2-D2
Beep, whistle, squeak, meep, whistle, whistle, nee!
[Obi-Wan and Anakin vanquish all the battle droids. R2-D2 plugs into the ship’s computer and projects a model of the ship.
OBI-WAN
The signal of the chancellor doth come
From there, nearby the top spire of the ship,
Whereon the observation platform rests.
ANAKIN
I sense Count Dooku.
OBI-WAN
—Yea, I sense a trap.
ANAKIN
How shall we then proceed?
OBI-WAN
—Our enemies
Have gone to all the trouble of a trap,
Wherein they do most fondly hope we’ll step.
’Twould be impolitic of us to then
Refuse their invitation. Aye, I say,
We’ll spring their trap and see if it shall hold.
R2-D2
[aside:] Shall they go thither sans their loyal droid?
[To Obi-Wan and Anakin:] Beep, meep?
ANAKIN
—I prithee, R2, stay thou here.
OBI-WAN
Take this comlink along with thee, R2,
And here await our orders.
R2-D2
—Beep, meep, hoo!
[Exit R2-D2.
Enter GENERAL GRIEVOUS and his CAPTAIN above, on balcony.
GRIEVOUS
What is the situation, Captain, eh?
CAPTAIN
Two Jedi have made landing in the bay,
Our hangar primary. We track them now.
GRIEVOUS
’Tis just as wise Count Dooku did declare—
His foresight does him credit, verily.
[Exeunt General Grievous and captain.
Enter DROIDEKAS, firing on OBI-WAN and ANAKIN.
ANAKIN
Look, Master, ’tis destroyers come for us.
Belike our foes do know
that we are here.
OBI-WAN
Into the lift, and flee these brutal droids.
[Exit droidekas as Obi-Wan and Anakin enter the lift.
Enter BATTLE DROIDS, in lift.
DROID 2
Drop all your weapons on the instant, sirs.
DROID 3
Forsooth, forsooth.
[Obi-Wan and Anakin quickly slay all the battle droids.
OBI-WAN
—’Tis nearly merriment,
To ply our skill upon their feeble parts.
[The lift suddenly stops.
Hast thou depress’d the button for a stop?
Or mayhap thou requested some sharp pause?
ANAKIN
Nay, sir, not I. And ’twas not your design?
OBI-WAN
Not I.
ANAKIN
—We shall another exit take,
For ev’ry in doth have another out.
[Anakin begins cutting the ceiling of the lift with his lightsaber.
OBI-WAN
Yet out is not my wish, for i would move.
[Into comlink:] R2, canst thou now activate the lift,
Which number’d is three-one-one-seven-four?
Enter R2-D2 above, on balcony, hiding, as two SUPER BATTLE DROIDS enter with him.
S. DROID 1
Those are, indeed, two Jedi fighter ships.
OBI-WAN
Come in, R2.
R2-D2
[aside:] —Nay, not so loud, lest I
Shall be discover’d where I am conceal’d.
S. DROID 2
What is that sound?